In the final few drinking days before Christmas there are many parties to attend and many pubs to crawl. In such a febrile atmosphere it is easy to lose track of the key message that Nanny likes to disseminate at this time of year:
"Don't live your lives to the full!
Don't enjoy yourselves!"
Have no fear, Nanny is on the ball and is targeting the very essence of Christmas itself; namely booze.
For many years Nanny has told us that we should not drink more than a certain number of alcohol units per week. I think she has in mind around 25 for men, and 18 or so for women.
A unit of alcohol used to be the equivalent of a pint of beer, a measure of spirits or a glass of wine.
No longer!
Nanny has moved the goal posts.
In any other target measurement, the goal posts would be increased so as to show that Nanny has met her target. However, Nanny is a perverse old witch and likes to punish us for being so decedent. Therefore she has tightened up the unit measure; one glass of wine will now be 3 units, a pint will also be 3 etc etc.
In other words, she is telling us to drink even less.
Nanny's chums in the butchers' profession (doctors) are particularly incensed at the middle classes, who have the audacity to drink a glass of wine every night. Seemingly we will all die from this outrageous behaviour.
Here's why Nanny's drink rules are bollocks:
1 Many politicians are overweight, drink, drug and sex fuelled sweaty little individuals. They have no right to tell others how to live their lives.
2 The butchers' profession suffers from very high rates of substance and alcohol abuse. They are in no position to tell others how to live.
3 What is the point of adding a few more years to one's life when we all know that we will end up in one of Nanny's hospitals/care homes at the mercy of underpaid, overworked and under trained "carers"?
Life is to be lived to the full, whilst you are still able, then go out with a bang.
Here endeth Ken's message for Christmas.
Ken, that looks like a ridiculously small glass, at least get yourself a pint!
ReplyDeleteNow I have had a few weeks of serious illness this year, so I have saved up all my weekly allowances of booze units and I shall have them all over the Chistmas (sorry Nanny for using the C word)period. Well thats two units gone only about another 857 to go....hic.
ReplyDeleteDear Ken,
ReplyDeleteDo you mean to say that, even if we adhere to all of Nanny's Health and Safety guidelines, we shall grow old, wither, and die nonetheless?
Why does Nanny not tell us these things!
Erm, sorry, I forgot, she selectively releases information to us for "our own good."
I don't know why they are bothering.
ReplyDeleteIn a couple of years they will be banning the production and transportation of booze as a non-essential that can be jettisoned from life as part of a carbon managed lifestyle, probably starting with a high personal carbon allowance tarrif for any booze purchases.
Plus the only possible booze source will be Ethanol as the entire cultivatable surface of the globe will have been converted to growing plants that can be turned into ethanol as a replacement fuel (supposedly carbon neutral if that matters) with the sole intention of stuffing the oil companies.
Oh, and inflating the price of stone as we return to the stone age lifestyle we all thought would never return unless there was a nuclear war.
Thise 'bad' old days of the Cold War era seem so much preferable to the Warm War era that currently exercises the world's political sheep. It may have been safer too at a personal level.
I remember someone once pointing out that air was the most toxic substance ever ingested by any form of animal life, since - without exception - anyone or anything which breathed it would ultimately die,
ReplyDeleteHow soon then before the government bans the breathing of air 'for our own good'?
Carbon allowance?
ReplyDeleteI'll show them bloody carbon.
Petrol bombs anyone?
Just stick two fingers up at Nanny.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I'll be doing this Christmas
My great grandmother lived to the age of 97. She drank plenty (had a "happy hour" every afternoon)....and it never did her any harm.
ReplyDeleteThe amount of gin and whiskey she could knock back was pretty amazing, yet she never lost her dignity!
Cheers to you Nanna - I'll be raising a glass to your memory this Christmas!
sneer and snipe at the butcher's trade but you will whine and plead when the disease eats you up.
ReplyDeleteask all those dead smokers who knew better.