I really do think that Nanny is overstepping herself this time. Aside from her non stop lecturing about how badly we eat, and what we should be feeding our children, she has now taken it upon herself to inspect that most sacrosanct of a schoolchild's satchel the tuck box!The Fat Owl of the Remove would be rolling in his grave at the very thought.
Nanny's chums at Bayards Hill Primary School in Barton have taken it upon themselves to inspect the contents of tuck boxes (lunch containers to you), and confiscate foods that they consider to be the creation of Beelzebub!
Nanny knicked the kids' chocolate and crisps.
Hah!
In my day she just confiscated your porn mags!
Keith Ponsford, the headteacher of Bayards Hill Primary School in Barton, admitted that maybe his said staff had been "a bit vigorous".
Last term the school wrote to parents urging them not to send their children in with chocolate and crisps.
On the subject of crisps I offer you the following thoughts and factoids:
1 They are a very good source of vitamin C...yes, really!
2 My mum used to make home made crisps for me to take to school, with grated cheese and extra salt. They were bloody good, and they did me no harm; I am 42, gorgeous, slim and am told that I have the body of a 41 year old.
Yah boo and sucks to you Nanny!
Anyhoo, Nanny confiscated all the offending snacks.
Poor Christopher Cummins, aged seven, fell foul of Nanny's tuck off regime; much to the annoyance of his mum, Debbie.
In true British style, she and 20 other mums marched to the school this week to give Nanny a right old ear bashing.
She said:
"I've got no problem with healthy eating I've got a problem with schools and the Government telling me what to do.
Christopher's packed lunch contained a sandwich, fruit juice, a yoghurt, a packet of crisps and a chocolate biscuit.
Normally I give them a mixed salad with apples,
oranges,
grapes and pear.
What made me angry was that the school canteen actually served pizza and chips
the same day it was taking packets of crisps off children.
So it's one rule for hot and one for cold?
How long until they start telling us what to give them at home?
Where are they going to draw the line
about how we bring up our own children?"
Exactly!
Assistant head Elma Cameron is coordinating the health drive, and said that the school would hold workshops with parents to help them improve their children's health.
Good grief...work shops!
It is not the state's place to act as "mother and father"...of course Nanny does this to ensure that she makes us dependent on her.
However, those of you are worried that your child's human rights will be infringed by this new hard line approach from Nanny should have no fear.
Children will still be able to bring the following items into school, unencumbered:
- Knives
- Mobile phones
- Porn
- Drugs
- Drink
- Fags
- Body piercings
- Ipods
- Glue
Nanny will of course also still be serving children the reprocessed high fat muck, that we all know and love, in her canteens!
Tuck Off Nanny!
PS My Mum's crisps recipe is as follows:
-Peel a large spud
-Use the potato peeler then to make the crisps
-Soak in water, then dry thoroughly
-Plunge into hot oil, and cook until just turning golden brown (the centres should be slightly soggy in my view)
Season with salt and grated cheese...Yum!
They can be stored in greaseproof paper when carried to school.
I vote for Debbie Cummins for Health and Education Secretary with extra responsibiolities for the Department of Logic and common sense.
ReplyDeleteAnd Ken's Mum to replace that cheeky chappie cooking bloke who owns Sainsbury's.
Grant.
PS. Ken, you really should give that 41 year old his body back.
And for what it is worth in my days at school the tuck shop, full of sweet things as it was, was a sight healthier than the stuff the kitchens exuded for all meals.
When we saw films like King Rat or read books and articles about Siberian Prison Camps we were immediately enamoured of the luxurious life styles and eating habits enjoyed by the characters therein.
I recall one revolt being ruthlesslessly put down by the teaching Gestapo who, whilst they appeared at meal times and appeared to be served from the same food source, were clearly receiving rather different fare to the inmates.
Suffice it to say that the only palatable thing likely to appear regularly was the Fried Bread for breakfast - once the majority of the grease had been allowed to drip away or, if really ravenous, squeezed out of it.
Quite good with marmalade if I recall correctly, provided one had some marmalade to smuggle in.
Hopefully some devious little bugger will pack a box of plastic explosives to school for lunch.
ReplyDeleteThey can be stored in greaseproof paper when carried to school.
ReplyDeleteMr Frost, you have committed a number of thoughtcrimes while composing this sentence alone.
1. "They": you are being crispist, not according the crisps their due title. You should have said "The crisps".
2. "can be": use of the impersonal mood indicates that someone other than the student (NB not "pupil") could carry the crisps, which discriminates against those students who do not have someone to carry the crisps for them, such as a nanny, bodyguard, or a chaffeur following in a government-funded Lexus.
3. "greaseproof" is a greasist term, discriminating against grease by suggesting that one should be protected from it, when everyone knows that grease is a useful member of the community. It not only provides essential fatty acids, but lubricates the wheels of tumbrils on their way to the guillotine.
4. "carried": you are excluding those students who, through no fault of their own, may be disabled and therefore unable to carry their crisps.
5. "to": you presuppose that all the crisps will be consumed at the learning and skills inculcation centre (see 6, below), and in so doing accuse the students of being greedy and unwilling to terminate their daily intake of sustenance once they have consumed the requisite number of calories for their age, height and sex. In this way you are encouraging OBESITY, which is one of the worst crimes known to humanity.
6. "school" is a derogatory and elitist term, discriminating against those with issues around learning disabilities while at the same time demeaning the staff. The correct description is "inclusive learning and skills inculcation centre and shared community resource".
The Thought Police are on their way to arrest you. DO NOT TRY TO ESCAPE as this will only make matters worse.
Dear Ms Hodge
ReplyDeleteThank you for the firm verbal spanking that you have administered to me, I am sure that I deserved it.
I genuflect before your superior knowledge and "issue awareness".
Ken
I think Grant and I may have attended the same school as it was the tuck shop and its almost endless supplies of crisps, bourbon creams and wagon wheels that saved us from the ghastly muck that was served up at lunchtimes. It was absolute luxury when we reached sixth form and could go out of grounds to a nearby greasy spoon as this establishment served food that was only a tenth as greasy as that which we would have been served had we stayed in school to eat.
ReplyDeleteOne does wonder though if Nannys hatred of 'unhealthy' eating might have been caused by her being too late to get to the best tuck so now she feels she must punish everyone for her tardiness and inability to get hold of the coveted wagon wheel before they all went.
FFF suggests that he and I may have attended the same school bit I don't recall Wagon Wheels being purveyed in the tuck shop (perhaps I was just oblivious?) and suspect I may re-date him somewhat.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand if he recalls pitched battles over the inadequate supply of free milk at morning break, that being perhaps the only nourishment worthy of the name at the establishment, then perhaps he is correct.
I vividly recall one lunch time when someone sitting at the same table as I attempted to dispense some of the red semi-liquid stuff that passed for Tomato Ketchup and with its sibling that passed for HP sauce was made available in obloid containers disguised, badly, to look like giant plastic tomatoes, though the brown sauce version was, for some reason, yellow.
No sauce was forthcoming so, being a person of scientific leanings, the desparate individual removed the lid/refill cover by unscrewing it and we were all greeted by the sight of a few hundred maggots, completely sauced, having some sort of sugar rush. This was not a pleasant sight as can be imagined, but did explain the lack (thankfully ) of dispensed ketchup.
As I recall the incident was immediately hushed up and one or two of the inbreds (I kid you not) who were 'employed' in the kitchens were probably spoken to sternly. Which would have made no difference at all since they seemed to inhabit a completely different planet to the rest of humanity.
It as around this time that science introduced us to the incredibly bouncy rubber balls and the spring like things that could sort of walk down stairs. And Daleks. All interesting but behind the times by comparisin with the school kitchen's planning capability which was light years ahead of most manufacturing.
Having realised that few people would eat the muck being served they catered at a 60% level - 6 meals for every 10 inmates. There were still 'leftovers'. Whcih of course only confirmed how correct they were to reduce the quantity (and quality) of what they called food. It wouold be another 20 years before we would be able to discern that astute policy in government and, later, business.
Quite remarkable and self regulating. For in theory the amount of fat and other rubbish in the food and its preparation would have led to runaway obesity. But there were few instances of obesity occurring outside the group that lived in the tuck shop. The reasona was imply that people did not eat the stuff, thus effectively reverting to a WW2 diet without realising that they were doing so.
I am not aware of anyone dying from malnutrition though I think to a large extent the food parcels which were allowed through from time to time were of key importance to the maintenance of that the status quo.