HMRC Crashes

How predictable on the busiest tax day of the year!

Prats of The Week - Nanny Bans Salt

Oh my word, it has been quite a while since I have awarded my prestigious "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week the award, rather belatedly, goes to Rochdale Council who recently launched a "Salt Awareness Week".

Hmmmm!!!!!!!!

Specifically, the council have become concerned about the amount of salt that people are adding to their fish and chips.

As we know, Nanny hates salt.

The fact that people can die of salt deprivation (eg if they are sweating profusely and don't increase their salt intake, or drink too much water) seems to have escaped Nanny.

Nanny is determined to cut our salt intake.

To this end her chums on Rochdale council have come up with a brilliant solution. They have reduced the number of holes in the traditional chip shop saltshaker from 17to 5.

Brilliant!

The theory being that the less holes, therefore the less salt will be shaken onto the food by the customer when he/she is applying the "salt and vinegar".

Takeaways are being issued with catering-sized salt pots with just five holes in the lid, rather than the usual 17.

Errrmmm OK...but won't people simply shake the new shakers for a longer period, in order to obtain their preferred quantity of salt?

Rochdale Council - Prats of The Week.

De-evolution

As we all know Nanny loves the idea of devolution, despite the hornets' nest that this policy stirs up.

She has pro actively encouraged Scottish and Welsh devolution, English regional assemblies and created city mayors in certain parts of England (Ken Livingstone being the living monument to Nanny's stupidity) whose role in life seems questionable.

However, Nanny's policy of devolution does not stop there.

She has now started on a policy of de-evolution, whereby the citizens of Britain are proactively encouraged to de-evolve back to a tribal stoneage state.

Don't believe me?

On Monday night there were two programmes on the TV (ITV and Channel 4), covering a similar topic, one analysed why women felt unsafe on the streets at night and the other asked why kids kill.

In a nutshell here's a few select highlights:

• Kids kill because, and this "takes the biscuit", they are bored (this from the mouths of the kids themselves!)



• Kids (8 years and upwards) are reverting to tribalism, via their gangs.



• Kids are imposing territorial boundaries on themselves and others. Those who stray into each others "pissing fields" are attacked or killed.



• One hapless female reporter very bravely approached a gang of "teens" (the youngest being 11) at night, who were hanging around on the street outside a shop. Their faces were completely covered with zip up hoods, you could not even see their eyes.
  
  She asked them to consider that maybe their appearance frightened people. After a few grunts and mumbles, the gang became aggressive and started throwing stones and bottles (how very stoneage!), they then used their mobiles to bring around 20 of their mates into the fray.
  
  Such was the poor quality of the diction of the "kids" interviewed, that the programme makers had to use subtitles in order for the hapless viewer to make sense of what these "kids" were saying.

There are a few blindingly obvious questions, two of which being:

1 Why the hell are 11 year olds being allowed to run around the streets at night like savage animals? Why are their parents allowing this?

2 What the hell has the state been teaching these kids in school, if they are unable to even form a coherent word/sentence without the need of subtitles?

I have already noted on this site my views on what needs to be done, re imposing a form of house arrest for the entire family of these savages (sans TV, mobiles phones, DVD, CD etc) and cutting benefits.

It seems to me that unless this issue is addressed now, both in the schools and via a "house arrest" scheme, we will find ourselves living cheek by jowl with savage stoneage tribes.

Nanny's policy of de-evolution needs to be stopped now.

Auntie Censors Dad's Army

I am indebted to Pietr for drawing my attention to this.

On Saturday night Auntie showed an old episode of Dad's Army on BBC2. It was the one where the Americans come over, and as a result of a number of misunderstandings a punch up between the home guard and the Americans occurs in a pub.

Peitr informs me that Auntie, for reasons that are beyond me, censored (ie removed) the punch up scene.



I duly did a Youtube search for said scene, and found what I thought to be the complete episode (broken into 3 parts) on Youtube (see below).

However, Youtube seem to have censored it as well and removed the fight scene.

What's going on?

Nanny Bans Swords

Oh dear, Nanny really has trouble distinguishing between what is important and what is trivial.

It seems that Nanny's dreaded health and Safety Gestapo have put their size ten jackboots into the affairs of The Carnon Downs Drama Group (at Perranwell Cornwall).

The group are performing Robinson Crusoe, but have had to adjust their security arrangements a little bit as the Health and Safety Gestapo don't like the fact that the play requires the use of plastic swords.

They have been told by Nanny to lock up its two plastic cutlasses, six wooden swords and a toy gun when they are not in use and appoint a "responsible guardian" for them.

The group, because of 'elf and safety diktats, were forced to report to the police that they were using replica weapons.

Nanny's finest then had to issue them the rather absurd instructions about locking the plastic weapons up.

The rather odd thing is that the frying pans, used as weapons in the play, are not considered dangerous.

A co-director, Linda Barker, said:

"In some scenes pirates hit each other with frying pans and saucepan lids but there's no problem with them.

We have got several wooden and plastic swords, two plastic spears and a gun that cost £2 from a joke shop. But now we need to keep them locked away."

As ever, Nanny ensures that only the most important and pressing issues are regulated and enforced.

Not!

Nanny Rewrites History - As Usual

It would seem that Nanny is a fan of Orwell, in particular "1984" and the part where Big Brother rewrites history to suit the state's needs.

Here we see Nanny's own attempt to rewrite history, in order to suit her political ideals.

Nanny's Health & Safety Executive have rewritten a document that discussed the effects of second hand smoke.

Nanny's document, warmly entitled OC 255-15, says in para 9:

"The evidential link between individual circumstances of exposure to risk in exempted premises will be hard to establish. In essence, HSE cannot produce epidemiological evidence to link levels of exposure to SHS to the raised risk of contracting specific diseases and it is therefore difficult to prove health-related breaches of the Health and Safety at Work Act."

This document was not due to be reviewed until August 2011. However, as soon as the smoking ban came into force on the 1st of July, the document was rewritten.

The new document is called OC 255-16. Paragraph 14 says:

"The evidential link between individual circumstances of exposure to risk in exempted premises will be hard to establish."

Notice anything missing?

In the same document it also says:

"OC 255/15 – cancel and destroy"

How very odd!