Genuflections To Be Stopped in Time for Qatar

 

Footballers to no longer take the knee before every Premier League game https://t.co/h32fU1Jc1z

— Sky News (@SkyNews) August 3, 2022

 

There's IRONY for you!

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BBC Rains of The Lionesses' Parade

 

Peak BBC https://t.co/cC6GcUV1oj

— #Marcher (@MarcherMedia1) July 31, 2022

In fairness many people no longer identify with the BBC!

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Those That Ignore Their History Are Often Run Over By It

Apparently, when the Premier League plastered ‘Black Lives Matter’ everywhere, it was unaware that there was a political organisation of the same name that had a broader agenda. https://t.co/EcUvZ5obOD

— Christopher Snowdon (@cjsnowdon) June 30, 2020

Methinks that The Premier League would have been wise to look to football's own past before kowtowing to a political movement, viz the England Team in 1938:

"We didn't know that Hitler was a National Socialist!"

Virtue signalling never ends well! Just ask the England team 1938.. https://t.co/U92Cg1Q4z4 pic.twitter.com/qPwXaM3at6

— Ken Frost (@ken_frost) June 18, 2020

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Nanny Bans England Flags On Royal Mail Vans

The Royal Mail has banned postal workers from flying flags on their delivery vehicles during the World Cup.

Postal chiefs said flags could distract drivers or “pose a potential hazard to other road users” if they came loose, and that the decision was made to uphold the company’s duty of care to employees and the public.

I wonder how it was Postman Pat was allowed to drive a van with a cat companion?

Anyhoo, about 125,000 delivery staff across 1,400 depots nationwide will be affected by the ban. However, 25,000 backroom staff will be allowed to display flags in offices.

All in all, whether this is "'elf and safety gone mad" or not, it is academic as England will probably crash out of the World Cup soon enough!

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The Dangers of Security

Following on from yesterday's security debacle at Old Trafford, and the inquiry therein.

The questions that need to be addressed are these:

Given that this was a security exercise to test how good Old Trafford security were at spotting suspicious devices, how come security didn't spot it during the exercise?

Also, how is it that the organisation that left the device didn't conduct a full inventory of fake devices at the end of the exercise and spot that one was missing?

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Nanny Bans Balls

Nanny has got the bit between her teeth wrt health and safety again, and this time she is focused on the dangers to children of heading a football.

Dr Michael Grey, reader in Motor Neuroscience at the University of Birmingham's School of Sport, Exercise and Rehabilitation Sciences is of the view that children should not 'head the ball' when playing football; as it can cause brain injuries in the young, and may affect professional players as well.

Dr Grey is quoted by the Telegraph very kindly saying he doesn't want to ban sport:

"I do not think that children should stop sport, the obesity epidemic means we need to encourage them.

But we do need to look at rule changes and the way we train children.

Children should not be heading the ball. We don't know at what age children's necks become strong enough to withstand the movement of the head when the head is struck by the ball.

Some of my colleagues have suggested 14 but I really think it is individual.

In addition the brain starts to shake and rotates when the head is struck by the ball.

The brain bounces back and forth and it is the impact of the brain against the inside of the skull causes additional damage."

Aside from Jeff Astle West Bromwich Albion striker, who died in 2002 from a brain disease and the coroner ruled it as 'industrial disease' suggesting his profession had caused the damage, please could Nanny provide us with a list of those who have had brain injuries directly as a result of heading footballs?

No?

I thought not!

Disregarding the above, a report published in June by Chris Bryant MP and paralympic gold medalist and member of the House of Lords, Baroness Grey-Thompson, entitled 'Concussion can kill' called for a parliamentary investigation into head injuries in sport and warned that law suits could follow.

The report asks if steps can be taken to limit the number of times players had the ball in football, particularly youth players.

Pardon?

Are they seriously suggesting that players have their access to the ball restricted?

What planet do these people come from?

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Nanny Hates Fags - Jack Wilshere Apologies For Having a Fag

I find Nanny's hatred of fags to be absurd and stifling in the extreme.

It now transpires that the incorruptible beautiful game has been tarnished, in Nanny's eyes, by the fact that Arsenal and England player Jack Wilshere was seen smoking whilst on holiday in a hot tub in Vegas.

FFS!

So what!

Sadly, for reasons that I don't understand, Wilshere has apologised.

Why????

He is quoted by Sky Sports News:

“I made a mistake then, and I made a mistake again – people make mistakes. 

I’m young and I’ll learn from it. 

I realise the consequences it has and the effect it has on the kids growing up. 

I’ve got kids myself, and I don’t want them to grow up thinking that their dad smokes and that it’s OK for footballers to smoke, because it’s not. 

It’s unacceptable. I’ll accept the consequences and move on.”

Absurd, he has nothing to apologise for!

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Kerfarkingching - Nanny Taxes Five-aside

As loyal readers know, Nanny has something of a bee in her bonnet about us being fit and healthy (she needs a fit and healthy workforce so that she can levy taxes to pay for her expenses and mechanisms of state monitoring and control). Therefore she is often exhorting adults and kids to play sport.

However, as loyal readers also know, Nanny is a hypocrite who is desperately short of cash.

Therefore it should come as no surprise to learn that Nanny's chums in HMRC are trying to tax five aside football teams.

The Independent reports that HMRC is trying to levy VAT at 20% from companies operating all-weather pitches at more than 150 sites in Britain.

The levy will add about £1 to the typical £4.50 cost of playing in a five-, six- or seven-a-side match – or £100 a year for adults who play twice a week.

Critics of the scheme (including Nanny's own Sports Minister, Hugh Robertson) argue that the levy, which will collect £5M a year, will hit people participating in sport and undermine efforts to improve the nation's health.

For more than 20 years, five-a-side centres have not attracted VAT because their operators believed they were only supplying the land to sports teams. However, the HMRC has ruled that their use should be subject to tax because the players that use them are hiring pitches from commercial concerns that are also organising mini-leagues. It said that such businesses should always have been subject to tax.

More than 500,000 children are estimated to use such facilities free every week, with the number expected to double within a decade.

Ker Farking Ching!

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Helpful Advice To Drinkers From Nanny

Apparently, and I have to take other people's word for it, Euro 2012 is soon to descend upon the waiting world.

I am not, nor ever have been, a football fan; therefore the forthcoming event will pass me by in the same manner as a gnat flapping its wings in Asia Pacific does.

Anyhoo, I am pleased to be able to advise you (thanks to uber loyal reader Tonk for pointing it out) that Nanny's Thames Valley Police have issued some helpful advice (and a video) for the forthcoming festivities to those who wish to get drunk.

Huzzah!

I don't doubt their good intentions, or indeed the veracity of the advice. However, I very much doubt that the cretins who are intent on drinking themselves into a fighting stupor will read or take notice of the advice.

Here is an extract:

"Thames Valley Police would like to highlight to those who are planning on drinking too much throughout the football tournament, the consequences of getting involved in a fight.

• Apart from being banned from your favourite local pub, getting involved in a fight can land you a night in a cell and a criminal record for life

• You could end up seriously injuring yourself or someone else and these could have life changing health implications

• Getting into trouble with the law could be seen as gross misconduct by your employer and you could lose your job

• Having a criminal record could make it very difficult for you to get another job

• You may not be able to travel to America if you have a criminal conviction. Travelling to a country where you need a visa or if you need a working permit can be very difficult with a criminal record

• Your car insurance could go up. Having a criminal record will make it difficult to get any other kind of insurance

• To get a mortgage you have to disclose any unspent convictions

• Colleges and Universities will have their own policies about misconduct and getting in trouble with the police could have a knock on effect with your education.

• Lying to your employer or on any kind of application which asks you to disclose any criminal convictions could be seen as fraud and lead to a further conviction."

I am of course happy to be proven wrong!

It is ironic that they also say that:

"There is a widely held view that large football tournaments can lead to a rise in violence against the person offences. This doesn’t appear to be the case as violence against the person crime figures have dropped by 23.9% across Thames Valley in 2012 since 2011."

So does this advice really work, or is it a case that Nanny likes to show us that she is doing something?

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Utter Knobheads - The Central Wales Football Association

Oh dear oh dear, when will Nanny ever learn that competition and the ability to deal with failing and losing are essential elements in a child's education?

You only have to look at what happens to people who were cosseted from failure as kids to realise the damage that this does to them as adults, they end up becoming contestants (who are all "winners") on The Apprentice!

Anyhoo, Russell Hughes-Pickering and Dilwyn Roberts-Young, who give up hours of their time to coach the Aberystwyth and District Junior Football League a junior football league, discovered to their cost that Nanny does not like competition.

Both men were disciplined and ordered to step down for 12 months following a complaint.

What was their crime?

They were accused of breaching the Central Wales Football Association’s regulations, which ban under-11s from taking part in competitive matches. For reasons best known to Nanny, she has decreed that teams belonging to the league must play each other on a friendly basis, with no league table or points being recorded.

Unfortunately the two men organised a knockout competition. Needless to say, some sad git (clearly with nothing better to do in his/her life) complained.

Not only have they been suspended, but they must also pay a £75 fine, £50 costs and £50 for not being represented at the disciplinary hearing.

Ker Farking Ching!

By not allowing children to compete and experience failure/losing, Nanny is denying them the ability to grow, learn and develop into mature self responsible adults (isn't that a form of child abuse?).

The Central Wales Football Association, utter knobheads!

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The Dangers of Balls

I see that an American Doctor has done some research on the dangers of heading soccer balls, and come up with the conclusion that it may cause brain damage.

Dr Michael Lipton of Montefiore Medical Center, the university hospital for the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, has concluded that frequently heading a football can lead to brain injury.

There does appear to be a "safe" level of around 1,000 headers, but beyond that damage seems to occur.

Well, judging by the dimwitted antics of some of our overpaid footballers, the good doctor may well have a point! 

I suggest that also studies the effects of repeated scrummages etc on the intelligence and behaviour of some of our "professional" rugby players as well!

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Knobheads

I see that bastion of ethics, Fifa, has managed yet again to cover itself in glory.

This time it finds itself hitting the headlines because it has decreed that the England football team must not have their shirts embroidered with a poppy emblem for this Saturday's friendly against Spain at Wembley.

Fifa do not allow religious or political symbols on shirts (though marketing logos etc are more than welcome), and is of the view that the flood gates would open and the "neutrality of football" would be threatened ( LOL "neutrality"!!??) if it allowed the poppy to be embroidered on the shirts.

Commonsense indicates, to those who have it, that the poppy is not a political or religious symbol. However, Fifa appeared to be bereft of commonsense; until Chris Heaton-Harris MP managed to broker a deal whereby the England team can wear the poppy embroidered on black armbands.



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Nanny Bans Humiliation

I see that Nanny is sticking her unwanted nose into sporting matters again.

This time the focus of her gimlet eye is Telford Junior Football League.

Nanny is worried that publication of the football results will embarrass the players.

Can you guess what she has done to stop the embarrassment?

Yes, that's right, Nanny now only records games in the Telford Junior League as either 1-0 wins or 1-1 draws.

Those in charge of the league claim that the new policy is in line with Football Association guidelines.

Oddly enough the FA says that this is bollocks, and that there is no such rule.

To add to the stupidity, the league will (next season) stop recording results for under-11 teams altogether.

Children need to learn about winning and losing from an early age. By engaging in this form of pc nonsense, the Junior League are in effect retarding the children from being able to learn to handle failure and the occasional snipe from rivals.

Is this denial of the right to learn from failure not in itself a form of child abuse?

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White Lines

How gemusing to see that all that separates our political "elite" from "celebrities" and "celebrity footballers" is nothing more than a thin white line!

What a "funny" little island we live on, where the "elite" can happily break the outdated laws that Nanny seeks to impose on the rest of us.

The "elite" seem to do rather well (good careers, good money, power, status etc) out of breaking these laws, yet "Joe Public" gets a criminal record if he gets caught.

Here is the official response from Nanny to a letter I wrote in June 2010 about her drugs policy.

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Prats of The Week - York Council

My golly gosh, 'tis a Monday morning and therefore time once again to award my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week it goes to York council, and the jobsworths in their "fence erection" (can I say "erection"?) department.

New fencing (costing £6K) was erected on playing fields in Heworth.

However, there was one tiny glitch.

Using the picture above, from the BBC website, can you spot what the glitch was children?

Yes, that's right, the people erecting the fencing followed plans to the letter and put the fencing up through the middle of some football goalposts.

York council and related jobsworths, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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The Dangers of Football

Football, as Septic Bladder and various superinjunction wielding players know, can be ruinous wrt one's personal reputation.

Sadly, Tom Clarke (15) recently found this out as well.

Tom was recently having a kickabout with his cousin in his garden in Chalgrove.

Can you guess what happened next?

Yes, that's right, the ball went through a neighbour's greenhouse.

Being a teenager, Tom legged it.

Now at this stage, were people behaving in a reasonably "human" way one would have assumed that at some stage an angry neighbour would have appeared at the front door demanding an apology and restitution etc.

This of course is Nanny Britain and therefore, for reasons that are not clear (it could be that there is ongoing friction between the neighbours), the neighbour reported it to the police.

One therefore might assume that a friendly copper would have turned up and "had a word", thus defusing the situation.

Errmmm...no, not quite!

Can you guess what happened next?

Yes, that's right, a police patrol car, two officers and the Thames Valley police helicopter (complete with thermal imaging cameras) were dispatched.

Unsurprisingly, with all these resources, officers did manage to track Tom down.

What did they then do?

Tick him off, have a word with his dad?

No, they told Tom that the incident had been recorded as criminal damage and could be revealed to future employers carrying out record checks.

Errmm, am I being terribly soft here, is this not an overreaction to a simple accident?

It never happened like this when Dennis The Menace trashed his neighbour's greenhouse!

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Nanny Bans Heavy Balls

Ooh Err Missus!

Here's a saucy headline to start your week with....Nanny has banned heavy balls??? I hear you ejaculate (can I say "ejaculate" on a Monday morning?).

Surely not???

It is in fact true.

Just ask the hapless pupils at Malvern Primary School in Huyton, who have been banned from using synthetic/leather footballs in the playground.

For why?

Cos, my loyal readers, the balls are deemed by Nanny to be "too heavy" and the allegedly "feeble" and "weak" children of Huyton (in Liverpool) may injure themselves.

I assume then that cricket balls are most assuredly banned there as well?

Fear not though, the dim wits who came up with this daft ban have a solution.

Foam balls!

Yes, you did read that correctly, FOAM BALLS!

Is it any wonder kids sniff glue/fire extinguishers and get into bother, given that every aspect/freedom/joy of their lives is being regulated/monitored/destroyed by Nanny?

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Nanny Bans St George

As we all know, the World Cup kicks off today.

Even David Cameron is attempting to be seen to be bothered, and is going to fly the cross of St George flag from Downing Street.

However, within the Nanny state there lurks a group of people who fear the cross of St George and being identified as being "Engerlish".

I cite the case of Bolton At Home (a company that manages 18,000 council homes in the Manchester area), which has banned its 1,200 workers from flying England flags on their own cars.

For why?

Nanny deems the flag to be racist!

Nanny also deems the flying of the flag as "discrimination" against those who don't support England during the World Cup.

What a bunch of pathetic twats!

These are the private cars of employees, not company owned vehicles; Nanny has no authority over what people append to their own vehicles.

The rule (no flags, stickers, posters etc) applies to Bolton At Home branded vehicles (fair enough), public offices (fair enough) and any personal vehicles used for work and for which an employee claims 'essential or casual car allowance'.

Twats!

Being English is not a matter of ethnic origin, or indeed geographic location, it is a state of mind.

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Nanny Hates The World Cup

I dare say it has not escaped too many people's notice that the World Cup is about to descend upon us.

Many butts will be firmly glued to chairs during the upcoming footy fest, quite how long British butts will be glued rather depends on how long Ingerlund stay in the competition.

Anyhoo, you will doubtless not be surprised to learn that Nanny has a few words to say on the subject. In fact she has set up an entire website dedicated to giving people patronising advice about what to eat, drink and do whilst watching the football.

Quote:

"Whether you're a dedicated football supporter, or someone who just succumbs to football fever every four years, you're bound to be glued to the TV for at least some of the World Cup.

If you're really keen, you could watch 64 matches in 31 days – that's 96 hours of football, without counting extra time or penalty shoot-outs!

Although it might feel like you're eating and drinking football, you'll need some real food and drink too. So check out our tips on how to make some healthier choices about what you’re going to eat and drink while you’re feasting on the footie."

Nanny even offers advice on what food to order from your local takeaway!

I thought the government was meant to be cutting wasteful, patronising shite like this?

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Prats of The Week - Senior Officers of Norfolk Fire Service

Congratulations to those in charge of Norfolk Fire Service who have won my coveted, and prestigious, "Prats of The Week" Award.

The powers that be in Norfolk Fire Service have deemed that football and volleyball are too dangerous for their fire crews, and have banned them from playing them lest they injure themselves.

Aside from the obvious health and relaxation benefits of such sports, they are also excellent for building team spirit (kind of necessary when you are risking your lives in fires I would have thought!).

Coming soon, fire crews banned from attending fires.

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