Nanny Gets The Bird

Nanny has come up with another fun, novel and exciting use for her much vaunted Anti Social Behaviour Orders (ASBO's).

You remember ASBO's don't you?

These were the magical cure all for all the social ills afflicting Britain today. They were designed to short circuit the court system, so that drunken yobs and nuisance neighbours could be dealt with swiftly and effectively.

Anyhoo, Nanny has come up with another use for her favourite cure all. People who are caught feeding gulls in Scottish towns and cities will be ASBO'ed.

The ASBO option has been proposed in a report for the Scottish Executive, from the British Trust for Ornithology and Stirling University.

ASBO's could be used if offenders persist in feeding gulls, with fines and even jail a possibility if an order is breached.

A cull is ruled out because the population of some birds, particularly herring gulls, is very low. Aberdeen has about 7,000 gulls but the population is just 3,000 in Glasgow and 2,000 in Edinburgh.

However, it seems that some parts of Scotland now resemble scenes from Hitchcock's "The Birds".

The SNP's Margaret Ewing told how her MSP husband, Fergus, was dive-bombed by gulls while he was jogging in Lossiemouth.

As usual with Nanny's "big ideas" she has chosen to target the wrong people with the wrong legal instrument.

The best solution, let us dispense with the environmental niceties, is to shoot the little bastards.

Oops, that would of course contravene Nanny's other well thought out law that covers bird shooting.

Another nice mess you have got us in to Nanny!