How Many Men Does It Take To Chop Down A Tree In Sheffield?

How many men does it take to cut down a tree in Sheffield? (Lots). I wonder if that money could have been spent fixing the pavement around the tree? Seems the easier option 🤔 #SaveSheffTrees pic.twitter.com/bckW7OR0wq

— Lydia Monks (@LydiaMonks) November 27, 2017

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Sheffield Council Hates Trees

Nanny's chums from Sheffield council have been at war with local residents for some time now, over the council's decision to fell hundreds of trees.

Despite the objection of local residents, the council is of the view that the trees represent a health and safety hazard!

Back in November last year Sheffield City Council contractors began removing eight trees in Rustlings Road at 05:00 GMT on 17 November.

In a manner akin to the Gestapo, doors were knocked on and people were woken up and asked to move their cars so work could begin. Three people were arrested when they, not unreasonably, complained.

Move forward to the present day, and the council continue to arrest people who try to oppose the tree cutting. ITV reports that seven people were arrested yesterday.

However, Nanny is not going to change her plans and issued a somewhat irritated statement (akin to an angry headmistress talking down to her charges):

"The Council is very disappointed that this disruption of lawful highway work is continuing. We have had the programme endorsed by the Courts following legal action by the protest group but the disruption continues to cause unnecessary delay. This delay and disruption is likely to cost the Council Taxpayers of Sheffield a significant amount of money. 

Whilst we appreciate that some people have strong views about the city’s trees, we must continue with works under the Streets Ahead contract whilst ensuring the safety of site operatives and the general public remain paramount at all times. In addition, the majority of residents on Chippinghouse Road did not disagree with our proposals for tree works on their road.

We want to reassure the people of Sheffield that every tree being removed as part of the Streets Ahead programme will be replaced on a one for one basis and ultimately, by the end of the contract, there will be more street trees in Sheffield than before the contract commenced in 2012.”

Methinks there is more to this than admitted to by Nanny.

Hang on a minute, STAG suggest that the real issue is profit for a third party company:

"Previously, the Council had built up 30 years of agreements on street trees, based on consultation with communities. These agreements were a commitment to the people of Sheffield – after all, they are our trees.

When in 2012 the street management was outsourced to Amey, these agreements were lost or ignored. Amey have a clear profit motive – if they blitz the city’s trees in the first 5 years of their 25-year contract, they can spend the next 20 years with much lower maintenance costs."

Surely not?!!!


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The Dangers of Over Pruning

My commiserations to Karen Gaynor of Rotherham, who fell foul of her local council and ended up spending six hours in a police cell, seven months on bail and had to stand trial.

Her crime?

Over pruning an overhanging conifer!

The Telegraph reports that Mrs Gaynor was detained, charged with criminal damage and spent seven months on bail after prosecutors decided she had cut the conifer back too much, in a boundary dispute with her neighbour.

Fortunately Rotherham Magistrates’ Court has some brains, and took just 15 minutes to clear her of the charges after instead deciding she had acted with good intentions.

Ms Gaynor said she had asked for council advice about how to prune back the tree, which reached into her garden, but an officer had refused to show her.

 

How bizarre!

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Nanny's Unsuitable Species

My thanks to a loyal reader who alerted me to the demise of a beloved 50 year old cherry tree in Flixton (Greater Manchester).

For why?

Nanny's local authority inspectors had deemed that it had 'outgrown' its location and was an 'unsuitable species for the highway'.

Fearing health and safety issues, if the tree fell over because of its fungal infection, Trafford council chopped the tree down (without giving the residents any notice) at a cost of £1,500.

Trafford Council is unmoved by the complaints and is currently undertaking a major felling programme of mature trees located on main roads, and has identified 1,500 trees that could be removed from 80 roads.

Lisa Higginbottom from the council is quoted by the Mail:

"The reason for the works to the cherry tree were that after inspection there was evidence of a number of root decay fungi brackets at its base. 'The fungi in the tree would have rotted the roots leaving it unstable and eventually falling over without any warning, this risk is greater when it is in full leaf as the tree has a larger sail. 'Therefore the tree was felled on safety grounds.'"

The tree was replaced with an unsightly bollard!

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The Joy of Pom-Poms

A wee while ago the BBC reported that Leicestershire police tried "yarn bombing" (placing hundreds of pom-poms and other knitted items on trees) in Bede Park and Great Central Way.

The rationale being to encourage people to use the areas more, and thus reduce crime.

Needless to say many people rushed to condemn the idea as being bonkers.

However, in my humble view, the police may have a point.

There are two ways to make an area feel "safe":

1 Have it visibly patrolled day and night by a large number of policemen, or

2 Ensure that it is used, day and night, by a large number of decent law abiding citizens.

The sad reality of many "no go" areas in the UK is that they have become "no go" because of people's fear of crime. Once people have become afraid of an area, they avoid it thus leaving it free for use by the criminals.

As "easy" as it may be to simply patrol an area day and night with a phalanx of policemen, aside from the cost of diverting scare resources and the feeling that one is living in a police state, this does not make the area fell any safer as it in fact reinforces the image of danger.

Until people over come their fear and use the afflicted areas themselves, en masse,  the criminals will always win.

That's a pretty sad state of affairs to be in.

I credit the Leicestershire Police for at least trying something innovative.

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Nanny Bans Wasps and Trees

I am, I must admit, no fan of wasps; personally speaking I would exterminate all wasps on sight.

Anyhoo, that minor genocidal tendency apart, I was somewhat ungemused to see that Nanny's chums from Islington Council decreed that a 25 year old 30ft pear tree (valued at £10K) had to be cut down.

For why?

On the the grounds of health and safety.

What health and safety issue was that then?

One resident complained that it attracted insects!

Councillor Richard Greening defended the treeocide, as per the Telegraph:

"The residents live there and if they say they have seen wasps there is no reason to doubt them.

The risk is so high for people with allergies that on this occasion it was worth going against tree officers."

On that basis all shrubs, flowers and trees must be exterminated by Islington Council, if its residents are to lead risk free lives.

Councils are the enemies of the people, trees and wasps!

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USA Nanny Bans Christmas Tree

As loyal readers know, Nanny does not just confine herself and her activities to this septic isle; Nanny is happy to ply her evil trade throughout the world. As such, I occasionally feature stories about International Nanny and her activities.

This being the season of goodwill etc, I would like to share with you a rather sad story about USA Nanny's meanness to the elderly residents of the Willows senior apartment complex in Newall USA.

This being the season of the goodwill the residents normally erect a communal Christmas tree and also menorahs.

Not this year.

For why?

Nanny's chums from JB Partners Group Inc. (who have run the complex for four years) sent a memo to staff at The Willows senior apartment building demanding that they take down Christmas trees and menorahs in communal areas.

Why?

Nanny does not want any religious symbols in the communal areas.

Factoid: Christmas trees have nothing to do with Christianity, they are a throwback to pagan times.

Anyhoo, the residents are well pissed off and are fighting back and have erected a neon green sign that reads:

"Please Save Our Tree."

Robert Troudeau a resident is quoted by the Daily News:

"There are people overseas fighting for our freedoms and dying and we're here fighting over things like this. It's a shame."

For shame on Nanny!


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Councils Are The Enemies of The People

As loyal readers know, I often state that councils are the enemies of the people; step forward Stratford-on-Avon District Council that threatened to fine Barbara Ray (82) £50K and send her to jail for 12 months.

What was her heinous "crime"?

Nothing more than have her gardener sweep fallen leaves from outside her three bedroom bungalow in Stratford-upon-Avon into the roadside.

As the Telegraph reports, the council took a very dim view of this and threatened to prosecute Mrs Ray for fly tipping. It seems that in Nanny's dictatorship of Stratford-on-Avon sweeping the leaves from her driveway into the tree lined road is illegal.

The fact that Mrs Ray had done this for many years cut no ice, in fact Nanny's chums had even gone to the trouble of photographing her gardener sweeping the leaves into the street.

Oddly enough, since the firestorm of media publicity, Nanny has now backed down (as she always does) and has dropped her threat to prosecute after Mrs Ray promised to stop the sweeping. For good measure she rejected Nanny's offer to supply her with a second green bin, for a £35 charge.

She will now put the leaves into refuse sacks, which a friend will drive to the council waste disposal centre.

A council jobsworth attempted to extricate his masters from the shit, by claiming that the letter threatening Mrs Ray with a fine and jail was addressed to “The Household”, not Mrs Ray herself.

So that's alright then!

Given that leaves constitute fly tipping, and given that the leaves are falling from the trees "owned" by the council, would it not be feasible for the citizens of Stratford-on-Avon to fine the council for fly tipping?

As noted many times before, councils are the enemies of the people!

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Nanny Bans Birds

I see that Nanny is a tad concerned about the health and safety threat posed to us by our feathered friends and their droppings.

Nanny's chums at North Devon Council have come up with a "terrific wheeze" on how to solve the problems and threat of bird droppings on the street near St Peter's church Barnstaple.

Can you guess what Nanny is doing?

Yes, that's right, the council has ordered the trees and foliage to be cut down (note, they gave no forewarning of what they were going to do).

For why is the council so worried about the birds (starlings)?

The council is of the view that the starlings' droppings were potentially poisonous, and could contain salmonella and toxoplasmosis, bacteria which can cause food poisoning.

Maybe so, but often do people go round licking bird shit off the street?

Oh one other small point, the problem would resolve itself when the starlings migrate in March!

Councils are not only the enemies of the people, but also of life on this planet!

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Prats of The Week - Lambeth Council

Ooh Err Missus, it has been a wee while since I have awarded my prestigious, and internationally renowned, Prats of The Week Award.

Therefore without blowing further on my trumpet, I will award it this week to Lambeth Council.

For why?

Their attitude to Mulberry trees, instead of wishing to go round the Mulberry bushes the council wishes to obliterate them; as the residents who live near Vauxhall Pleasure Gardens have recently found out.

Two mulberry trees that mark one of the entrances to the park are to be chopped down by the council.

For why?

In order to "improve" the park.

Eh??

Jeff Raggett, the Cultural Arts Development Manager at Lambeth Council, explains all:

"The mulberry trees have red berries that will stain the new granite sets which will therefore require additional cleaning to maintain the newly paved surface."

Meanwhile, thanks to a private donation, plans are afoot to erect a £250K statue of Guru Basavanna in the vicinity, who lived between 1134 and 1196 (not in Lambeth though).

Maybe some of that money could be used to save the trees as well, if Lambeth are so determined to be pig headed about this?

Lambeth Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Where's Wookie?

My sympathies to Mike Harding of Bedford, who lost his cat "Wookie" last year.

As any pet owner would do, Mr Harding did his best to try to find Wookie by putting up missing cat posters (on trees, lampposts and parking meters).

Unfortunately for Mr Harding he fell foul of his local council's environmental officer, who threatened him with a £1K fine (Ker Farking Ching!) unless the posters were removed by Christams Eve.

For why?

Mr Harding, in the eyes of Nanny, committed two "crimes":

1 The posters can be constituted as "litter" and unauthorised "advertising", ie Nanny wanted a fee.

2 Mr Harding used nails to affix some of the posters to trees. Nanny was very upset about the trees being "pierced" in this fashion, and decreed that the trees would die if pierced thusly! This is of course bollocks, as trees tend to live far longer than humans despite being bashed about in all manner of unpleasant ways.

Mr Harding rushed around and removed his posters by 3AM Christmas Eve.

Wookie is still, I believe, missing:(

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The Dangers of Christmas Trees

I see that, despite promises of austerity (and sharing the pain etc), our overlords in HM Treasury are having a little trouble getting into the spirit of "we are all in this together".

George Osborne had made a promise that this Christmas HMT would buy its official Christmas tree from B&Q (estimated price £40), instead of the normal one that costs them £875.

Why does the "normal" tree cost HMT (ie us, the taxpayers) so much?

Well loyal readers our "beloved" ex PM and his administration of cronies managed to sign themselves up with a company (Exchequer Partnerships, a PFI supplier), who apparently live on the planet Zog and are of the view that trees cost £875.

Anyhoo, all was going according to plan (in George's mind) until the Treasury's Permanent Secretary, Sir Nicholas Macpherson, wrote him a memo informing him that he could not buy a £40 tree.

For why?

It would be a breach of contract, the company would not water it, they probably wouldn't lend a ladder to help decorate it and most likely there would be health and safety issues regarding the decoration of said tree.

Can you see the underlying message here?

Yes, that's right, it's:

"We have no intention of making any changes in the way that this department operates, go fark yourself!".

Now those of us who live in the real world know perfectly well that a tree can be bought for £40, and watered for two weeks or so (even if it isn't, it's only meant to be there for a couple of weeks) etc. However, the brain dead members of our civil service (who are paid remarkably well) cannot and will not see it that way.

The very sad conclusion to be drawn from this instructive Christmas tale is that the government (even if it is sincere) hasn't got a hope in hell of cutting costs in the areas where they can be cut, without affecting front line services; because the people who administer the cuts will do all in their power to block them, and pass them onto front line services.

In short, the civil service needs to be shut down and built up from scratch again.

Don't forget that at the height of our Empire -"E is for Empire, on which the sun never sets!" - (when we ran approximately 25% of the world) we were able to do it with a civil service that was barely 30% of the bloated, pension inflated monstrosity that we have now.

BTW, it seems that the PFI supplier was so humiliated by the publicity concerning this that they eventually "gifted" a tree for £30. They wouldn't lend a ladder though, and the permanent secretary had to stand on a chair to put a star on the top.

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Waste of Time

It never ceases to amaze me how Nanny has managed to strip the British people of their commonsense, and how Nanny's employees engage themselves on "fools' errands" trying to impose absurd rules and regulations on the public for the most trifling of issues.

Stephen West, from Bridlington, found this to his cost when in August he pruned a honeysuckle overhanging from next door and threw away the cuttings.

Mr West's neighbour informed the police about the "theft" of the cuttings. As if by magic a Police Community Support Officer came to question Mr West in September.

He was told it was perfectly legal to cut the plant on his side of the boundary wall. However, he had broken the law by disposing of them instead of returning them to the owner.

Yes, you did read that correctly!

The PCSO then informed Mr West that he faced prosecution unless he accepted a caution. Mr West was also required to give fingerprints, and now has a criminal record.

It does seem that there is something of a long running dispute between Mr West and his neighbour over a number of issues. However, using the law to "get him" for this particular issue makes the law look a complete ass!

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Nanny Strips...

Ooh Err Missus!

Nanny has taken up stripping...the stripping of conkers from a large horse chestnut tree, in Queen's Walk Nottingham, that is.

Nottingham council decided to take up stripping after a four-year-old girl was injured by a stick thrown into the tree last year.

According to Michael Williams, the city council's corporate director of communities, the tree is the largest and most accessible horse chestnut in the area.

All very well, my sympathies to the injured girl etc, but what of all the other horse chestnut trees?

The issue is not that of the conkers, but of the manner in which the conkers were being dislodged.

Sticks have been thrown at horse chestnuts for centuries, does Nanny seriously believe that (short of stripping all horse chestnuts in the entire country) she will stop this practice?

This is simply not a practical policy.

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Prats of The Week - Nuts In Autumn

As we enter the Autumnal season of falling leaves and nuts, it is "refreshing" to see that Nanny continues to act nuts.

Thus it is with pleasure that I award Bury St Edmunds council my prestigious "Prats of The Week" Award.

For why?

Council officials, despite this age of austerity, have found a new way to waste taxpayers' money. They have pinned a notice to a horse chestnut tree telling passers-by to beware of falling conkers.

Quote:

"BEWARE Falling Conkers...proceed with care".

It seems that a passer-by was recently hit on the head by a conker.

Well Boo Hoo!

The really saddo thing about this is that the passer-by evidently found the time, energy and desire to actually complain to the council about this.

How sad are some people?

Bury St Edmunds council, well deserving "Prats of The Week"!

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Prats of The Week - Brentwood Community Hospital

Champagne for everyone!

Yet another organ of the state has won my coveted "Prats of The Week" Award.

This time it goes to the over cautious members of Brentwood Community Hopsital who erected (can I say "erected"?) signs in their environs warning of the dangers of falling acorns:

"Caution Please Be Aware Of The Falling Acorns".

I kid you not!

It seems that last year a patient stepped on an acorn, and acquired a slight sprain to her ankle.

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Leaf Us Alone!

As we face the onset of yet another wet and windy British Autumn, the trees are beginning to shed their leaves.

The solution to this obvious health and safety risk?

Errm...sweep up the leaves?

Yes, but only if you are a specially trained Nanny professional.

The good people of Blakenall have discovered that the "simple" task of sweeping up their own leaves, and placing them into garden recycling bins, is fraught with hazards.

This action contravenes Walsall Council's policy wrt leaves. Seemingly the local binmen have told the residents to stop sweeping up the leaves, because its "against the rules".

Nanny's rules are documented in some publication entitled "Street Pride" (what has a leaves policy got to do with a gay festival?), anyhoo it seems that Nanny forbids leaves from the highway being placed into brown bins.

For why?

The danger of "contamination".

Those who break Nanny's rules...yes, you've guessed what comes next.. face a fine of up to £1K.

Ker Farking Ching!

Now here's where it gets really confusing, council guidelines state that grass cuttings, tree and shrub prunings, old plants and flowers, hedge clippings, weeds and leaves from residents' own gardens can be put into brown bins.

Needless to say, now that the media have got involved, the council have realised they look like prats and council leader Mike Bird has called for a common sense approach.

Why do councils only remember "commonsense" when they have been under the glare of embarrassing publicity?

It's all bollocks anyway. Some refuse around the country, carefully separated by taxpayers, is simply mixed up again and shipped off to India to be dumped in a landfill.

Councils are perpetrating a money making con on their local taxpayers wrt the rules about waste separation.

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The Dangers of Apples

I while ago I read a headline that said that Britain would experience a bumper crop of apples this year. I recall thinking at the time that, somehow or other, Nanny would find a health and safety issue with this.

As sure as eggs are eggs, I was right!

Yorkshire Coast Homes (YCH) is a charity that runs a housing association for elderly people in Scarborough. YCH recently became worried over the crab apples falling onto the street where their houses were located, seemingly YCH were of the view that these represented a "trip hazard".

Their solution?

They complained to the council, who sent some men with choppers along, who chopped down 6 trees.

The local residents were not best pleased as, not unreasonably, they found the trees to be an attractive part of the local environment and had not been consulted.

Factoid: the trees had been there for 35 years, without there being mass carnage on the streets caused by people falling over dropped crab apples.

A bit of an "overreaction" by YCH and the council wouldn't you say?

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Treemendous!

Now here's something for the weekend for you to enjoy:)

A wee story that hit the media a few weeks ago about Kim Barrett, and her brush with Nannydom.

Ms Barrett was about her business near Manor School in Melksham, when she saw a small boy stuck up a tree.

Being a decent human being Ms Barrett assisted the boy down, and walked him over to the school (where he was a pupil).

That all sounds reasonable, doesn't it?

Well no actually.

You see my loyal readers we live in the Nanny state, where commonsense and decency are thrown out the window in deference to the rule of the state.

The teachers were already aware of the boy's plight. However, in keeping with "health and safety" (pass the sickbag) guidance, they walked away from the boy and left him up the tree.

It seems that Nanny's rules dictate that such incidents should be "observed from a distance", lest the teachers distract the stranded child.

So, in other words, he is left to his own devices until gravity takes over!

Anyhoo, aside from observing the boy the staff also observed Ms Barrett.

Did they rush to thank her?

No!

They called the police and Ms Barrett was warned about going near the school etc lest she be a paedophile.

Nanny's chums at the school were of the view that Ms Barrett "approached the school in an inappropriate way".

They sent her a letter stating they had reported her to police. The next day, a PCSO visited to say she had trespassed.

The head teacher Beverley Martin was unapologetic:

"We cannot assume that people who enter the school grounds without permission have innocent intentions."

Take a look at the schools where you live, have you noticed that they now all have sturdy iron gates, railings and entry phone systems?

They more closely resemble a prison, rather than a centre of community education. No wonder kids hate going to these places.

My old school was, and still is, open. You can walk in or out of the grounds (not the buildings) without any fuss (subject to you not looking like a complete loon). Indeed the pupils can exit without any fuss either, and go to the pub for lunch round the corner (where they will find a gaggle of masters preparing for afternoon double Latin).

Ms Barrett was given a warning for "anti social behaviour"!

What on earth is going on in the heads of these teachers and our police?

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Prats of The Week - Poole Council

Well done Poole council for winning my prestigious "Prats of The Week" award.

The other week it was widely reported that the "good" councillors of Poole had installed a fake cone shaped Christmas tree, costing £14K, in the town centre.

For why?

There were "health and safety" fears that the real one, that they normally use, would fall over.

The cone was made of artificial turf stretched over an aluminium frame, and stood 33ft high. It was weighed down with two tons of ballast to prevent it from toppling, had LED lights around it and played Christmas carols.

Can you guess what happened next my loyal readers?

Yes, that's right, owing to a public outcry (and the fact that some people climbed on the cone and damaged it) the council have now replaced the cone with a real tree!

Poole council, well deserving Prats of The Week.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries