Sugar Sugar - Brighton Council Hates Sugar

Are you Sugar Smart? Find out about our #sugarsmartcity debate & fill out the survey to win prizes at https://t.co/IIynJx7mmc #Brighton

— BrightonHoveCouncil (@BrightonHoveCC) October 29, 2015

Those of you who want to give Brighton coumncil (worshippers of Saint Jamie of Oliver) your views on the "dangers", or otherwise, of sugar should complete the survey via the above link.

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Nanny Hated By 80% of Brits

A survey carried out by ComRes has found that more than 80 per cent of those questioned, excluding ‘don’t knows’, believe it should be down to individuals to make their own lifestyle choices without official interference from Government; ie they loath Nanny..

The survey also noted significant opposition to stealth “sin taxes” on products such as tobacco, alcohol or sugary drinks.

The only surprise here is that 20% of people approve of Nanny.

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Prats of The Week - The NHS West Midlands Strategic Health Authority

Oooh Errr, it has been a long time since I have awarded one of my prestigious and internationally renowned "Prats of The Week" Awards.

Therefore I will not beat about the bush any longer.

This week I am happy to award it to the NHS West Midlands Strategic Health Authority, for their remarkably wasteful and inept staff survey circulated to 3,300 workers at the West Midlands Ambulance Service.

Staff surveys are known for asking somewhat inept and "odd" questions. However, one question in this survey left everyone with rather an unpleasant taste in their mouths.

The theory behind the survey was to identify characteristics of good leadership, as part of a £10K project to allegedly help the NHS West Midlands Strategic Health Authority devise a new leadership strategy.

Why not just buy a book about leadership, for approx £10, and read it?

Anyhoo, amongst the questions about leadership was one that asked staff to rate how "cool" Adolf Hitler was, on a scale of one to five.

The ambulance employees were then asked to rate Hitler in comparison with their own chief executive.

They were also asked if being gay, funny or black made a leader cool.

Quite what "coolness" has to do with being a good leader I don't know?

Maybe the people who designed the survey were a tad muddled, and actually meant to ask how cool was Ron Mael (keyboard player of Sparks)?



Anyhoo well done the NHS West Midlands Strategic Health Authority, well deserving "Prats of The Week"!

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The Sex Inspectors

Given Nanny's propensity to intrude into the daily lives of people, she hates not knowing what we are up to, it should come as no surprise whatsoever to learn that Nanny will be conducting a sex survey.

Yes, that's right, Nanny's inspectors will ask us questions about our sex lives!

Nanny will target 500,000 people each year, and ask them questions about their past and present sexual partners, contraception and how long couples have lived together before marriage.

The 2,000 questions form part of the Integrated Household Survey, and the responses will be registered with respondents' names and addresses.

Nanny claims that the information will be made anonymous once the files arrive at the Office of National Statistics, where they will then be held on a secure server.

Hah!

Given last year's debacle by HMRC, when it lost the data files of 25,000,000 people, does anyone seriously trust Nanny to store such data "securely"?

Nanny will spend £3.5M of our money each year to send inspectors to 200,000 random homes to conduct the survey.

In theory, answering the survey is voluntary. However, Nanny's inspectors will push respondents into revealing personal details with follow-up questions designed to draw out more information.

The largest fly in Nanny's ginormous jar of oinkment is this, who on earth ever gives an honest answer about their sex lives?

No one does!

Coming soon...the sex tax!

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The Dangers of Lamposts

Have you ever been wandering down the street, texting away merrily on your "Raspberry", when suddenly you find yourself walking into a lamppost?

Have no fear, you need injure yourselves no more.

Nanny has come up with the perfect solution to the menace of lampposts.

She is going to wrap them in padding.

Yes, that's right, she will pad them for your safety and comfort!

It has finally come to this, Nanny really does wnat to wrap us up in cotton wool!

A pilot scheme has been launched in Brick Lane (London), after it was found to have the highest number of "walking and texting" injuries in the country.

Seemingly 10% of people have hurt themselves while focused on their mobile phone screen, that at least is the finding of a survey conducted by 118 118 (the phone directory service). Quite how reliable this "statistic" is I have no idea.

The charity Living Streets has teamed up with 118 118, to test a scheme to pad lampposts.

A poll will be carried out on Brick Lane to gauge the response of locals.

If successful, the concept will be rolled out in Birmingham, Manchester, and Liverpool.

This sounds like complete bollocks, and I can only assume is a rather a lame PR stunt by 118 118.

The cheaper solution to these "walk and text" injuries is simple:

LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING!

Lazy and Clueless

People may wonder as to the effects of living long term in a Nanny state.

A recent survey by the British Chambers of Commerce gives a pretty clear picture of the effects and dangers of Nannyism.

The survey revealed that British companies are hiring record numbers of migrants, because the bosses have a 'shockingly low opinion' of local British workers.

The survey asked 300 small and medium-sized businesses:

"What reasons do you have for employing migrant workers?."

The answer was loud and clear, migrant workers have "a better work ethic" and are "more productive".

British workers lack the "required skills", and there is a short supply of local "candidates with required experience."

David Frost, director general of the business lobby group, said:

"It is troubling that so many businesses

do not want to employ British workers.

The UK's chronic skills shortage must be addressed

by the Government and reform of the school curriculum

is needed to ensure that young people

enter the workforce with the necessary skills

and the right attitude to get on at work."

Phil Inness, managing director of Axis Electronics, said:

"Around 20% of our workforce is Polish.

In three years of employing from eastern Europe,

we haven't had one negative experience.

The only concern I have is that at some point

they might want to go home."

Relying on Nanny to look after you, dulls your wits and makes you lazy. It is as simple as that.

Fat Myths

Now that we are firmly in 2007, and being bombarded by both the media and Nanny into detoxing and taking diets, it is worth sitting back and considering exactly what constitutes being fat actually means.

Indeed Nanny is so keen on fat issues that she wants to set up a database to monitor every child in the country, including their diet.

Yet some health researchers argue that being overweight is actually beneficial: it's the dieting that kills.

In Septicland, the land that gave us WMD in Iraq, no less a person that the US surgeon general has claimed that obesity is "a greater threat than weapons of mass destruction".

Errmmm...is anyone buying that hyperbole?

Nanny needless to say, as she follows all things American, is eager to jump on the bandwagon. Nanny wants to introduce a £224M "Children's Index".

What the fark is a "Children's Index" then Ken?

I will tell you...

A "Children's Index" is a database of every child in the country, that will chart progress from birth to adulthood and will flag up "concerns" about each child's development.

Two "flags" on a child's record will trigger an official investigation into his or her family.

Interestingly Nanny's Information Commissioner, in a report issued in November, is very critical of the scheme.

Quote:

"Government policy proposes treating all parents

as if they cannot be trusted to bring up their children."

Seemingly, one of the proposed danger signs on the Children's Index would be if the child were not eating the Nanny approved amount of fruit and vegetables each day.

Yet there is no scientific evidence to support the fat myths propgated by the media, Nanny and the diet food industry.

• The recently published Health Survey for England, 2004 shows no significant increase in the weight of children in recent years. The Department of Health report found that from 1995 to 2003 there was only a one-pound increase in children's average weight.



• The Thousand Families Study found little connection between overweight children and adult obesity. In the study, four out of five obese people became obese as adults, not as children.



• In the US it is estimated that 10% of high school pupils suffer from eating disorders, brought about by the incessant media message that slim is good and fat is bad.



• In 2004, a World Health Organisation study of British pupils found that overweight children ate sweets less frequently than normal weight children did. Children who ate larger amounts of junk food actually had less chance of being overweight.



• In America there was a rapid increase in the number of overweight people in the early years of this decade. However, that is because the goal posts were moved! The classification of what was "overweight" was reduced from those with a body mass index of 27, to those of 25.



• In 2005 a US Centres for Disease Control study found the lowest death rates among overweight people.



• A 2004 Harvard University study examined 14,000 children, and found that junk food did not lead to obesity.



• 95% of dieters are fatter five years after their diet then when they started to trim.



• The Iowa Women's Health Study and the American Cancer Society study found that weight loss was associated with higher rates of mortality.

The conclusion to be drawn from the above is obvious; have it large in 2007, and get well stuffed!

Plodding Along

In case you are wondering why you never see a policeman when you need one, it's because the poor chap/chapess is processing Nanny's paperwork.

The average time taken by police to process a single arrest is now a stonking 10 hours and six minutes.

It seems that officers are now spending more than their standard eight hour shift filling out forms and waiting for lawyers to arrive.

These figures were released mid November, in a written answer to a question to the Metropolitan Police Service by Labour London Assembly member Joanne McCartney, and are based on a survey taken by Scotland Yard in January 2006.

Other studies indicate that up to 33 forms need to be completed to process a single mugging suspect.

Nobody knows the true number of forms in circulation, as each force produces its own paperwork.

That's clever eh?

Nanny's Home Office claims it has made 7,700 forms across the 43 police forces obsolete over the past two years.

This begs the question, as to how many other forms there are still out there?

In the good old days a suspect would simply trip up on the police station steps, and sustain a mild concussion and a broken nose.

No need for paperwork then.

Ah, the good old days!:)

Ying and Yang

Nanny is to be congratulated in her efforts to achieve harmony between teenagers and adults, seemingly they are both afraid of each other.

A recent survey by IPPR, entitled "Freedom's Orphans: Raising Youth in a Changing World", of adults living in Europe found that Britain is becoming a nation in fear of its teenagers. A growing number of people now refuse to go out after dark, because they feel intimidated by young people hanging around on the streets.

The survey found that people in Britain are more afraid of teenagers than in any other country. This fear is known as "paedophobia".

The report found widespread fear of verbal abuse, physical attack and reprisals. It also found that lack of adult supervision was leading to a growth in youth crime and violence.

Nanny responds to this fear by imposing Asbos to control hooliganism, vandalism and disruptive behaviour among young people. The Asbos have been deployed against children as young as 10 and have included prohibitions on loitering on street corners, and curfews.

Some new housing developments have gates to keep youths out. The Government has also ordered parents who fail to keep their children under control to attend parenting classes, which includes instructions on how to get their children to go to bed.

However, as noted at the beginning of this article, we should not despair. Nanny has brought about balance, and achieved a form of "Ying and Yang", by ensuring that all adults are regarded by the young as being paedophiles and as such should be feared.

Harmony has been restored!

Educashun

Today we see another batch of A level results delivered into sweaty eager hands. As ever we can expect the pass rate to have soared to ever more dizzying heights, as Nanny proudly tells us that her educashun policies are the best since sliced bread (which of course is very bad for you, as it contains too much salt!).

However, there is a small fly in her oinkment. The trouble is no one believes Nanny when she says that she is turning out well educated citizens.

Last month Sir John Rose, CEO of Rolls Royce, admitted that it is being forced to look overseas for talented graduates; he warned of the skills crisis in the UK.

Rolls Royce is now getting around 25% of its annual intake of graduates from overseas, mainly America and Germany. However, Sir John warned that this will rise as British graduates favour poncy subjects, such as media studies and hospitality.

Last year, for example, more people did A levels in media studies than physics. Since 1990, the Institute of Physics said that the number of people taking physics A level has fallen nearly 40% from 45,334 to 28,119.

Director General David Frost of the British Chambers of Commerce echoed Sir John's views, seemingly bosses have been telling him that Polish workers and other Eastern Europeans are their number one choice for many jobs.

These workers have "higher-level skills and a far better attitude to work than local people." Most of them are "enthusiastic" and "committed", compared to their British equivalents who are low-skilled and lazy.

It is predicted that China and India will soon be producing 5 million graduates every year, including 600,000 in science and engineering.

A survey, from the Association of Graduate Recruiters, said that bosses complain that some graduates have difficulty holding a proper conversation, struggle to make decisions and are not motivated.

Qualifications are of little use if you do not have the skills, abilities, and drive to make your way in the world. The Nanny state takes away these skill sets, as it destroys people's self reliance and discourages people taking responsibility for their own actions.

What a Load of Crap!

It seems that Nanny's recent "customer" satisfaction survey, examining the impact of OFSTED letters to children, has highlighted a few "issues".

Some children have objected to the "patronising" letters they receive from inspectors, outlining Ofsted judgements about their schools, whilst younger children did not understand some of the language Ofsted used.

Ofsted said that its inspectors needed more advice about "appropriate styles of writing for different ages".

The Ofsted research covered 55 schools and 1,500 pupils.

The report said:

"Although jargon was unusual,

the meaning of some words and phrases such as 'monitoring'

and 'teachers with management responsibilities'

was lost on some of the younger pupils.

Some pupils were confused by the mix of formal and informal styles within the same letter.

Due to the formal layout of the letters and absence of colour,

they were unattractive to younger pupils."

This helps improve the quality of education how?

What a load of crap!

An Exercise in Futility

I must commend Nanny's latest initiative on trying to persuade smokers to quit the evil habit.

Nanny has set up a special website (www.packwarnings.nhs.uk/index.aspx) which asks smokers and non smokers to fill in a questionnaire about their smoking habits, job and ethnic origin.

It then takes the respondee onto a page showing a series of photos that Nanny wants to print on fag packets. The smoker/non smoker is invited to select the one that is most likely to put them off smoking.

The "winning" photo will then be printed on fag packets next year.

One small point about this rather odd site. The smokers who respond to the survey are well aware of the dangers of smoking, and by definition will not be deterred from smoking by seeing a photo that they have already chosen; those who don't smoke have no ability to determine what will put smokers off smoking.

An exercise in futility if ever there was one.

Nanny's Bully Boys

We all know that Nanny is constantly haranguing us about discrimination and bullying in the workplace.

These are behaviour patterns that she simply won't tolerate.

In fact, she is so upset by these lamentable human traits that she has passed a whole raft of laws designed to stamp the problem out. Indeed Nanny is always more than ready to stick her nose into the activities of private companies, when there is the slightest hint of bullying or discrimination.

Now, it seems, that the boot is on the other foot. One of Nanny's own departments has been accused of having an ingrained bullying culture.

How embarrassing!

Can you guess who runs this department?



Yes, that's right, John Prescott - Nanny's Smooth Talking Bar Steward.

The Commons Select Committee on the Orifice (oops, sorry, I meant office!) of the Deputy Prime Minister (ODPM) has ruled that the Smooth Talking Bar Steward must take urgent action, to crack down on bullying and discrimination in his department.

How embarrassing!

Who would have thought that such a mild mannered man, as the Smooth Talking Bar Steward, would have run a department with such an abysmal track record of bullying and discrimination?



According to a survey of staff, 10% of the workers at ODPM said that they had been bullied in the past year, and one in twelve had experienced discrimination.

The survey, carried out last summer by ORC International, also showed that 6% had reported harassment and 22% had witnessed unfair treatment. Black and disabled people were more likely to have faced discrimination than other staff.

Details of the survey were published yesterday, by the Commons Select Committee on the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister, as part of its response to John Prescott's annual report and accounts for last year.

Quote:

"The department should take steps immediately to reinforce the message that bullying and intimidation is unacceptable.

It should ensure all staff are confident such reports will be taken seriously."

The culture of companies and departments are a reflection of the "quality" of the leadership and the behaviour of the people at the top, so I think it is very clear who we can blame for this!

The survey went on to show that many staff were unhappy about the lack of leadership, visibility and openness of senior officials at board level.

Quote:

"Only 20% believed the board had been open and honest in communication with staff.

This figure is 20% less than the benchmark for comparable central government surveys."

The committee then went on to further put the boot into Prescott and his useless department, by stating that the ODPM is spinning out of control and that its annual report showed "an unjustifiable presentation of its achievements"; ie the ODPM has an inflated ego, is all mouth and no trousers and is lying.

One example cited of Prescott bullshit was the reporting of efficiency gains totalling £150K per year as "noticeable" progress towards a target of £620M by 2007-2008!

What a bunch of dishonest, useless wankers!

It also seems that the ODPM has been double-counting its resource management.

Quote:

"Through our efforts to secure further information about the real nature and extent of the department's efficiency plans,

we were able to establish that there is an overlap between two reported efficiency targets."

Needless to say, in keeping with the character of the man, the Smooth Talking Bar Steward has never deigned to appear before the committee; he claimed that he was busy with Britain's presidency of the EU.

We all know that was a useless waste of 6 months, but at least we now know who to blame for it!

The committee then decided to have a go at the ODPM's ability to deal effectively with other departments.

I like this committee, a rare example of a cross party group of MPs united in trying to improve something.

Quote:

"Stronger leadership and greater clarity about the importance of this objective will help the department win its case."

The ODPM was specially created by Nanny as a sop to keep the Smooth Talking Bar Steward happy. It now employs over 6000 people, and claims to be involved in every aspect of life of this country.

Its motto:

"Creating sustainable communities"

sounds very nice.

Yet no one knows what that means, I certainly have no idea what the ODPM is meant to do, indeed the survey of staff revealed that a staggering 40% of the ODPM staff did not understand what they were meant to be doing either.

Just think abou that for minute or two, 40% of the staff don't know what they are meant to be doing! That is disgusting, our money is being poured into this pile of shit and they don't even know what they are there for!

If anyone actually knows what the ODPM is actually on this planet for, please can they enlighten the rest of us; indeed please can you also enlighten the ODPM, via this email address enquiryodpm@odpm.gsi.gov.uk

In the meantime, I am sure that I don't need to remind you that my fine range of T shirts, thongs and coffee mugs bearing the face of our beloved and competent Deputy PM are on sale via this link Bollocks To The Bar Steward.

Another "Bright" Idea From Nanny's Bar Steward

Those of you who are worried about the stability of the housing market, may need to turn away from your screens now.

Nanny has decided that she wants to add to the regulatory burden of selling a house, and has selected one of the finest minds in her cabinet to tackle this tricky subject.

Can you guess who that is?

Yes, that's right, none other than Nanny's smooth talking bar steward John Despot.

The very mention of his name in association with the housing market, something that underpins the British economy, should send shivers down everyone's spines.

Anyhoo, dear old John has come up with a real humdinger of a plan.

The benefits or rationale of his scheme, to either seller or buyer, remain unclear; nonetheless that has never stopped him in the past from doing something, and that most certainly won't stop him now.

He wants to introduce home information packs during 2007, which he says will reduce the cost of buying a home.

Really?

The packs would be prepared by the seller, at an estimated cost of up to £1000; theoretically they would provide the buyer with all the information that he/she would need, eg ownership evidence and a property "health report".

However, as with all of Nanny's ideas, this idea has not been thought through.

• Pre implementation there will be a rush of property sales, to avoid the £1000 cost and huge administrative burden; this will undoubtedly destabilise and inflate the already highly sensitive housing market.



• The regulations will spawn a whole new class of "property cowboy", people and firms who will charge exorbitant fees for preparing these packs; needless to say they will operate without any form of regulation.



• The fact that a seller prepares one of these packs, will be in no way a guarantee of the condition of the property; buyers will still have to pay for a survey. So how exactly does this reduce the cost of buying a property John?

The Bar Steward of course doesn't care about any of these problems, as he already has use of several homes (one for each of his Jaguars).



Buy a selection of "Bollocks To The Bar Steward" T shirts and thongs here.

Nanny's Prescription Glasses

Nanny is very proud of her work, yet she knows that not everyone shares her pride.

In fact she knows that some people, eg journalists, go out of their way to criticise what she does.

Now I know that this may come as something of a surprise to some of you, but Nanny has feelings too.

Prick her, does she not bleed?

Anyhoo, Nanny is getting fed up with the constant criticism of her "management" of the country; and has decided to go on the counter offensive.

She wants all of us to see the world as she does, through special rose coloured glasses (coming soon on the NHS).

In order to ensure that we see the world as she does, her first action will be to improve the reporting techniques of journalists; so that they only tell us the good things about Nanny.

To this end Nanny has commenced a special study of the media, to weed out all those nasty negative journalists who are criticising her. Nanny's Department of Health has begun publishing statistics on the output, and perceived "slant", of the journalists who write the most frequently about the state of the NHS.

Nanny has hired media consultants Millward Brown to assess every article published by the media according to whether it is positive, negative or neutral.

The results of the survey have highlighted 21 correspondents who reach the most readers, either because they wrote a lot or because their papers had the biggest circulations. Within these, 9 of them were very naughty; they had nothing positive to say about the NHS.

Ooh!

Seemingly Nic Cecil of the Sun has been identified as the journalist with the "highest reach", is he an orangutang?.

Most worryingly for Nanny, the Daily Mail is the paper with the "highest reach". The overwhelming majority of its 59 articles on the NHS during the month were negative or neutral, with only about 7% carrying a positive message about the NHS.


Now "clever" little exercises like this don't come cheap. The cost came to £200K.

No need to worry though, Nanny is not paying for it.

You are!

When questioned about the apparent waste of money, Nanny's Department of Health said:

"It was important to have this established on a scientific basis rather than hunch".

In further good news, Nanny is going to continue spending more money on this, the department will publish regular reviews of journalists' output over periods of six months.

Needless to say, no one would be penalised for taking a negative approach.

Do you believe that?

Additionally, it is expected that Nanny's other departments will also follow suit.

Well, as I said, it's not Nanny's money is it?

Nanny Shoots Her Own Fox

You may recall that Nanny went to great lengths, a while back, to try to stamp out fox hunting.

Fox hunting is now illegal.

As with any illegal act, one might assume that Nanny's forces of law and order would be actively prosecuting those who perpetrate it.

Umm, well not so, this you must remember is Nanny's Britain; a looking glass world where things are never what they really seem to be.

It seems that Nanny's chums on the police have been told not to stop illegal fox hunts, when the hunting season begins, because of health and safety regulations.

Guidance drawn up by police chiefs instructs officers to take the most cautious approach when investigating reports of illegal hunts, for fear that they might injure themselves. They have been told not to go near hounds or horses, and not to confiscate dead animals as evidence in case of injury or infection.

Nanny has instructed officers to carry out risk assessments before embarking on an investigation.

This is a joke, isn't it?

Er no, it's not.

Police must also ask farmers for permission to go on their land, and not to use police helicopters in case they "cause alarm to horses".

Oddly enough this makes the Hunting Act of 2004 was completely unenforceable.

Gloucestershire and Devon and Cornwall police chiefs have stated:

"Police officers will not routinely be deployed to hunt meetings."

If officers are deployed it will only be after a detailed risk assessment completed on the deployment of that officer, or team by a responsible person. Appropriate support must be considered.

Officers sent to investigate a hunt should:

"record all available evidence (visual or verbal) in the most appropriate manner, by pocket notebook".

Nanny makes it makes clear that the police should not try to catch an illegal hunt taking place, but wait until it has run its course before investigating.

The police must use the new Countryside and Rights of Way Act, to see whether they have access to a particular piece of land.

Nanny concludes by saying that it might be "more appropriate" for an individual or organisation to take a civil or private action against an illegal hunt, rather than have police embark on a criminal investigation.

Were I a cynic, I might assume that Nanny wants her police force to follow up crimes that are easier to "solve"; which make good statistics for her annual crime survey and which are revenue beneficial.

You know, like speeding offences.

However, I'm not a cynic; am I?