Nanny Bans Goggles Again!

Oh dear, this story appears to be destined to be forever repeated.

Yet again Nanny has decreed that swimming goggles are, for reasons that are beyond me, dangerous and are banned.

This time the anti goggle fascists have struck in Oxfordshire, in the guise of Oxfordshire County Council.

The council recently decreed that goggles are banned on the grounds that they might "snap" onto a child's face too hard. As such, children are now required to prove a medical condition if they are to be permitted to wear goggles during school swimming lessons in the area.

As ever, this is an absurd ban.

However, I have a solution, why not make the children wear safety goggles over which they then places their swimming goggles?

Simple, eh?;)

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Prats of The Week - Oldham Council

Ooh err missus, a new week starts and tis time methinks to award another of my prestigious and internationally renowned "Prats of The Week" Awards.

This week it goes to Oldham Council.

For why?

Just ask Alex Crossland-Robins (10), who goes to St Anne's Primary School in Royton. Alex, who has been a member of a local swimming club since he was 4 and has won more than 50 medals and trophies, has been told that he must not wear goggles when swimming because of health and safety guidelines.

Now as my loyal readers may recall, I have written articles on this site before about goggles being banned. The normal reason for the ban being the risk that they might shatter.

Oldham have taken a whole new "spin" on the goggle safety issue. They have banned them because they believe that swimmers' eyes must get used to the water.

A few points here:

1 Alex is an experienced swimmer, I would imagine that his eyes are used to the water.

2 He wear goggles to protect his eyes from the chlorine (an irritant, is it not, if you swim regularly?).

3 What possible business is it of Nanny as to whether a swimmer's eyes are "used to the water", or not? Surely it is better that an individual is taught to swim (even if they prefer to wear goggles)?

4 Oh yes, and one more "minor" point, there is a farking sign in the swimming pool that Alex's school uses that says:

"Goggles and swim caps are always a good idea to protect your eyes and hair from chlorine."

Alex's parents, having had their complaints ignored by the council, have stopped him from having swimming lessons at his school.

Oldham Council (coalition run), well deserving Prats of The Week!

Epilogue: By the way, re Halloween, I managed to remove the battery from my doorbell and replace it safely later, without the aid of a Nanny certificate of electrical engineering or qualified electrician.

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The Dangers of Goggles - Again!

Nanny, as has been reported on several occasions on this site, has a wee bit of a bee in her bonnet wrt swimming and swimming goggles, as pupils of Ysgol Bryn Coch in Mold have discovered to their cost.

Nanny's chums from the school have banned the kids from wearing goggles during swimming lessons.

For why?

In case they "snap" onto their faces too hard.

Headteacher Lynne Williams says that the school was following advice from the British Association of Advisors and Lecturers in Physical Education (BAALPE).

"It has been recognised by BAALPE that goggles can pose a real risk to children, and this has been accepted by the governors."

BAALPE advice states:

"Head teachers should inform parents and carers that goggles can be a hazard and cause permanent eye injury.

Wet plastic is very slippery and frequent, incorrect or unnecessary adjustment or removal of them, by pulling them away from the eyes instead of sliding them over the forehead, can lead to them slipping from the pupil's grasp with the hard plastic causing severe injury."

Fair enough, if you just warn parents about the danger. However, BAALPE does not say they should be banned.

I would also note, if goggles are so dangerous why are they allowed to be sold?

Why does Nanny allow them to be worn in public pools?

Surely a "snap back" to some children is less painful than an eyeful of chlorinated water?

Surely this really a question of how to correctly, and safely, put the goggles on rather than an inherent safety flaw in the design? In other words why not teach the kids how to use the goggles safely, rather than ban them?

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Nanny Bans Goggles - A Grimm Tale

Nanny's swimming police have been on patrol again. This time they have decided that Roland Grimm, a man who has swum (or is it swam?) in more swimming pools than I've had gin and tonics (and that's saying something!), is inappropriately dressed.

His crime?

Goggles to you!

He has a special set of goggles that stops water going up his nose, with a single eye piece which does not press against his face.

The Health and Safety Gestapo at his leisure centre in Swiss Cottage (where he has swum/swam for 30 years) have banned his goggles.

Centre manager Gary Dark said:

"Non-shatterproof panels in enclosed environments can cause facial injury on impact with pool surfaces or other bathers and may pose a further hazard in relation to broken glass remaining on the pool floor.

Full face masks that cover the nose can also cause breathing difficulties if water is swallowed and may restrict vision which can cause an accident."

One small point, it seems that the goggles are not glass but plastic. Isn't this ban a wee bit excessive?

I know that there are a number of regulars here who are keen swimmers, what's your take on this?

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Nanny Bans Beer Goggles

Nanny is really worried about the media's obsession with beauty and good looks.

She agonises that ordinary looking mortals, such as you and I, are not given a fair "crack" in this media obsessed age.

Therefore Nanny has decided to intervene in that most image obsessed industry, the drinks industry.

She has ordered drinks companies to stop using attractive people to advertise their products; instead they must now hire paunchy, balding men for advertisements.

Nanny's sleepy old watchdogs at the Committee of Advertising Practice (CAP) have issued a list of undesirable male characteristics that advertisers must abide by, in order to comply with tougher rules designed to separate alcohol from sexual success.

Lambrini is the first drinks company to come under attack from Nanny. Watchdogs rejected its latest campaign, because it depicted women flirting with a man who was deemed too attractive.

The poster featured three women "hooking" a slim, young man in a parody of a fairground game scene. Harmless fun to lead its summer campaign, Lambrini argued.

CAP said:

"We would advise that the man in the picture should be unattractive, overweight, middle-aged, balding etc...

We consider that the advert is in danger of implying that the drink may bring sexual/social success, because the man in question looks quite attractive and desirable to the girls. If the man was clearly unattractive, we think that this implication would be removed."

What a bunch of prats!

As anyone with half a brain knows, around 75% of sexual liaisons in the UK would not occur but for the effects of drink. People viewed through beer goggles are infinitely more attractive than when viewed in the cold light of day.

Drink is the glue that brings people together, and ensures that they stay together.

Let's raise a glass or three this evening to the benefits of beer goggles, I know I will!

Ken Vents His Spleen On The Nanny State

Dear all,

I have decided to vent my spleen, by way of this article, against the Nanny State.

Thank you for your indulgence.

Ken

Britain has over the past few years allowed the "claw like" grasp of the Nanny state to take hold, and to stifle individual freedom and liberty. A Nanny state exists where the state believes that it knows what is in the best interests of those who it was elected to govern, and takes it upon itself to interfere in the minutiae of their daily lives.

Britain's Nanny state, by means of legislation and media propaganda, has set about its mission to control our daily lives with a messianic zeal. It has taken upon itself the right to lecture the British public about every aspect of their daily lives on subjects including; smoking, drinking, eating, exercise and health.

Many commentators ascribe the rise of the Nanny state in the UK to the rise of the blame and compensation culture, that has crept in from the USA.

To my view, whilst this may be a symptom, it is most certainly not the cause. The blame for the rise in the Nanny state rests "Full Square" on the shoulders of the state itself, ie the government.

Nannyism affects every aspect of our daily lives. Not one of us can escape the media onslaught that the government has subjected us to over the recent years, in respect of issues as diverse as; smoking, drinking, exercise and salt/sugar intake.

Aside from this media onslaught, the dead hand of bureaucracy has been toiling to produce an avalanche of petty rules and regulations; designed to control our every action, and to restrict our freedom.

I present a few examples below of Britain’s Nanny state at its worst:

• The omnipotent Health and Safety executive ensures that every task that we undertake, even those as simple as raising a flag or climbing a ladder, cannot be performed without the requisite "jobsworth" training course being undertaken and certified.



• Councils fell trees in the fear that, if they don't, people will slip on the fruit that falls on the ground. Wyre Forest Council, in a display of Orwellian control freakery, outlawed harmless words and phrases such as "Bristol fashion" because of an ill informed study suggesting that they have connections with the slave trade.



• The government, in order to ensure that their pledge of "higher education for all" is achieved, manipulates the pass marks and the exam system so that all who take them can pass; witness the absurd media studies exam, where candidates will be given the paper one month in advance.



• John Prescott, as though he has not got enough to do as he demolishes hundreds of thousands of houses in the North so that he can build new ones in the South, has taken it upon himself to regulate the temperature of hot water in our homes; lest we scald ourselves when taking a bath. He plans to legislate for thermostatic mixing valves to be fitted in all new homes as from 2006, these valves will prevent the water temperature rising beyond a pre-determined Nanny level.



• Gloucester Local Education Authority have banned children from wearing safety goggles, as they present a drowning hazard. Seemingly the LEA believes that teachers will be distracted from the cries of drowning children, as they attempt to aid others put their goggles on.



• The University Hospitals of Leicester NHS Trust has banned Gideon bibles from patients’ bedsides, as they believe that they will offend non-Christians.



• School children are now restricted from taking part in field trips and off site courses, for fear of some dreadful calamity that might befall them. In my opinion, this risk aversion does the children more harm than good, the only way that children can learn and develop into mature and responsible adults is for them to be exposed to the risk of failure and danger. Life and risk is not to be feared, but to be embraced.

Nanny has gained power over us because people have become afraid of failure and of risk. Politicians, instead of managing risk, have sough to zeroise risk. This is of course an impossible goal. However, today's politicians are intellectually lazy and unprincipled. They neither have the ability, nor the will, to stand up to those who hanker after a risk free society; they baulk at telling the voters that not only is zero risk impossible, but that it is in fact dangerous.

It is only through risk taking that mankind develops; from the first tentative steps that a child takes, when it is learning to walk and to fall, to the development of revolutionary new products such as aeroplanes and IT systems. Nothing in our history has been achieved without risk and failure.

We are now faced with the third term of the Blair government. This promises to bring in yet more legislation aimed at governing the minutiae of our lives; smoking, id cards (allegedly to protect us from id theft), religious bigotry and the never-ending campaign against certain proscribed foodstuffs will all be featured in this third term.

Many say that they do not mind or care as, for example, they don’t smoke or eat fast food. That argument was used once before, and led to disaster. I would remind you of the following, which was written by a far wiser person than myself:

"First they came for the gypsies, but I did not speak up

Why should ?

I am not a gypsy.

Then they came for the communists, but I did not speak up

Why should I?

I am not a communist

Then they came for the Jews, but I did not speak up

Why should I?

I am not a Jew

Now they are coming for me

Who is there left to speak up for me?"

The Nanny state, by over regulating our lives brings both the state and the law into disrepute. Nanny’s much vaunted ASBO's are rapidly becoming a mockery. No one can take the law seriously, when ASBO's are given to farmers because of the actions of their livestock; as happened when Brian Hagan was issued with an ASBO, by Norfolk constabulary, to prevent his pigs from escaping. A society that has no respect for the law becomes ungovernable, and faces destruction from within.

The Nanny state by regulating people's lives, and by robbing them of the responsibility for their own lives, makes the population reliant on the state. Britain now has over 7 million people working in the public sector, ie they are working for the benefit of the government not for their own advancement. They are now totally dependant on the state for their livelihood, the perfect bedrock for the foundation of a dictatorship.

The opposition parties are, and have been for a number of years, paralysed. The Tory Party is selecting yet another leader, yet it has still not worked out what it actually believes in. Whilst the Liberal Party has deluded itself into thinking that it did rather well at the last election, and as such has taken an undeserved holiday. It is now down to the people of Britain to take a stand against Nanny, and to say enough is enough.

Ken Frost

Nanny Bans Goggles

It seems that Nanny has got herself into a bit of a muddle over safety in swimming pools.

Specifically, she is confused about the use of goggles.

On the one had Nanny believes that they prevent eye irritation, from the chlorine in the water. However, she has issues with regard to the drowning risk posed by the goggles.

Drowning risk?

Yes, drowning risk.

It seems that Nanny's chums in Gloucester Local Education Authority are advising head teachers to ban children from wearing swimming goggles on safety grounds.

They are worried that the goggles present a "drowning hazard" to other pupils. The LEA fears that teachers could be distracted by having to adjust goggle straps on one child and, in so doing, fail to notice another child drowning.

Let's not even mention the risks of the elastic snapping, and causing a nasty little bruise!

Precisely how many children drown each year because of goggle adjustments?

Another example of rules being made, without any form of statistical data to back them up.

The Gestapo Conker Protection Suit

Nanny’s health and safety Gestapo have struck fear into Cummersdale Primary School in Cumbria.

It seems that the Head, Shaun Halfpenny, is afraid that the health and safety Gestapo will cause trouble for the school; if the pupils are allowed to play conkers unprotected.

In view of this fear, the Head has supplied the pupils with goggles; to protect their eyes from conker shards.

I would ask, precisely how many children are blinded each year by flying shards?

The Gestapo have more draconian rules planned for the centuries old game of conkers. I have managed to obtain the secret design plans, created by the health and safety executive, for the new conker protection suit; which will be made compulsory at schools around the country.



This story is a salutary warning about nanny’s methods; she now relies, not only on the law to exercise her will, but fear.

As Mr Halfpenny said to reporters:

"These days you cannot be too careful, especially when health and safety inspectors are watching."

He has expressed, in this sentence, what Britain has become; a nation living in fear of being watched by nanny and her Gestapo.