The Thunderer

You may recall the Christmas competition on this site; about the cartoon that appeared in The Times, in December, that bore a striking similarity to this site's logo.

The matter has now been resolved.

After a few emails, back and forth, between myself and that most respected of media organs in which I suggested that maybe they would like to print a story about this site; they responded, very helpfully, by saying that they will not be taking me up on my suggestion.

So much for co-operation between media organisations!

Feel free to write to them telling them that this site deserves some publicity, The Times.

Nanny's Travel Agency

Nanny loves to travel, nothing gives her greater pleasure than to leave the wet and windy shores of Britain and jet off to an exotic sunny location for a bit of "R 'n R".

Her pleasure is more than enhanced when these trips, and the accommodations, are provided gratis by a foreign businessman or politician. Nanny feels that the bonding she achieves whilst on holiday with these people is invaluable.

Anyhoo, Nanny is concerned that some of her friends are not always afforded the opportunity to lead the life that she leads and to experience the pleasures that she experiences.

In view of this, she has decided to set up a travel agency for her "special" friends. This agency will act much like a dating agency, it will aim to match people with similar outlooks and backgrounds and place them in an exotic locale; so that they may bond, and gain a better understanding of each other.

Nanny's travel agency has had its first successful trial run, by matching Newsnight presenter Kirsty Wark with one of Nanny's friends in the Scottish Parliament Jack McConnell (Scotland's First Minister).

They spent an idyllic time together, with their families, in Kirsty's villa in Majorca during New Year.

This holiday doubtless ensured that they strengthened their already close bonds.

Those of you with long memories will recall that Kirsty's company, Wark Clements, was awarded the contract to make a documentary about the dismally overbudget Holyrood parliament (£500M actual against a budget of £40M). Wark Clements then refused to hand over tapes to the Fraser inquiry into the spiraling cost of the project.

MSPs expressed concern about the role Mr McConnell played in this row last year, when he refused to support a bid to order them to be handed over.

So you see, Nanny's travel agency does help people gain a better understanding of each other; it also strengthens bonds, and ensures that they can work together in harmony.

Those of you wishing to sign up to Nanny's travel agency may be in for a disappointment, I am afraid that it is only open to her "special" friends in politics and the media.

Nanny Bans Park Rangers

Nanny, and her friends, always claim to have the best interests of her "charges" at heart.

She is always "tub thumping" about social inclusion.

Nanny's fickle gaze has now turned to that bastion of prejudice, the Lake District National Park.

Seemingly, in Nanny's opinion, her targets for social inclusion are not being met by the Lake District National Park. Namely, not enough people from minorities and other groups are visiting the parks.

Nanny is concerned that the park only seems to appeal to the white middle classes, people like her neighbours in Islington in fact. I don't blame her, I wouldn't want a bunch of Islingtonites tramping through my undergrowth either!

Anyhoo, Nanny is determined to address this issue. Therefore in a splendidly daft solution, even by Nanny's halfwitted standards, she has decided to ban the free guided walks carried out by over 100 volunteer rangers .

The activities facing the axe, include a programme of 900 events run by 300 rangers. These include a magazine, informative talks, slide shows and children's farm visits.

Nanny's friend Paul Tiplady, national park officer, told the volunteers of the decision by letter. Quote:

"..more regional and EU funding would be attracted by refocusing on the urban young, people from ethnic communities and disabled people..".

In other words, it is merely stunt to grab more money from the EU; as we all know Nanny doesn't give a stuff about the countryside anyway.

If anyone can explain quite how axing volunteer rangers will change the socio economic mix of visitors, will they please explain it to the rest of us.

Nanny's Secret Vice

Nanny has been lecturing us for sometime now about our smoking, drinking and eating habits.

Yet, it seems, that she has a little vice of her own that she has tried to keep secret; namely, an unhealthy addiction to being in the company of power players in the tobacco industry.

As already reported on this site (see "The Stain of Nicotine"), Nanny’s dalliance with the tobacco power brokers goes back some years.

Bernie Ecclestone whetted Nanny’s appetite for nicotine and tobacco, by donating £1M to Labour. Unfortunately, Nanny had to give it back; once the media found out about it.

Not content with just taking money from tobacco, Nanny is also very happy to enjoy the largesse and hospitality of the tobacco industry.

Alain Dominique Perrin, a French tycoon and leading figure in the tobacco industry, is a close friend of Blairy Poppins.

Indeed he is such a close friend, that he gave Blairy and his “cost conscious” wife a free 5 day family holiday in his 15th-century chateau in the Lot region of south-west France in 2002. Oddly enough, Blairy “forgot” to record this in the register of members’ interests.

No matter, the Tories put that to rights by drawing it to his attention.

Now it seems that there has been yet another “dalliance” with the boys in the tobacco industry.

Some 18 months ago Norman Lamb, a Liberal Democrat MP, asked for details of who has dined with Blairy at public expense at Chequers (during 2001 to April 2003).

As with any request made to Nanny, it took a “wee while” for an answer to be extracted; some 18 months in fact!

On the list of luminaries, from the world of business and entertainment, to have dined at Blairy’s court was one Mr Alain Dominique.

Now the eagle eyed amongst you will have noticed that the name is similar, but not identical, to Blairy’s chum in the tobacco industry.

Mr Lamb queried this, and guess what?

It turns out the name had been the subject of an unfortunate, and “accidental”, typographical error.

Yes, it was in fact Nanny’s dear old friend Mr Alain Dominique Perrin.

Funny that his name had been “mis-typed”!

This sorry little tale of obfuscation, largesse, delay and deceit bodes ill for the smooth and efficient working of the much heralded Freedom of Information Act.

It does, however, speak volumes about the level of hypocrisy of Nanny; and the contempt that Nanny and her friends have for open government, the British people.

Nanny's Freedom of Information Officer

As you are all doubtless aware, Nanny has decided to allow her "charges" to find out exactly how she runs the country.

As from yesterday, Nanny's Freedom of Information Act came into force.

This Act supposedly gives the citizens of Britain the right to extract information from Nanny, and her civil servants, about how the country is run and how decisions are made.

Needless to say, Nanny has made sure that it will not be as easy as it first sounds to extract information:

• She appointed her "trusted" and "respected" friend Lord Falconer of The Dome, to oversee the implementation of the Act. He has managed to ensure that the the Act has as many legal loopholes, enabling Nanny to avoid responding to information requests, as a Swiss cheese.



• Nanny also ordered her civil servants to shred and delete all emails, and other electronic documents stored, that were over 3 months old; just in case Falconer "cocked it up".

However Nanny, always concerned about media spin and presentation, has decided that her "charges" need a point of contact; to come to, if they feel that they are getting "short shrift" with their information requests.

To this end she has created a new post, that of Freedom of Information Officer.

Given the high profile nature of this job, Nanny hunted high and low for a man who could provide the necessary gravitas and had experience of dealing with difficult issues and sensitive information.

Nanny was very lucky, a man who exactly fitted the bill came on to the job market over a year ago; he has happily accepted the role.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is pleased to announce that it has managed to secure an exclusive, direct, internet link with the new Freedom of information Officer.

Therefore if you would like to talk to him directly, please visit Nanny's Freedom of Information Officer and ask him a question.

Queen Upsets Nanny

Oh dear, it seems that even royalty is not outwith the scrutiny of Nanny and her acolytes.

Nanny's chums in the British Horse Society, which incidentally is patronised by the Queen, have criticised the Queen for riding the other day without a hard hat.

Surely what the Queen chooses to wear, when out riding, is her business?

It looks like Nanny is starting off 2005 as she means to go on, namely by putting her nose into matters that don't concern her.