Big Brother - Spies R Us

Nanny's trolls in Waltham Forest Council have come up with a terrific wheeze to keep their citizens in order.

They are offering to pay people up to £500 to spy on their neighbours.

Taxpayers' cash will be dolled out for reports about dog shit, litter, graffiti etc.

- A court summons will net the spy £100.

- A conviction earns £150.

- If the offender gets a maximum sentence, the spy receives £500.

Top banana!

This scheme does of course set neighbour against neighbour, and will turn us into a police state.

Who gives a fark tho?

£500 is £500, and surely it is worth paying the price of our freedom if it means less litter on the street?

NB, I am being ironic!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Prats of The Week - Milton Keynes Borough Council

Ooh Err Missus!

Tis time for another Prats of The Week Award.

This week it goes to Milton Keynes Borough Council.

For why?

Ask Terrie Rose and her partner Lee Smythe. They were given a £8.60 per minute penalty charge, totalling £86, by the council.

For what?

For spending an extra 10 minutes, over and above the agreed allotted/booked time, saying goodbye to their deceased baby, Zane, at Crownhill Crematorium in Milton Keynes.

Milton Keynes borough council stated that the extra charge was levied automatically on families who did not book extra time for their service. However, it stated:

"However, when we learned that there were extenuating circumstances we, of course, refunded the extra charge."

Call me a cynic but do you think the charge would have been refunded if the media hadn't got involved?

Milton Keynes Borough Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Good News Everybody!

My thanks to W. S. Badfellowe for conducting some scientific serious research into a matter of great importance to all of us.

He has confirmed that a wheelie bin can accommodate one councillor, if you push them down with a shovel!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Bin Brother - Beware The Waste Education Officers

Pass the sickbag someone, Nanny's trolls in Oxford City Council have created a new Orwellian team of "thought police".

Waste Education Officers!

Cue a roll on the drums!



Nanny's trolls have also invented a new way to tax the long suffering citizens of Oxford, homeowners who produce more than one wheelie bin full of waste per fortnight will be fined £80.

All very well, but the bunch of numpties in Oxford City Council who came up with this tax wheeze, have abolished weekly waste collections and replaced them with fortnightly ones.

However, the hapless taxpayers of Oxford will receive "value for money" (note I am being "ironic" here) for their extra tax; a team of "Waste Education Officers" has been created.

What the fark are "Waste Education Officers"? I hear you ejaculate (can I say "ejaculate"?).

"Waste Education Officers" will come round to your home and teach you all about what you can and cannot throw away.

They will empty taxpayers' bins, and go through it with them in their own homes.

Here is the council's news release, which goes on about lilac sacks:)

Reality of course is a very strict mistress, the rubbish will simply pile up in people's gardens; as no one in their right mind will pay another £80 on top of the already outrageous council tax.

BTW, this council is ZaNuLabour.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Bans Jewellery

Nanny's Trading Standards have seized the entire stock of Candy range of jewellery from shops and suppliers in the UK. Candy is designed by Dutch jewellery designer, Zsiska Jewellery.

For why?

Aha, simple my dear readers, the jewellery looks like candy (sweets to you and I). Nanny is worried that some simpleton will eat it.

Zsiska Jewellery has been sold for many years without any idiot eating it.

However, in Nanny's world risk (no matter how minuscule) is unacceptable and Nanny must protect us from our own stupidity.

No doubt there are those who would issue the well worn cry:

"Won't someone think of the children?"

Yes, doubtless it is possible that a child might try to eat this stuff. However, here are a few points:

1 No child has eaten it yet.

2 It is the parents' responsibility to ensure that items such as this are kept away from children.

3 Children eat all kids of shit, eg I am sure that dog/cat food (that looks so yummy these days) has been eaten by the bucket load by kids.

4 I drank the inside (the silver) of a thermos once (having accidentally dropped it). The doctor assured my worried mother that it would come out of my system in due course.

It is quite unnecessary to ban these products, and they are still available for sale elsewhere in the world.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Too Dangerous To Rescue

It seems that Nanny's attitude to "risk" and health and safety may have cost someone their life, or at the very least distressed the dead man's family.

An inquest has heard the tragic story of what happened in the last hours of Karl Malton's life.

In May last year Mr Malton was hit by a car as he walked along an unlit country road, near his home in Crowland. He fell down a 15 ft bank into a ditch filled with 18 inches of water.

Police (ten of them), firemen (a fire engine load) and paramedics (an ambulance load), having all carried out risk assessments, were ordered by their respective bosses not to climb down the bank to help him (it was unclear as to whether he was already dead or not).

Instead a decision was made to send for a "water rescue team", based more than 50 miles away. Mr Malton's body lay in the ditch for 3 hours, whilst the rescue teams (waiting for water rescue) sat around and drank tea.

The inquest heard that officers no longer have to swim or receive life-saving training.

It has come to this!

When are the British public going to rebel against Nanny and her health and safety legislation, and reclaim their lives?

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries