Nanny Bans Conger Cuddling II

Following on from yesterday's article about conger eel cuddling, I would like to make it absolutely clear that no conger eels were harmed during the writing of that article.

Ken

Nanny Bans Conger Cuddling

Nanny strikes again, this time she has decided to ban the fine art of conger cuddling.

What the F is conger cuddling Ken?

Patience my dear friends, I will reveal all.

The fine town of Lyme Regis in Dorset has practiced this noble art for the last 32 years. It takes place annually on the harbour, and the money raised from the practice is used to fund the RNLI (lifeboats).

Now alas, thanks to some interfering busybody with nothing better to do with their lives, Nanny has stepped in and banned this fine old tradition.

But what is it Ken?

Patience please, I am coming to that bit.

Contestants pair off, and take it in turns to hit each other with a 5 foot dead conger eel suspended from a rope.

The event has raised thousands for the RNLI.

Nonetheless, one sad individual has decided that the game is "disrespectful to dead animals". Please note that the eel is well and truly dead before the game starts!

Death it seems, is not enough for Nanny, she has pulled the plug on the game and banned it.

Nice to know that one person with one agenda can affect the lives of many. Rather odd though that when many try to lobby the government, eg over sacking Prescott, they are ignored.

The complainant, seemingly with a grudge against the town, also threatened to film the event and create a nationwide campaign; ie bring in all the sad losers that hang around Britain with nothing better to do than look for trouble.

Richard Fox, founded the tradition in 1974, said he was 'livid' the event had come to an end.

"It is the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard.

How can you be disrespecting an animal's rights when it is dead?"

Conger cuddling derives from an old West Country tradition of mangel dangling which is a similar game involving a mangelwurzle.

What is a mangelwurzle when it is at home?

The eels are not caught specifically for the event, but are caught accidentally by local fishermen.

Good grief, they will be banning bare knuckle boxing, cock fighting (can I say cock on a website?) and dog fighting next!

There is something rather sinister in all of this, which is indicative of the "style" of the Nanny state. Instead of Nanny basing her "judgements" as to what is acceptable or not acceptable by listening to the majority, she bases her judgements on the bully boy tactics of a small minority of "shit stirrers" and single issue losers. These people have no interest in the democratic purpose, but seek to achieve their goals via intimidation, mob rule and violence.

In other words, the majority is subjugated by the minority.

Nazi Germany was run in exactly the same way.

You have been warned!

Nanny's Special Friends

Nanny has a rather schizophrenic view on life at times, at times she pretends to be compassionate and caring and on other occasions she administers firm punishment and discipline (that phrase will get this site some interesting hits from the search engines!).

Anyhoo, Nanny's latest wheeze was to pay for Yusuf al-Qaradawi (a Muslim cleric who has defended suicide bombers) and his wife to fly from their home in Qatar to Istanbul for a two day conference called "Muslims in Europe", which was held in the 5 star Ceylan InterContinental Hotel.

By the way, when I said that Nanny paid, I should of course have said that we the taxpayer actually paid for this.

Al-Qaradawi is considered to be the spiritual leader of the Muslim Brotherhood, a militant group with offshoots around the world which acts as the ideological engine room of Islamist extremism.

As if that is not enough, al-Qaradawi has also called for the execution of homosexuals and opposed equal rights for women.

He has also defended Palestinian suicide bombers who attack Israel as "a weapon which the weak resort to".

Nanny's chums in the Foreign Office confirmed that it had covered al-Qaradawi's expenses as part of its support for the conference, which took place earlier this month.

Nanny's special chum, Frances Guy the FCO civil servant in charge of the "Engaging with the Islamic World Group", met al-Qaradawi at the conference.

This of course kind of looks rather odd, given the fact that Nanny has called for an end to tolerance for so-called "preachers of hate".

Indeed, two years ago, Blairy Poppins herself said:

"Let me make it absolutely clear.

We want nothing to do with people who support suicide bombers in Palestine,

or elsewhere or support terrorism."

The FCO issued a memo last July which noted that some diplomats are keen to promote links with al-Qaradawi, describing him as "a highly respected Islamic scholar".

Nanny's chums in the FCO defended the decision to pay for al-Qaradawi to attend the conference:

"It is our view that you have got to engage in discussion with individuals with whom you don't necessarily agree."

Is this the same policy then being practiced at the moment in Lebanon, as Israel wages war by proxy against extremists for the UK and the US?

It all sounds a little schizophrenic to me.

Maybe Nanny needs to be institutionalised before she inflicts harm on someone?

Tunes of Glory

I spent four happy years as a student at Edinburgh University, and as such have a certain fondness for the sound of the bagpipes.

That being said I know that some people find the "skirl" of the pipes to be a tad "grating" on the ears. However, I find Nanny's recent attack on the bagpipes to be an overreaction to say the least.

Nanny's Army Medical Directorate environmental health team have issued a dictat to soldiers learning to play the bagpipes, telling them to limit their practice sessions to only 24 minutes a day, or 15 minutes when indoors.

Pipers will also have to wear ear plugs under the new dictat.

What do they say, I wonder, about soldiers fighting in Iraq and other places where guns, bombs and shells are banging and whizzing around?

Do they ask the combatants to limit their activities to 20 minutes a day?

Bagpipes have played a crucial role in Scottish regiments, which have traditionally been led into battle by kilted pipers for centuries.

Davy Garrett, who played the pipes in the Army for 12 years and now runs a piping school, said:

"This is just another example of the Nanny state

and one that I am very concerned could ruin the future of piping in Scotland."

Bill Lark, 85, a Black Watch piper who led his comrades into action against the Japanese in 1944, also thinks that the rules are bollocks:

"The pipes should be played loudly.

That's how they inspire soldiers and scare the enemy."

I feel suitably inspired to watch my copy of "Tunes of Glory" (starring Alec Guinness, John Mills and Gordon Jackson), I recommend you all do the same.

A Straw In The Wind

Well well, what do you know?

It seems that dear old Bliary Poppins is trying to wriggle himself free from being associated with Labour's "Nanny state" approach to life, and the universe as we know it.

Bliary will state that we should take more responsibility for our own health.

Yawn...haven't I been saying that all along for the past two years or so?

Bliary is claiming that his speech is a major move away from Nanny's record of interference in every aspect of our private lives.

Downing Street are rumoured to be prepared to admit that the "Nanny state" approach is bollocks, and doesn't work.

Yawn again...I have been saying that on this site for the last two years as well.

Can't these dickheads read?

Bliary will state that there is a limit to how much the state can do to shape the lives of those who elect it.

The new buzzwords from the Labour bunker are "informed choices".

In other words people will be told what might happen to them if they choose to eat 20 portions of fries a day, then they will be allowed to get on with their lives and die.

Can it be that after the two years or so of www.nannyknowsbest.com being in existence, that Labour and its acolytes are finally beginning to take notice of what this site has been saying?

As with everything that Bliary says, I will believe it when I see it!

Useless Bastards

In order for Nanny to hope to exercise any authority over her charges, she must at least seem to be competent and capable; even if her views are vile and repugnant.

Judging from the accounting shambles in the Home Office, it seems that Nanny cannot even achieve the slightest degree of competency.

It is reported that when the gross transaction value of all debits and credits were totalled, the sum came to £26,527,108,436,994.

In case you are thinking that this is a tad high, you would be correct. The figure is in fact 2000 times higher than the Home Office's expenditure for 2005, and 1.5 times higher than the GDP of the entire planet!

Way to go Nanny!

Nanny and her acolytes are without doubt a bunch of useless bastards, who cannot even be trusted to sit the right way on a lavatory.

As such, she has absolutely no right to exercise any authority over us at all.