Nanny Bans Teddy Bear

Poor old Barty Bristle, all he wanted to do was to network with old and new chums on the internet.

Thinking this to be a simple matter, he set up an account on Faecesbook, the networking site.

He was so happy with the results, he attracted a large following.

Unfortunately, Nanny's chums on Faecesbook closed his account.

For why?

Was he a stalker?

No!

Was he a paedophile?

No!

He was a teddy bear.

His owner, Amanda Middleditch, merely wanted to make contact with other Arctophiles (lovers of Teddy bears).

Regrettably Faecesbook banned Bartie because his membership was "against the rules". Seemingly Bartie could be "masquerading" as someone else, and "it could be dangerous".

Prats!

How many entries on Faecesbook actually are 100% accurate?

I am sure that many entries "masquerade" a teeny tiny amount, at the very least; whether they are teddy bears, or "real" people.

Truly pathetic!

Buy your authentic, and thoroughly gorgeous, Kenny Bear here: Kenny Bear.

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Binmens' Bears Banned

Ah, the sweet smell of schadenfreude (a new fragrance from the House of Frost).

Having read a number of stories about binmen who won't remove rubbish because the bins were up steps, or too heavy or contained cabbage stalks, or goodness knows what; it is refreshing to see that the binmen are now getting a taste of their own medicine from the Health and Safety Gestapo at Haringey Council in North London.

It seems that those little teddy bears, that you see attached to dustbin lorries, are deemed by Nanny's Health and Safety Gestapo to be a health and safety issue.

No, not a health and safety issue to the teddy bears and not to the binmen; but to children, who may be tempted to rush over and nick the bear.

"Officials", I always laugh when I see that word (it usually means some jobsworth in a quasi junior bureaucratic role, not anyone with any real role in life), claim that a child could be injured running out into the road to grab a toy.

The binmen are upset, and say that the ban is "ludicrous". They will fight the ban, even if it means going on strike.

Quell surprise!

Doug Taylor, general manager of Haringey Enterprise, is standing firm and has issued a written edict:

"Quite why adults would wish to decorate their vehicles this way is frankly beyond me.

These items could attract children who may run into the road and suffer injury. On the grounds of health and safety and presenting a professional image of our company, I want all such decorations disposed of with immediate effect."

National organiser of the GMB Onion, sorry I mean Union, Justin Bowden said:

"I've never heard of this happening before. It's absolutely crackers and completely unjustified. These managers have taken leave of their senses. It's just ludicrous.

Collecting refuse is a dirty, mundane and repetitive business. The lads like a mascot because it brightens up their day and gives the wagon a little bit of individuality. It's become a tradition over the years and I don't think my members will take too kindly to being told to drop it."

Ah the threat of two fingers, where have I seen that before?

Oh yes, my previous article!

One dustman said:

"There are lots of ways an accident could happen on the round but a child jumping in front of the truck to grab a teddy definitely isn't one of them.

The bosses would be better off concentrating on real health and safety issues such as the weight of rubbish we have to lift and avoiding getting knocked down by impatient motorists."

Ah, the sweet smell of schadenfreude (a new fragrance from the House of Frost).

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with champagne. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Miserable Bastards

Congratulations to the miserable bastards who run the Victoria Shopping Centre in Ysgol San Sir Llandudno, for displaying some remarkably mean Nanny tendencies and banning some school children from singing Christmas carols because they were too loud.

Whilst the media work themselves up into a frenzy about another country getting uppity over the name of a certain teddy bear, we should look to our own laurels wrt intolerance and bloody minded busybodiness.

Anyhoo, the school kids had been given permission to sing in the shopping centre and indeed were accompanied by their schoolteacher and parents.

That of course did not stop the miserable gits who run some of the shops there from complaining that the singing was too loud.

At this point the shopping centre security staff asked them to stop, after which the police then turned up as well!

How farking ridiculous is that?

The furore that this absurd incident caused has needless to say brought about abject signs of contrition from the centre manager, Sue Nash, who has now admitted/realised that the intervention of security staff was "a mistake" and said the pupils would be allowed to return this weekend.

Ian Jones, headmaster, said:

"They were a small group singing Christmas

carols to raise money,

and they were singing beautifully.

After a bit, a security guard came over

and said we had only meant to be singing

for one hour, and could we please stop.

I just said no, because I knew we were

allowed to sing between 11am and 3pm.

He said he had complaints from tenants

that we were too loud and asked us to stop.

I just asked how he proposed to stop children singing.

In the end, he said we would have to stop

or he would call the police.

A member of the public came over and

said she thought the singing was fantastic."

A Police Support Officer then attended the scene and asked the pupils to turn down the backing music on the CD player, and sing more quietly.

Mr Jones said:

"I couldn't believe what they were saying.

Some of the parents were incredulous."

Whilst, on the face of it, this may seem to be a storm in a teacup it does illustrate a number of issues wrt the Nanny state and the effect that it has on people:

• Intolerance of those who act outwith the norm, in this case kids singing where singing is not normally performed



• Intolerance of individuality and public performance (remember folks, Nanny wants public performers to have licences)



• Lack of common sense being applied by individuals and organisations (couldn't the shopkeepers have put up with it for an hour or so? Couldn't the security guard have kept his nose out of this? etc)



• The use of the state, and organs of the state, to settle personal disputes and pursue private vendettas (why on earth call the police?)

All in all this incident is an excellent example of the worst traits of Nanny Britain.

Nanny Bans Teddy Bears

I have been writing articles for this site for a number of months now, and have become rather used to Nanny's strange ideas; few of them now cause me to raise more than an eyebrow of disdain.

However, this latest outburst of Nannying really goes beyond the pale.

It seems that Nanny feels that teddy bears, given away as prizes in gambling arcades, are too much of a temptation to people to gamble!

Nanny therefore wants to ban them.

Nanny believes that these cuddly bears lure youngsters into a lifetime of gambling. May I ask, has anyone ever won one of these?

I know that I haven't.

The Department of Culture, Media and Sport argues that young people should still be allowed to play at the arcades; in itself a contradiction of logic. surely?

However, it believes the prizes should not be too big. A spokesman said:

"The Government believes that children should be able to play these machines but the stakes and prizes should discourage them playing too much."

Now I must say that even by Nanny's warped reasoning, this latest nonsense is absurd. Nanny seems to have forgotten that she is loosening up the rules on casinos; these, you will recall, actually give cash prizes away!

Surely cash is far more tempting to gamblers, than teddy bears?

I would also remind Nanny that she happily endorses the National Lottery, surely one of the biggest gambling lures to ordinary people that there is.

Those of you wishing to save the teddy bear, may care to purchase one of Nanny's finest (seen here) from Nanny's Store.