Nanny Bans Tartan Army

In the last couple of days I have written about Nanny banning all things English, and attributed this in part to her hatred of the English.

How wrong I was, evidently she is just as anti Scots as she is anti English.

Nanny's chums in the Commission for Racial Equality (CRE), the body that ensures that we all live in harmony with each other (just like the old Coke advert of the 1960's), have started to fret about the effects that the World Cup (I believe it starts tomorrow) will have on the Scottish persona.

Seemingly Nanny is worried that the Scots will offend their neighbours in the South, during this forthcoming "bung fest", by being a tad anti English.

Evidently the CRE (Scotland branch-isn't that racist in itself?) has received complaints about perceived anti-English sentiment in the last fortnight or so. Nanny won't stand for that, and issued a proclamation through the CRE:

"Scotland's public figures need to ensure [the World Cup] remains a force for integration, rather than a cause of division."

That's all very well, but in case Nanny hasn't realised it yet, the "bung fest" is in fact entirely based on stoking up nationalism and patriotism; that's why teams are divided into countries!

Whilst dick headed comments from so called "leaders" of the Scots, such as Jack McConnell (First Minister) who said that he would not be supporting England, can hardly be called bright; it is hardly a matter for the CRE, let Neanderthals such as McConnell dig their own political graves by allowing them to expose their childlike immaturity and bigotry to a wider audience.

The CRE, by making an issue out of it, will merely ensure that the "piss" is well and truly taken out of the English now. After all, why on earth should we give a toss about what a "bung fest" supporter shouts when he is drunk?

Ali Jarvis, a CRE director, said:

"Racism occurs when any person is stereotyped, harassed or discriminated against on the basis of their colour,

race,

ethnic or national identity.

Using the World Cup as a pretext for hostility against any nation or race,

including the English, is racism."

Herein lies Nanny's problem, she doesn't understand football. It's purpose is not to unite people, but to divide them along tribal lines; in effect, it is war by another means. Were Nanny to really understand the nature of the game, she would ban it.

Notwithstanding the sheer brilliance of the logic of my argument, Nanny will of course ignore me. The CRE is already getting into a bit of a funk over two complaints that it received, one from an Englishman living in Scotland over the sale of "anyone but England" T-shirts.

The other was from a Scot who objected to a newspaper article in which a shopkeeper spoke of selling out of Trinidad strips from Scots, "out of pure hatred for the English team". Trinidad and Tobago play England on 15 June.

Ms Jarvis added:

"We've been monitoring exchanges in the media (Ken says-good grief has it come to this!)

and noticed an anti-English tone to some of the views expressed,

for example in the letters pages.

In one newspaper, someone wrote on Monday that they were not supporting England.

By the middle of the week,

someone else wrote in to say all English should leave

and they were a scourge on Scotland."

Grow up, get a life, and let the children play at war. Sensible adults with well balanced lives should simply ignore this, so what if people wear these shirts?

I lived in Edinburgh for four years, as a student, and had a great time. There were occasions when I encountered anti English sentiment, but so what?

People can be jerks, it is as simple as that; no amount of interference from Nanny will change that.

Incidentally, my favourite anti English joke (note: I am English) from those days goes as follows (best enjoyed when read in a Scottish accent, preferably West coast):

When God created Britain, he took all the perverts, child molesters, deviants and other bastards sent them down South and called them the English!

Meanwhile one Englishwoman has claimed that she was unable to buy an England football top in an Inverness store, because staff told her that stocking such an item would have "offended the public".

David MacDougall, Tartan Army spokesman, summed it up rather well:

"I think in this day and age we might be a bit too sensitive.

People should take this in the spirit in which it's intended

just light-hearted banter and a bit of craic."

Nanny, get a life!

Nanny Bans St George

Following on from yesterday's article about Nanny banning a two year old from wearing an England T shirt, it seems that Nanny has gone into overdrive this summer in regard of her hatred of St George and his flag.

Throughout the land, Nanny's trolls have been working hard to eliminate the flag of St George.

Why is that?

Many reasons have been cited:

• Nanny's dislike of the English



• Nanny's dislike of patriotism



• Nanny's fear of extremist Muslims, eg Anjem Choudary, a former leader of the Islamic extremist group Al-Muhajiroun, has claimed:
  
  "The cross does represent Christianity and for Muslims it also represents a crusader history of occupation and murder."

Anyhoo, whatever her reason, Nanny is busy banning St George:

• Cable company NTL have ordered their van drivers and subcontractors to remove their flags in case they offend Muslims.
  
  Quote:
  
  "We work in many multicultural areas and in different countries within Britain so we want to maintain a professional image and a sense of impartiality."
  
  Twats!
  
  We live and work in Britain, therefore we are perfectly entitled to wave our own country's flag.



• Bosses at Heathrow's Terminal 5 have banned construction workers from flying the flag, health and safety issues there!



• Taxi drivers in Blackpool are banned from flag flying and from wearing England T shirts, lest they upset foreign visitors.



• Taxi drivers in Cheltenham are banned from flag flying, seemingly the council believe that they will fall off and cause an accident. The police want to ban all motorists from flag flying, lest they frighten the horses (yes that really is what they said!).



• Fireman in Barking cannot fly the flag at their station, even though the local Mosque has said it is fine with them.

Nanny is totally overeacting to this harmless practice, she should devote her time to more important issues.

Nanny Bans Eng-errr-land

Nanny has something of a risk averse nature, and is always trying to ensure that we take heed of her fears and phobias. One of her "cause celebs" is that of trying to reduce the level of violence in society, by ensuring that sparks that might cause trouble are extinguished before the trouble flares up.

Pubs and clubs are often the scene of a brawl or two, fuelled by booze and a perceived insult. Football, and showing one's allegiance to a particular team in public, is always a good way to start a fight.

Therefore, it is not unreasonable for pubs and clubs to ban football shirts and scarves. However, this being Nanny's Britain there is always the opportunity for this reasonable approach to be taken one step too far.

Nanny's chums in, what I believe to be Britain's most boring and souless pub chain, Wetherspoons were happy to take Nanny's T shirt policy one step beyond the other day.

Elaine and Anthony Elliott, from Enderby Leicestershire, and their son Charlie were sitting down in the Wetherspoons owned Lloyds No 1 for lunch, when the manager told Charlie to remove his football shirt lest there be trouble.

Fair enough you might say, except that there were a few mitigating circumstances:

1 The shirt was an England shirt, and the pub located in England (not abroad)

2 Charlie is only two, who on earth would take offence at him wearing an England shirt? Well, Nanny did of course!

Anyhoo, Nanny's chums at Wetherspoons told his parents that he would have to take off his shirt or else leave the pub. When they argued, staff said Charlie could stay - if he turned the shirt inside out.

Twats!

Mrs Elliott said:

"He's a two-year-old sat in a high-chair - what harm can he do?"

A Wetherspoons spokesman said:

"Our policy is that we don't allow any kind of football colours.

This policy has contributed to a significant improvement in public order

and safety in the pub.

It is basically to protect customers.

Children wearing football shirts can lead to problems between parents,

or between children,

and we would just rather protect our customers."

You will observe that the above statement does not address the reality of the situation, it merely regurgitates the "party line".

Wetherspoons is definitely the pub chain for Nanny, bland and lacking in any form of character; utterly soul destroying!

Prat of The Week

This week's prestigious "Prat of The Week Award" goes to Liberal Democrat MP Steve Webb, who is their Health spokesman.

Why's that then Ken, because he's a Liberal?

No.

Webb has taken umbrage (a word I have not used on this site before) over the activities of the world's most evil corporation (at least that's his view about them), namely MacDonald's.

MacDonald's have had the temerity to introduce a larger version of the Big Mac, a stonking 40% larger to be precise; the burger has been launched to coincide with the World Cup (yes, I have no idea why the two are connected either).

The burger will consist of two beef patties, which are thicker than the current offering (of course they are!) with two buns, lettuce, cheese and the secret Big Mac sauce.

Awesome!

Anyhoo, dear old Webby is of the view that there is no need for a bigger Big Mac, and has tabled an early day motion and a petition against this most evil of products.

Trouble is Steve, when you start using phrases like "there is no need..." where does it stop?

I am sure that Webb likes a drink once in a while, yet there is no need for alcohol (well there is) in a medical or nutritional sense; so why not ban alcohol.

Following Webb's logic, there is no need for the Liberal Democrats; so let's ban them too!

See how easy it is, all you need is an arrogant sense of self-righteousness and you can go around banning whatever you like.

Simple fact, once in a while to overindulge yourself does you no harm whatsoever; if you are stupid enough to eat yourself into a state of obesity then you will die, that's your privilege and not anyone else's concern.

Funny how the phrases Liberal Democrat and Steve Webb don't seem to match, wonder if he really is in the right party?

Those of you who would like to let Webb know that he has won Prat of Week, or to discuss his very selective interpretation of the phrase "Liberal Democrat", please feel to email him at this address steve@stevewebb.org.uk.

Technical Glitch

Sorry for the absence of any articles today folks. Unfortunately, there have been technical problems which have caused havoc with "The Living Brand" network of sites.

Normal service will be resumed tomorrow.

In the meantime, why not go down to the pub and have a extra pint in readiness for the weekend?

Ken

Homeless Pensioner Needs Help

It is not normally the custom and practice of this site to bang the drum for "bleeding heart" causes, other than "knocking Nanny". However, I have two elderly parents and am naturally concerned that they continue to live their lives with dignity and independence.

I therefore take a concerned interest in the treatment by Nanny and, let us not beat about the bush, by society as a whole (that's you and me folks) of the the elderly.

Sometimes a story hits the headlines that is so heart wrenching that it overrides this site's normally satirical slant on life. Today we have read about the plight of an elderly gentleman (he has just turned 68) who has had to give up his home, because of pressure put on him by Nanny and her minions.

This old man, who has served his country through several miners', dock and public service strikes, is now forced to sleep in some sort of archway in central London.

Rumour has it that this change in circumstances has put a considerable strain on his marriage, his wife is an elderly woman of independent spirit; she still tries to look her best, despite her advancing years, and takes annual trips to the seaside in a secondhand dilapidated Jaguar.

Unfortunately, the couple may now be forced to radically change their lifestyles and live up North; eking out a living on his paltry £130K per annum salary.

If you can spare a little from your income, to help this couple live out their remaining years with dignity and independently then please make a contribution to the Old Bar Steward's Fund c/o Ken Frost Commercial Enterprise Inc (BVI Registered).

Any money received will be put to good use.

Remember, one day this could be you!

Thank you for your time.

Ken