Hypocritical Knobhead of The Year

Congratulations to Nanny's schools' minister, Jim Knight, for winning my new and prestigious award "Hypocritical Knobhead of The Year".

Knight, in true Nanny form, chose to lecture parents that they shouldn't let their kids spend so long in front of the computer and should stop kids from "cultivating their empire of Faecesbook friends".

Maybe so...

However, there is one small fly in Knight's oinkment.

Can you guess what that is children?

Yes, that's right, Knight has a Faecesbook account himself...with over 900 "friends".

Jim Knight, well deserving winner of Hypocritical Knobhead of The Year.

By the way, should someone wearing a beret like that be allowed anywhere near a school?

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Of Mice and Men

Jim Knight, Nanny's schools minister, is drawing up plans to require and enable parents to provide their children with high-speed internet access.

Knight is working with a.o. Microsoft, BT, Sky, Virgin and RM to help close the widening achievement gap between pupils from the richest and poorest families.

Seemingly over one million children have no access to a computer at home.

The drive for online access is part of Nanny's plans to have parents of every secondary school student given access to continuous online updates on their child's lessons, performance and behaviour as early as next year.

Knight wants IT firms to bring down the cost of equipment, so that internet connections are in effect made compulsory for nearly six million children.

Quote:

"We need to get to a point where in the same way when they start school the expectation is you've [the parent] got to find a school uniform, provide them with something to write with and probably these days a calculator, and in secondary school some sports gear - well, you add to that some IT.

Obviously you need to make that affordable, you need to make that universal otherwise you just advantage those who can afford it. To some extent that's the case at the moment, where 50% of homes have got IT broadband, but they are hugely powerful educational tools ... we know from the research evidence the difference that information technology can make."

That's all very well, but shouldn't Nanny and the parents be focussing on ensuring that the kids can read and write basic English first, before launching them into cyberspace?

Nanny Fiddles The Figures

As we all know, Nanny believes that everyone in Britain should be given a fair chance in life...er so long as they comply with her views on how they live their lives, and so long as they fit her ethnic/social ideal.

Nanny is proud to remind us daily that we live in a utopia, which could only be possible under her benign rule.

The trouble is, life doesn't always work out in the way that Nanny would like it. Sometimes the facts do not always fit Nanny's propaganda.

Have no fear, when reality does not match expectations, Nanny has a simple fix.

What's that then Ken?

Nanny fiddles the figures!

Today we see such a case in point. Nanny has fiddled the education figures, to favour those who come from what she would describes "deprived" backgrounds.

Nanny has done a wee bit of "jiggery pokery" (can I say "jiggery pokery"?) on the school tables.

Now Nanny has "engineered" the figures to show the new paradigm, the worst schools in the country for GCSE results are now near the top of the new list, whilst some of the best grammars are near the bottom.

It's Orwellian reality revision at its very best!

Needless to say, this "jiggery pokery" (are you sure that I can say this?) does the pupils no good. Teachers will of course use poverty and other social issues as an excuse for under-achievement.

The "jiggery pokery" comes in the form of the "contextual value added" table (CVA), who thinks these BOLLOX phrases up?, which has been introduced alongside standard tables this year.

The CVA judges schools less harshly if they have large numbers of pupils who claim free school meals, due to family poverty, or live in deprived postcodes.

What the fark is a deprived postcode?

Other factors are also taken into account, eg ethnicity of pupils and sex.

Before we get some racial bigot saying something unpleasant, let me point out that the CVA tables are skewed in favour of white males; Nanny deems white maels to be thick and the most deprived.

Nanny has even imposed a maximum limit on the number of GCSEs that schools can count towards their results. No more than eight GCSEs per pupil are allowed.

Nanny's Schools Minister, Jim Knight, said:

"I don't think we should draw too many conclusions from these figures.

If I were to be fair to grammar schools,

it could be quite difficult for them to show improvement

because they are already doing so well thanks to their selection."

Which translated means, the figures are bollocks and grammar schools are the best.

The CVA system does the pupils no favours, no matter how much you try to explain away under achievement and make them feel good about themselves, these kids will one day become adults and enter world that is unforgiving and does not accept excuses.

Life is hard!

In truth Nanny is abusing these children, by shielding them from life's hard realities.

As regards which schools are better, state, private or grammar...well I think Ruth Kelly (Nanny's favourite little minister) has demonstrated the stark reality there...hasn't she?

Labour

Do as we say

Not as we do!