Nanny Strips...

Ooh Err Missus!

Nanny has taken up stripping...the stripping of conkers from a large horse chestnut tree, in Queen's Walk Nottingham, that is.

Nottingham council decided to take up stripping after a four-year-old girl was injured by a stick thrown into the tree last year.

According to Michael Williams, the city council's corporate director of communities, the tree is the largest and most accessible horse chestnut in the area.

All very well, my sympathies to the injured girl etc, but what of all the other horse chestnut trees?

The issue is not that of the conkers, but of the manner in which the conkers were being dislodged.

Sticks have been thrown at horse chestnuts for centuries, does Nanny seriously believe that (short of stripping all horse chestnuts in the entire country) she will stop this practice?

This is simply not a practical policy.

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Prats of The Week - Nuts In Autumn

As we enter the Autumnal season of falling leaves and nuts, it is "refreshing" to see that Nanny continues to act nuts.

Thus it is with pleasure that I award Bury St Edmunds council my prestigious "Prats of The Week" Award.

For why?

Council officials, despite this age of austerity, have found a new way to waste taxpayers' money. They have pinned a notice to a horse chestnut tree telling passers-by to beware of falling conkers.

Quote:

"BEWARE Falling Conkers...proceed with care".

It seems that a passer-by was recently hit on the head by a conker.

Well Boo Hoo!

The really saddo thing about this is that the passer-by evidently found the time, energy and desire to actually complain to the council about this.

How sad are some people?

Bury St Edmunds council, well deserving "Prats of The Week"!

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Bonkers Conkers

With conker season all but over it never ceases to amaze me how each year there is a crop of stories relating to over protective schools either banning conkers, or insisting on some form of "protection" being worn, on the spurious grounds of health and safety.

This year the same sad old "health and safety" issues have cropped up, as the pupils of Adlington Primary School in Macclesfield have discovered. The pupils there, who wanted to play conkers in the playground, were been ordered to wear safety goggles because of health and safety issues.

Miss Broadhurst, the headteacher, said:

"We are quite an academic school and were determined the kids should have some fun - but we do it safely.

In terms of wearing goggles we just considered it was better to be safe than sorry. Conkers are generally frowned on now because a child somewhere in the country, at some point, has been hurt playing a game.

I suppose it does really show that health and safety has gone over the top."

Ken says:

1 Wrap the kids up in cotton wool and they will never grow into mature, responsible, self reliant, confident adults.

2 What about the danger of wrists being bruised by a badly aimed conker? Why not insist on pads for hands as well?

3 Risk and danger is necessary for a healthy well balanced life, remove risk and danger and you kill the human spirit.

4 Kids will look for other ways of getting a "rush from risk", eg running across railway lines.

5 This type of overreaction merely transfers the adults' anxiety onto the kids, thus damaging them psychologically.

6 If this "does really show that health and safety has gone over the top", why on earth implement this daft policy?

All in all it is an over reaction to a low risk situation.

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Hoisted By Her Own Petard

Poor old Nanny "Smiler" Brown hoisting herself by her own petard (shades of Mussolini spring to mind) by having her oft repeated, and nasty "Little Englander", phrase "British jobs for British workers" thrown back at her by the wildcat strikers.

The sure sign of a dictatorship is when a government plays the "race card" and pretends to "protect" its nationals from "foreigners".

Like it or not we live in a global economy, Nanny's attempts to pretend that she cares about us (wrt subjects that really matter, eg jobs etc) have been shown to be the hollow fallacies that they really are.

In truth that is often why she tries to divert our attention with her meaningless, yet dangerous) health and safety initiatives, and campaigns against conkers, hot water, door mats, salt, smoking, drinking etc.

She is a powerless old crone, intent on staying in orifice long past her sell by date.

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Prat of The Week

This week's prestigious Prat of The Week Award goes to none other than Nanny herself, and the Labour government as a whole.

For why, other than their lamentable record in office?

Specifically for this little tale of stupidity and indifference to the views of professionals. I refer to the 101 non emergency hotline, that Nanny foisted on six police regions as part of Labour's manifesto commitment to lessen to load on the 999 line.

Hampshire police have stated publicly that the 101 line has turned out to be a fiasco. The police forces who are piloting the scheme are being swamped with absurd questions about train times, and local tourist attractions.

It is estimated that around 66% of calls made to the 101 line are bollocks, and not related to its intended use.

Hampshire Police are demanding that the roll-out across the country be stopped, until Nanny and her ministers validate its usefulness.

The theory was that 101 would be used to report; intimidation, harassment, vandalism, graffiti, criminal damage, fly-tipping and other environmental problems.

However, Hampshire police receive calls such as:

"Can you tell me the times of trains to Brighton?

I'd like someone to test my smoke alarm.

Do you know when the next bus leaves for Southampton?"

Oddly enough, in the "old days" when police were more respected and less inclined to arrest you for knocking conkers down from trees, banal questions to the police were often encouraged as a means of establishing a rapport between the citizen and his local "Bobby". The old saying "if you want to know the time, ask a policeman" readily springs to mind.

Anyhoo, those days appear to have long gone, and the police no longer have the time or inclination to interact with the person in the street.

Deputy Chief Constable of Hampshire, Ian Readhead, thinks the 101 line is bollocks and said:

"We made representations to government.

We recommended it was too early to go live with wave two

and that the government should spend more time learning about this."

Superintendent Nigel Hindle, in charge of call handling at Hampshire police, said:

"The strap line for 101 is 'when it's less urgent than 999.

That was on a leaflet that went through every door in the county.

Across the month we receive about 50 calls that we consider emergency fire and health issues on the 101 service.

The operators are not trained to deal with health and fire issues."

Hampshire said that it alone needed 18 more telephonists, costing £450K, to cope with the calls.

Leicester and Rutland, Cardiff, Sheffield and Northumberland and Tyne and Wear are also taking part in the initial pilot.

A further 20 forces will join them in the 'second wave', expected early next year.

Nanny's chums in the Home Office have denied that the scheme will be ditched. Instead they are using the weasel phrase:

"We plan to carry out a thorough evaluation of the pilot areas."

Meaning that when all the fuss has died down, the scheme will be quietly dropped (just like so many other harebrained failed schemes that Nanny has introduced with a fanfare).

Nanny well deserves the Prat of The Week Award.

However, as said, the police would find their role in the community less traumatic and more productive if they sought to engage on a personal level with the man in the street. Trying to be helpful with regard to enquires about smoke alarms and bus timetables would in fact be a quite a good thing, not via a 101 line though.

Nanny's Nuts

Conker season is upon us once again, as such along with the tradition of small boys throwing sticks at trees to knock down the conkers we have come to expect the now annual tradition of Nanny interfering with our nuts.

In previous years she has tried a few of her old tricks, see Conkers 2004.

Now this year she has gone one step further, and actually got the police involved!

Kiya Jayne, Charlie Richardson and a couple of other boys aged between 7 and 11 from Littlehampton (can I say Littlehampton on a public site?) were following the time honoured British pursuit of conker collecting. This involves throwing sticks into the conker tree to knock the conkers down to the ground.

Can you guess what happened?

One of Nanny's chums in the police intervened, confiscated their conkers and gave them a formal documented stop and search notice!

To add insult to injury, when the boys went back to the same tree the next day to get some more conkers (since the police had confiscated their original haul) they were confronted by the same policewoman.

The parents were told that the tree had a preservation order, and was on private property.

Yet, when challenged, the council then admitted that this was in fact untrue.

Bending the facts to suit the action of their police is hardly the correct thing to do is it?

Nanny's Sussex Police said:

"We confiscated a large bag of conkers.

The forms are a necessary form of bureaucracy

to ensure parents are aware we have spoken to their children."

Twats!

I am sure that the streets of Littlehampton are free of all crimes; there are no assaults, robberies or drug related incidents.

That is the only way that I can imagine that Nanny could possibly explain why her police force found the time, energy and inclination to confiscate a bag of conkers.

Small boys have been throwing sticks at conker trees for centuries in Britain, the trees have managed to survive and thrive without Nanny's "help".

It is hardly surprising that some children grow up with a major disrespect for the law.

On The Buses

Sometimes even I am surprised, and stunned, by how daft Nanny is becoming in her senile old age.

We have seen her ban; Hot Cross buns, fags, fat, religion, hoodies, hats, conkers, hot water you name it...now it seems that paint is on her list of banned products.

Nanny's trolls who run the bus service in Cardiff have taken it upon themselves to designate paint as a dangerous substance, which should not be carried on the buses.

Brian Heale, who is 73, got on a number 9 bus the other day and wanted to be taken from Heath Hospital to Prospect Place in Cardiff. Unfortunately for Mr Heale he was carrying a tin of paint, antique emulsion to be precise; he was taking it home to do a spot of painting.

The jobsworth bus driver, who clearly has been trained at Nanny's special school for jobsworth cretins, decided to strictly adhere to the rules issued by the bus company; these rules have placed paint in the same category as swords, guns and cans of petrol.

The driver caught Mr Heale in the act of carrying a can of emulsion, and ordered him off the bus.

Mr Heale is quoted as saying:

"When he told me I couldn't take the paint on the bus I thought he was joking.

But he parked the bus and called head office.

He told me carrying the paint was against new health and safety regulations and told me to get off.

It's crazy and hysterical.

Next thing, you won't be able to take a wet umbrella on in case it drips water on the floor.

Health and safety rules are one thing but this is just daft;

it was a No 9 bus not a dangerous building site."

Mr Heale was thrown off into the rain, and took shelter in a cafe. There the manager took pity on him, and his paint, and gave him a lift home.

Nanny's new health and safety rules governing public transport list paint as a "hazardous article". It can be taken on the bus only if it is "carried in two containers, ie, a sealed pot and a bag, and is not left unattended on a parcel shelf where it could slide and tip, burst open and spread across the floor".

Cardiff Bus when confronted with their stupidity, admitted that they may have been a little hard on Mr Heale.

A spokesman squirmed:

"We apologise to Mr Heale for the obvious inconvenience caused.

The safety of our passengers is our No 1 priority, which is why the company takes regulations on health and safety very seriously."

The company admitted, however, that there were times when it needed to display a little more flexibility when enforcing the rules. In other words they admitted that they didn't think, and were happy to let Nanny do their thinking for them.

For shame!

Nanny is destroying society, people no longer think about what they are doing and are now happy to mindlessly obey her daft over prescriptive rules.

It is time that we started to think for ourselves again.

Send your thoughts on this matter to Cardiff Bus via this link Knobheads.

Backlash

My thanks to Pete, for pointing me to the BBC on this one.

It seems that they will be screening a show this Saturday, that may be of interest to us.

Backlash
Sat 29 Oct, 6:15 pm - 6:55 pm 40mins

Compensation Culture:

Clowns who can't throw custard pies, children who can't play conkers, swimmers banned from an early morning dip. The reason? The fear of being sued.

Arthur Smith ignites the backlash against our 'compensation culture' and has a go at a phenomenon which now costs an estimated £10 billion a year. He argues that a nation once famed for it's spirit of adventure has been rendered a nation of cowering wimps.

Maybe someone would like to point them to this site, to let them know that there are indeed many of us who are fed up with the Nanny State?

Contact BBC link

Thanks.

Ken

Remember, Remember...

This time of the year affords Nanny so many opportunities to interfere in our lives, as she seeks to remove every vestige of fun and excitement from the daily grind.

First there is the threat posed by conkers; now, as we approach November the 5th, we have Nanny’s other pet hate fireworks.

Nanny has had an overriding ambition to ban fireworks outright, she has not yet achieved this. However, she is doing her best to “put the mockers” on Guy Fawkes Night; by introducing a whole host of rules and regulations to make it impossible to enjoy the event.

One such rule is that public bonfires must be cordoned off, and monitored 24 hours a day.

Nanny’s daft little bonfire rule has succeeded in ruining one Guy Fawkes party in Coleshill, Warwikshire. They will not be holding a bonfire this year there, because of this rule.

This fine example of the inflexibility of the nanny state is particularly irksome to the residents of Coleshill; for you see the bonfire was to have been built next door to the local fire station, by the local firefighters.

Nanny can’t quite see the irony in this.

Nanny's Nuts

Nanny's obsession with banning the time honoured sport of conkers, received a two fingered salute this week.

It emerged, that despite many of Nanny's friends in schools across the country banning conkers, one school in Croydon not only allowed the game; but in fact held a conker tournament.

The Head of Park Hill Junior School, in Croydon, held a conker championship last week.

100 children took part in the week long conker championship, which pitted pupils from the lower and upper schools against each other during break times.

Even more alarming to Nanny, the children were allowed to supervise themselves during the early play offs. Parents gave advice and tips to their children on how to enhance the performance of their conkers.

The finals of the championship were overseen by members of staff.

Headteacher Bill Yearley said that this game, along with others, was a good way of keeping the children out of mischief.

The overall winner was year five pupil Saolan Doyle-Finch.

A spokesman for the school said:

"They (the pupils) have acted in a very responsible and enthusiastic manner and great fun has been had by all."

An engraved cup will be presented to the winner, and the school hopes to make the conker championship an annual event.

My compliments to the teachers and pupils of Park Hill Junior School for sticking two fingers up at Nanny, and her team of spoilsports.

No conkers were harmed during the writing of this article.

Nuts!

As predicted on this site, the conker season this year has proven to be a fertile ground for Nanny and her acolytes to impose their perverted views on the British public.

It seems that, following on from the Black death in the Middle Ages, the latest life threatening plague to hit the UK is nuts.

Nanny and her acolytes have worked themselves up in to such a frenzy over nuts, that even the humble conker (which Nanny hates anyway) has been classified as a nut.

It is reported that Veronica O’Grady, Head teacher of Menstrie Primary Clackmannanshire, has banned conkers from her school.

The reason being that “health experts”, so she claims, have advised her that conkers may be a risk to children with nut allergies.

The ban was announced in the school newsletter, which said that pupils should not bring nuts (including horse chestnuts) to school.

Quote:

"We have several pupils in the school who have allergies or conditions that affect what they can eat and be exposed to..To help keep all of our pupils safe, please ensure your child doesn’t bring nuts or nut products to school. This includes tree nuts such as chestnuts."

However, it seems Nanny has over reached herself yet again. The National Anaphylaxis Campaign, a charity for people with life threatening allergies, has called the ban an “over reaction”.

At worst children with nut allergies, who handle horse chestnuts, may develop a slight rash.

I would ask this question, why are people allowing their lives to be blighted by Nanny and her sycophants in this way?

Come on people, act up and fight back!

The Gestapo Conker Protection Suit

Nanny’s health and safety Gestapo have struck fear into Cummersdale Primary School in Cumbria.

It seems that the Head, Shaun Halfpenny, is afraid that the health and safety Gestapo will cause trouble for the school; if the pupils are allowed to play conkers unprotected.

In view of this fear, the Head has supplied the pupils with goggles; to protect their eyes from conker shards.

I would ask, precisely how many children are blinded each year by flying shards?

The Gestapo have more draconian rules planned for the centuries old game of conkers. I have managed to obtain the secret design plans, created by the health and safety executive, for the new conker protection suit; which will be made compulsory at schools around the country.



This story is a salutary warning about nanny’s methods; she now relies, not only on the law to exercise her will, but fear.

As Mr Halfpenny said to reporters:

"These days you cannot be too careful, especially when health and safety inspectors are watching."

He has expressed, in this sentence, what Britain has become; a nation living in fear of being watched by nanny and her Gestapo.

Pollards

It seems my earlier article, about the dangers of nanny interfering in conker season, was prescient.

It is reported that nanny’s trolls in South Shields Council have decided that conker hunting is just too dangerous for the children and, more importantly, too dangerous for the cars of South Shields.

Apparently, a boy fell out of a tree and injured himself whilst collecting conkers. This, of course, gave nanny’s trolls in South Shields the excuse they needed to “pollard” the trees.

Pollarding is a technical term used, to disguise the reality of the actions being employed by nanny’s council trolls. In reality, they are lopping off the branches; with the intention of poisoning the trees, and replanting them with something “less dangerous”.

In other words, they are planning "herbicide".

At this point I must stop myself from vomiting in reaction to this verbal garbage, spouted by the trolls. How many centuries have the people of Britain lived with the “dangers” of the horse chestnut?

Now the trolls in South Shields Council have decided that we are not going to be allowed to live with these noble trees anymore; for the safety of the children and, of course, for the safety of the cars.

The residents don’t like the actions of nanny’s trolls, yet nanny does not care; because nanny “knows best”.

Conkers

Conker season is upon us again, a time of innocent joy for adults and children alike; unfortunately nanny hates conkers!

In previous years she has done her best to destroy the age old English custom of playing conkers.

In 2001 her friends in Norwich Council attempted to cut down a whole street of conker trees, their reasoning being:

Conkers were a danger to pedestrians, who could slip on the mulch they leave behind.

The golf-ball sized horse chestnuts could come crashing down onto passing cars, while sticks thrown by children to dislodge them could cause serious head injuries.

Children gathering conkers were at risk from vehicles.

Not content with cutting the trees down, some of nanny’s friends in the local councils have sought to ban conkers from school playgrounds. The councils are afraid of being sued by parents, in the event of an accident; they also fear the conkers could be used as an offensive weapon.

Utter tosh!

Doubtless nanny will be up to her old tricks again this conker season.

Resist nanny’s meddling at all costs; remember, “the price of freedom is eternal vigilance!”.