The Frog's Gonads

It seems that living in a Nanny state is beginning to have an effect on the citizens of Britain, in as much as their commonsense and sense of proportion is being eroded.

Ringtone company, Jamster, has got itself into trouble with Nanny "wannabees".

Jamster's crime has been to use a computer graphic, Crazy Frog, to advertise its ringtone products. Seemingly some 60 people have complained to the Advertising Standards Authority about the frog; "Crazy" is showing, in their view, a little too much below the waistline.

Surely we have more important issues to address, than the design of a frog?

However, there is one good thing that to have come out of this attack of Nannyitis; someone has set up a petition to ban ring tone adverts. You can sign it by visiting Ban Ring Tone Ads.

An Apple a Day

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away", or so the old saying goes. However, it seems that apples whilst being good for your health are not so good for you in the eyes of the law.

Sarah McCaffrey was spotted by Nanny’s police, holding an apple while driving her car in December 2003.

They sought to prosecute her for dangerous driving. However, such was their obsession with meeting Nanny’s targets for prosecutions, they took 13 months to finally "bring her to justice"; at a cost of £10K.

Seemingly Sarah’s mistake, in the eyes of Nanny, was to argue that holding the apple did not mean that she was not in control of her car. Nanny’s police were so outraged at being contradicted, that they commissioned; the police force helicopter, a light aircraft and a patrol car equipped with a video camera to provide photographic evidence of the offence.

Would it be too obvious to suggest that if the police devoted as much time and energy to preventing real crime, then we would sleep more peacefully in our beds?

This sorry tale illustrates the problems of a Nanny state; Nanny’s friends and “tools” become so obsessed with pleasing her and achieving arbitrary targets set by her, that they lose sight of reason and common sense.

It bodes ill for the future; as Charles "Fungus" Clarke takes upon himself the right to imprison people he doesn’t like, without holding a trial before a jury.

Beware of Cheap Imitations

It seems that Britain has become so used to Nanny, and her interfering ways, that criminals are now using this “acquiescence” to Nanny to make money.

Small firms are being warned this week about a new fraud, that plays on people’s deference to Nanny. It seems that businesses across the UK, are being targeted by a bogus health and safety compliance firm.

Businesses are receiving letters, and bills, from an organisation calling itself the “Health and Safety Registration Enforcement Division”.

This bunch of crooks is charging hundreds of pounds for so-called registration services.

The Health and Safety Executive, the genuine Nanny organisation, is warning business not to fall for this con.

The real Health and Safety Executive have launched a website, that help firms with their health and safety queries.

I don’t know about you, but this scares me almost as much as the scam merchants!

You can view it here Health and Safety.

Nanny's Secret Phone Numbers

Nanny and her friends in the world of commerce are rather a secretive bunch; they claim to be customer friendly, yet are remarkably reluctant to let you speak to them directly.

They instead make you go through a lengthy, and tortuous automated menu system (usually prefixed by 8070); before allowing you to talk to one of their "customer care" representatives.

A cynic might suggest that this lengthy queuing system is designed to put you off calling them!

Anyhoo, I have come across a site that circumnavigates the computer "doorman", and gives you phone numbers for a real human beings.

The site is www.saynoto0870.com; and although it may not have every Nanny company listed, it does have many household names.

Assistance Please

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I would be very grateful for your assistance on this one please.

I am currently working on a project, details of which will be revealed in the fullness of time, where I need documented examples of sleaze in New Labour.

I am looking for web links to newspaper articles, from the last 8 years or so.

Should you be able to point me in the right direction, please email me with any relevant links.

Many thanks for your help.

Ken

Nanny Bans Teddy Bears

I have been writing articles for this site for a number of months now, and have become rather used to Nanny's strange ideas; few of them now cause me to raise more than an eyebrow of disdain.

However, this latest outburst of Nannying really goes beyond the pale.

It seems that Nanny feels that teddy bears, given away as prizes in gambling arcades, are too much of a temptation to people to gamble!

Nanny therefore wants to ban them.

Nanny believes that these cuddly bears lure youngsters into a lifetime of gambling. May I ask, has anyone ever won one of these?

I know that I haven't.

The Department of Culture, Media and Sport argues that young people should still be allowed to play at the arcades; in itself a contradiction of logic. surely?

However, it believes the prizes should not be too big. A spokesman said:

"The Government believes that children should be able to play these machines but the stakes and prizes should discourage them playing too much."

Now I must say that even by Nanny's warped reasoning, this latest nonsense is absurd. Nanny seems to have forgotten that she is loosening up the rules on casinos; these, you will recall, actually give cash prizes away!

Surely cash is far more tempting to gamblers, than teddy bears?

I would also remind Nanny that she happily endorses the National Lottery, surely one of the biggest gambling lures to ordinary people that there is.

Those of you wishing to save the teddy bear, may care to purchase one of Nanny's finest (seen here) from Nanny's Store.