A Nation of Brain Dead Numpties - Marks and Spencers

It would seem that "brain dead numptiness" is spreading like a veritable plague, even that bastion of British shopping Marks and Spencer has come down with it.

Andree Evans, from South Mimms, recently toddled along to her local M&S to buy a birthday card.

She went to the checkout to pay, and the till beeped. Fortunately the M&S assistant was on hand to override the till.

Gosh, what could be wrong?

Nothing, for Andree was over 25.

Eh?

What are you saying Ken?

Ah, my loyal readers, I neglected to describe the nature of the card.

Was it porn?

No!

It had a photo of a wine glass, a corkscrew, five bottles of wine and another empty glass.

Eh?

The problem my loyal readers is that the picture related to booze, Nanny hates booze (not as much as she hates "weed", but she really does hate booze) and as such the card could not be sold to people who are under 25.

That at least was the view of the people at M&S who programmed the till, and the assistant who explained it to Ms Evans.

I assume Christmas cards featuring Santa are also age restricted, since he is a fat, red faced man who likes young children to sit on his lap and happily visits them in their bedrooms when their parents are asleep?

Sad to see M&S have gone down with "brain dead numptiness". Maybe we should send them a "get well" card?

Oh, but we had better be sure that it doesn't contain any pictures of booze; would a picture of boobs or "meat and two veg" be OK instead?

Drop them a note here M&S.

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Torygraph

The Torygraph claims that I have lost all sense of proportion:

"In its broader sense it can be used to describe any situation where a poster loses all sense of proportion, for example describing New Labour as 'Zanu-Labour' after Robert Mugabe’s Zimbabwean political party Zanu-PF."

Could it be that the Torygraph hasn't bothered to read much of this site and hasn't managed to work out that I write, sometimes, with my tongue in cheek.

What say you my loyal readers?

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A Nation of Brain Dead Numpties

As I have often stated on this site, living in the Nanny state (where everything is spoon fed to you, people are obliged to follow petty rules and procedures and we are discouraged from thinking for themselves) rots the brain.

Hey ho...and here we have proof, if it were ever needed, that the Nanny state really does rot the brain.

Jaz Bhogal, 15, found this to his cost the other day when he went to his local 99p store at Wisbech Cambridgeshire to buy some wine gums.

Can you guess what happened next loyal readers?

Yes, that's right, the shop assistant refused to sell them to him because Jaz was under 18.

Factoid: wine gums do not contain alcohol.

A cursory glance at the list of ingredients of said packet could have verified that, not to mention the fact that most people with half a brain know that.

However, living in the Nanny state rots the brain and the fact that the word "wine" was in the label ensured that an automatic "you're underage" mindset kicked in.

Not surprisingly the store owners have realised that they look like numpties and have apologised. Seemingly there was a "glitch" in the electronic till which flagged the product as "booze".

So that's alright then?

No it's not, because commonsense should have told the shop assistant that the till was wrong!

As noted, we have become a nation of brain dead numpties thanks to Nanny.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Prats of The Week - Flintshire County Council

Tis a Saturday and I feel suitably moved to award my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Award.

This time it goes to Flintshire County Council.

For why?

Well, my old muckers, it seems that they have a bit of an issue wrt the disposal of rotting apples.

John Mason, who had a pile of "windfalls" from his apple trees, wanted to dispose of his apples and put them into his garden waste wheelie bin for the council (Flintshire County Council) to take away.

Alas he was working under the assumption that Flintshire County Council was not run by numpties.

How wrong he was!

Officials from the council ruled that just because something is waste and comes from the garden, it doesn't necessarily qualify as garden waste.

Council workers refused to empty the bin, and stuck a yellow label on it which warned that the bin had been 'contaminated' with food waste.

The council labours under the view that spoiled fruit could have come from a kitchen and been in contact with uncooked meat, thus picking up dangerous bacteria.

OK I am confused here...so farking what?

Are people going to eat it or wallow in it?

The waste is all dumped in the same landfill in India, along with all the other crap our councils send over there, surely?

Bottom line, the recycling rules imposed by councils are utter bollocks.

Ignore them, and put all your crap in one bin.

Flintshire County Council, well deserving Prats of The Week.

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Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Airbrushes History - 1984 Comes To Liverpool

My commiserations to the good people of Liverpool wrt the numpties they seem to be saddled with in their local council.

Liverpool city council have decreed that smoking is evil, and the members of the council are so keen to suck up to their mistress Nanny that they have decided that all films with smoking scenes should be classified as 18 (adults only).

In order for them to get away with this "1984" style sanitising of history (Winston Smith spent his days destroying anything that may have contaminated the state's version of history), Nanny's lickspittles in the council are conducting a "consultation exercise" whereby "stakeholder" organisations, community groups, businesses, members of the public aged 18 and above, and under-age "stakeholders" will have the opportunity to give their views.

Needless to say, the council will then rig the "consultation" in order to ensure that the results will validate their desired outcome.

I would point out that by making smoking "adult and illicit" merely makes it seem all the more attractive to the young. Let's face it, porn, drugs and drink are all pretty popular with the yoof of today; no small measure due to the fact that they are classified as "adult" or illegal.

The other point is that the council will be cordoning off some film classics from youthful eyes, eg Casablanca, The Marx Brothers etc.

Sanitising history, in order to comply with a modern day fad, is as odious as rewriting history.

I trust and assume that the members of Liverpool Council who support this odious idea are expunged from the council at the next election.

Not coming soon, not to a cinema near you:

- films with fat people in,
- films with men doing heroic things,
- films that mention Christianity,
- films with people drinking.

Drop the numpties a note and tell them what you think of them via this Have Your Say form.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Bin Brother - Beware The Waste Education Officers

Pass the sickbag someone, Nanny's trolls in Oxford City Council have created a new Orwellian team of "thought police".

Waste Education Officers!

Cue a roll on the drums!



Nanny's trolls have also invented a new way to tax the long suffering citizens of Oxford, homeowners who produce more than one wheelie bin full of waste per fortnight will be fined £80.

All very well, but the bunch of numpties in Oxford City Council who came up with this tax wheeze, have abolished weekly waste collections and replaced them with fortnightly ones.

However, the hapless taxpayers of Oxford will receive "value for money" (note I am being "ironic" here) for their extra tax; a team of "Waste Education Officers" has been created.

What the fark are "Waste Education Officers"? I hear you ejaculate (can I say "ejaculate"?).

"Waste Education Officers" will come round to your home and teach you all about what you can and cannot throw away.

They will empty taxpayers' bins, and go through it with them in their own homes.

Here is the council's news release, which goes on about lilac sacks:)

Reality of course is a very strict mistress, the rubbish will simply pile up in people's gardens; as no one in their right mind will pay another £80 on top of the already outrageous council tax.

BTW, this council is ZaNuLabour.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

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Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Prats of The Week - Long Ashton Golf Club

Lawks a Mercy!

More than a wee bit of time has passed since I awarded my world famous and much coveted "Prats of The Week" Award, it is most surely time to dole out another one.

This week it goes to the numpties in charge of the restaurant at Long Ashton Golf Club in Bristol.

For why?

They have sacked Olive Bater, their 83 year old washer up of the past 22 years.

Over the last 22 years (six days a week) Mrs Bater has washed the dishes, estimated at being 3 million pieces in all, at the club without ever taking a single day off sick.

So why have they sacked her?

Can you guess children?

Yes, that's right, health and safety!

Mrs Bater was told that the job posed an "immense" health risk.

Come again?

As Mrs Bater says:

"All I do is put dishes in a dishwasher, where's the health and safety problems in that?"

Secretary of the club, Victoria Rose said:

"There are immense health and safety issues to take into account in such a potentially dangerous environment."

Errmmm...they are what precisely?

There are thousands of kitchens across the country where humans wash (allegedly) the dishes, are these all to be closed because of health and safety?

A cynic might suggest that they dispensed with Mrs Bater because they deemed her to be "too old", of course I am not a cynic.

Wrt "health and safety" rulings such as this, they are invariably used as the catch all excuse by pen pushing bureaucrats afraid of their own shadows. These people are too gutless to take responsibility for anything at all, and seek to use procedures and imaginary "risks" to hide behind when confronted with having to make any form of decisions.

These people infest every aspect of our lives and, for reasons that I cannot understand, have been entrusted with power over us.

People such as these are the ones who should be sacked!

Long Ashton Golf Club, well deserving Prats of The Week.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Prats of The Week

Oops, it has been a wee while since I have presented my prestigious "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week it goes to the staff of Mr Cheap, in Havant, who have clearly been living in a Nanny state far too long; and displayed all the petty minded jobsworth attention to "rules" that one has come to expect from Nanny's minions.

Frank Dineen, 75 years old, innocently went to Mr Cheap to buy some Christmas cards. Unfortunately, he was reckoning without the jobsworths working in the store. Mr Dineen was wearing a trilby, and as we all know Nanny (who loves CCTV) hates hats.

Therefore Mr Dineen was told to remove his trilby by staff, as their CCTV system would not be able to id him.

The fact that he was 75 and no doubt could be recognised by staff, in the unlikely event he created some form of loutish behaviour, was of course ignored by the staff. This being Nanny Britain, common sense has long since being consigned to the dustbin of history.

Mr Dineen refused, and of course has now been banned from the shop.

He is quoted as saying:

"I will take my hat off in the presence of royalty,

but never in a shop."

Quite right!

The jobsworth numpties at Mr Cheap, well deserving Prats of The Week.

Nanny Bans Santa

Poor old Santa really gets it in the neck at this time of the year from Nanny. Normally she has a go at him over his weight, now she is putting the boot in over the colour of his suit.

Seemingly, in the eyes of Nanny's chums in Steiner School Brighton, red is the colour of modern commercialism and have therefore banned it.

Funny that, I always thought that red was the colour of socialism.

Anyhoo, the numpties in the parents' committee believe that red will remind pupils of Coca Cola (one of the world's most evil corporations, in Nanny's eyes).

Therefore Santa will this year be clad in green.

The school has also decided to hold an Eastern European version of the festive season, which it believes will be more "inclusive". This despite the fact that most of the pupils are British.

What a bunch of twats!

School spokesman Sarah James said:

"The red-suited Santa was created as a

marketing tool by Coca-Cola,

it is a symbol of commercialism."

So farking what!

-Santa is a fantasy creation anyway.

-Commercialism generates income which pays the taxes that pays the wages of the dick heads running the school.

A small point of fact here, Santa wore red long before Coca Cola did its makeover.

The trouble is Nanny isn't interested in facts.

For good measure, at the school's Christmas bazaar, pupils will be told a "moral" tale rather than the traditional Christmas story, and instead of opening presents, they will be given fake "rocks" to break open to reveal crystals.

Happy Winterval!