Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Nanny Bans Yews

Nanny Bans Yews
When you walk down the street, have you ever wondered about the threats to your general health and safety that lurk in the seemingly innocent shrubbery that surrounds you?

Fortunately Nanny is here to look after us!

She has made full risk assessment of the shrubs and foliage that we take for granted, and has decided that Yew hedges pose a clear and present danger to our existence.

That at least is what Nanny's trolls in Avonmouth Council have decided.

Yew hedges growing near a city play area have been ripped up, because the council decided that they could poison a child.

Earth, if eaten in sufficiently large quantities can also be poisonous; would they have that removed from the planet as well?

The hedges were planted around Blaise Castle's new cafe and play area, which opened in May last year. I would note that the cost of planting was around £5K.

However, they were removed because Nanny's braindead jobsworths have received a complaint from a busybody parent who claimed that the needles from the hedges were poisonous and should not be allowed close to a children's play area.

Proof, if ever it were needed, that some people should not be allowed to have children.

Council workers have now ripped up the Yews in the "danger area". The irony is that there are other areas where this most dangerous of plants is still allowed to grow.

Nanny's trolls in the council now admit that the hedges are more likely to be a danger to cows and horses than humans, but decided ripping them out was the "safest" thing to do after the complaints.

One resident, Mrs Santry,vented her spleen at the council saying:

"How absolutely ludicrous when there are fully grown yew trees all around the estate,

not to mention belladonna also known as deadly nightshade, in the woods,

poisonous fungi in the autumn,

dogs mess,




City council spokeswoman Kate Hartas said:

"Yew is poisonous but it also tastes foul, so it would take a very determined person to eat enough to hurt themselves.

Nevertheless, the council decided that,

as the cafe is very close to the children's play park,

the safest thing would be to remove it

Nanny is speaking with forked tongue; it is not about safety at all, it is in fact about making us totally reliant on her so that we will not even be able to wipe our backsides without her assistance.

Life is all about learning to cope with risk and disaster, by trying to eliminate risk (which is of course impossible) Nanny is ensuring that future generations will grow up without the necessary survival instincts and skills for living a full and rewarding life.

Do yourselves a favour this coming May and stick two fingers up at your local council and Nanny, by voting for the candidates who totally reject the Nanny state.

If you live in Croydon, or know someone who does, then vote CRACC.


  1. Anonymous11:52 AM

    Total madness isn't it ?

    I think that it is this government who are the poison and deserve to be urgently ripped out before we swallow any more of this crap.

  2. Anonymous12:24 PM

    This is insane!!
    What are our future archers to use for their Sunday bowmanship practice when all the Yew trees have been ripped up!

    Two fingers to Nanny!!!

    I really really despair of this government.

  3. Anonymous12:58 PM

    You (or is it yew?) must be joking! This nonsense really makes me pine for the old days, far, far (fir, fir?) away.
    Seriously, however, as has been pointed out, not only would one would need to consume rather a large quantity of foul-tasting yew leaves in order to do any serious harm to oneself, but also there are plenty of things about which are considerably more lethal to children (and adults). Moreover, when I was still at Primary school I had been taught by my parents which plants were safe to eat and instructed NOT to touch ANY other leaves or berries.

  4. Anonymous2:22 PM

    I have a cunning plan, though at the risk of failure it assumes that children might be able to read a little or at least understand picture signs.

    All tres and bushes and other 'risk' plants, no matter where they are, should be labeled to indicate whether they are safe to eat. Like food is. Easy.

    Provides safety and creates jobs to keep tree huggers busy labeling the countryside.

    In fact we could label the entire country.

    "Danger, may contain nuts!" seems appropriate.

  5. Anonymous3:46 PM

    Oooh - my laburnum tree is on a main route to the local school... lucky they don't know what it is really, or that it's rather more dangerous than a yew. Add in my nice spiky pyrocanths, and the holly bush, and I'm probably heading for an attempted murder charge.....

  6. Anonymous9:06 PM

    "Do yourselves a favour this coming May and stick two fingers up at your local council and Nanny, by voting for the candidates who totally reject the Nanny state."

    Dare I suggest that I propose to go one better? I am preparing a sign to paste by my postbox which reads:


  7. This is a result of nanny's pre-ocupation to get over 50% of the population working for her with the result that they have to find somethinmg to fill the time between going to and leaving work(sic) Therefore, having tired of playing battleships and reading the paper they have to find something to do.
    So what better than resort to the good old H&S thing, the biggest threat to common sense and productivity we have ever seen. Let's go and say Yew is Dangerous Wonderful. Another productive day

  8. Anonymous4:22 PM


    No no no. "Election leaflets will attract a reading charge of 10p per word. The act of delivering such a leaflet is an acceptance of this charge." Or words to that effect. Might as well screw some benefit out of them for ourselves ;)