Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

A Nation of Brain Dead Numpties - Marks and Spencers

It would seem that "brain dead numptiness" is spreading like a veritable plague, even that bastion of British shopping Marks and Spencer has come down with it.

Andree Evans, from South Mimms, recently toddled along to her local M&S to buy a birthday card.

She went to the checkout to pay, and the till beeped. Fortunately the M&S assistant was on hand to override the till.

Gosh, what could be wrong?

Nothing, for Andree was over 25.


What are you saying Ken?

Ah, my loyal readers, I neglected to describe the nature of the card.

Was it porn?


It had a photo of a wine glass, a corkscrew, five bottles of wine and another empty glass.


The problem my loyal readers is that the picture related to booze, Nanny hates booze (not as much as she hates "weed", but she really does hate booze) and as such the card could not be sold to people who are under 25.

That at least was the view of the people at M&S who programmed the till, and the assistant who explained it to Ms Evans.

I assume Christmas cards featuring Santa are also age restricted, since he is a fat, red faced man who likes young children to sit on his lap and happily visits them in their bedrooms when their parents are asleep?

Sad to see M&S have gone down with "brain dead numptiness". Maybe we should send them a "get well" card?

Oh, but we had better be sure that it doesn't contain any pictures of booze; would a picture of boobs or "meat and two veg" be OK instead?

Drop them a note here M&S.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store. is brought to you by "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries


  1. This is beyond belief....I just wonder what kind of suit authorized such a crazy policy....I wonder if it had a beard and read the Guardian;-)

    It seems to me that many of the most successful retail businesses have developed a kind of lemming mentality and are determined to commit corporate suicide.....Can we really not handle success in this country? Does success embarrass us?....I know socialists don't like people to do well but hey, successful businesses provide jobs and tax revenues.

    Today age restrictions on greetings cards; tomorrow?..Burning books perhaps?

    Enjoy greetings cards responsibly.

  2. Im not really all that surprised.
    You know what bugs me most about this? No one ever asks me for ID any longer!
    I would love to spend Saturday afternoon attempting to buy "age restricted" products then kicking off with jobsworths. The wife would never insist I come shopping again!
    "Come on Bucko, you're taking me to M&S".
    "Excellent dear. I need spoons, lemons and a greetings card (giggle)".

  3. Anonymous2:27 PM

    What if greeting cards have images of children on them! Peado alert, peado alert all cards must be screened at point of purchase from now on until we arrive at the talibean/muslim option of no human images/booze/flowers beauty allowed.

    Multi cultural nanny would like that.

  4. Anonymous2:49 PM

    Not to worry. There won't be any Christmas cards for sale soon, only "Holiday Season" cards.

    Happy* Holidays! :)

    * - Disclaimer: it is not the author's responsibility if any person reading this hurts or offends themselves or another person whilst trying to be happy through what once previously known as the festive season. Should the person reading this be depressed or merely unhappy, and finds the instruction to be Happy unhelpful or offensive, then the author states that no states of well being or otherwise are favoured or not favoured. Therefore, no offence is intended. If by saying no offence is intended, offence is, indeed, still caused, then this is not the authors responsibility either. But in any case, sorry! This should not be taken as an admission of guilt in any legal sense. Your legal rights are not affected by this disclaimer.

  5. Lord of Atlantis5:13 PM

    It just get's worse, doesn't it? Do ALL retailers now only employ (to use your very accurate description, Ken) 'brain dead numpties'? This country is not just going down the toilet, I fear it has not only gone but the chain has also been pulled.

  6. David J Hilton7:18 PM

    Whatever will these knobheads brew up next?

    It makes you wonder....

  7. so they finallly invented Cardboard Wine? Cardboard directly infused with the alcohol so that they can cut down on packaging??

    No? Then this is stupid.

    Next you'll have to have an under age and a 18+ section of card shops etc in order to proctect the kids "fragile minds".

  8. Grant6:04 PM

    I blame IT.

    With fast moving lines of hundreds of thousands of consumer products it would be impossible (at today's staffing levels) to check each item individually for 'correct' age related selling. So someone will have suggested trawling the codes and descriptions on the database and setting a flag to pop up the message if certain words or phases are discovered in the description or categorisation. Many times this will fail - it always does when using the English language - but that does not seem to stop people trying.

    What I suspect we are seeing is the result of dumbed down education over the last 30 years leading to dumbed down expectations for all the 'graduate recruitment' staff that have progressed through the company advancement streams and are now in charge of 'something'.

    And when the cry goes out that we should 'do something' to 'make a difference' and fix a perceived problem, they do - without considering the consequences.

    Today, supermarkets, tomorrow - the climate. Prepare for unmitigated chaos as the remaining sane members of society attempt to get into the asylum to seek refuge.