Nanny Bans Sherlocks

My thanks to a loyal reader who alerted me to some Nanny nonsense going on in Croydon.

It appears that the local council has a collective bee in its bonnet over Sherlock Holmes, and has banned local Holmes enthusiasts from holding an unofficial ceremony to name a South Norwood lake "Lake Conan Doyle".

The South Norwood Tourist Board had been planning to hold a pagan ceremony on February 1st. However, Tony Brooks, the council’s head of public safety, has written to the SNTB telling them the event is not allowed to go ahead because the necessary consultation has not been conducted.

He also said he could not sanction the event.

Ian Bone, SNTB associate, is defiant and was quoted by the Croydon Advertiser:

“It’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. It’s probably going to be ten blokes dressed up as Sherlock Holmes in the cold next to a lake and they want to put a stop to it.

Surely they’ve got better things to be doing than this. 

This is nuts.”

Elementary my dear Bone, councils are nuts!

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Butter Is Good For You - Hoozah!

Kudos to Dr Aseem Malhotra (a cardiology registrar at Croydon University Hospital), who has busted the "saturated fat myth" in an article he has written for the British Medical Journal.

In his view the risk from saturated fat in foods such as butter, cakes and fatty meat is being overstated and demonised. There is too much focus on the fat with other factors such as sugar often overlooked.

He is quoted by the BBC as saying that it is time to "bust the myth of the role of saturated fat in heart disease". He added that the "mantra that saturated fat must be removed to reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease has dominated dietary advice and guidelines for almost four decades."

He noted that saturated fat has been "demonised", and any link with heart disease is not fully supported by scientific evidence.

However, the British Heart Foundation says that studies on the link between diet and disease frequently produce conflicting results.

Ken (me) says that as with anything, so long as you eat a balanced diet (allowing for the occasional blowouts etc) and take sensible exercise (eg walking) you are likely to be happy and healthy.

As I have noted before, the body is like a car engine it needs oil (fat) to lubricate the blood vessels in order for the blood to flow freely.

For you see ladies and gentlemen, the enemy is not saturated fats such as butter, milk and cheese but man made trans fats (marketed as being "healthier" than saturated fats) that gloop up in your guts and arteries.

In celebration I will eat half a pound of butter for luncheon!

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Prats of The Week - Croydon Council

Loyal readers with good memories, that have not been addled by age, booze, drugs and lusche living, may recall that back in February I wrote about the plans by my old "chums" from Croydon Council to hire a private security firm to levy fines on those who drop litter:

"I am ungemused to read that Nanny's chums from the council my old hometown (and place of my birth) Croydon (today named as Wanking Capital of London) is redoubling its efforts to extort money from the hapless local residents, by employing Xfor a private security firm (made up of ex squaddies) who will act as "street enforcement officers" anbd impose £80 fines on anyone dropping litter etc.

Now here's the catch, Xfor are accountable to no one and receive £45 for every £80 fine imposed.

Can you see the incentive for them to whack the residents of Croydon with as many fines as possible?

It's known as the "corruption of punishment", whereby the state is incentivised to levy as many fines as possible in order to increase its revenue stream.News reaches Inside Croydon of what appears to be yet another epic fail by the leadership at Croydon Council."

As ever with all great plans of mice, men and Nanny something went tits up.

Inside Croydon reports that Xfor are in administration.

Oops!

Not only that, but Xfor were in administration (owing HMRC a tidy sum) some weeks before the knobheads from Croydon Council actually appointed them!

Crikey!

Another fine example of a local council farking something up, yet walking away scot-free whilst the hapless taxpayers foot the bill!

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Croydon London Wanking Capital

I am ungemused to read that Nanny's chums from the council my old hometown (and place of my birth) Croydon (today named as Wanking Capital of London) is redoubling its efforts to extort money from the hapless local residents, by employing Xfor a private security firm (made up of ex squaddies) who will act as "street enforcement officers" anbd impose £80 fines on anyone dropping litter etc.

Now here's the catch, Xfor are accountable to no one and receive £45 for every £80 fine imposed.

Can you see the incentive for them to whack the residents of Croydon with as many fines as possible?

It's known as the "corruption of punishment", whereby the state is incentivised to levy as many fines as possible in order to increase its revenue stream.

Inside Croydon reports that neighbouring Bromley hired Xfor, and saw a the number of on the spot fines increase from 4 to 618 in a year!

Councils are the enemies of the people and Croydon, under the ruling Tory council there, is most certainly London's wanking capital!

Have some sympathy for my poor old mum., who still lives there!

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Nanny's Children

These "ladies" from Croydon, interviewed by the BBC, are most surely the children of the Nanny state:

- They have no sense of personal responsibility

- They are selfish and self centred

- They are ignorant

- They expect things to be handed to them on a plate

- They have an inflated sense of "entitlement"

- They believe that they deserve "respect", yet will not do anything to earn respect

- They are morons

- They have no ambition, other than to fill their lives with worthless "consumer totems"

- They have no empathy for anyone around them

- They have no sense of responsibility

- They blame others for their own failings

They are truly Nanny's children!

A shopkeeper from Croydon, who lost everything, was interviewed and said that he has worked 7 days a week 14 hours a day for many years. He rang the police 3 times, whilst his shop was being attacked, and was told that he shouldn't waste police time.

Nanny stood by and allowed the mob to destroy everything that he has worked for.

The riots have, ironically, highlighted one thing; the fundamental failure of our society, where the state allows a mob to destroy the businesses and homes of the law abiding majority who work hard and pay taxes.

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The Riots

Sad to see that my birthplace (Croydon), where my mum lives, was hit by the rolling infestation of rioting scum yesterday (a.o. Reeves a family business of 140 years was burned to the ground).

An awful lot has been said by many pundits, "community experts", politicians etc about these ongoing riots. Some are claiming this is some form of release of anger about cuts, police treatment of coloured youths, deprivation etc etc.

Let's be clear, the above excuses are utter bollocks!

Looting and burning down neighbours' houses and shops has absolutely no connection to the above excuses. How does burning a neighbour's house down constitute "a response to the cuts"?

It doesn't, because it has nothing to do with the "cuts", as we all know perfectly well!

The mayhem of the last few days has been caused by criminal, feckless, opportunistic scum (c*nts, if your prefer the term) who have seized the opportunity to cause some trouble (to feed their egos) and to loot various "must have items" (tokens amongst the group that they belong to eg; trainers, watches, "bling" etc).

It is noteworthy that the riots have been co-ordinated by Blackberry wielding scum (clearly not as "deprived" as the excuse mongers would have us believe!).

There have been those who claim that these incidents were caused by people "outside of the community".

Again, utter bollocks!

As and when the scum are rounded up (and they will be over the coming days and weeks), it will be found that they are resident in the towns/boroughs and streets that they attacked.

Animals do not shit in their own bedding, yet these scum (apparently, mentally lower down the evolutionary scale than animals) seem quite content to shit in their own bedding.

As and when the flames die down (and they will eventually) the scum will realise that the short term "high" that they got from rioting and from stealing (trainers and other assorted trash - that seem to hold some "street value" to them) is fleeting indeed.

All that has been achieved is that they have made their "villages" (for that is what London is, a collection of villages) more unpleasant to live in (less facilities, less shops etc).

The fact that these scum have managed to get away with this gives rise to a number of conclusions/questions:

1 "Community leaders" (what exactly, in a democracy, is a "community leader"? Are they elected? Do they hold/wield power? I don't know any, do you? etc) have lost control (if they ever really had any) over the "youth" within their "community".

2 The families of the scum know full well that their offspring (ranging from 12-25 or so) are involved in this, yet they do nothing to stop them.

3 The UK has more CCTV per head of the population than any other country on the planet, yet the police appear to be surprised and taken unawares by the flare ups around the country. Why?

4 The scum are using Blackberries to organise themselves. Journalists from the Guardian claim that they managed to follow where the next riot was going to take place, why couldn't the police do likewise?

5 Abandoning the streets, and the safety of law abiding citizens, to the actions of the mob is not a police "tactic" that I have seen before, on such a large scale, in this country. Why have the law abiding citizens, who have lost businesses and homes, been abandoned by the police?

6 As and when the scum are tracked down and arrested it is sad to say, but unfortunately realistic, that the legal punishments that will be dished out by the courts will be laughed at by the scum. A more effective punishment needs to be derived.

As I have stated before on this site, the most effective form of punishment for scum like this is to deprive the scum and their families of the things that they value the most (mobile phones, pcs, TVs, ipods etc etc). The entire family should be locked up in their own homes every night and forced to confront each other with the reality of their lives/family relationships and the consequences of their actions on the lives of others.

Without the distractions of their "toys" (eg TVs etc), and with nowhere to go, the results will be dramatic.

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Prats of The Week - Croydon Council Again!

I see that Croydon Council (where I used to live) have distinguished themselves again, and have again won my coveted and internationally renowned "Prats of The Week" Award.

Well done lads!

For why have they won it this time?, I hear you ejaculate (Can I say ejaculate?).

Croydon council runs separate one-and-a half-hour swimming sessions for Muslim men and women every Saturday and Sunday at the Thornton Heath Leisure Centre (I touched on this issue in 2006 when Croydon denied - lied - such swimming sessions took place).

Swimmers have been told, via the centre's website, that "during special Muslim sessions male costumes must cover the body from the navel to the knee and females must be covered from the neck to the ankles and wrists".

Quite how the council thinks that this helps Muslims integrate into a non Muslim society, and bond with non Muslims I don't know.

Now here's where the council dig themselves further into a hole (you will recall they did the same thing in 2006, when they denied - lied - that there were Muslim only swimming sessions). A press officer at Croydon council claimed that the wording on the website was a mistake, and the dress code should be regarded as a suggestion rather than a requirement.

ROFLOL!

How stupid do these twats in the council think we are?

Needless to say, in a desperate attempt to airbrush history, the council changed the website to remove the reference to the dress code.

Great!

Except for one small problem.

Can you guess what that is children?

Yes, that's right, it is still policy to require a dress code. An official at the leisure centre said that the dress code remained compulsory.

My understanding of basic Tory philosophy is that:

- It does not endorse segregation or divisive policies

- It believes in one nation politics that serves the interests of a cohesive unified nation

- It believes in "small" government

- It believes in honesty

Croydon council have failed in all respects of the above

BTW, they are Tory!

Croydon Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

Here's David Cameron's email to tell him what you think: camerond@parliament.uk

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Prats of The Week - Croydon Council

Well, well, well it has been more than a wee while since I awarded my world renowned and coveted "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week it goes to the good old boys of Croydon Council, where I used to live.

For why?

Well my old muckers, there are so many reasons.

One of them being that despite being told very clearly and regularly over a number of years that their "plans" for redeveloping Park Place wouldn't work, the council carried on regardless and tore the heart out of the centre of Croydon.

Can you guess ewhat happened next children?

Yes, that's right, the council's plans collapsed and they have left Croydon with a blighted centre.

Will they apologise?

Will they fark!

Anyhoo, as much as they deserve the award for that, I am in fact giving them the award for something else.

Our "good old friend" health and safety is the root cause of this award.

Over the last ten years or so, community groups have been allowed to use the mayor's reception rooms at the town hall for meetings etc.

However, all of this has come to an end as the council and new Mayor of Croydon (Councillor Margaret Mead) have decided that so many meetings there must be wearing out the carpet.

Needless to say, the council invoked health and safety and said that that further meetings will cause the carpet to fray, thus presenting a future trip hazard.

You will note that at the moment there is no such fraying, but merely a thought to the future where such a risk might occur. Thus all meetings of non council groups have been banned, on the basis of a perceived future risk that has yet to occur.

I guess, in the event that it does fray, the carpet could be replaced. However, this council cares about wasting taxpayers' money and only wishes to waste millions (rather than thousands) as per its failed Park Place development scheme.

Croydon Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

FYI, it is a Tory council.

Here's David Cameron's email to tell him what you think: camerond@parliament.uk

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Nanny Bans Bubbles

I understand that the health and safety Gestapo in my "beloved" (soon to be ex) borough of Croydon have set a limit on the amount of time you can spend in the Virgin health club jacuzzi.

Eight minutes to be precise!

For why?

Seemingly there is a health and safety risk from prolonged exposure to bubbles!

I would be very grateful to hear from anyone who can explain why bubbles are dangerous.

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Prats of The Week - Croydon Council Parking Enforcement Gauliters

Those of you who were aghast that I should have the temerity to express an opinion about the US elections yesterday will be pleased to hear that today, today anyway, I will confine myself to matters closer to home.

In fact so close to home that I find I live in the very borough to which I intend to award my prestigious "Prats of The Week" award.

Can you guess which borough that is?

Yes, that's right, Croydon!

It would appear that my beloved council is so desperate to raise revenues, that they have instructed their civil enforcement officers (Gestapo agents in old speak) to ticket anyhting with a pulse.

Such was the fate that befell three men working on an emergency gas leak on Beulah Hill, who were gobsmacked to be issued with a £100 parking fine.

They were working on the urgent gas leak at the junction of Beulah Hill and Biggin Hill at 9.30am. Their prominently marked van was parked just behind them on Biggin Hill on double yellow lines.

A parking warden walking up Biggin Hill issued them with a fine at 12.00pm.

Gavin Anderson, from SGN, said:

"We saw the warden just as he was putting the ticket on the windscreen. I told him we were working an emergency. He said he understood but that he had already issued the ticket.

He should have come to find us, it was pretty obvious we were working just behind the van and we are working on an emergency here.

I parked the van in this spot to make sure I was well out of the way of any traffic, this is a really busy road."

A council spokesman chose to avoid discussing the matter:

"Without the relevant details – the penalty charge notice number or the registration number of the vehicle, we're unable to comment on this specific case.

As a general rule, however, the council's civil enforcement officers are instructed to exercise discretion, particularly in instances where utility companies are carrying out emergency repair works."

Looks like the instructions to the civil enforcement officers are not that clear!

Could it be that parking fines are being used to supplement council tax revenue, to shore up a bankrupt council?

Surely not?

Croydon Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Nanny Bans Stairs

Here is a rather daft example of Nannyism from my beloved home town of Croydon.

I pooped into the bar of our local theatre (The Warehouse) the other day, it has been a couple of years since I had a drink in there, and saw that the upstairs bar had been closed down a while ago.

For why?

Aha, can you guess?

Yes, that's right, our old "friend" health and safety!

It seems that the health and safety officers of our council have deemed that the stairs were too steep, and they banned the stairs (the only access point to the rather cosy upstairs bar) from being used; hence the bar had to be closed at some expense.

Now here are a couple of points that kind of make that judgement look daft:

1 The stairs have been used for the last 20 years, without any form of injury

2 If the stairs were not so steep, how the hell would they reach the next floor?

Farking stupid!

However, as you can see from my fight with Croydon council over the arena project, Croydon council wanted The Warehouse shut down anyway. I suspect that this was one of their nasty little tricks to try to shut the place down.

Fortunately the council failed on both counts!

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Wasting My Money

As you know, I have a healthy dislike of local councils, actually I rather loath them.

Here is one very good example as to why I dislike them so much.

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Nanny Bans Photos - Love Croydon

Here is an amusing little tale from my "beloved" hometown of Croydonia (recently voted Chav Town of the Year!), as told to me by a fellow citizen of PRC (People's Republic of Croydonia).

He told me that he walking around Croydon taking photos for a competition, when he was suddenly stopped and searched by three plain clothed policemen enforcing the anti-terrorist act.

Apparently taking photographs is viewed as a suspicious activity, because we are still at threat level severe.

Nice to see, for once, Nanny didn't use the excuse that children might be present!

The competition?

Oh yes, it is called "Love Croydon".

Were it not for the fact that these restrictions are the thin end of a nasty wedge, this would be highly amusing!

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Barfing News

Hot off the presses....

I am pleased to announce that the good people of Croydon have scored a monumental victory over our arrogant and unloved local council's plans to impose an unwanted and truly awful arena development on us.

Hazel Blears has rejected the plans.

Victory is ours!

In honour of the occasion I will be getting well oiled tonight...as such there may not be much activity on the kenfrost.com empire tomorrow:)

Ken

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Prats of The Week - Croydon's Response To Crime

I see that there are reports that those "in charge" of Croydon are advising "Community Enforcement Officers" not to bother wasting time on young criminals, but to target older people.

For why?

The adults will more likely be able to pay the fine!

So there we have it ladies and gentlemen, the purpose of the local law is not to keep people safe but to raise tax revenues for local councils.

Dermot Lineham, the enforcement officers co-ordinator, has sent an email that stated he was "emphatic" that his officers should not have to approach teenagers.

Officers should "focus our activities on adults who are less likely to attack us and more likely to pay fixed penalty notices...

..take care and take it easy."

Croydon Council spokesperson claimed the email had not been cleared by the council.

"This email was wrong in its instructions, had not been cleared and does not constitute council policy. The officer has since been spoken to and the NEOs have been instructed to ignore the email.

The NEOs' job is to support the police in tackling antisocial behaviour and low level criminality and in ensuring that the law is upheld. Council policy is that they will continue to carry out that role without fear or favour, regardless of the age of the perpetrators.

Neither the council nor police will tolerate antisocial behaviour of any kind and will take the necessary action to counter the misguided and destructive actions of a small minority of our population.

Clearly, we have a duty of care to all our employees and we would never ask any of them to take unnecessary risks that would place themselves in danger. But rest assured, the Neighbourhood Enforcement Officers will continue in their current roles to the full extent of their authority.

The incident, last Wednesday, where two police officers were attacked has only strengthened our resolve. The message to all young people is that if you are coming into the town centre, behave in a civilised fashion with respect for other people, or face the consequences."

Someone somewhere in Croydon is a right prat, and well deserves the "Prats of The Week award for this!

FYI, the Daily Mail asked me to comment on the story but then didn't bother using my comment..clearly I am not tabloid material!

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Chavs R Us

Re the Croydon "riot", mentioned in a comment on the article about banning the word "Chav", here is are 2 links:

Chav Riot

Chav Riot 2

I guess, because I live in Croydon that makes me a chav too?

Ken

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The Dangers of Flowers

Pity the poor elderly residents of a care home in my borough of Croydon, who have been told by our "respected" local council to take down the plastic flowers in their care home.

Croydon council has placed posters in the elderly people's home asking them to remove the tubs of plastic flowers that residents had placed in the accommodation, along with some ornaments, to add a splash of colour.

Nanny says that they pose a fire hazard to Tonbridge House and have said that failure to take heed of the warning "may result in legal action", leading to eviction.

Bastards!

It is no small irony that in days of yore the false blooms have been a success with the authorities, being featured in the council's own magazine.

Some residents have had their fake shrubs for 40 years. Bernard Towner, 65, called the decision "ridiculous".

However, the council has stood by its decision saying that pots placed in the corridors could be an obstruction if the building needed to be evacuated.

Resident Bernard Towner, 65, said:

"The wording of the letter was so aggressive - we might have been a bit more understanding if someone had come to speak to us but this was the first warning we got.

It's ridiculous really - I was talking to one lady who said she has had her flowers there since she moved in 40 years ago."

A council tenancy officer ordered their removal after visiting Tonbridge House last week. Posters were put up demanding the corridors were cleared due to health and safety fears.

The worker said the residents were in breach of their tenancy agreements, and that their flower pots and trinkets were a fire hazard.

As said:

Bastards!

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The Dangers of Steps

David Smith, an elderly disabled man of 78, has been left with rubbish piling up at his home in my home town of Croydon.

Why?

It seems that is just "too dangerous" for binmen to collect it?

Why?

Does he have a dangerous dog?

No!

Does he threaten them with a shotgun?

No!

The bin men have to climb the four steps to the house to collect it.

Mr Smith has lived at his current address for over 20 years, and has always put his rubbish at the top of the steps on a Monday morning ready for collection.

Herein lies the problem, the entrance to his house is four steps up from the street level and down a walkway.

The binmen and our local council don't seem to like that.

As much as Mr Smith would like to make their lives easier, he suffers from diabetes, heart disease and has difficultly walking. Therefore he has always left the bin bags at the top of the steps for the binmen.

However, the other week, his rubbish and many other residents' waste was not picked up for health and safety reasons.

Mr Smith said:

"I walk with two sticks and it is very difficult to get to the end of the walkway and now they are refusing to even come up the stairs.

What is frustrating is that they just haven't bothered telling anyone about the changes and we have all done this for years without having any problems.

But on Monday I saw that the dustman hadn't taken it so I asked him why and he said he had been told it was too dangerous for them to collect it from where they had been in the past. I couldn't believe it."

There are more than 100 houses in the street, and Mr Smith believes a third of them have steps - none of which have had their rubbish collected.

A Croydon Council spokesman said:

"Several health and safety issues have been identified by the council's contractor with regard refuse collection in a number of roads.

The council is currently investigating alternative methods of collection and the affected residents will be notified."

Pass the sick bag someone!

Could Croydon council tell us why we pay council tax?

Could Croydon council tell us why they think that the "health and safety" bullshit, that they follow, outweighs the very real threat of disease and vermin from rotting uncollected rubbish?

Health and safety will be the death of us all!

Email the leader of Croydon council here, and give him my love mike.fisher@croydon.gov.uk

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A Conundrum

Nanny, the media, the butchers' profession, Tesco and other "experts" have been working themselves up into a bit of a frenzy recently over booze and its "alleged" effects on people's behaviour.

In Nanny's view, booze is the root cause of many of society's ills eg; violence, crime, anti social behaviour etc.

Now herein I would like to present a counterpoint, based on my own modest contribution to the "booze debate".

On Friday I dined in Londinium with an old chum of mine from my days in KPMG. An excellent evening was had by all, first in the Red Lion then in Le Boudain Blanc (I will be adding a review about that to my Restaurant Reviews site in due course); an elegant sufficiency of booze was consumed by all.

I personally rounded off the meal with an Irish coffee (in honour of being half Irish, and it being St Patrick's day on Monday) and four double Remy Martins (the singles looked ridiculous in the glass).

After that I wended my way back to Croydonia, using the underworld railway and Network Snail.

Now, despite having consumed an elegant sufficiency of alcohol, I still managed to get home perfectly safely WITHOUT:

1 Assaulting anyone

2 Stamping on anyone's head

3 Vomiting or collapsing in the street

4 Passing myself off to police as Euan Blair, or a minor member of the royal family

5 Pissing against a wall

6 Vandalising the tube or train

7 Inflicting any form of anti social behaviour on my fellow passengers

8 Putting my feet up on the seats

9 Swearing loudly, or talking on my mobile phone

10 Being attacked, mugged, robbed, assaulted or buggered about with in any way

Now the thought occurs to me, if I a shy, retiring, reserved, middle aged accountant (who wouldn't say boo to a goose) can manage to do that, despite having consumed more than Nanny's preferred/recommended quantity of booze, why is that the yoof of this country (who are less than half my age) cannot manage to do the same having consumed a few water based, fizzy, sugar added shitty drinks flavoured with sub standard vodka?

The answer my friends is this...

It's not the booze, its the personalities that causes the trouble.

The badly behaved scumbags that litter the streets of Britain on Friday and Saturday are badly behaved, because they are badly behaved per se. They are ignorant yobs who have not been brought up properly by their parents to respect others, to respect themselves or indeed to be able to drink in a sensible manner.

The root cause of Britain's behavioural ills lies not with booze, but lousy parenting.

Curing that will require a lot more effort than merely farting around with headline grabbing taxes on alcohol flavoured fizzy water.

Nanny Bans Running

I understand that a school in my own delightful town of Croydon has banned children from running in the playground.

Why?

Health and Safety!

I do not know which idiotic school has done this, can anyone point me in the right direction please?

Thanks.