Tis a frosty and bright Monday morning, as we skip "gleefully" to work with songs in our hearts let us take a moment to contemplate this week's prestigious "Prats of The Week" Award.
I am happy to bestow the award on the Portman Group (a "drinks watchdog"...whatever that means?).
Portman (or is it Porkman?) have decreed that Tokyo beer (launched in the summer of 2009 by BrewDog) is evil and must be banned.
Well my old muckers Tokyo beer is a strong beer, 18.2% in fact, the strongest on sale in the UK.
However, surely I hear you ejaculate (can I say "ejaculate"?) there are drinks that are stronger than that (eg vodka, meths, etc)?
Yes indeed there are!
However, Porkman are not just up in arms about the strength of the beer but the marketing message of the beer.
"Everything in moderation, including moderation itself.
What logically follows is that you must, from time, have excess.
This beer is for those times."
Now you an I can see that this is rather witty, and in keeping with the concept of drinking an 18% beer.
The trouble being that the UK has an infestation of busybodies who can't keep their noses out of other people's business. Certain sad lifeless drongoes have complained to Porkman about the wording in 2009.
Here is one of the complaints:
"I also feel 'intergalactic fantastic' points towards hallucinogenic qualities."
Pathetic isn't it?
Porkman have decreed (via a "retailer alert bulletin") that shops should remove the beer from their shelves, until Brewdog complies with Porkman's view of "decent" marketing standards; ie a quango with no legal remit to interfere is trying to impose its views on others.
Errmm...as far as I am aware Porkman probably have no right to ban the sale of the beer. Therefore their "retailer alert" is most likely a waste of paper.
Additionally, the majority of the beer is in fact destined for export (a mere 10% of Tokyo is sold in specialist shops in the UK).
Therefore this entire exercise is a waste of time. Doubtless though Porkman have had a nice "rush" from playing at wielding of power.
I would also note that BrewDog sell the world's strongest beer Tactical Nuclear Penguin, storming ion at 32% and retailing at £35 a bottle.
Bring it on:)
Porkman Group, well deserving Prats of The Week!
Write to them here email@example.com
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