Nanny Bans George

Poor old Saint George, I don't know what he has done to Nanny but she certainly doesn't like him.

Nanny's chums in the rapidly declining and decaying Church of England are considering banning him, on the grounds that his image is too warlike and may offend Muslims.

Some of Nanny's clergy have started a campaign to replace George with St Alban, a Christian martyr in Roman Britain.

How very inspiring!

Anyone ever heard of Alban?

The proposal has been put forward by the Rev Philip Chester, vicar of St Matthew's, Westminster, he is under the impression that the use of St George as patron saint is 'dotty'.

If St Alban replaced St George, the red cross on a white background would have to be replaced as England's flag by Alban's symbol, a diagonal yellow cross on a blue background.

Hang on a minute, isn't that Scotland's flag?

What a waste of time and energy. Hardly surprising that the Church of England is in terminal decline.

Useless

You may recall an earlier article in which I lambasted Nanny's ever efficient and helpful chums in HMRC (the tax man), re their request for a P60 (statement of earnings) for the tax year end April 2005.

The trouble with this request was that the P60 had been supplied twice to them before.

Now the issue has arisen again.

We received a communication from Nanny's HMRC stating that the P60 "could not be traced", ie they have lost it!

I rang to find out what the hell was going on, and pointed out that said P60 had first been sent in July 2005 (returned by HMRC) then resent at their request (they had lost the copy they made of it!) April 2006.

Nanny's jobsworth informed me that we would have to supply a statement of earnings, in other words we would have to waste more of our time sorting out their mess!

Not once did I receive an apology for their error.

After some pointed discussion with the jobsworth, some common sense prevailed and HMRC have graciously allowed me to send a photocopy of the missing P60.

Totally useless!

I would like to put together a list of people's experiences of dealing with HMRC, and would be very grateful if you could contribute to this list.

In order to keep them in one place, I would be very grateful if you could post them on the Forum rather than on this site.

Please ask your friends and family to contribute.

Thanks.

Ken

Ooh The Irony Of It All!

I love a bit of irony me, yes I really do like irony. Therefore, I must really thank Nanny for providing us all with the most wonderful piece of irony to be seen in a long time.

What irony would that be then Ken?

None other than the arrest, and Nanny's reaction to the arrest, of Lord Levy (fund raiser extraordinaire to the Labour party, and close friend of Blairy Poppins).

Not only was the arrest an utter hoot, but the bleating reaction and hysteria from Nanny and her lackeys a sight to behold.

Seemingly Nanny doesn't think that the arrest was a nice thing to do to one of her own. Nanny has said that the police were not acting in a professional manner, and had overreached themselves.

I find this somewhat ironic given:

• Nanny gave us ASBO's



• Nanny allows British citizens to be rendited (have I spelt this right?) by the CIA



• Nanny allows British airports to be used by the CIA for illegal renditions



• Nanny allows British citizens to be extradited, without sufficient evidence and without reciprocity, to the USA



• Nanny allows British citizens to be shackled in leg chains at Gatwick airport by the FBI



• Nanny allows the FBI to hound/break a British citizen to such an extent, on British soil!, that he commits suicide



• Nanny wants to detain people without trial for 90 days or more



• Nanny and all her friends are lawyers

Seemingly the law is there to be used against the people of Britain, but should never be used against Nanny or her personal friends.

Oooh the irony of it all!

You can smell the fear oozing out of Number 10..lovely ain't it?

The Cost of Housing

Nanny claims that she is trying to help more people afford homes of their own, she bleats daily about the housing market and the shortages of suitable property.

Yet in one fell swoop she will add another £800 to the cost of buying a home in a year's time.

Nanny's much derided Home Information Packs (HIPS) require the production of a plethora of expensive paperwork which, if a home is taken off the market for more than 28 days and later placed back on the market, will have to be updated at a cost to the seller of hundreds of pounds.

Despite these packs, buyers will still have to commission and pay for valuations, particularly if the Loan to Value ratio of the mortgage is over 80% (most first time buyers), or if the buyer has a poor credit rating.

Packs will still be required for low value homes or low demand areas, adding a significant additional cost to selling a home in such circumstances.

Another cost and another layer of bureaucracy. Some companies will of course do very well out of "helping" people prepare these packs.

Such is life in Nanny Britain.

Nanny Bans Glass

Full marks to Nanny's chums in Kingston Council, who have banned the use of glass outside of pubs.

Yes I am being sarcastic!

Eva and I were paying an evening visit recently to one of the waterside hostelries there, whose barmaid asked me if I was intending to drink outside or inside.

I said outside.

She advised me that I would have to have a plastic cup for my beer, as the council were worried about yob behaviour.

I noted that a yob was just as likely to do damage inside as well as outside with glass, and she agreed.

Rather ironically Eva's wine was served in a glass. I asked about this, and was told that they had run out of plastic wine glasses.

I noted that this rather made a mockery of the rules, a point that was fully agreed with.

Next week Nanny will be banning knives, forks and plates.

Nanny Bans More Smoking

Nanny's obsession with smoking never ceases. She is gathering her forces for another assault on this most "evil" of vices.

This time she is planning to extend the ban on smoking in public places, to encompass those who are bystanders.

This means that Nanny will ban smoking in bus shelters, football grounds, the entrances to office buildings, train platforms and concert venues.

Nanny's Health Minister, Lord Warner, said it would protect more people from secondhand smoking.

What about protecting people from knives, guns and violent assault?

Lord Warner said recently:

"There will be places that will not be enclosed

where there is a risk of harm from secondhand smoke

due to the inevitable close grouping of people.

Examples might be sports stadiums,

bus shelters

and entrances to public buildings or workplaces."

There is of course no scientific evidence to prove that people can be harmed by passive smoking outside. However, lack of evidence has never stopped Nanny in the past.

Lord Stoddart said:

"I don't know of any study that says a whiff of somebody else's smoke out in the open air is dangerous."

Nanny's Health Secretary, Patricia Hewitt, claims it will save thousands of lives. However, scientific evidence shows that 95% of smoking-related deaths are caused by lighting up at home, not in the workplace.

As with all of Nanny's spurious half baked policies based on dodgy science, it's all bollocks!