In the final few drinking days before Christmas there are many parties to attend and many pubs to crawl. In such a febrile atmosphere it is easy to lose track of the key message that Nanny likes to disseminate at this time of year:
"Don't live your lives to the full!
Don't enjoy yourselves!"
Have no fear, Nanny is on the ball and is targeting the very essence of Christmas itself; namely booze.
For many years Nanny has told us that we should not drink more than a certain number of alcohol units per week. I think she has in mind around 25 for men, and 18 or so for women.
A unit of alcohol used to be the equivalent of a pint of beer, a measure of spirits or a glass of wine.
Nanny has moved the goal posts.
In any other target measurement, the goal posts would be increased so as to show that Nanny has met her target. However, Nanny is a perverse old witch and likes to punish us for being so decedent. Therefore she has tightened up the unit measure; one glass of wine will now be 3 units, a pint will also be 3 etc etc.
In other words, she is telling us to drink even less.
Nanny's chums in the butchers' profession (doctors) are particularly incensed at the middle classes, who have the audacity to drink a glass of wine every night. Seemingly we will all die from this outrageous behaviour.
Here's why Nanny's drink rules are bollocks:
1 Many politicians are overweight, drink, drug and sex fuelled sweaty little individuals. They have no right to tell others how to live their lives.
2 The butchers' profession suffers from very high rates of substance and alcohol abuse. They are in no position to tell others how to live.
3 What is the point of adding a few more years to one's life when we all know that we will end up in one of Nanny's hospitals/care homes at the mercy of underpaid, overworked and under trained "carers"?
Life is to be lived to the full, whilst you are still able, then go out with a bang.
Here endeth Ken's message for Christmas.