It is a wet and windy Monday morning here in Engerlund, and as such it is time for my prestigious "Prats of The Week" Award.
This week my heartfelt congratulations to the passengers of P&O's 77,000-ton Oceana liner who reported Christopher Wells, the skipper, to the Equality and Human Rights Commission.
There has been something of an ongoing spat on board over the use and reservation of sunloungers. A habit that is normally associated with Germans holidaymakers had spread to the passengers of the Oceana (none of whom were German), whereby towels and knickknacks are placed on the sun loungers in order to reserve them for use several hours later.
It is of course a thoroughly selfish habit, as more often than not the lounger remains unoccupied for several hours.
Passengers became increasingly narked over the lack of available sunbeds on the Oceana during their 15 day cruise of the Caribbean last month; all manner of objects used to reserve the sunloungers - towels, books, bags and clothes etc.
It became so bad that Capt Wells imposed a 20-minute limit on sunbeds being left unoccupied, and made several announcements to try to end the so-called "sunbed wars".
Needless to say, the passengers ignored him. There were increasingly heated rows between the passengers over the reservation of the sunloungers.
Eventually Capt Wells (who is married to a German) told the ship's 2,000 passengers:
"We don't want that kind of Germanic behaviour here!"
Clearly the point hit home, ie it was a well judged observation, and some reported him to the watchdog.
The Equality and Human Rights Commission has launched an inquiry, and Capt Wells has been forced to apologise for causing offence.
I was brought up by my parents to deal with petty matters myself, and not to report ("tell") on people to others. Nanny teaches people to report to the state, and related bodies; by this means she keeps us under control, as we fear that our neighbours, colleagues and friends may in fact be spying for her.
The passengers who reported him are well deserving of this week's "Prats of The Week" Award.
My advice to them is to grow up and deal with the matter yourselves, don't bring others into your petty and selfish arguments.