Explosion In Sex Dolls Threatens Japanese Race With "Extinction"

As per ZeroHedge, Japanese Nanny fears for her future..

"As Japanese birth rates plummet amid a generational fertility crisis, experts have fingered an explosion in sex dolls as an emerging threat to the country's already-dire population problem - with some even saying they will lead to the "extinction" of the Japanese race. "

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One Whiff, And You're Stiff!

Irish villagers complain Viagra plant fumes have men and dogs walking around with ‘hard-ons’ https://t.co/0FTQMFNVMQ

— Christopher Snowdon (@cjsnowdon) December 6, 2017

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Big Brother's Vibrator

You have doubtless heard about the CIA tapping into Samsung TVs to spy on people, now it seems it is not just technically sophisticated gadgets such as TVs that are used to spy on you, but even the humble vibrator!

We-Vibe products (sex toys controlled via a smartphone app) have been spying on users, and sending data back to the product manufacturers.

The Telegraph reports that Canadian firm Standard Innovation, has agreed to pay C$4 million (£2.4 million) to members of the public who bought and used its We-Vibe products.

The firm, it was discovered, had been collecting data via the app, recording when customers had been using the sex toys, as well as information about the intensity of the vibration settings used. The data was collected without customers having been notified.

The court filing, made on behalf of two anonymous female We-Vibe users, said:

“Unbeknownst to its customers … (Standard Innovation) designed We-Connect to collect and record highly intimate and sensitive data regarding consumers’ personal We-Vibe use, including the date and time of each use and the selected vibration settings, and transmit such usage data — along with the users’ personal email address — to its servers in Canada.”

You have been warned!

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Stoptober

As Nanny launches yet another tiresome campaign aimed at encouraging us to drink and smoke less, it is with huge irony that the ONS have revised upwards Britain's GDP figures for 2013.

Why is that ironic?

Well, one of the reasons for the upward revision is the fact that (because of EU regulations) GDP must now include figures from illegal/semi illegal activities (eg drugs and prostitution).

The inclusion of these figures added (albeit by way of estimate) another £12.3BN to the British economy.

However, the real irony is that booze contributed only £11BN.

Thus proving the old adage, that the more that you try to ban something the more popular it becomes.

There's irony for you!

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Celebrity Nudie Pics Shock Horror!

The media frenzy over the leaking on the internet of so called "celebrity" nudie pictures is all very well and diverting, if you have nothing better to write about or report on.

However, who would have thought that uploading naked pictures of yourself to the internet would mean that they would one day risk be "leaked" (or shared) to the world in general?

Who would have thought that?

Whilst you can't legislate against stupidity, it is doubtless this hooh hah will be used by Nanny as an excuse to impose controls on the net.

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Nanny Bans "Nude" 3D Scanner Advert

 

I see that the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) has got its knickers in a twist over an advert for a "nude" 3D scanner app. This product appears to be the modern version of X-Ray specs.

The advert was approved by a compliance and clearing agency. However, it was shown during Hollyoaks at a time when apparently children could see it.

Seemingly a veritable tsunami of complaints were received by ASA. Well, actually, ASA received 26 complaints; prompting ASA to deem the advert "offensive".

All very well, but as far as I can see from the product's website, there is no nudity. The advert itself showed the crotch and breast blurred out; ie nothing more salacious than the average music video.

Good publicity for the product though well done ASA!

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Nanny Bans Condoms

According to a recent report in the Independent the police in Edinburgh are trying to get condoms, and items of a "sexual nature", banned from Edinburgh’s licensed saunas.

Re the condoms, I am a tad confused here, people (male and female carry these in their purses/wallets, and indeed are advised to use them by Nanny in order to lessen the chances of spreading diseases). Does this mean that people entering such premises in Edinburgh will be searched for condoms before being allowed in?

Furthermore many pubs have condom vending machines, does this mean that those pubs in Edinburgh with these machines will be in danger of losing their licences?

This policy seems a tad unworkable to my simple mind!

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Lorraine's Breakfast Boobs

It is indeed a strange and confused society that we live in, on the one hand certain tabloids (that can be freely purchased by all ages) happily display bare boobs and barely concealed cleavages with gay abandon.

However, when the breakfast show Lorraine had the "temerity" to do a feature on breast cancer; wherein a topless lady was taken through the self examination technique by Dr Hillary Jones, all hell broke loose.

The Telegraph reported that a spokeswoman from pressure group Mediawatch UK, which campaigns for family values in the media (cancer affects many families does it not?), said such broadcasts could be "problematic".

"Whilst there was nothing sexual or lascivious about the examination, this kind of thing can be problematic. 

There probably should have been a warning beforehand, as there may have been young children watching and it might have upset them a bit."

Twitter, unsurprisingly, also went OTT one user writing:

"I know they are talking about breast cancer awareness on Lorraine, but are they actually allowed to have someone half naked on TV at 9am??"

Another wrote:

"Boobs on telly at this time. Mental stuff on Lorraine."

Get over yourselves folks, society will not collapse nor will childrens' morals be corrupted because of this.

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Porn In Parliament

I am hugely gemused to see that our governing class and their servants, whilst "beavering" away in Parliament for the "good" of their voters, have managed to find the time to access porn sites on the internet.

The BBC reports that more than 300,000 attempts were made to access pornographic websites at the Houses of Parliament in the past year.

The data was released following a Freedom of Information request by Huffington Post UK, which published the story with the headline Oh Yes, Minister! 

Now the really gemusing thing is that our "beloved" governing class has been banging on about introducing pron filters etc for the rest of us, as we are deemed not able to handle seeing people's naughty bits. Yet our elected representatives believe that they should be able to see naughty bits.

As per a parliamentary spokesperson quoted in the Huffington Post:

"We are not going to restrict Parliamentarians' ability to carry out research."

One rule for the governing class and another for the governed, 'twas ever thus!

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To Be Or Not To Be Filtered?

I am gemused to see that Nanny's plans for filtering the internet of all "vile filth and debauchery" (as defined by her) have been proven to be absurd, as per a wee incident that occurred in the British Library the other day.

Mark Frosyth, an author, was researching Hamlet for a book that he is writing and needed to check a line from it using the library's wi-fi network.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, he was denied access to an online version of Shakespeare's Hamlet because the text contained "violent content".

The British Library said the fault was caused by a newly installed wi-fi service from a third-party provider.

A spokesperson for the British Library, as per the BBC, said Hamlet had since been made accessible.

"The upgraded service has a web filter to ensure that inappropriate content cannot be viewed on-site.

We've received feedback from a number of users about sites which were blocked, but shouldn't have been. We're in the process of tweaking the service to unblock these sites."

The British Library defended its position, saying that it wanted to protect children visiting the building from content "such as pornography and gambling websites".

That's all very well and dandy, but the point of the British Library is to have an accessible record of everything that is legal. In fact, ever since 2011, the British Library has been archiving all my sites for future generations of researchers etc.

On the subject of debauchery etc, that seems to vex Cameron and others, I wonder if he and his internet filtering chums have ever read the Bible?

I ask because it contains a veritable smorgasbord of debauchery, lust, rape, sex, sodomy, violence and the sin of Onan (the modern day equivalent practised by some users of the net casting their seed upon their keyboards).

Will Cameron and the British Library be filtering the Bible?

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The Dangers of Eels

Now why the hell hasn't Nanny placed a warning label on eels, wrt not placing them up one's bottom?

I ask, because evidently (as per the Sun) there is a clear health and safety issue wrt inserting them there!

A PORN addict who inserted a live eel up his backside had to endure an all-night operation - after it got STUCK.

The man - from southern China - preformed the bizarre act after seeing it done in a kinky blue movie.

But the unmarried man had to rush himself to a hospital casualty unit in Guangdong province telling medics: “Please, please help me. The eel is moving through my body.” 

Surgeons finally removed the 20-inch long Asian swamp eel - which weighed more than half-a-kilo - in the early hours of the morning after a lengthy treatment with drugs and medical probes. 

One of the medical team explained: “The eel was simply trying to find its way out.” 

“It was still alive when we got it out but it died soon afterwards, which was probably a mercy.

“This was a particularly idiotic stunt and could have caused him a serious injury. Eels have small but very sharp teeth,” they added. 

A police spokesman said: “We are aware of what happened and a 39-year-old man will be interviewed over alleged animal cruelty.”

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Euro Nanny's State Sex Censors

Now here's a "plan" by Euro Nanny that is guaranteed to be but the tip of a very large censorship iceberg.

Last week our "respected" elected representatives in the European Parliament put forward a resolution "on eliminating gender stereotypes in the EU".

The resolution "calls on the EU and its member states to take concrete action on discrimination against women in advertising... [with] a ban on all forms of pornography in the media".

Kartika Liotard, a Dutch MEP, is seeking "statutory measures to prevent any form of pornography in the media and in advertising and for a ban on advertising for pornographic products and sex tourism", including measures in the "digital field".

The MEPs also want to establish state sex censors with "a mandate to impose effective sanctions on companies and individuals promoting the sexualisation of girls".

Dare I make a couple of observations here?

1 One person's "porn" is another's "art/freedom of expression". Who exactly will decide what constitutes "porn"?

2 Why the emphasis only on women? Are men not also "sexualised" within porn?

Many people in Europe have emailed their MEPs complaining about this flagrant attempt to infringe people's freedoms. However, can you guess what Euro Nanny has done?

Yes, that's right, Euro Nanny has blocked these emails and designated them as "spam".

As you can see this is but the tip of a very ugly iceberg, and Euro Nanny's reaction to the emails of complaint shows exactly what she thinks of the opinions of her "voters".

It is clear that the European Parliament is nothing akin to a democratic body, but is in fact a collection of petty minded dictators looking to crush us under their collective jackboots.

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No Sex Please, We're Hovians

I am gemsued to read that Hove (the "posh" end of Brighton) has banned the use of the word "sex" in a forthcoming fair at Hove Town Hall.

Brighton psychotherapist Steve Griffiths was planning to hold the " Love, Sex and Intimacy Fair" in September as an event to dispel taboos, tackle discrimination and promote safe sex. 

However, Nanny's chums from Hove council have, according to the Argus, banned “sex” from the name of his event lest the event itself be banned.

Factoid: Brighton has an annual naked bike ride and is awash every weekend with hen and stag nights carrying inflatable penises (or is it penii?) and the like.

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Nanny Sanctions Wanking

In November I wrote about Nanny Cameron's plans for ISP's to block on porn sites:

"Nanny wants all new computers purchased and ISP services signed up for to ask their proud new owners at their first login whether they have children.

In the event the answer is "yes", the parent will be taken through the process of installing anti-pornography filters, as well as a series of questions on how stringent they wish the restrictions to be.

ISP's will also be told by Nanny to prompt existing customers to install the technology to block pornography."

I noted that the plan was of course bollocks and wouldn't work:

"It is quite clear that Nanny doesn't understand how the net works, nor indeed how cunning and bright the average teenager can be when looking to circumvent rules and regulations."

Less than one month on, and I am gemused to see that Nanny Cameron has vetoed the idea.

For why?

1 Parents who were "consulted" on the matter said that they didn't want it and, quite correctly, asserted that it was up to them NOT THE STATE to govern their children.

2 Nanny realised that the plan was bollocks and wouldn't work, it would in fact end up censoring/blocking sites that are designed to help children wrt sex etc.

3 The "danger" of the interent to children lies not so much with bums and boobies, but with those individuals (adults and children) who use it to bully/abuse others (hence parents would be wise to remind their kids not to talk to strangers.....as I was always told in an era gazillions of years before the internet).

So there we are folks, Nanny Cameron was told that the plan was bollocks and we can, for the moment, continue to wank ourselves unconscious in the privacy of our own home when using the net.

However, make the most of it whilst you can, as ever with Nanny and her acolytes she doesn't like it when her plans are thwarted. The NSPCC is already trying to rubbish the consultation, by claiming that parents' voices were not properly heard (I assume they mean the voices of those parents who agree with Nanny's plans).

This isn't over!

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Nanny's Filtering Obsession

As I have noted before on this site, Nanny has a wee bit of an obsession about filtering what we are allowed to access on the internet. Nanny uses tired old excuse "won't someone think of the children?" as her rationale for introducing filtering which, she claims, will limit children's access to porn on the web.

Nanny wants people automatically barred from accessing "unsuitable" adult material, unless they actually choose to view it.

Who decides what is "unsuitable" I wonder?

Define "porn"? 

ROFLOL!

Clearly the cretins within the government who have come up with this idea have never heard of proxy access. I guarantee that the average teenager/kid is light years ahead of these cretins, and can easily override any anti porn filter.

Anyhoo, aside from this idea being a nonsense, it also sets a dangerous precedent and will tempt future governments to filter other content that Nanny may not approve of.

To this end the Open Right Group are asking people to email them and their MPs if they disagree with this proposal:

"Some MPs and religious groups are mounting a campaign to push 'default on' network level blocking on the UK Internet.[1] [2] There is now a public consultation considering this idea.

However well meaning, we know from our own research [3] what happens when ISPs put blocks on the Internet. Through accident or abuse, censorship leads to lots more content being blocked than originally intended.[4][5]

Sites will get blocked if they casually mention sex. Sexual health sites will get caught.[6] The websites of clubs and bars, personal blogs and community sites get filtered. Chat sites may be banned – because they might not be sufficiently “policed”. In short, if you’re small and independent, you will suffer. 

Innovation and free speech are threatened by this clumsy website blocking. And the government is considering turning this on by default.[7] You may be presented with a list of ticked “filtered” categories, and have to untick them if you want to avoid the filtering.

And if this happens at the network, then future governments can easily extend what gets filtered without having to ask you. Mass censorship would be couple of clicks away. 

This action helps you submit evidence to the public consultation - and also to your MP, so they know ordinary people are concerned about this."

Here is the link if you wish to send your MP an email Stop Opt-Out Adult Filtering.

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Nanny's Contraception Advice

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The London Metropolitan University Degree in Fuckwits

Congratulations to London Metropolitan University (one of this country's "older" bastions of learning, founded in 2002) for demonstrating some supreme fuckwittery.

Professor Malcolm Gillies, its vice chancellor, has told a conference that the university is considering banning the sale of alcohol from some parts of the campus.

For why?

Seemingly, according to the Prof, a "high percentage" of students consider drinking "immoral".

Really?

Has he actually asked them?

Students find drinking immoral?

Is it compulsory for students to drink?

No, I thought not!

On planet does the Prof live?

Ah, wait a minute, I see.

It seems that 20% of the students are Muslim, and the Prof is using the excuse of "cultural sensitivity" to promote his own personal belief (as stated in his speech) that he "was not a great fan of alcohol on campus".

It seems a pretty lousy tactic to use other people's religious beliefs as an excuse to promote your own prejudices, given that the students attend the university of their own free will and are not forced to drink.

He is quoted by the Telegraph:

"Because there's no majority ethnic group, I think it [selling alcohol] is playing to particular parts of our society much more [than to others]". 

For good measure the Prof is worried about sex on campus too.

Good luck with banning that then!

London Metropolitan University, offering degrees in fuckwittery.

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Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

Ugh I see that the cretinous element of the Tory party (ie Nadine Dorries) is seeking to involve the state in the sex lives of teenagers.

Dorries has proposed a bill that would require schools to offer girls between the ages of 13 and 16 lessons on the "benefits of abstinence" from sex.

Dorries herself though seems happy enough to not abstain from sex with family friends (In January 2011, Dorries stated that, since December 2010, she had been in a relationship with John Butler, a married man who had been a family friend for 13 years previously and whom, she claimed, had separated from his wife shortly before.)

Here's why her bill is bollocks:

1 MPs are the last people on the planet who should lecture others about morals and sex.

2 Should not boys also be given these lessons? Why are only girls being targeted?

3 Telling a teenager to abstain form sex is as productive as trying to herd cats. Teenagers are hormonally programmed to bonk. A far better use of time and resources would be to ensure that the teenagers are fully cognisant about contraception, stds and the costs (financial and emotional) of having a baby at a young age.

Moralistic preaching about abstinence will fail, and will turn the teenagers off from listening to relevant advice about contraception etc etc. It will of course also make sex even more exciting, as it will be "forbidden".

Why is this cretinous woman an elected representative for fark's sake?


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Stroke

Those of you who enjoy the seemingly innocent pleasures of coffee, sex and blowing your nose may soon find that Nanny is looking to ban them.

Seemingly research carried out by the University Medical Center in Utrecht has identified that those innocent pleasures may well increase the risk of a burst blood vessel in the brain, thus leading to a stroke.

Can't say that I have ever tried all three at once.

Anyhoo, make the most of these pleasures whilst you can!

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Office Shagging Banned

I was more than a little wryly gemused to read a while ago that Nanny's chums from Fenland District Council's HR department had taken it upon themselves to try to interfere in that most natural of human passtimes, shagging.

The busybodies from HR had got their collective knickers in a twist over council workers having relationships with other council workers.

As such, if you are a hapless member of staff of this sad little council you might have soon been required to apply in writing for permission to shag a fellow member of staff!

This idiotic policy ('Draft People Policy: Relationships at Work') was drawn up by Ms Sam Anthony, the council's head of human resources and organisational development.

HR, now there's a function that adds fark all value to many organisations!

"Intimate behaviour during work time is not acceptable, and this applies during all working time (not flexed off time), both on and off council sites. Any breach of this could be regarded as a disciplinary offence (potentially gross misconduct) leading to disciplinary action."

HR clearly feels it hasn't enough to do, which is probably the case!

The data collected by the busybodies of HR would have been stored on the personnel files of the employees concerned!

Anyhoo, unsurprisingly, this daft idea created a furore and the council mid January duly told Ms Anthony that it was bollocks and rejected it.

I guess she will have to find some other way to justify her role in the council?

Just as well she was never my Personnel Manager when I was a lad, there would have been quite a thick file on me:)

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