Cone Heads

The good people of my leisure club may have heeded my article last year about the danger of their "wet floor" warning cone, for they have indeed moved it.

Sadly to another position in the club, where I yet again tripped over it!

Evidently either I must look more carefully where I am going, or the leisure club may care to take on board that as there is a swimming pool, showers, sauna and steam room I and other members may well be aware that there is a hdanger of water being on the floor.

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The Dangers of Cones

Way back in 2004 (yes, this site really has been around for 6 years!) I wrote the following missive to Nanny about "warning cones":

"Dear Nanny,

I would like you to address the following issue, relating to those warning cones and signs that are liberally erected whenever some water is spilt onto a floor.

They are bloody dangerous!

I almost tripped over one in Sainsbury's on Saturday, whilst buying my Christmas pudding.

Please can you ensure that, in future, there are warning signs erected; warning us about the slippery floor warning signs.

Thank you.

Ken"

I regret to inform you that Nanny has yet to heed my missive.

I was exiting the changing rooms of my health club yesterday, only to nearly fall "arse over tit" over a cone that was warning me of the dangers of slipping on a wet floor.

Why put the cone so close to the door that people fall over it?

I know that the floor is wet, it's a health club with lots of water from eg showers, sauna and the swimming pool!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Question?

Why does my leisure club insist on putting up warning cones, that advise me that the floor is wet and slippery, in and around the showers and swimming pool area?

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Trouble At Gestapo HQ

My sympathy to the good people of our much respected Health and Safety Gestapo. It seems that they are having a few health and safety issues at their own HQ.

According to data recently released to The Times, under the Freedom of Information Act, there were over 500 accidents and injuries in a 3½ year period at Gestapo HQ. That, by the way, works out at on accident every two working days.

There were 154 slips, trips or falls. One fall, that resulted in a strained groin...ouch...was caused by a wet tea-room floor...don't they use those dinky little plastic cones that warn of wetness?

Another employee slipped on a plastic bag and pulled a hamstring. One hapless member of staff slipped on a raisin!!!???

Someone else bruised her eye, when a lavatory-roll dispenser fell from the wall.

Inspectors were also physically or verbally assaulted nine times.

The accident rate at Gestapo HQ shows a rate of 4,143 per 100,000 people over 2005-06, compared with 2,143 per 100,000 across all companies in the process, plant and machine operatives sector, widely considered one of the most dangerous sectors.

An HSE spokesman said:

"We endeavour to be an exemplar

and as such HSE's level of reporting

is very high.

When compared against averages for

companies with our type of risk the

incident rates and rates for reportable

injuries are low."

Other mishaps included:

-Tried to step over spill on floor but slipped in the process

-Walked into warning sign — laceration to skull and damage to spectacles

-Accidentally touched bulb while switching lamp off — small burn to thumb

-Jarred wrist and arm trying to open door, which was stiffer than usual

These are the people who impose rules on us, to "help" us avoid accidents!

Physician heal thyself.

Nanny Bans Chests

Nanny is going back to basics, do you recall that John Major doomed his Prime Ministership by doing the same?

However, this time the "back to basics" campaign is nothing to do with toilets (or is it loos?...ah well, I guess that I will never be able to marry into the royal family for not knowing that) or road cones.

This time Nanny is going back to the halcyon days of the British Empire, ie the Victorian/Edwardian period, when people covered themselves and their chair/piano legs up from top to toe.

Nanny is outraged at the amount of flesh that is publicly on display these days, specifically in the summer months. She is not bothered about what the ladies wear, but is highly concerned about the predilection (can I use a word containing "lic", so early in the morning?) of the cream of British manhood to remove their shirts and expose their pale pink flabby beer guts.

I have to say, I am inclined to agree with Nanny that the sight of wide open empty rolling beer guts is not a pleasant sight for man nor beast.

However, quite how you can legislate against it or enforce a "no chest" policy is beyond me. We aren't a fanatical religious state are we?

Anyhoo, practicalities have never stopped Nanny from coming up with some serious time wasting ideas. Nanny's chums in local councils are considering imposing new local laws banning the exposure of chests and beer guts.

These new laws, how many we do have, would stop men stripping off their shirts in crowded town centres and give powers to police to remove any who defy the cover-up laws.

It's not as though the police have anything better to do is it? After all, there are no crimes in Britain's urban centres these days!

Seemingly Nanny is going to try to use the Anti Social Behaviour concept to ban topless guts. Do you see how politicians bend and twist laws, intended for one thing, to suit their own purpose?

The "masterbrain" behind this "wheeze" is former local government minister, Nicholas Bennett.

Quote:

"There is a problem.

In my part of the country we are trying

to revitalise the main shopping precinct.

But one of the things that is depressing

for anyone going shopping is the numbers

of shaven-headed men, mainly in their 30s and 40s,

who seem to think people want to see their torsos."

Whilst I can empathise with the sentiment, I cannot see how in reality this could be enforced. The baring of torsos is down to "public standards" of "good" and "bad" behaviour. The best way to effectuate change in this respect is to make such behaviour socially unacceptable, thereby shaming people into conforming.

We are already overburdened with petty and vindictive laws, how many more does Nanny intend to impose on us?

Prats of The Week

This week's prestigious Prat of The Week Award goes to the good people of Camden Council, or rather their parking control department (or whatever they choose to call it).

I am sure that the hapless driver of a Meyers of Stratford lorry will agree with this award, as he encountered a jobsworth prat from the council in Belsize Park the other week.

The driver was travelling along a road, weakened by water from a burst main below. Then the front wheel of his truck had got stuck, axle deep, in a hole after the road collapsed beneath the vehicle.

Needless to say, the responsibility for maintaining the roads lies with the council...so you might suggest that it was their fault.

Anyhoo, the driver the tried to shift his trapped truck. At this point a jobsworth traffic warden turned up. The good lady from the legion of wardens did what she does best, instead of helping, she provided the hapless driver with a ticket.

Rather like an old Laurel and Hardy film, a small crowd of astonished onlookers gathered to watch the "comedy" show. The driver tried in vain to explain his predicament. However, the jobsworth warden just shrugged and told him he could appeal against the fine.

Sue Melkman, a resident, said:

"It's crazy.

There was water everywhere.

It was obvious what had happened but she still wrote the ticket.

She wouldn't engage in conversation.

All she would say was, 'You can appeal'.

It's the daftest decision.

How can you give a ticket to someone who's stuck in a hole?

The woman must live in a parallel universe.

It's so ridiculous.

Everyone was laughing at her

and a few were taking pictures on their phones.

I told her she'd be a laughing stock

and it would be in the local paper but she didn't reply.

She just wrote the ticket and off she went.

The poor driver tried to reason with her,

but what can you do?

If they're going to write a ticket they just do it.

He took it very philosophically."

The incident was sparked by decision from the ever respected and useful Thames Water (who leak a gazillion gallons of water every day). Dear old Thames Water had decided not to put cones around the bulging, cracked patch of road after inspecting it the previous day.

By the way, the German owners of Thames Water have decided to sell it; any takers?

One resident of the street said:

"It was really the water board's fault.

A water main burst outside my house at about 7.30pm on Thursday evening,

and at about 10 o'clock Thames Water came along to see what was happening.

I saw them with some cones in their hands,

but then they put them back in their van.

The road was bulging and cracks were appearing.

There's a fire station nearby

and I was worried the road might collapse if a fire engine went over it

but the engineers said it was fine

and they would be back to fix it the next day.

Then at 7.30 next morning a lorry came to collect a skip from my neighbour

and he just sank down into the road to his axle.

They came to fix the water main in the middle of it all

but couldn't because the lorry was on top of it."

Sounds like Thames Water also deserve the Prat of The Week award.

Meyers of Stratford said:

"Camden Council said we can appeal

but what a waste of everyone's time.

Now we've got to write the letters and send off the forms.

It was absolutely obvious why the truck was there

but she still fined us.

It makes you sick."

Nanny makes us all sick.

Her rules, red tape and indifference are designed to beat us into submission.

Anyhoo, congratulations to Camden Council for winning this prestigious award.

Feel free to email them via this link Camden Council, to tell them that they have won.

The Bleedin' Obvious

I see that my local health club has taken lessons at the university of the "bleedin' obvious".

In the shower area, I stumbled across one of those "helpful" warning cones that seem to be breeding in Britain at the moment.

The cone advised me that the floor was wet!

I think that I was probably aware of that anyway.




Now there's a business you can make big money in.

Request To Nanny

Dear Nanny,

I would like you to address the following issue, relating to those warning cones and signs that are liberally erected whenever some water is spilt onto a floor.

They are bloody dangerous!

I almost tripped over one in Sainsbury's on Saturday, whilst buying my Christmas pudding.

Please can you ensure that, in future, there are warning signs erected; warning us about the slippery floor warning signs.

Thank you.

Ken