Nanny is getting tough on knives, our streets will once more be safe to walk down at any time of day or night.
That at least is the theory behind Nanny's much vaunted "knife initiative"
So, dear readers, let us see how she puts this into practice shall we?
Who did she swoop on recently for carrying knives?
Chavs?
Hoodies?
Drug dealers?
Errrmmmm...no...not quite!
Nanny's finest, during the recent Wimbledon tournament, swooped on three tennis fans who were arrested for carrying "picnic" knives into Wimbledon.
They explained, to no avail, that they had simply brought the cutlery to use for their packed lunch.
However, Nanny has classed the kitchen utensils "dangerous weapons" and immediately seized them as part of a security crackdown at the All England Club.
One of the fans, who is 60, was later released without charge. However, a man of 61 and a 30 year old woman were cautioned.
Nanny's police told The Mirror:
"Officers have no wish to go over the top.
They use their discretion to take appropriate action.
It's all about eliminating risk."
Ah yes, eliminating risk!
Totally impossible in the real world.
However, in Nanny's world zero risk is de rigueur.
Gosh I feel so much safer now.
Don't you?
Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.
Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.
Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.
www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"
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Of course Ken, targetting the Wimbledon Three, has achieved a couple of boxes ticked for Nanny; Three more entries on the DNA and fingerprints data bases that she would not have had a hope in hell of getting otherwise.
ReplyDeleteShe has also fulfilled her 'Elf'n'safety responsibilites to her uniformed officers....It was much safer for them to target a group that would not confront them in the way a few thugs would.
Oh and of course....Nanny's Brucie bonus....The statistics for detected and cleared up crime looks better!!
Yes I will walk the streets now feeling much safer in the knowledge that there are fewer rogue picnic hampers out there!!
Have it large this weekend!!
The same 'Mirror' report says:
ReplyDelete"Guards on the gates also confiscated fruit juices and snacks given free to queuing spectators.
"Innocent smoothies, cartons of Rubicon drink and Jordan's cereal bars were among the mounds of 'contraband'.
"Tennis chiefs banned the freebies to protect multi-million pound sponsorship deals with firms such as Robinsons.
"But angry visitor Miguel Caparros, 64, fumed: 'It's ridiculous. Thousands of items are being wasted. I should have hidden mine better.'
"Binoculars and radios offered with newspapers were also removed. One guard said: 'The boss told us lists of things to take. We're not even allowed to have the drinks ourselves. They just get thrown away.'
"Wimbledon's 15 official brands are desperate to prevent rogue firms hijacking the event with 'ambush marketing'.
"Championship spokesman Johnny Perkins said: 'We have to protect the integrity of our sponsors.'"
Ah, so there's method in Nanny's madness: "We have to protect the integrity of our sponsors"! So they do it by confiscating the plebs' picnic sandwiches [but presumably not the toffs' Fortnum & Mason hampers] so that the unfortunate spectators are forced to buy the expensive junk provided by the licensed site caterers!
How about Nanny Womble of Wimbledon protecting the integrity - and pockets - of her customers for a change?
I absolutely despair.
ReplyDeleteAnyone who is mug enough to go to Wimbledon gets what they deserve I am afraid. Same for the mugs who get ripped off keeping the football 'starts' in their Aston Martins and loverly mock Tudor mansions.
ReplyDeleteSport is no longer sport it is a rabid business and the punter is the cash cow in the field.
Ken:
ReplyDeleteI was just watching the state's broadcaster's news on TV and in particular a report concerning an incident on your home range. Is it normal for a violent mob to form inorder to attack police officers that ask a teenager to pick up a piece of litter she alledgedly dropped on a busy shopping street in Croydonia?
Naughty, naughty, Ken You said Chav! Im going to report you to whatever branch of Nannys thought police are in change of squashing your free speech. :):)
ReplyDeleteNice weekend all!
Debbie
'We have to protect the integrity of our sponsors.'"
ReplyDeleteDid a sentient human being actually use this phrase?
Back to an earlier posting on chavs, I like the governments new word for them, "NEETS", not offensive at all
ReplyDeletehttp://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/7515042.stm
Ontherun:
ReplyDeleteI wonder how many of these NEETS come from Chav households:-))
Well, they're a bit easier to tackle than a bunch of fit thuggish yob chavs, aren't they?
ReplyDelete