Tis a gloomy, wet Monday morning.
Another week is upon us, reappearing with the tedious inevitability of an unloved season.
Therefore my loyal readers it is time to award my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Award.
This week it goes to Scottish Labour, who have gone to new extremes of Nannyism.
Isn't funny how Nanny's most extreme supporters all seem to reside in the Labour part of the Scottish Parliament?
Anyhoo, fresh from the recent furore over "Buckie", and the ongoing moaning and rumbles against booze, Scottish Labour have decided that caffeine mixed with booze (eg as you would find in a "Buckie") simply is the worst evil on the planet.
Surely you can guess?
Yes, that's right, they intend to ban (or at least restrict) caffeine in alcoholic drinks.
Strathclyde Police blame most of Scotland's drink related crime on "Buckie" (a bottle of which contains the caffeine equivalent of 8 cans of cola).
As noted before, it sound a most efficacious drink to me!
Scottish Labour health spokeswoman Jackie Baillie said:
"I believe the risks involved in consuming caffeinated alcohol are so great that the Scottish government must take action.
The research suggests you are more likely to end up in hospital or be assaulted if you drink these products."
I consume, on an occasional basis, several stiff Irish coffees after a good meal drinkies. The worst that happens to me is that I don't sleep and talk a lot (quality conversation I would add).
- I do not commit violent crime.
- I do not urinate/vomit in public.
- I do not assault people.
- I do not rob people.
- I do not abuse people.
- I do not put my feet up of bus/train seats.
- I do not pass out.
It's not the drink that turns these scrotes into feral behaving scrotes, they are already feral behaving scrotes (with or without the drink).
Factoid: Buckie accounts for 0.5% of all alcoholic drinks bought in Scotland.
The law, were it to be enacted, would be unworkable.
All you have to do is, eg mix alcohol with coffee (Irish coffees) or mix it with other caffeine based drinks such as Lucozade (vodka and Lucozade is rather "peppy" actually!...Benylin and vodka is also rather efficacious). Worst case scenario, just pop a couple of Pro Plus pills before going out on the piss.
A totally unworkable and unenforceable law.
Unless, that is, Nanny is going to start testing people for blood/caffeine levels!
Will the members of Scottish Labour be giving up their coffee and liqueurs after dinner?
No, I thought not!
Scottish Labour, well deserving Prats of The Week.
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