Well folks, it's that time again...time to award my coveted "Prat of The Week" award.
This time the award goes to the Trading Standards team of Dorset County Council (ah how refreshing, yet another local council making a fool of itself!).
So, what have they done to deserve this award?
Well the good old boys from the Trading Standards team were examining the Sgt Bub Bakery in Weymouth, which has been run by Val Temple for the last 30 years or so. The team unearthed a horrifying discovery, concerning the ingredients of some of Val's cakes.
What was that then Ken?
Did they contain poison?
Were they made with GM products?
No! (and who gives a stuff anyway?)
Was the bakery dirty?
It turns out that Vals' Paradise Slice didn't come from paradise, her Pig Tarts contained no pork and her Robin Tarts didn't contain any robins.
Yes, that's right, Val was accused of mislabelling the products and has to change the names of them.
So, let us be absolutely clear, the good old boys in Trading Standards were worried that people would be buying the products under the mistaken belief that they contained pigs, robins and a little bit of paradise.
How stupid do they think that we are?
What about Swiss rolls, shepherd's pies or baby's head puddings (the correct name for steak and kidney pudding) then?
Val is needless to say totally unimpressed with this.
"It's a joke. It's an insult to the public.
Of course my cakes don't contain pig,
robin or come from paradise.
Where is paradise anyway?
It's absolutely ridiculous.
What's next - Shepherd's Pie?
Where will it all end?
You could apply it to everything.
It's so silly."
The Paradise Slice is made from a 120-year-old recipe and includes almonds, sultanas and cherries. The fact that people have eaten this slice for 120 years without any problems is of course irrelevant to Nanny's Trading Standards, the slice will now be called an "almond, fruit and nut" slice.
"The Trading Standards have been coming here
for the last 26 years and only this year
have they made this decision.
A woman officer came in and said they were
acting on a complaint over my labelling."
At this point I have to ask, what sad loser made the complaint in the first place? What kind of person has such an empty life that they make an effort to raise such a complaint?
Why did Dorset County Council waste tax payers' money on this fools errand?
A customer, James Marper, wryly observed:
"It's complete madness.
What are they going to ban next - spotted dick?
Who do these officials think they are?
Where has common sense gone?
Val should bake a "nutty as a fruitcake"
to mock the small-minded people who have
had the nerve to enforce these rules.
Tax payers are shelling out so much money
and to see it being paid to these
interfering idiots is extremely disheartening."
That is the reality of living in the Nanny state, small minded zealots are allowed to wield power over those of us who are capable of exercising common sense and who take responsibility for our own actions.
Ivan Hancock, Dorset County Council's Trading Standards manager, said:
"The fact is that food needs to be properly described
so that the consumer can tell what it is.
There is nothing wrong with using other names
but it must be accompanied by the true name of the food.
Consumers have the right to know what is in food."
The customer could of course just ask Val what is in the cake, surely???
Dorset County Council Trading Standards team, well deserving of the Prats of The Week award.
Feel free to drop them a note here firstname.lastname@example.org
Whilst we are on the subject, are there any other products that would upset the Trading Standards team (eg Spitfire Ale contains no spitfires)?