Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

The Joy of Lard

The Joy of Lard
Nanny's chums in the Food Standards Agency (FSA) are becoming increasingly concerned about our level of fatness, and our eating habits, no change there then!

As such they are going to launch a drive against fat, rumour has it that the FSA are considering warning us about the dangers of cheese sandwiches and buttered toast.

The FSA commissioned consumer research which showed that shock tactics, such as graphic images of furred blood vessels and fat deposits, were the best way to change people's diet.

It seems that this time next year we will have endure yet another one of Nanny's remorseless campaigns warning us about the dangers of our everyday, simple pleasures.

The FSA is rumoured to be considering testing messages that show that ordinary foods (eg meat, dairy, snacks and confectionery) are far higher in saturated fats than people realise.

It seems that they are considering using the same form of warning that is printed on fag packets...and we all know how "effective" they have been!

Nanny and the FSA need to remember that, unlike smoking, we really all do have to eat food everyday. You cannot, and should not, criminalise food and eating!

The warnings will include one informing consumers that two slices of buttered toast contain more saturated fat than four doughnuts, and that one cheese sandwich contains more than half the daily amount of saturated fat.

CMI Research, who prepared the report for the FSA, said:

"Shock tactics show potential.

The researchers said that graphic images of fat had a big impact on consumers they spoke to.

Dramatising the amount of saturated fat in foods in an unexpected and unappetising way proved effective, as almost all were repulsed by the idea of eating lard

Hang on lads, I am not repulsed by eating lard (beef dripping)!

I like it!

The FSA should remember that the body is like a car engine, just as the engine needs oil to lubricate its moving parts, so does the blood in the body need fat to enable it to travel smoothly between the organs.

We would simply seize up without fat.

Here is a perfect recipe for lard (dripping):


-1 slice of thick cut white bread


-Salt and pepper


-Toast the bread

-Spread a liberal portion of dripping (at least 1 cm thick) onto the toast

-Season copiously with salt and pepper


Needless to say, the FSA has denied it is considering warnings on packaging. However, it then went on to say that it still had a wide range of consultations to make before deciding how best to convey its message. In other words, they do want to use warning messages and if the public reaction is muted we will get them.

I suggest that you purchase one of these fine T shirts or thongs from The Joy of Lard, just to show Nanny what you think of her plans.

The Joy of Lard

Any profits made will be used to add to my collection of lard and dripping.


  1. If everyone followed all of Nanny's "No Risk" diktats, I suspect we probably wouldn't live much longer, but I bet it would seem like it......Life without risk is boring....In my humble opinion, if you cut risk from everyday activities, then people seek alternative thrills, these may be extreme sports or perhaps binge drinking and fighting on a Saturday night....What ever happened to our national philosophy of live and let live?

    Nanny will have us all in uniforms soon made from anti UV materials or something just as daft. All Nanny wants is us to be brainless drone workers whose only goal in life is to produce funding for Nanny via taxation. She sees us as an asset and must "Protect" her assets at all cost...If she looses a cash cow she looses money, so she wants to keep us safe so we can continue to fund her crazy schemes.

    Makes you proud to be British doesn't it.

  2. Anonymous5:47 PM

    Excellent news from Nanny about the buttered toast/doughnuts ratio.
    Now I won't waste nearly so much time stuffing doughnuts into myself because I know I can get the same result so much more efficiently with buttered toast.
    Butter it hot, let it cool. then butter it again.
    Double delight.
    Kevyn Bodman

  3. Kevyn

    Don't forget to add lard, on top of the butter, for extra richness!



  4. Come on fearless iconoclast - what is your BMI and cholesterol?
    Life expectancy is already dropping for the dripping eaters.

  5. Two points:
    1)It's my life. If nanny thinks she has something to say about that she is deluded.
    2)It isn't a live-longest competition. If the only way some people can 'enjoy' living longer is by sneering at those who enjoy themselves, doubtlessly supported by rubbish in the form of statistics, then they also are deluded.
    Deluded by thinking that we care about them.
    Deluded by thinking that they will live longer.
    Deluded by believing they will benefit from these.

  6. Reading cramerj's comment about 'life expectancy' it suddenly occurred to me that I really have no idea how a 'life expectancy' number is calculated.

    Something like the 'Global Average Temperature' maybe? An almost impossible concept to begin to contemplate.

    Anyhow, the way things are going the choice between popping off a few months early on the basis if enjoying ones food or a few months later after a sojourn in one of Nanny's 'Homes for retired gentlefolk and psychopathic attendants' seems clear cut.

    Now, where did I put the Lard?

  7. number 610:48 AM

    Hello, my name is number 6 and I am a lard abuser. It all started with some buttered toast as a kid, then went on to bread and dripping with salt and pepper (my old man was a heavy user of dripping from his days in the war when it was common for the working class to blot out their misery with this class A foodstuff) then it was onto fried slices with the 'full monty' breakfast of bacon, eggs, black (sorry breakfast) pudding and when the craving was bad tinned toms.

    There is no saving me now as I live on a park bench with only my frying pan and several lbs of lard to keep me going through the cold nights.

    If only Nanny had got to me at an early age all of this misery could have been spared and I would weigh 6 stone and be as healthy as a catwalk model.

    Let this be a lesson to all of you get thee behind me satan of the lard and embrace the Saint Jamie Olliver approved semi skimmed margarine diet.

  8. Number 6:

    ROFLMAO....I love it..Great post:-)

  9. Time to dig out my Viz t-shirt!

  10. English Liberation Front9:16 PM

    Life expectancy? Nanny's on a roll after her anti-smoking victory and we can now look forward to a sustained attempt to control our eating habits resulting in many and various bans proposed by the assorted nutters and misfits who run her empire of disapproval. Wouldn't surprise me if meat gets banned and Nanny attempts to turn us all into vegans.

    What the fark has the FSA got to do with our private eating habits? They should busy themselves ensuring that the lard we choose to eat is of the highest quality and not tainted by cheap Chinese imports.

    And to all those sad farkers in Nanny's regime whose raison d'ĂȘtre is to exercise power over our freedom of choice: piss off and leave us alone!

  11. number 610:34 AM


    You would laugh at a poor down and out reduced to buying Tescos 'white label' lard just to keep his habit alive.

    In the better days, before the habit took hold, I would only be seen frying the finest organic Lard from the Duchy of Cornwall's estate.

    Listen to nanny while you still have a chance man or you'll be doomed to a lifetime of lard dependency as I am.

  12. For those who need an "extra" kick, may I commend goose fat.

    I have a stash stored for "special" ocassions:)

  13. Anonymous1:01 AM

    I've used lard for cooking, but never on toast...Next time I make a roast I know what I'm going to try. You have opened the eyes of this yank across the pond cause what you're suggesting sounds absolutely banging.

  14. Well, we seem to have here a surprising amount of defiance in the name of personal freedom, and the mandatory pro-nanny post which buys into the whole thing of saturated fat being bad for you.

    However, let's apply a little logic here, shall we? What sort of fat did the human race evolve on? Monounsaturated, polyunsaturated, and so on? The stuff created in labs? Nope, we evolved on good old saturated fats, the kind that comes from animals.

    Pseudo-science over the past 50 years or so has been telling us that the kinds of fats we evolved on are no longer good for us, which, if true, would make us the only animals on Earth for whom the diet they evolved eating isn't good.

    When you stop to think about it, this is as absurd as saying that grass is bad for cattle, or meat is bad for lions, and yet for some unfathomable reason we buy it when it come to humans and fat (or meat.)

    Fortunately, and finally, studies are starting to emerge and be heeded that say, for instance, that things like butter and lard are better for us than is margarine. I sincerely hope that another fifty years or so will see us clear of this dark age of nutritional pseudo-science.