Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.
Showing posts with label lampposts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lampposts. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Nanny Bans Bunting - Again!

Bunting Banned
My word, isn't funny how when one of Nanny's lickspittle councils bans something the others race to follow suit?

Such is the case with that seemingly harmless street decoration, bunting (click the tag "bunting" to read about another place that banned it).

Nanny's chums in Dorset County Council have determined that bunting attached to lampposts (you know, those rather solid looking objects driven into concrete pavements) constitutes a serious threat to health and safety, because the bunting might cause the lampposts to topple over.

Yes, you did read that right, Nanny thinks that the lampposts might topple over!

Call me naive, but if something as lightweight as bunting could cause a lamppost to topple doesn't that mean that there is a serious flaw with the lamppost and/or its fixing to the pavement?

Regrettably commonsense such as that did not save the bunting in time for the annual Ferndown Carnival week in Dorset the other week. Bunting was banned for the first time in over 20 years.

Rod Mainstone, Dorset County Council's street lighting manager, attempted to justify this bizarre piece of Nanny fretting via a guidance note sent to town and parish councils:

"Street lighting columns are not generally designed to be strong enough to support any additional attachments.

Even relatively light additions such as a small sign can lead to considerable extra load being imposed on a column in strong wind.

Furthermore, internal corrosion, which cannot be seen, may have weakened the column and the additional load could lead to it collapsing
."

Three points:

1 Bunting and other crudola has been attached to lampposts for yonks, no lamppost has ever fallen over because of it.

2 If Mr Mainstone really believes that the lampposts have corroded, shouldn't his department be checking the lampposts and if necessary be replacing them?

3 The Italians managed to hang Mussolini and his mistress from lampposts at the end of the last war, without them toppling over.

It sounds like complete bullshit to me!

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Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Educashun The F Word

Educashun The F Word
Shades of Ramsay speak have entered the curriculum.

A student who wrote "fuck off" in an English language exam, in answer to the question "describe the room you are sitting in", was awarded 7.5% for accurate spelling and effective communication.

If it had had an exclamation mark he would have got a little bit more, because it would have been showing a little bit of skill.

F*** Me!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

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Celebrate the joy of living with champagne. Click and drink!

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Wednesday, March 05, 2008

The Dangers of Lamposts


Have you ever been wandering down the street, texting away merrily on your "Raspberry", when suddenly you find yourself walking into a lamppost?

Have no fear, you need injure yourselves no more.

Nanny has come up with the perfect solution to the menace of lampposts.

She is going to wrap them in padding.

Yes, that's right, she will pad them for your safety and comfort!

It has finally come to this, Nanny really does wnat to wrap us up in cotton wool!

A pilot scheme has been launched in Brick Lane (London), after it was found to have the highest number of "walking and texting" injuries in the country.

Seemingly 10% of people have hurt themselves while focused on their mobile phone screen, that at least is the finding of a survey conducted by 118 118 (the phone directory service). Quite how reliable this "statistic" is I have no idea.

The charity Living Streets has teamed up with 118 118, to test a scheme to pad lampposts.

A poll will be carried out on Brick Lane to gauge the response of locals.

If successful, the concept will be rolled out in Birmingham, Manchester, and Liverpool.

This sounds like complete bollocks, and I can only assume is a rather a lame PR stunt by 118 118.

The cheaper solution to these "walk and text" injuries is simple:

LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING!

Monday, February 04, 2008

Fly Posting

Fly Posting
Rules come first, commonsense comes last.

That's Nanny's golden rule, and she is not changing it for anyone.

Therefore it should come as no surprise to learn that a charity bingo event in Misterton, a village in Somerset, recently came a cropper when it tried to advertise its existence by putting up some flyers on lamp posts.

The event, to raise money for children, was to be held down a rather off the beaten track lane; and the organisers wanted to make sure that people could find their way there. Therefore putting up a few flyers on lampposts seemed to be a good idea.

Wrong!

The local council were informed by someone with too much time on their hands about the fliers, and immediately ordered that they be taken down.

Paul Bradly, treasurer of the village hall committee, wrote to South Somerset District Council to complain.

Nanny's trolls on South Somerset District Council responded thus:

"It is not our intention to deprive the village of community events. It is just our duty to enforce legislation in regards to anti-social behaviour."

Ah yes, the old "I'm only obeying orders" response!

Mr Bradly was quite rightly unimpressed:

"The fliers drum up interest in an event. The more people find out about it the more will come and the more money will be raised.

How is that anti-social?

This is all just completely ridiculous. I personally don't understand the problem with it as long as they are taken down afterwards which they are.

It would be different if it was a profit-making business. But a local charity is not the same as a travelling circus putting up large banners.

How else would people find out about fundraising events
?"

However, Mr Bradley has made the mistake of assuming that Nanny and her jobsworths in local councils use commonsense...they don't!

Rigid application of the petty rules and regulations is all that matters to these people.

For good measure, the council threatened to fine the village hall £75 for fly-posting.

A spokeswoman for South Somerset District Council said that charities should not consider themselves exempt from the law.

Quote:

"We have recently had a complaint from a resident about signs littering the countryside so we had to act upon it.

Putting signs up like this without gaining permission is illegal.

I'm afraid littering and acting illegally is considered a form of anti-social behaviour
."

I can't say that I am particularly impressed with the sad individual who complained about this, but the council should have used some commonsense.

Commonsense, unfortunately, is in rather short supply these days in local councils.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Nanny Bans Christmas Lights

Nanny Bans Xmas
In the traditional run up to Christmas, nice to see the stores are already stocking their Christmas items (absurdly early, quite sickeningly early in my view), it should come as no surprise to learn that Nanny has launched her own traditional" attempt to put the mockers on the event.

In the old days, high streets up and down the country would be festooned with coloured lights and Christmas decorations; adding a little cheer to the gloomy December night sky. Unfortunately, Nanny has a belief that thousands of people have been killed an injured by falling decorations and electrical short circuits. As such she and the health and safety Gestapo have so tied the process of mounting a light display up in red tape, that many councils can simply not afford to put them up.

The Federation of Small Businesses says that the rules and requirements introduced by Nanny and the Gestapo are making insurance premiums too expensive for councils and traders.

Insurers, as is the norm, insist on strict adherence to health and safety guidelines. These guidelines require councils to use expensive specialist equipment to test the safety of light fittings.

Ladders are, of course banned, council workers have to hire hydraulic platforms.

Every light fitting must also undergo a "pull test", using specialist equipment to make sure it is strong enough. Lampposts are also now banned from being used as a hanging point for decorations, they are "unsafe".

Stephen Alambritis, of the Federation of Small Businesses, said:

"The festive period is looking darker

and bleaker year on year

Britain is facing a Christmas blackout this year.

The sense of pride a good festive display

can instill on a town centre is immeasurable.

Spiralling costs and exhaustive safety

concerns are ruining the festive spirit
."

Christmas in Birmingham
That is because Nanny doesn't give a stuff about Christmas, or about people having fun. Dictatorships throughout history, have been more than happy to ban or highjack a particular festival in order to use it for their own ends (eg Nanny's lickspittles in Birmingham, some years ago renamed Christmas "Winterval").

North Somerset Council have told traders in Clevedon that lights can no longer be attached to lampposts or buildings, therefore there will be no lights this year.

The council, as befitting a local council, have absolved themselves of any responsibility and blame a new code of practice. Its spokesman, Nick Yates, said:

"There is a code of practice which has to be followed

regarding the installation of Christmas lights.

The lighting columns are concrete and it is

not possible to attach lights to them
."

A small point, Mr Yates, codes of practice are simply codes of practice; they are not mandatory. The council, if it had the will and the cajones, could simply elect not to follow the code of practice. However, as with all councils, they adopt the zero risk approach because they are weak, untrained and unsuited for their roles.

You cannot zeroise risk, Nanny and her lackeys have yet to grasp that important point!

Bodmin council, in Cornwall, have issued an edict ordering that a pressure gauge be used to test all 150 bolts which hold lights or cables around the town.

This must be carried out by two workmen in a cherry picker, which will cost the authority £1,200 in training fees, plus their wages and the cost of the equipment. To test the bolts the town centre roads have to be closed for a day, and then closed again while the lights are put up.

Kim Roscoe, council spokesman, said:

"Health and safety requirements have

greatly increased the costs.

Bodmin will not be the same without its

Christmas lights, and it is particularly

galling as last year was the best ever
."

In Sandwell, Worcestershire, traders have been told that lights cannot be hung across the widths of roads, because of fears that cables may break.

Last year Scarborough Council cancelled the celebrity switch-on, because of police objections on various health and safety issues.

There will be no lights in Northampton, because the council cannot afford them.

The good old boys in the Association of British Insurers are quick to cover their backsides. A spokesman said that, because of an increasingly litigious culture, the cost of the liability cover was increasing.

"Insurance is a risk-based product

and a high proportion of that risk is liability.

If councils are protecting themselves from being

sued by a private party then the policies will be expensive
."

Can someone from Nanny's little world please tell me how many people in the UK have been injured, or killed, in the last 50 years by public Christmas decorations?

I am willing to bet the number is but a handful.

As to how we got ourselves into this mess, I am afraid it's a combination of a number of factors:
  • Greed of the insurance companies, who now regularly quote a minimum £5M figure for any public event


  • Weakness of local councils in not challenging the quotes of the insurance companies


  • Greed of individual citizens who sue for the slightest injury or accident


  • Greed of the ambulance chasing private injury law firms, who proactively encourage people to sue


  • Nanny and her lackeys in the health and safety Gestapo pushing through countless regulations that are ill thought through, and are designed to restrict people's daily lives rather than enhance the quality of their lives


  • Laughably poor quality local councils, feeble minded, weak in spirit and ill trained to understand or manage risk issues. They instead choose to adopt the "safe" zero risk approach
We really do need to make a stand against this nonsense, before we are totally swamped by rules and regulations that will destroy the very fabric of our lives.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Lampposts Have Ears

Lampposts Have Ears
Those of you worried by the number of CCTV appliances that Nanny has erected (can I say erected?) throughout the length and breadth of the country, may now have cause for further concern.

Nanny's chums in the police and much respected local councils are considering attaching microphones to cameras, so that Nanny can eavesdrop on conversations in the street.

Seemingly, the microphones can detect conversations 100 yards away and record aggressive exchanges before they become violent.

Police, councils and transport officials in London have shown an interest in installing them before the 2012 Olympics.

There are more than 4.2m CCTV cameras in the UK, with the average person being filmed more than 300 times a day.

Don't worry though, the Association of Chief Police Officers has said that a full public debate over the microphones' impact on privacy will be needed before they can be introduced.

So that's alright then!