Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Nanny's New Dog Shit Law


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Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Nanny Hates Fags - Jack Wilshere Apologies For Having a Fag


I find Nanny's hatred of fags to be absurd and stifling in the extreme.

It now transpires that the incorruptible beautiful game has been tarnished, in Nanny's eyes, by the fact that Arsenal and England player Jack Wilshere was seen smoking whilst on holiday in a hot tub in Vegas.

FFS!

So what!

Sadly, for reasons that I don't understand, Wilshere has apologised.

Why????

He is quoted by Sky Sports News:
I made a mistake then, and I made a mistake again – people make mistakes. 

I’m young and I’ll learn from it. 

I realise the consequences it has and the effect it has on the kids growing up. 

I’ve got kids myself, and I don’t want them to grow up thinking that their dad smokes and that it’s OK for footballers to smoke, because it’s not. 

It’s unacceptable. I’ll accept the consequences and move on.”
Absurd, he has nothing to apologise for!

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Monday, July 28, 2014

Bring Back Bowing!

I am gemused to see that Nanny is so worried about the potential transference of germs, via handshakes, that she wants us to greet each other in a less physical manner.

Scientists at Aberystwyth University have shown that a shake transfers more bacteria than other forms of hand-on-hand action. That I would have said is rather obvious, given the sweatiness and filthiness of the part of the body being grasped.

The boffins have therefore advised that, especially during flu and Ebola season, we bump fists instead.

Not wishing to be outdone, Public Health England wants us to return to the Victorian-age of bowing or curtsying.

I'm all for it, the avoidance of sweaty handshakes and worst of all faux European cheek to cheek kissing is surely a good thing!

Therefore, in future, whenever I enter a room I suggest that you all genuflect.

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Friday, July 25, 2014

Nanny Hates Fags - Plain Packaging Encourages People To Smoke


As loyal readers know, Nanny hates fags.

This is rather ironic given that she makes a fortune from taxing them, but hey hoh who are we to judge Nanny's reasoning?

Anyhoo, one of her favourite ideas to lessen people's usage of the demon weed is to introduce plain paper packing. Apparently we are so excited by the stimulating packaging designs, that we are tempted to smoke.

Quite!

Ignoring the poor logic of Nanny's reasoning,  Australia Nanny has already introduced plain packaging.

How's it going then downunder?

Well, as expected, not too well. For you see dear readers plain paper packs are easy to counterfeit.

Can you guess what happened children?

Yes, that's right, there has been an explosion of counterfeit fags hitting the streets.

Channel Seven News note that the policy has boosted counterfeiting and smuggling by about 40 percent.

Seizures of illicit sticks is up from 82 million in 2012 to 200 million last year. Local Police Officer Rodney Smith said that no one could be sure what the counterfeit cigarettes contained, although in laboratory tests they are regularly found to contain chemicals that are not allowed to be added by legitimate manufacturers.

In fact Aussie media is full of stories reporting that smoking is up after plain packaging was introduced 18 months ago.

Great diea Nanny, well done!

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Thursday, July 24, 2014

Screen Five Year Olds For Coordination Problems


It seems that as a result of certain issues, eg the reduction in time spent playing outside and crap parenting, large numbers of children nowadays apparently have lousy physical coordination (eg they cannot sit still, stand upright or hold a pencil).

Sally Goddard Blythe, director of the Institute for Neuro-Physiological Psychology in Chester, said that all infants should be given physical checks at the age of five, because large numbers of children with basic developmental problems were “slipping through the net”.

Fair enough, maybe.

However, once a problem has been identified what exactly will Nanny do to correct it?

Is this not an issue that the parents should be addressing?

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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

You Are A Fat Bastard!


Oh dear Nanny really can't stop from interfering in our lives, yet again she is fretting that we are a nation of fat bastards.

Thus Nanny intends to issue fat bastard warnings on till receipts, as and when we buy products that she doesn't approve of.

The plans are currently being developed by Nanny's chums from Public Health England, which apparently works on ways to improve the nation’s health and deal with inequalities. Errmm, I thought we have an NHS that is meant to deal with health matters, why do we need a quango doubtless subsidised by the taxpayer?

Duncan Selbie, the Public Health England’s chief executive, said the warnings on till receipts were a way of using behavioural techniques to nudge people towards choosing more healthy eating outcomes.

He is quoted by the Telegraph:
We need to find four or five big corporates that are relevant to people – so Sainsbury’s, Tesco, Lidl have millions of people on their databases – to reach people.

So let’s say I went to Tesco on Sunday and I got a till receipt and it said I bought various things, and it said you’ve saved £2.21. I think Sainsbury’s do the same thing.”
Selbie said that Public Health England was considering giving supermarkets its algorithms or mathematical codes for working out sugar and fat content in people's shopping baskets.
What if we gave Sainsbury’s the algorithms that they could personalise to their customer database, so they give their customer base advice about how they could improve their health?

It doesn’t have to cost customers anything more, but it may help them make choices that are better for their health.
Doubtless Nanny will start accessing the supermarkets' databases in order to "help" her design these algorithms.

I have a simple message for Nanny:

Fuck Off!


We are fed up with you sticking your nose into our lives.

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Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Knobheadery


As loyal readers know I have written several times about the daft rule introduced last year by Nanny, that forbids parents to take their kids out of school during term time, lest they be punished by a fine and possible criminal record.

As I have noted, when was a wee nipper it was a simple matter of common sense and a discussion between the parents and the school as to whether it would be permitted.

However, under the iron rod of Nanny (can I say "rod" before the watershed?), common sense has long since been abandoned. Sadly there is yet another case of absolute buffoonery caused by Nanny's daft rule, as Maxine Ingrouille-Kidd has found to her and her son's cost.

Ms Ingrouille-Kidd has been threatened with a fine of up to £120 and possible prosecution if she takes her son Curtis (13, who is a blind quadriplegic and has cerebral palsy) out of school during term time.
Doctors have given Curtis a few years to live, and warned he may only survive until his late teens.

Ms Ingrouille-Kidd is quoted by the Telegraph:
My son is 14 in October and this may well be his last holiday.
I asked for a holiday request form and was absolutely flabbergasted and shocked when the response was ‘no’.
Unsurprisingly, following media pressure and a campaign on Facebook, Somerset Council has now said it would speak to the school regarding the case.

It is quite ridiculous that this issue has arisen in the first place, common sense dictates that this should be a simple matter of a discussion between the school and the parents.

It is knobheadery in the extreme!

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Monday, July 21, 2014

The Heroism Bill


Chris Grayling, the Justice Secretary, is putting forward a bill before Parliament today entitled "Social Action, Responsibility and Heroism Bill".

Grayling is of the view that that society has become “too inclined to blame someone else”, and wants to (as per the Telegraph) "slay the health and safety culture".
The Bill will protect people from being sued if something goes wrong when they try help in an emergency. It is also intended to give teachers confidence that they will not face legal action if they have taken reasonable safety steps when organising a school trip.

Grayling said:
This is a Bill that’s out to try and slay the health and safety culture.
It is about trying to restore common sense to the kind of situations which happen all too often and very seldom get to court - where somebody has an accident at work, it’s entirely their own fault, they have got a perfectly responsible employer who has the normal health and safety procedures in place but that person does something dumb, hurts themselves and sues the employer anyway. 

For responsible small businesses it is a real headache and most of the time they just pay up because it is less hassle to do so. This is meant to be a big message to them because if you do the right thing, we are making sure that the balance of the law is in your favour.”
I wish him well, if the Bill  does what he claims it will do. However, it is "ironic" to say the least that legislation has to be used to restore "common sense".

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Friday, July 18, 2014

Booze Makes You Forget

I see that Nanny is having another pop at people who drink. This time she is trying to scare middle aged people into reducing their alcohol consumption, lest they be stricken with Alzheimer's.

New draft guidance from the National Institute of Health and Care Excellence (Nice) wants lifestyle advice to be included in NHS health checks currently offered to all patients aged between 40 and 74.

It says middle-aged patients should be warned that “there is no safe level of alcohol consumption” when it comes to their future dementia risk.

That of course is the most absurd piece of advice ever, as by definition it means that Nice want you to stop drinking completely. Hence no one will follow their advice, and ignore everything else they say as well.

Well done Nice, another botched piece of advice!

Draft recommendations also propose an expansion of “smoke-free” policies to ban smoking in parks, in order to reduce the risk of dementia.

Please, get a grip, how the fark is second hand smoke in a park going to increase someone's chances of suffering from dementia?

The more dodgy research and absurd advice Nanny inflicts upon us, the more we ignore it!

The only way to get Nanny out of our lives is to drink more, so that we can forget her.

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Heatwave II

Are we all surviving the heatwave?

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Thursday, July 17, 2014

Nanny's Heatwave Curfew



A couple of days of warmish weather and Nanny, as per usual, has gone into hyperventilation mode and issued a series of heatwave alerts and curfews.

We are instructed, if we live in the South East, East and Midlands, to keep out of the sun between 11am and 3pm.

We are also advised to turn off non-essential lights and electrical equipment, to avoid generating excess heat, and wear a hat or light scarf if venturing outdoors.

Public Health England said people should keep curtains closed, move to a cooler room to sleep, and should eat salad, drink plenty of water and avoid extreme physical exertion.

Schools have been advised to monitor overweight children and encourage youngsters to play in the shade. They have also been asked to avoid leaving computers and printers on standby mode.

Oh and if your Muslim and fasting during Ramadan, Nanny is fearful that you have no idea how to cope with heat.

Dr Paul Cosford, of Public Health England, is quoted in the Telegraph:
While many people enjoy hot weather, high temperatures can be dangerous, especially for people who may be particularly vulnerable, such as older people, young children and those with serious illnesses. 

Many members of the Muslim community may be fasting during the current period of Ramadan. During hot weather it’s important to balance food and fluid intake between fasts and especially to drink enough water.” 
I am old enough to remember the drought and heatwave of 1976, we didn't have any of this bollocks then and managed to live through it!

For those of you who can't make it to the beach today, here is a picture of Brighton Beach.


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Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Criminal Family Holiday


As I noted recently, Nanny now takes a dim view of parents taking their kids out of school for a short break during term time.

In my day it was a simple matter of a commonsense discussion between parents and teachers as to whether this could be allowed. Anyhoo, moving forward to the present day and Nanny has forbidden it.

My commiserations to the parents (unidentified to protect their children) who took their kids on holiday during term time.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, they were put on trial at Nuneaton Magistrates Court and given conditional discharges (12 and 10 months respectively).

What does this mean?

It means they have a criminal record!
Absolutely potty!

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Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Going Commando - The Importance of Cleanliness


I must admit to watching last night's fly on the wall documentary on Channel 4 about the Royal Marines Commando School with my mouth open at certain points.

Aside from the fact, for no logical reason that I can determine, commandos are not allowed to wear any clothing at all in bed; there was also the fact that the young men had to be taught how to have a shower.

I appreciate that cleanliness in barracks and when on tour of duty is important, as it lessens the risk of infection and disease. I understand that this message needs to be drummed into the recruits.

However, what I was surprised at was the fact that the young men had to be taken to a shower block where they were given a live demonstration by one of their naked superiors as to how to shower in graphic detail right down to washing the foreskin and butt crack (pix-elated for the sensibilities of the viewing public).

Has it come to this, that the Nanny state has removed any vestige of parental input into a child's upbringing that young men now have to be shown how to shower themselves?

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Monday, July 14, 2014

Nanny's Spiked Anti Gambling Campaign



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Nanny's New Excess Alcohol Test



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Don't Be Drunk On Duty!


I am gemused to see that Nanny has issued a mandatory 10 point ethical code of conduct for the police that, amongst other things, asks them to be polite to the public and not to swear at the public.

It is a sad state of affairs when something that I would have thought was second nature to those in the force has to be regulated by a code of conduct.

I would note that those of a criminal disposition and gits will doubtless try to make mischief of this code, by claiming that the arresting officers swore at them etc.

Anyhoo, in addition to not swearing, officers are also advised not to use drugs, turn up to work drunk or have sex whilst on duty.

Glad we sorted that out then!

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Friday, July 11, 2014

The Sash My Father Won't Wear!


Just in time for the 12th of July, the European Parliament launches its own sash.

Twats!

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Vile Hypocritical Socialist Worker


Sometimes the rantings of the right and left can be vile in the extreme.

Step forward Socialist Worker and its vile commentary under the headline “Eton by bear? The inquest begins”, on the mauling to death by a polar bear of Eton schoolboy Horatio Chapple. The paper noted that the death is ‘reason to save the polar bears’.

It should be noted that Socialist Workers Party’s own national secretary, Charlie Kimber, is himself an Old Etonian.

The extreme right and left are in effect the same, they seek to poison society and tear it apart by spreading hatred and bigotry.

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Thursday, July 10, 2014

Prat of The Week - Ben Duncan

My oh my it has been an inordinate length of time since I awarded a "Prat of The Week" Award. Therefore, without further ado, I bequeath this week's award to Brighton and Hove's Green councillor Ben Duncan.

For why?

Duncan has been suspended from the Green group of councillors on Brighton and Hove City Council, by his own party, for tweeting on the 28 June (Armed Forces Day) that soldiers were "hired killers".

His suspension follows a panel of inquiry by the party.

It should be noted that, despite being suspended from the Green party, Duncan is still receiving a salary from the council (ie from the taxpayers).

Ben Duncan, well deserving Prat of The Week; not well deserving a salary though!

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Tuesday, July 08, 2014

Get Real!


Last September Nanny banned parents from taking kids out of school for holidays, and subjected them to a potential fine of up to £1,500.

When I was a nipper commonsense was allowed to be used, and parents/schools would come to a reasonable agreement on whether "little Tommy" could go away for a few days during term time.

Anyhoo, the tourism industry and councillors across the UK now claim that the policy is "hurting" Britain’s tourism trade and are supporting calls for Nanny to rethink her inflexible stance on the matter.

Sadly there are some numpties (in the media and parliament) who are also bleating that the prices of hotels/holidays should not be allowed to rise during summer season.

Factoid: in a free market economy when demand increases so do prices!

Get real!


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Monday, July 07, 2014

Over-governed


I would concur with Dr Liam Fox, the former Defence Secretary, who has stated that Britain is “over-governed”; with so many layers of councils and bureaucracy that people struggle to understand how politics works.

Dr Fox wants there to be a “reduction” in levels of government.

He is quoted by the Telegraph:
You’ve got parish councils, town councils, district councils, county councils, Westminster, Europe. Goodness me, how many politicians do you need to govern a country of 60 million people?

I think we actually do need a slight reduction in the levels of government so people know which bits do matter.
As an example of government waste I cite today's article on my HMRC site regarding the fruitless payment made by the FCO to HMRC.

The sad fact is that Nanny, councils and their lackeys have no interest in "simplifying" or "delayering" this country's bureaucracy; because they make a very nice living out of it!


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Friday, July 04, 2014

Nut Free Veggie Burger


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Tuesday, July 01, 2014

The Dangers of Onions - Bollocks!


The above "advice" about onions has been infesting the internet for sometime, and has popped up yet again on my Faecesbook page.

I have stored cut onions in my fridge for days on end, then eaten them without any problems whatsoever.

I surmise that the "advice" is utter bollocks!

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Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries