Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The Return of The Bottom Inspectors - Clench Your Buttocks!

The Return of The Bottom InspectorsOh dear, it looks as though Nanny's feared and hated Bottom Inspectors have returned.

Nanny is now so fearful about our level of fatness, funny how it is that so many MPs are real porkers isn't it?, that she is mounting (can I say mounting so early in the morning?) a campaign to have us exercise at bus stops.

Nanny believes that the time spent at bus stops could be better spent by standing on one leg, pointing our toes and clenching our buttocks.

I have to say it has been a fair while since I had a good old "clench"!

Nanny is handing out leaflets and posters setting out six Pilates-style exercise moves to do at the bus stops, for bus routes between Blackburn and Manchester.

The "Every Stop Helps" leaflet tells passengers:

"Healthy living is all about having a good diet and getting the right amount of physical exercise.

Make exercising on the X41 part of your everyday bus travel. The exercises are easy, fun to do and discreet

Come on everyone, let's show Nanny what we think of her by engaging in a mass buttock clench!

The good news is that we are funding this scheme via Nanny's Higher Education Funding Council for England.

Errmmm...given that this is a health issue, shouldn't the money come out of the NHS?

Let's cut the crap shall we?

If Nanny wants to get us all slim again (quickly and cheaply) all she has to do is get us hooked on cocaine, an appetite suppressant favoured by the glitterati. It's cheap, readily available and provides thousands of people who deal it with a living.

Nanny should legalise it and tax it.

Problem sorted!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store. is brought to you by "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with champagne. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries


  1. Anonymous12:00 PM

    It seems a bit of a juxta position Nanny concerning herself with our nation's fitness when she has done so much to destroy that fitness......She has sold off so many of our school's sports fields, she has stopped competitive sports in so many of our schools and finally, she has made parents fearful of allowing their kids to go outside and run around because of their fear of sexual predators lurking behind every bush.

    As I sit here, I am clenching my bum cheeks and performing right arm curls with a pint of Old Peculier.....I hope nanny will be pleased with me and give me a sweetie from the jar as my reward!!

  2. Anonymous2:23 PM

    I know what I think of this c**p: it can be expressed by the exercise of 2 fingers!

  3. Anonymous2:49 PM

    Ha! Pilates at the bus stop. Ya can't make this stuff up!

    Ya'll will get a kick out of this article which hands a food police nai this arse. I esp. like then end where the author contrasts the accomplishments of ths "2 Michaels"

    Debbie in the US

  4. Mass mooning should be the Politically Incorrect response to this crap!

  5. Anonymous9:31 AM

    Further to Tonk's comment, didn't you recently highlight Nanny's tackling of football in the street?

    No doubt, in the wake of Team GB's success in Beijing, the nation will become obsessed with sport - as long as it's conducted in Nanny's approved designated areas and under her supervision.

    Anyway, I got my daily exercise when I read your post, Ken - I lost a few pounds laughing.

    If you didn't laugh, you'd cry.


  6. Anonymous10:48 AM

    "No doubt, in the wake of Team GB's success in Beijing, the nation will become obsessed with sport - as long as it's conducted in Nanny's approved designated areas and under her supervision."

    And, no doubt, only those wealthy enough to have membership of private sports centres and gymnasia will be able to afford to use such state of the art facilities: the riff-raff (sorry, everybody else) will have few, if any, opportunities to participate in such sports.

  7. Anonymous7:58 PM

    My favourite exercise would be to repeadetly stamp on the heads of politicians

    It is a form of exercise I should never grow tired of.