The Joy of Cricket!

Source: MCC Museum Lords

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Nanny Hates Rugby

I see that Nanny has decreed that tackling should be banned from school rugby, lest there be an injury.

That somewhat undermines the entire game!

Anyhoo, given that Nanny is so worried about injuries arising from contact, what about those sustained playing football, hockey, cricket etc?

Surely these sports need to be "tamed" by Nanny as well?

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Nanny Bans Rugby Tackle

Tomkinson's Schooldays Part 1 by natchezoo
As part of her ongoing efforts to eliminate any form of challenge, stimulation and sport in kids' lives Nanny has decreed that rugby tackles are far too dangerous and should be banned.

The BBC reports that over 70 doctors and academics are calling for a ban on tackling in rugby matches played in UK and Irish schools.

In an open letter to ministers, they say injuries from this "high-impact collision sport" can have lifelong consequences for children.

They argue two thirds of injuries in youth rugby and most concussions are down to tackles and urge schools to move to touch and non-contact rugby.

Once you remove the tackle from rugby, you have in effect emasculated the game.

I used to have to play rugby at school, I absolutely loathed it and was utterly useless at it. However, those who wish to play it should be allowed to do so.

Once Nanny has banned rugby, she will move on to other sports and competitive games. Thereby eliminating all challenges, risks and stimulation from kids' lives!

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Prizes For All

Research carried out by the Marylebone Cricket Club (MCC) and cricketing charity Chance to Shine highlights the danger that Britain risks losing its competitive edge because a generation of children is no longer interested in winning on the sporting field.

Figures show the majority of children are not bothered if the competitive element is removed from football, cricket, rugby and hockey fixtures, saying playing for fun or being with friends is more important.

It seems that Nanny's mantra of "prizes for all" in schools over the last few decades has eroded children's competitive spirit. 

Chris McGovern, a former head teacher and chairman of the Campaign for Real Education, is quoited by the Telegraph:

"Children are instinctively competitive but there's a culture in a large number of state-maintained schools that takes this away to make sure everyone gets a fair crack. 

It's sinister and will result in many children not realising their full potential. That's not the case in our private schools which is why the Olympics squad and the cricket team are full of people who were privately-educated." 

In my humble and biased opinion there is a danger of overemphasising the importance of sport wrt building competitiveness. I for one loathed all forms of sport at school, and never gave a flying fig about winning or losing. That being said I was competitive when it came to the less physically demanding exams (eg maths, physics etc).

The issue is not so much about whether schools encourage sport or not, but whether they proactively discourage competition in both physical and cerebral activities.

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Nanny Bans Billy The Trumpet

My thanks to a loyal reader who has pointed out that Nanny's chums from Nottinghamshire have banned the Barmy Army trumpeter, Billy Cooper, from the first Investec Test at Trent Bridge.

The England side are appealing for a relaxation of the ban, as they consider him "the unspoken 12th man."

Nottinghamshire justify the ban on the basis of their blanket ban on musical instruments, which is stated on match tickets and, that being so, they could face requests for refunds from supporters who object to Cooper's playlist. 

However, espncricinfo note that the ECB is thought to have some sympathy with Cooper's commitment to England's cause and respect for his professional playing ability.

One compromise suggested is that Billy The Trumpet plays from the balcony of the Trent Bridge Inn behind the ground, something which Nottinghamshire could not control, or even an official guest spot during an interval. 

Views ladies and gentlemen?

 

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Nanny Bans National Anthem

Nanny really doesn't like to see people enjoy themselves, and if that enjoyment comes from something that is deemed to be patriotic she does all in her power to put a stop to it. My thanks to a loyal reader who pointed me to a story in the Yorkshire Post that highlights this rather well.

Scarborough Rugby Club has fallen foul of Nanny's chums from the local council, which decreed that the club cannot play the national anthem through loudspeakers at the opening of next week's match between England Colleges and the Irish Exiles.

For why?

The council claims that there are rules that ban the playing of amplified music.

Those of you with some rudimentary knowledge of the national anthem know that the version played before sporting fixtures etc lasts but 60 seconds. Therefore how much noise pollution can this really create?

The ban is of course complete bollocks, and the club will if necessary hire a live band to play it instead. I would guess that the noise level will be on a par with the amplified system.

The council is truly run by a bunch of knobheads!

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Nanny Bans Parents Again

Sadly it appears that Isambard Community School isn't the only school in this country adhering to Nanny's mantra that "all adults are child predators, unless they can prove otherwise".

Step forward Lea Valley High School in Enfield (a specialist sports college), which has banned parents from coming to watch their kids play....ermmm......sports.

For why?

According to the Mail the school cites "child protection policies".

There are of course no such rules in existence that ban parents from coming to watch their kids play sport, the school is making it up as it goes along.

Laura Hunt, the director of physical education at the school, wrote to parents and said:

“We appreciate that parents/carers may wish to come along and watch and support their children. 

However, as a school staff, we have a duty of care to our students and have to ensure that appropriate safeguarding and children protection policies are adopted, implemented and monitored.

As such, for our students’ safekeeping, we must state that we cannot permit parents/carers or other adults on site at these times, and hope that you will understand and support us in this decision."

Complete and utter bollocks, it sends a terrible message to the kids namely that all adults are predators and cannot be trusted.

What kind of world is Nanny creating here?

We did not ask for this, we do not approve of it; yet it is being foisted upon us by bureaucrats and zealots!

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Kerfarkingching - Nanny Taxes Five-aside

As loyal readers know, Nanny has something of a bee in her bonnet about us being fit and healthy (she needs a fit and healthy workforce so that she can levy taxes to pay for her expenses and mechanisms of state monitoring and control). Therefore she is often exhorting adults and kids to play sport.

However, as loyal readers also know, Nanny is a hypocrite who is desperately short of cash.

Therefore it should come as no surprise to learn that Nanny's chums in HMRC are trying to tax five aside football teams.

The Independent reports that HMRC is trying to levy VAT at 20% from companies operating all-weather pitches at more than 150 sites in Britain.

The levy will add about £1 to the typical £4.50 cost of playing in a five-, six- or seven-a-side match – or £100 a year for adults who play twice a week.

Critics of the scheme (including Nanny's own Sports Minister, Hugh Robertson) argue that the levy, which will collect £5M a year, will hit people participating in sport and undermine efforts to improve the nation's health.

For more than 20 years, five-a-side centres have not attracted VAT because their operators believed they were only supplying the land to sports teams. However, the HMRC has ruled that their use should be subject to tax because the players that use them are hiring pitches from commercial concerns that are also organising mini-leagues. It said that such businesses should always have been subject to tax.

More than 500,000 children are estimated to use such facilities free every week, with the number expected to double within a decade.

Ker Farking Ching!

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Prats of The Week - West Dunbartonshire Council

'Tis a "sunny" and "cheerful" Monday morning, therefore what better time than to award one of my prestigious and internationally renowned Prats of The Week Awards?

This week it goes to West Dunbartonshire Council.

For why?

Just ask the teachers, parents and children of Gartocharn Primary school, who were trying to enjoy their sports' day recently.

To make the occasion extra special the school decided to hire the services of the London Olympics chief starter (Alan Bell), who was going to use a starting pistol to start the various races etc etc.

However, he and the school had reckoned without the health and safety Gestapo from the council.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, Nanny banned the use of the starting pistol.

For why?

The council were worried that the sound would frighten the children!

Have the council never watched kids at firework shows?

Kids love bangs and loud noises!

The council's solution?

To play a recording of a starting pistol from an iPod, or at least that was their "solution" until they were persuaded that they would like like complete morons if they went ahead with that. Instead a klaxon was used.

West Dunbartonshire Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Nanny's Fat Obsession

Nanny can be a really nasty spiteful individual at times, and nothing brings out the worst in her more than her obsession with obesity and her hatred of people that she defines as being "fat".

Step forward the anonymous "high-ranking person", and others within UK Athletics, who has/have described Jessica Ennis and Louise Hazel as being fat.

Aside from the very obvious point that it is clearly untrue, the damage done by such cruel comments to both the people it is aimed at and those with body dysmorphism is immense.

This type of bullying has been aided and abetted by Nanny's daily anti obesity propaganda, that vilifies those in society who do not meet her definition of physical "perfection" and the absurdity of using BMI as a means of judging whether someone is "overweight".

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Nanny's Olympic Gordian Knot

I am always hugely gemused when Nanny ties herself in knots trying to be "fair and impartial" on the one hand, yet on the other trying not to "offend" anyone.

A particularly fine example of the Gordian Knots that she likes to construct for herself, is her decision to ban religious symbols from a "faith" badge designed for chaplains at the London Olympic Games.

For why?

Nanny is worried that the symbols cause offence.

How odd that religions that claim to teach tolerance and forgiveness are always so intolerant of those who have different views/religions.

The London Organising Committee of the Olympic and Paralympic Games (Locog) had asked its advisory committee of faith representatives to suggest ideas for a lapel pin, which is intended to symbolise the role of religious leaders for London 2012.

However, plans for a design featuring symbols of each of the nine faiths represented on the committee were rejected because not all religious believers would feel "comfortable" wearing symbols of other faiths.

Instead the lapel pin will simply feature the word "faith" and a globe, alongside the Olympics and Paralympics logos.

The badge will be worn by 193 faith chaplains, a Nannyesque title if ever there was one!

Frankly all this fuss and expense could have been avoided, all they need to do is wear the corporate logos of McDonald's and Coke, as it's not God or Locog that we should "thank" for the Games but the corporate sponsors!

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Sport Is "Too Competitive"

I see that a survey, carried out by the Institute of Sport at Loughborough University for the Women's Sport and Fitness Foundation (WSFF), highlighted that 45% of the girls questioned said that sport at school was "too competitive" and that 48% said being sweaty was "not feminine".

This is rather ironic, given that way back in the "bad old days" girls were not encouraged/allowed to play football, rugby etc.

I wonder if anyone has told Roedean that girls don't want to sweat or compete?

Now, in theory, what Nanny should do under these circumstances (in order to encourage more girls to participate in physical exercise) is to try to ensure that schools offer a greater variety of activities that will benefit and appeal to both males and females.

However, because Nanny is skint, Nanny will opt for the easiest worst case option; namely removing the sweat and competitiveness from the current sports available, in order to create a "one size fits all" sports curriculum.

Guaranteed to fail!

Personally speaking I loathed PE and sports of most kinds, and did my best to avoid them. Yet, here I am fit, healthy and not obese!

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Nanny Bans Handshakes

I see the knobheads in the British Olympics Association (BOA) have banned our athletes from shaking hands during the Olympics, lest they catch a bug.

We are the only nation imposing such a ban.

Make you feel proud to be British doesn't it?

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The Dangers of Balls

I see that an American Doctor has done some research on the dangers of heading soccer balls, and come up with the conclusion that it may cause brain damage.

Dr Michael Lipton of Montefiore Medical Center, the university hospital for the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, has concluded that frequently heading a football can lead to brain injury.

There does appear to be a "safe" level of around 1,000 headers, but beyond that damage seems to occur.

Well, judging by the dimwitted antics of some of our overpaid footballers, the good doctor may well have a point! 

I suggest that also studies the effects of repeated scrummages etc on the intelligence and behaviour of some of our "professional" rugby players as well!

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WTF!

I see that prison inmates in Wales are threatening legal action against prison chiefs.

For why?

Because they only get Sky Sports One, showing Premier League football matches, in jail.

They want Sky Two and Three as well!

The prisoners have lodged a formal complaint to warders at HMP Parc in Bridgend to get other pay-to-view sports channels as well for free.


Ironically some warders at the Category B prison say they cannot afford Sky Sports at home.

Well, if they win this one then I give up!

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New Balls Please - Nanny Bans Wimbledon

Tis Wimbledon again and, as sure as eggs are eggs, the rain pisseth down.

I was therefore gemused to read that the rain (not unexpected during Wimbledon) caused the organisers of Wimbledon to turn off the giant TV screen on Murray Mount on Monday.

The reason cited being "health and safety", lest someone slip on the wet grass.

Now at which point I hear you all say "health and safety gone mad" etc etc.

However, my compliments and respect to Judith Hackitt, the chair of the Health and Safety Executive, who gave the Lawn Tennis Association a well deserved public spanking for using "health and safety" as an excuse.

She robustly pointed out that "there is nothing in health and safety legislation which prohibits the continued broadcasting of Centre Court action to the crowds on the hill during the rain. Health and safety is concerned with the proportionate management of real risks caused by work, not attempting to eliminate every minor risk from every moment of people's lives".

She then drove the point home by noting that the LTA should show some balls:

"If the LTA was concerned about people slipping and suing for their injuries, the message should have made clear the decision was 'on insurance grounds'."

As has been noted many times on this site, "health and safety" is used as the catch all excuse by unprofessional, lazy, jobsworths who are fearful of ambulance chasing insurance claims which they cannot be bothered to stand up and fight.

Good for Ms Hackitt!

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The Dangers of Strangers

I am gemused to read about how the Upwell Community Primary School in Norfolk has delivered a rather neat lesson in "consequences" (Nanny has taught us not to worry about consequences) to a small group of parents who boycotted a recent children's art event. This caused some distress to children and teachers, as the parents boycott also included removing their kids from school for the day.

Why did this group boycott the event?

The event was open to members of the public, and the parents were worried about their kids interacting with the "public".

Won't someone think of the children???!!

Quite what these parents thought would happen to their kids, given that teachers and parents would be at the public event I don't know?

Anyhoo, the headmaster James McBurney is concerned the same thing would happen on its sports day. Quite rightly he has decided to treat the recalcitrant parents in the same way as one would treat a recalcitrant child, namely he will withdraw a specific privilege.

In this case he has decided, unless the boycott group of parents act like adults, to ban all parents from the forthcoming sports' day. This will ensure that no claim of "mixing with strangers" can be made by the boycott group.

I think Mr McBurney is quite right to do this, he has highlighted very clearly how Nanny's obsessions have ruined people's lives by making them paranoid and fearful.

Needless to say, some sections of the shouty curtain twitching tabloids have completely/deliberately misinterpreted this story!

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The Olympics Lager

Pop over to my Olympics site if you want a quick laugh!

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Everyone's A Winner!

School Stickers, a provider of rewards for primary and secondary schools, surveyed 300 primary and secondary schools recently and found that approximately 200 of them engaged in the bizarre practice of rewarding all pupils on sports days (whether they won or not).

For why?

In order to ensure that nobody felt left out, and that "feelings" were not hurt.

Within the findings the survey also noted that 9% of schools wouldn't single out "winners" at all.

Through "kindness" these schools are destroying the children's chances of being able to develop into healthy, well balanced and mature adults.

Failure is character building!

I have failed many times over the years, at many things, but have picked myself up and got on with my life. Without learning how to cope with failure these children will grow into emotionally stunted adults.

Now you know one of the reasons why our national football team sucks!

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Prats of The Week - Senior Officers of Norfolk Fire Service

Congratulations to those in charge of Norfolk Fire Service who have won my coveted, and prestigious, "Prats of The Week" Award.

The powers that be in Norfolk Fire Service have deemed that football and volleyball are too dangerous for their fire crews, and have banned them from playing them lest they injure themselves.

Aside from the obvious health and relaxation benefits of such sports, they are also excellent for building team spirit (kind of necessary when you are risking your lives in fires I would have thought!).

Coming soon, fire crews banned from attending fires.

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