Ladies and Gentlemen for once, and once only, I feel I must do a "Nanny" and give you all a wee warning (Nanny has been very remiss in not warning you herself) about the risk of using hotel provided condoms.The subject came up in discussion yesterday with one of my colleagues who is currently travelling around Asia Pacific, and was amused to see that on top of his hotel mini bar were a couple of condoms.
Old hat!
Hotels have been offering these for years. During my regular visits to the Baltics, in the late 90's, I well remember the mini bars being stuffed to the gunnels with all manner of condoms (ribbed, flavoured, heavy duty etc) and oils etc.
Indeed I recall one hotel had a particularly excellent service whereby the ladies from the in house lingerie shop would come to your room and model the lingerie for you privately, so you could buy some for your wife/girlfriend...quite!
In fact the very Janet Reger bra and peek a boo thong that I am wearing, as I type this article, is a souvenir from those days....halcyon days!....but I digress!
The danger of hotel condoms relates to the fact that there is always some c**t who takes some perverse delight in sticking a pin through them, thus rendering them useless and dangerous.
In the cold light of day, the pin prick would of course be clearly visible. However, in the heat of passion (and having consumed the statutory British mating ritual quantity of 24 pints of lager) the pricks are not so visible to the knackered eye.
Therefore I tell you and warn you all, for goodness sake use your own condoms should you find yourself gripped by the ardour in a hotel!
That is all!
Nanny should have told you this already.
Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.
Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.
Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.
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Ken,
ReplyDeleteIf you are indeed wearing women's undergarments as you write this missive you must be a cross-gender dressing person of confused sexual identity. Surely, you must be entitled to a grant from nanny to persue your lifestyle. Doubtless you must have experienced 'issues' when chaps laughed at you for demonstrating your fem side, you must be again entitled to counselling and monies from nanny's homophobic hate crime unit for the stress and hurt feelings suffered.
I must stress that I am totally in agreement with nanny on all these issues, and would be happy to fight your case in court.
PS, did I mention my good friend Cherie Blair will help your case - we will do it purely for your human rights and not for the massive sum we will receive from legal aid.
ReplyDeleteSocial worker...you are displaying stereotypical views!
ReplyDeleteFor shame!
Cross dressers are not necessarily gay (re your comment about homophobic hate crime unit).
For shame on you...back to the re education camp for you!
:)
BTW, would you like me to be wearing women's undergarments?;)
Ken,
ReplyDeleteMy colleauge has been removed from her post pending a full tribunal. She was completely wrong to ascribe homosexual attributes to non females wearing female undergarments.
I must stress, of course, that there is nothing wrong with homosexuals or non females wearing female attire. In fact my superior Doris was once a docker and very 'active' in the Labour movement before discovering her gender incomptability, severing her penis, reading the Guardian instead of the Sun and becoming a social worker.
Please refrain from making inappropriate comments about black underwear etc as I prefer red with fishnets NB better delete that last bit before sending
So the moral of the story is beware of small pricks?
ReplyDelete"in the heat of passion (and having consumed the statutory British mating ritual quantity of 24 pints of lager) the pricks are not so visible to the knackered eye."
ReplyDeleteI should think not! after the first dozen pints they'd be quite incapable of rising to the occasion.
Ha! Thats a good one Anticant. Ya'll are funny today!:) Thanks for the morning laugh.
ReplyDeleteDebbie