The Dangers of Bobbing

As Halloween approaches, here is a suitably "spooky" edition of Nanny Knows Best....oooohhhhhh!!!

When I was a lad (pre internet, pre mobile phones, pre flat screen TV etc) Halloween in England was hardly celebrated, or even noted. We most certainly did not have the US custom of sending children out into the streets at night, to harass and annoy the neighbours in exchange for sweets and bribes in order to be left alone.

Oddly though, because my mum is Irish, we did hollow out a swede and stick a candle in it (pumpkins were rarely seen in the shops in the late 60's) and practice a bit of "apple bobbing" (floating apples in a bucket of water and trying to bite chunks off them).

Now, of course, things are very different. Halloween has become a vast marketing exercise whereby all manner of cheap tat is sold, vast quantities of pumpkins hollowed out and kids encouraged to make nuisances of themselves in their local neighbourhoods (factoid: I will be taking the battery out of my door bell this Halloween).

Suffice to say, whilst Nanny is happy to allow these excesses to take place, Nanny has come down hard on that most harmless of Halloween practises "apple bobbing".

Did you know there was a health and safety risk wrt "apple bobbing"?

No, I didn't either!

Anyhoo, according to ophthalmologist Parwez Hossain (from Southampton General Hospital) a "high-velocity impact with an apple" has the potential to cause serious eye injury, and dirty water could lead to infection or blindness.

He recommends:

- disinfecting water containers,
- using bottled mineral water,
- removing the apples from the water with your hands instead of your mouth,
- removing the stalks of the apples and,
- wearing goggles.

Got that everyone?

Good!

Happy Halloween!

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Confusion Abounds!

As Guy Fawkes (Bonfire) night draws near, it should come as no surprise at all to hear that Nanny has being doing her best to make a damp squib of the whole event (as per normal).

Members of the Somerset County Guy Fawkes Carnival Association, who have been trying to organise the celebrations, have hit a few problems when it was discovered that our "old friends" from the world of insurance were unwilling to accept the heavy trailer floats.

For why?

The insurers were of the view that the drivers needed a heavy goods licence.

The organisers enlisted the help of Avon and Somerset police, and submitted an application for exemption to the DVLA and the Department for Transport (DfT).

You see folks the DVLA regulations ban agricultural licence holders from driving agricultural vehicles towing trailers weighing more than 7.5 tonnes, unless they are performing agricultural work.

The carnival floats exceed limit and are pulled by tractors.

Haha!

Fear not though, the DfT have checked the rules and responded that the rules do not ban provincial carnivals using such means to haul their floats around. It seems that the information on the DVLA website is just overly confusing!

A spokesman for Avon and Somerset Police said the dispute was the result of "confusion all round", and said they will work harder next year will everyone to ensure that they have a greater clarification of the relevant legislation.

Ho Hum!

So much time, effort and money wasted all because the information provided by Nanny was confusing.

It seems to me that many of Nanny's "rules" and "regulations", that are happily quoted by those who wish to stop people living their lives, are in fact non existent.

Nanny deliberately makes things confusing in order to make people avoid doing things, lest they break the law.

Oh, and by the way, I guarantee that many London councils will do their best to use the upcoming fire service strike in London as an excuse to stop firework display etc.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

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The Bleedin' Obvious

My congratulations to the Nannys of Brighton station who surpassed themselves yesterday, with their warning about the bleedin' obvious.

I arrived at Brighton station at around 6:30 last night (it was wet and windy, welcome to England!) to be greeted by the following announcement (on top of the usual "I am sorry for the delay...") being repeated over the station's speaker system:

"Please be aware that it is raining and, as such, the concourse will be wet etc...".

For fark's sake, it was well obvious that it was raining (bucket loads to be precise)!

In the event that the concourse becomes wet, why not simply swab the decks and mop it up?

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Don't Be Evil

Naughty Google, the company whose motto is "Don't be evil", seems to have committed something of a security "faux pas".

You may recall back in 2008 that it started sending vehicles around the world, collecting data for its worldwide street view product?

Well, some of the data it collected included household computer passwords and emails.

Oops!

All a terrible mistake of course, the VP of Engineering and Research (Alan Eustace) is mortified and promises that the data will be deleted asap.

This provides a pertinent reminder to all of us that our electronic communications are subject, and open, to monitoring.

I would also like to remind you all that your mobile phone, when switched on, provides those who are interested with a physical fix on your location and can also be used to eavesdrop on your conversations.

By the way, did you also know that mobile phones that are switched off can be turned on remotely by third parties (if they have the right equipment)? The only way to prevent this happening is for the battery to be removed.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

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Nanny Strips...

Ooh Err Missus!

Nanny has taken up stripping...the stripping of conkers from a large horse chestnut tree, in Queen's Walk Nottingham, that is.

Nottingham council decided to take up stripping after a four-year-old girl was injured by a stick thrown into the tree last year.

According to Michael Williams, the city council's corporate director of communities, the tree is the largest and most accessible horse chestnut in the area.

All very well, my sympathies to the injured girl etc, but what of all the other horse chestnut trees?

The issue is not that of the conkers, but of the manner in which the conkers were being dislodged.

Sticks have been thrown at horse chestnuts for centuries, does Nanny seriously believe that (short of stripping all horse chestnuts in the entire country) she will stop this practice?

This is simply not a practical policy.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Surplus To The Species

There is rather a bizarre Nannyish story emanating from the zoo of my old university town of Edinburgh.

Some five months ago two rare breed Red River Hog piglets (named Sammi and Becca) were born in the zoo, as part of a special breeding program begun for the animals in 2004.

In fact they were the first born Red River Hog piglets born at the zoo since the start of the special breeding program.

Hoorah!

Ermm...not quite.

For you see loyal readers the piglets were recently "euthanised".

For why?

They were deemed to be "surplus of the species".

Eh?

In June, three more piglets were born at the zoo; males called Ellis, Moses and Nelson.

At this point the European Endangered Species Program (EEP) reclassified Sammi and Becca as "a surplus of the species". The zoo was ordered to destroy the two females, rather than find another home for them.

The EEP are of the view that this policy "strengthens the genetic diversity of the species".

The zoo chose to obey orders, rather than re-home the piglets.

I am not a biologist, but quite honestly the policy sounds like utter bollocks to me. Surely the more breeding, the greater the genetic diversity and hence greater resistance to future threats (eg disease etc)?

Don't get me wrong, I love a good pork chop as much as the next man. However, this policy to my naive accounting brain sounds like utter bollocks (Edinburgh Zoo isn't part of "Project Prevention" by any chance is it?).

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries