Photobox - The Clue Is In The Name

Adverts for the photo printing site Photobox have been cleared by the Advertising Standards Authority after it received 212 complaints.

Viewers had expressed concern that the three ads, featuring scenes of a family barbeque with parents photographing a boy sitting on a Great Dane, could be harmful to the pet and the child.

One complaint came from the RSPCA.

At no stage did anyone stop to consider that Photobox, being a professional online photo printing company would have doubtless played with the images.

Photobox said the boy and dog were filmed separately and "at no point did the boy actually sit on the dog".

It added that a qualified vet had been present during filming, and provided a certificate to the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) as proof.

Case dismissed!

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The Dangers of Foxes - Protect Your Groins!

As per the BBC:

A "vicious" fox trapped eight people inside a sports club for three hours as it stalked them from the car park.

The animal appeared as people were preparing to leave Alconbury Sports and Social Club, Cambridgeshire.
Panic reigned, with a woman being bitten, a man falling off his bicycle as he was chased and a pest controller being pursued back to his car.
Club chairman Bruce Staines, who was chased around the car park, said he had "never seen anything like it".
Mr Staines admitted he "tweaked his groin" trying to get away from the marauding animal and back to the safety of the club.
"None of us could get out. When we tried to use a side door, the fox heard and came haring round there."

'Wasn't afraid'

A woman who tried to distract the fox with food sustained a bite to her hand.
A man who tried to outpace the creature on his bicycle was chased into a field and fell off, losing his glasses in the process.
"He had to fend the fox off with his bicycle," Mr Staines said.

The fox trapped people inside the club for about three hours, stalking them from the car park

Club members ended up barricaded inside the building, watching the fox on the CCTV system as it stalked outside, at about 22:00 BST on Saturday.
The local pest controller was called, but when he tried to approach the animal it "went for him" and chased him back to his car.
The fox was eventually caught and destroyed.

The pest controller's view

Graeme Brown, a pest controller for 18 years, was called in to help those trapped inside the club.
"The fox started circling my car as soon as I arrived," he said.
He tried to move it on by stamping his feet, shouting and waving his arms but when it refused to move he was "forced to beat a retreat".
He said he had "never come across such a forward and aggressive fox as this one".
"People who don't know about these animals should not approach them and never feed them. You're asking to be bitten.
"Leaving this fox was not an option. I have no doubt about that," he said.
"It was active in the area of a play park and I would not be prepared to put children at risk."

"Foxes can look very sweet, but as a family-orientated club we had real concerns about this rather vicious animal. We have hundreds of children playing in our leagues here," Mr Staines said.
He said the pest controller suggested the fox may have been an urban animal, which somehow found itself in the middle of the countryside.
"That might be why it wasn't at all afraid of humans."
Neither the Wildlife Trust nor RSPCA was prepared to comment on the behaviour of the fox as their staff had not seen the animal.

Protect your groins!

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Prats of The Week - Peta

Oh dear how sad to see that there is no end to the prattery of some organisations.

Step forward Peta (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) who have decided that a pub founded in the eighth century in St Albans has a name that is very uncool for the 21st century, and which Peta want banned.

Peta want Ye Olde Fighting Cocks to be renamed Ye Olde Clever Cocks to "reflect compassion for animals". Cue complaints about sexism!

Peta director Mimi Bekhechi is quoted by the Telegraph:

"Changing the name would reflect today's rejection of needless violence and help celebrate chickens as the intelligent, sensitive and social animals they are.

Today, kind people are appalled by the thought of forcing birds to fight to the death and more people than ever are making the compassionate choice not to eat chickens, either." 

That has of course got fark all to do with the name of a pub!

There are surely enough real issues wrt actual cruelty to animals that Peta should be devoting its time and money on, not this absurd waste of time.

Peta, well deserving Prats of The Week!


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Nanny Hates Marmite

How absolutely absurd, it seems that 250 people ahev complained to the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) about the above advert for Marmite.

For why?

They are of the view it trivialises the work of animal rescue charities!

The RSPCA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) said it understood that "animal lovers are concerned on our behalf", quote:

"We plan to talk to the makers of Marmite about how we can work together on animal welfare."

Am I so thick skinned and insensitive, but is this not an absurd overreaction?

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The Dangers of Foxes

I was gemused to read an article in the News Shopper about an alleged incident between Anthony Schofiled and a fox, whilst Mr Schofiled was sitting upon the toilet in his home in Catford.

Mr Schofield claims he was quietly going about his business in the little boys’ room on July 1 when the mangy creature strutted in before mauling him, his partner and his pet cat.

The startled 49-year-old leapt up from the bog with his trousers around his ankles before pursuing the creature around the living room in a farcical fox chase.

Quote:

"I didn’t even have time to wipe myself.

I just had to chase after it. It was so quick.

The fox had pushed its nose through the door. I jumped off the toilet.

In the meantime it had run into the front room and got the cat.

It had the cat round the neck. She was in shock, bleeding from her face.

It locked itself onto my arm but still had the cat as well. "It was unbelievable - the strength in the little thing.

There was blood everywhere.

It was like a struggle for my life." 

He added:

"It was so frightening.

It was like a wild animal."

Errmm..foxes are wild animals are they not?

This is exactly the sort of thing that happens when you ban hunting!;)

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Nanny Bans Sticks

I sometimes wonder if Nanny will one day cease to surprise me with her absurd risk averse advice and rulings.

The answer, thus far, is no she has not ceased to surprise me.

Today I read with some incredulity.....the exact phrase was "FFS!"...... that throwing sticks for your dog to chase is in fact a health and safety risk to dogs.

Robin Hargreaves, President elect of the British Veterinary Association, said owners risk causing 'horrendous problems’ to their pets.

I don't doubt that on occasions accidents with wooden sticks happen, but people have been throwing wooden sticks for their dogs to chase for centuries without the mass extinction of the dog population occurring.

Now, we are being told that dogs should only play with rubber sticks!

Mr Hargreaves is quoted by the Telegraph:

“Never throw sticks for dogs.

It is a violent incident that causes real damage. We have some horrendous problems. Even if you do it now, never do it again.”

The most common injury occurs when a dog runs onto a stick in the ground, forcing it down their throat and cutting under the tongue or even tearing the gullet further back.

“It is very painful.

Imagine ramming a toothbrush at the end of your mouth except it is spiky and sharp.

Every generation thinks throwing a stick to a dog is the best thing. It never seems to get into national psyche it is a bad thing to do. Use a ball, rubber bones or soft toys.” 

I am a pussy lover myself, but am aware that dogs are exposed to all manner of risks, aside from wooden sticks, they are more than happy to chew slippers and other shit that can hardly be considering to be healthy.

What should a dog (or cat) owner do, remove all forms of stimulation so that the dog (cat) doesn't injure itself?

I know that we do that for our kids these days, but surely the dogs (and cats) can be left to enjoy their lives as nature intended?

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The Dangers of Eels

Now why the hell hasn't Nanny placed a warning label on eels, wrt not placing them up one's bottom?

I ask, because evidently (as per the Sun) there is a clear health and safety issue wrt inserting them there!

A PORN addict who inserted a live eel up his backside had to endure an all-night operation - after it got STUCK.

The man - from southern China - preformed the bizarre act after seeing it done in a kinky blue movie.

But the unmarried man had to rush himself to a hospital casualty unit in Guangdong province telling medics: “Please, please help me. The eel is moving through my body.” 

Surgeons finally removed the 20-inch long Asian swamp eel - which weighed more than half-a-kilo - in the early hours of the morning after a lengthy treatment with drugs and medical probes. 

One of the medical team explained: “The eel was simply trying to find its way out.” 

“It was still alive when we got it out but it died soon afterwards, which was probably a mercy.

“This was a particularly idiotic stunt and could have caused him a serious injury. Eels have small but very sharp teeth,” they added. 

A police spokesman said: “We are aware of what happened and a 39-year-old man will be interviewed over alleged animal cruelty.”

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Prats of The Week - WH Smith

Gadzooks, it is Tuesday already, time to award another of my prestigious and internationally renowned "Prats of The Week" Awards.

This week it goes to WH Smith for kowtowing to Animal Aid, and banning under 14s from buying magazines about hunting and shooting.

According to the "logic" postulated by Animal Aid, magazines such as Shooting Times are pro violence, and "corrode" young minds.

WH Smith of course continues to sell books and magazines about war, which they are happy enough to sell to kids. These being the same kids who will sit through hours of violence shown on TV news and soap operas.

The irony is if WH Smith follows Animal Aid's wishes to the letter, it will not only ban under 14s from buying the magazines but place them on the top shelf by the porn.

Now what sort of message does that send to a "young mind"?

Guns and porn, forbidden therefore very exciting!

Hardly a healthy message/combination is it?

WH Smith, well deserving Prats of The Week!


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Nanny Bans Swans

Oh dear Nanny does make an utter fool of herself sometimes, as the good people who run The Scream gallery in Mayfair will attest to.

The gallery had been exhibiting a photograph of a naked woman and a swan (a modern depiction of the Greek myth of Leda and the Swan - according to Greek mythology, the god Zeus took the form of a swan to seduce Leda. She later bore his children, Polydeuces and Helen of Troy) for a month, when one day a Metropolitan police officer saw the image from a bus.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, two uniformed officers went to the gallery and told Jag Mehta, the sales director at the gallery, that the photo suggested that the gallery condoned bestiality (which is a criminal offence).

Factoid: swans are highly aggressive creatures, how the hell could anyone get near enough to one to be able to interact with it in any sexual way?

Ironically the exhibition was over and so the gallery took the image down, but the police remained until they saw that it had been taken down.

Miss Mehta did explain to the police that the myth of Leda’s rape by Zeus was an acceptable form of erotica in Victorian times. However, the police replied (according to The Telegraph) that:

“They said they didn’t know anything about the myth.” 

Despite telling the gallery to remove the image (which the gallery is still happy to show to people who wish to see it) the Metropolitan Police have said that the incident had not been recorded as a crime.

Ironically, despite ordering the gallery to the picture down, the police have not taken action against the Evening Standard for publishing a picture of it!

I am confused, if it's a crime to show the picture in a gallery why is it not a crime to show the picture in a newspaper and on its website?

Oh and while we are on the subject of swans, why is it that Tchaikovsky's ballet Swan Lake (where a prince falls in love with a princess who had been turned into a swan) allowed to be performed?

Censorship does seem to cause an awful lot of confusion, especially when people have to judge what they define to be "offensive", doesn't it?

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Health and Safety At Carshalton Ponds

I was hugely gemused to read about a wee touch of Nannyism at Carshalton Ponds last week. When I used to live in Croydon I would occasionally pop down there to "water myself" in one of the many fine pubs near the ponds, therefore I have a fond recollection of the place.

Anyhoo, it seems that there was something of a kerfuffle at the Ponds last week involving 25 firefighters.

What happened?

Did someone fall in the Ponds?

No.

Was a car on fire?

No.

It seems that a seagull had become stranded (thanks to a discarded plastic bag) in the Ponds!

Factoid: Carshalton Ponds are no more than 3 feet deep!

Despite having 25 firefighters on hand (5 crews no less!), they could not venture in to save the bird because of health and safety regulations.

Fortunately, for the seagull, help was on hand. Braving "certain death" (or more realistically, wet trousers) a member of staff from a nearby wildlife centre put on some waders, walked out to the stricken Herring Gull, and freed its foot from a plastic bag.

The 25 firefighters looked on, helplessly.

So why were the firefighters there then?

To rescue anyone who may have got into trouble rescuing the bird...ermm, wouldn't the risk of that happening have been reduced if the firefighters themselves had rescued the bird in the first place??

Pass the sickbag someone!
 
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Excessive!

I was sorry to read of the sad outcome of a dispute between an elderly pensioner (Pauline Spoor of Hattersley, Greater Manchester) and the RSPCA over her old frail dog Dexter (18).

Dexter was suffering from severe arthritis and conjunctivitis, and in the opinion of the professionals needed to be put down to be out of his misery. Mrs Spoor, being human, couldn't bear to have her companion put down.

In May the RSPCA alerted the polcie to the dog's plight, and they duly broke into Mrs Spoor's home and placed Dexter with the RSPCA who put him down.

Mrs Spoor was then taken to court and convicted of animal cruelty. She was sentenced to wear an electronic tag on her ankle, and given a 3 month curfew preventing her from leaving her home at night.

Why would a frail elderly woman living in Manchester want to leave her home at night?

It seems to me that the above sentence is disproportionate to the circumstances. Sadly, this case has been ignored as certain publicity seeking politicians seem more concerned with trying to lessen the sentences handed out to morons who try to start riots using Faecesbook.

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Animal House

I am gemused to read that the Journal of Animal Ethics, published by the University of Illinois Press, recently stated that animals should not be described as "vermin", "pests" or even "pets".

Seemingly these and similar words, used to describe animals, are "derogatory".

Maybe, one day, we will use less "derogatory" words to describe animals. However, until we start treating fellow human beings with decency, this is a step too far at the moment.

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The Dangers of Bunnies

As we wind down from a particularly sunny and warm Easter weekend, I am gemused to read that Nanny managed to put the kibosh on some Easter fun that a group of teenagers were planning to have this weekend.

Five of them were planning to visit Edinburgh Zoo dressed as four Easter bunnies and one spring chicken.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, the zoo officials told them to take off their costumes.

For why?

Lest the animals in the zoo be "psychologically damaged"!

I can't but help wonder, given the appalling treatment meted out to animals over the centuries by humans dressed as humans, whether it is in fact less stressful for animals to see us in disguise.

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Pink Pussies

A question for all my loyal readers out there in cyber space.

What do you think of pink pussies?

Personally I am not a huge fan of them myself, but apparently some people are.

I ask because I was reading the story of "Oi! Kitty", a white cat dyed pink (using safe non toxic food colouring) by its owner.

Oi! Kitty was found by some bloke coming back from the pub recently, and handed into the RSPCA.

The owner, having seen the publicity, was relieved that her missing pink pussy had been spotted and asked for it to be returned.

The RSPCA have duly done so.

However, they could not resist being a tad "Nannying", they popped round to give some "advice" as to how to treat pussies (even though no crime, harm, or mistreatment had been done to Oi! Kitty).

Now I am a great lover of pussies and other wee beasties, and fully support the work that the RSPCA does (indeed our own little pussy "Rosie" was adopted from an RSPCA cat shelter). However, given that no harm was done to Oi! Kitty (aside from it being hugely embarrassed, when socialising with its cat chums, at being dyed pink), was a "Nannytype" lecture really needed?

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Prats of The Week - Colchester Borough Council/Essex Police

This week seems to be a week for "Prats", therefore I am happy to announce yet another "Prats of The Week" Award.

This award goes to Colchester Borough Council and Essex police.

For why?

Just ask Dominic Payne of Colchester.

Mr Payne recently claimed that the council and police have wasted taxpayer's money investigating the noise of mating frogs in his garden. He said that he was recently visited by environmental health officers from Colchester Borough Council, who said they had been listening to the mating frogs to get a decibel noise reading.

After that two police officers turned up to investigate the frogs. Seemingly they went round his garden trying to photograph the frogs.

The Marsh frogs, for that is what they are, are classified as a non native species and in theory can be rounded up and "disposed of"...whatever that means.

Colchester Council claim that they have a statutory duty to investigate complaints about noise nuisance. Once they had identified that the noise came from non native frogs they were obliged, so they say, to tell the police.

What a waste of time and money!

Colchester Borough Council/Essex Police, well deserving Prats of The Week.

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Prats of The Week - Plymouth City Council

Well done Plymouth City Council for winning this week's "Prats of The Week" Award.

Russell Burt, aka the "Owl Man", had been walking his feathered friends around Plymouth on his shoulder for almost 10 years without any mishaps.

However, the lump heads in the council recently banned him from doing so, lest the owls "run amok".

Has anyone ever seen an owl "run amok"?

How often do I get to use the word "amok"?

I really must use it more often!

Anyhoo, there was a public outcry and Mr Burt received overwhelming support for his owl walking. The council were trashed in the media, and by local residents.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, the council back tracked (because they are a bunch of spineless knobheads, who hadn't any real justification for banning the owl walking) and have now allowed Mr Burt to walk his owls (aside from near busy roads).

Plymouth City Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

I believe they are a Tory council, yes?

By the way, how come owls can be banned but pit bulls can't?

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Bird Watching - The Nanny Way

Congratulations to Uncle John, you have been a warded the rare distinction of being "guest collumnist" for this very well observed piece:

"Daily Telegraph – 02-07-01 http://tinyurl.com/349o4jd

//A rare South American bird which had been living happily in the English countryside has died after the RSPCA made a bungled attempt to rescue it./ - /We recaptured it in a very controlled way and caused it the minimum amount of distress//

(Apart, that is, for the fact that it died)

The printed newspaper item includes the following verbal extrusion by ‘an RSPCA spokesman’ - all in “Quotation marks”

“We do not know what the cause of death was and we will not be holding a post mortem It could have been suffering from some sort of illness before it was rescued by us. We certainly followed all our procedures by the book”

Nanny doing a ‘Risk Assessment’ and getting it wrong? [Tick]

Nanny declining to find out what really happened? [Tick]

Nanny happy that ‘the rules’ were followed? [Tick]

RSPCA apparently believes that animals weighing 90lb (40kg)are a danger to traffic if loose on the road.

I hope they send teams to the New Forest, Wales, and the Lake District to 'cull' the ponies, sheep and cattle."

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Fishy Fishy!

Joan Higgins (owner of Major's Pets Greater Manchester) fell foul of Nanny's jobsworths recently, and was electronically tagged.

Her crime?

She sold a goldfish to a 15 year old boy!

The law requires that animals cannot be sold to under 16s, unless they are accompanied by an adult.

Nanny's chums from Trafford Council had heard rumours that she had sold a gerbil to an underage girl with learning difficulties, who later dropped it into a cup of coffee. Therefore they sent in the boy to test the system.

Ms Higgins was tagged because she is not fit enough to perform community service.

During the "sting operation", an animal welfare officer also noticed a cockatiel in the store that appeared in distress and, when examined, was found to have a broken leg and eye problem.

Higgins was fined £1K and ordered to stay in her house between 1800 and 0700.

I don't like to see animals suffer, and assume that the sentence (taking into account the suffering of the cockatiel) is reasonable. However, the sting operation used by the council (that in effect was entrapment) used to test the system sits uncomfortably in a democracy.

The suffering of the cockatiel could have been identified by a simple visit (open and above board) by the animal welfare officer. Fishing for criminal activity, in the hope of finding something, is not a path that councils should be travelling.

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Dickensian Britain

Lesley Ward, the new head of the Association of Teachers and Lecturers, claims that her members are seeing evidence of deprivation that would be familiar to Dickens.

"I am talking about perfectly healthy children who enter school not yet toilet-trained. Children who cannot dress themselves, children who only know how to eat with a spoon and fingers, and have never sat around a table to enjoy a home-cooked family meal. Children who think that the word 'no' means if you throw a wobbly it will miraculously turn into yes.

Children who get themselves, and sometimes their younger siblings, up in the morning. Children who bring themselves to school at very young ages. Children who sometimes don't know who will be at home when they get home – if anyone. Children who don’t know exactly who the father figure is in the home from month to month.

I know of a pupil who actually saw, from the classroom window during a lesson, his house door being kicked in and his dad being led out of the door in handcuffs – this was during Sats week. He did not achieve the level he should have.

Are we surprised?

Teachers all over the country are working in areas like this. Areas where often more than half the children receive free school meals, where one in ten of the school population is on the at risk register, where 10 per cent, or more, of the children in each class have some form of special need.

These children come from some of our poorest communities, starting school with the huge weight of deprivation on their shoulders, and it can be next to impossible to counteract the effects of such deprivation. I would like to stress I am not talking about the whole of our school population, but a small, significant and growing minority."

She is right to highlight these issues.

However, whilst "poverty" may exacerbate certain issues, she is wrong to blame "poverty" specifically for them:

1 Even animals (our 5 month old cat for example) manage to work out how to use the toilet. The lack of toilet training has nothing to do with poverty, but incredibly abysmal parenting.

2 Poverty does not equate to lousy behaviour. Certain members of the Bullingdon Club have on occasions behaved like yobs in public places, yet the poor of Dickensian Britain tried their best to behave with as much dignity as was possible under the circumstances.

3 Poverty does not compel you to have children.

4 Poverty does not compel you to not read to your children.

5 Poverty does not compel you behave like sub humans.

6 Poverty does not prevent you from using the toilet.

7 Poverty does not prevent you from being able to use a knife and fork.

8 The collapse of "human behaviour" and "social skills" has been mirrored by an opposite increase in the activities and encroachment of the state into private lives. The state is taking away people's self responsibility for the their lives and removing the need for them to worry about the consequences of their own actions.

The state is causing the expansion of the so called "under class".

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Prat of The Week - Shall We Dance?

Well done Alan Johnson, Nanny's health secretary (occasionally mentioned on this site), for winning this week's Prat of The Week Award.

He believes that he has found the panacea to the obesity "problem" that Nanny is so fretful about.

Dancing!

He wants us to don our dancing pumps, and dance the fat away. Apparently, having watched Strictly Come Dancing has inspired him (everyone on that was so slim weren't they?).

Johnson wants to create a "dance working group", including the Strictly judges, to expand the availability of dance classes to adults.

I thought that dance classes were available to those who wished to dance anyway?

Are they not?

Johnson may have a point about dance though, many of those party animals who dance the night away in clubs around the UK and Ibiza (pepped up on various... ahem ..."natural" stimulants) certainly seem to be somewhat slim....or maybe that is the effect of the stimulants?

It sounds like a monumental waste of money, all for a cheap headline.

Alan Johnson, Prat of The Week!

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