No Buts It's Got To Be Butter!

Knock me down with a feather, after all those years wherein we were bombarded with dire warnings from Nanny about the dangers of saturated fat found in butter, meat or cream it now transpires it's not dangerous at all.

In fact, the real danger lies in food abomination products such as margarine.

A recent study has shown that saturated fat does not increase the risk of stroke, heart disease or diabetes. However trans-fats, found in processed foods like margarine raises the risk of death by 34 per cent.

The new research which looked at 50 studies involving more than one million people found there was no evidence that saturated fat was bad for health.

Variety, not faddy fussyness, is the spice of life!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Butter Is Good For You - Hoozah!

Kudos to Dr Aseem Malhotra (a cardiology registrar at Croydon University Hospital), who has busted the "saturated fat myth" in an article he has written for the British Medical Journal.

In his view the risk from saturated fat in foods such as butter, cakes and fatty meat is being overstated and demonised. There is too much focus on the fat with other factors such as sugar often overlooked.

He is quoted by the BBC as saying that it is time to "bust the myth of the role of saturated fat in heart disease". He added that the "mantra that saturated fat must be removed to reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease has dominated dietary advice and guidelines for almost four decades."

He noted that saturated fat has been "demonised", and any link with heart disease is not fully supported by scientific evidence.

However, the British Heart Foundation says that studies on the link between diet and disease frequently produce conflicting results.

Ken (me) says that as with anything, so long as you eat a balanced diet (allowing for the occasional blowouts etc) and take sensible exercise (eg walking) you are likely to be happy and healthy.

As I have noted before, the body is like a car engine it needs oil (fat) to lubricate the blood vessels in order for the blood to flow freely.

For you see ladies and gentlemen, the enemy is not saturated fats such as butter, milk and cheese but man made trans fats (marketed as being "healthier" than saturated fats) that gloop up in your guts and arteries.

In celebration I will eat half a pound of butter for luncheon!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Gemuse Bouche

A little bit of free advice to a chef I encountered the other day, who attempted to inflict some petty food Nannyism on me, visit Ken's Blue Blog to read the advice.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Carry On Banning

I see that National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE), the organisation that bans expensive cancer treatments, is continuing with its mission of banning things.

It has called for a ban on trans fats (artificial fats) in foods.

Fair enough, as I personally prefer the taste and texture of real butter (not artificially "spun" gloop) and real lard rather than veggie oil etc.

However, NICE then go on to say that saturated fat (eg butter) should also be cut back.

Now if you ban one type of fat, you will have to replace it with another.

As I have noted repeatedly, the body is like a car engine; deprive it of oil (ie fat) and it will seize up. It stands to reason that blood flows through the veins much easier if the veins have a good coating of fat:)

For good measure NICE also want salt reduced (as per their usual whine).

Salt is necessary for a human to survive. Salt tablets are mandatory for those working in hot climates, a normal healthy person who drinks water and moves around will excrete/sweat out any "excess" salt quite naturally.

As a child I used to "shave" blocks of sea salt for my mum (she bought these large cubes wrapped in blue paper, anyone remember them?), and I would often take chunks of salt to munch on whilst shaving the blocks. I am now middle aged, with no heart/blood pressure issues, it did me no harm.

Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Wants To Ban Butter

I see that the food fascists have donned their size ten jackboots again.

This time they are going after butter.

Dr Shyam Kolvekar, at University College London Hospital, has told the media that he is "increasingly concerned" about the nation's eating habits.

OK, so far.

He then went into a monologue about the dangers of saturated fat etc etc. You know, the usual stuff trotted out.

Rounding off by saying:

"By banning butter and replacing it with a healthy spread the average daily sat fat intake would be reduced by 8g – that's 40 per cent of a women's GDA - Guideline Daily Amount. The GDA for a woman is 20g and for a man it's 30g."

Lovely!

Except didn't I read somewhere once, many moons ago, that these so called "health spreads" are not that good for you either (transfats and kidney problems, I think, spring to mind)?

Doctors are very nice people, who are very good at fixing broken legs etc. However, given that as a section of the community (along with politicians) they are more prone to alcohol, substance, fag, food abuse problems than other sections of the community should they really be the ones lecturing us?

I would note that a sensible balanced diet is the key to a healthy life. Is it not obvious that if you eat only shit, you will end up looking and feeling like shit?

I also note that the human body is much like a car engine, it seizes up if not properly lubricated; ie we need fat in our veins to help the blood flow;)

This luncheon I will be having a sarnie that is buttered, not spread with some artificial transfat gunk!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Bans Butter

I see that Nanny is having another go at "fat" again.

This time she has set her sights on butter. Her "good practice" guidelines, as per one of her quangos the School Food Trust, states:

"When making sandwiches, try not using any butter or spread if the filling is moist enough. If using fat spread, choose a reduced-fat variety and spread thinly.".

Why not just dip the bread in water and be done with it?

Nanny's scare mongering about the dangers of butter is complete bollocks. Natural fats such as butter, cheese, milk and lard are far better for you than the artificial shit that is packaged as spreadable slurry.

As I have noted many times before, the body is like a car engine; it needs oil in it to prevent it seizing up.

Hence fat in the veins will of course aid the flow of blood!

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Bans Words - Rhubarb

Shades of Nu Speak and 1984 have reared their ugly heads in the new Junior Dictionary published by the Oxford University Press.

The following words have been removed:

Carol, cracker, holly, ivy, mistletoe

Dwarf, elf, goblin

Abbey, aisle, altar, bishop, chapel, christen, disciple, minister, monastery, monk, nun, nunnery, parish, pew, psalm, pulpit, saint, sin, devil, vicar

Coronation, duchess, duke, emperor, empire, monarch, decade

adder, ass, beaver, boar, budgerigar, bullock, cheetah, colt, corgi, cygnet, doe, drake, ferret, gerbil, goldfish, guinea pig, hamster, heron, herring, kingfisher, lark, leopard, lobster, magpie, minnow, mussel, newt, otter, ox, oyster, panther, pelican, piglet, plaice, poodle, porcupine, porpoise, raven, spaniel, starling, stoat, stork, terrapin, thrush, weasel, wren.

Acorn, allotment, almond, apricot, ash, bacon, beech, beetroot, blackberry, blacksmith, bloom, bluebell, bramble, bran, bray, bridle, brook, buttercup, canary, canter, carnation, catkin, cauliflower, chestnut, clover, conker, county, cowslip, crocus, dandelion, diesel, fern, fungus, gooseberry, gorse, hazel, hazelnut, heather, holly, horse chestnut, ivy, lavender, leek, liquorice, manger, marzipan, melon, minnow, mint, nectar, nectarine, oats, pansy, parsnip, pasture, poppy, porridge, poultry, primrose, prune, radish, rhubarb, sheaf, spinach, sycamore, tulip, turnip, vine, violet, walnut, willow

Why?

Errmmm...don't people from multi ethnic backgrounds use words like "rhubarb" then?

Absolutely potty!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with champagne. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

The Joy of Fry Ups

Yesterday Giles Coren wrote a piece in The Times about the dangers of fry ups.

Quote:

"I'll tell you what's holding us back from finally getting rid of the fried English breakfast for ever: lack of education. You never see a person with a degree eating a fry-up, do you? Certainly not someone with a 2:1 or better in a humanities subject from a university founded before the invention of the iPod. That's because they are smart enough to know better. "

Well, the "educated" team at Nanny Knows Best did not sit idly by and let that one pass!

Post haste the following email was sent to Coren and The Times:

"Giles

Re today's article about fry ups, here is a photo of the contents of a typical fry up that I treat myself to on some Saturday evenings.

Please note:

1 I have a 2:1 from Edinburgh

2 I am 45, and in very good nick

3 It is washed down with lashings of Erdinger

4 You will be pleased to know that I fry the bread and eggs in olive oil, and grill the English sausages, bacon and tomatoes

Did you not write recently that your doctor warned you about your own diet?

Kind regards

Ken Frost

www.nannyknowsbest.com"

Should you wish to have your own fry up, here's a list of the basic ingredients (per person):

1 Spuds for the chips

2 4 large English sausages

3 4 rashers of back bacon (smoked)

4 2-3 large tomatoes

5 2 slices of white bread for frying

6 3-4 eggs

7 2 slices of buttered white bread

Additional ingredients, if you are peckish, can include; mushrooms, beans, lamb's kidneys and black pudding.

Accompany your fry up with a well chilled supply of Erdinger, and plenty of salt.

Enjoy!





Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with champagne. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

The Joy of Lard

Nanny's chums in the Food Standards Agency (FSA) are becoming increasingly concerned about our level of fatness, and our eating habits, no change there then!

As such they are going to launch a drive against fat, rumour has it that the FSA are considering warning us about the dangers of cheese sandwiches and buttered toast.

The FSA commissioned consumer research which showed that shock tactics, such as graphic images of furred blood vessels and fat deposits, were the best way to change people's diet.

It seems that this time next year we will have endure yet another one of Nanny's remorseless campaigns warning us about the dangers of our everyday, simple pleasures.

The FSA is rumoured to be considering testing messages that show that ordinary foods (eg meat, dairy, snacks and confectionery) are far higher in saturated fats than people realise.

It seems that they are considering using the same form of warning that is printed on fag packets...and we all know how "effective" they have been!

Nanny and the FSA need to remember that, unlike smoking, we really all do have to eat food everyday. You cannot, and should not, criminalise food and eating!

The warnings will include one informing consumers that two slices of buttered toast contain more saturated fat than four doughnuts, and that one cheese sandwich contains more than half the daily amount of saturated fat.

CMI Research, who prepared the report for the FSA, said:

"Shock tactics show potential.

The researchers said that graphic images of fat had a big impact on consumers they spoke to.

Dramatising the amount of saturated fat in foods in an unexpected and unappetising way proved effective, as almost all were repulsed by the idea of eating lard."

Hang on lads, I am not repulsed by eating lard (beef dripping)!

I like it!

The FSA should remember that the body is like a car engine, just as the engine needs oil to lubricate its moving parts, so does the blood in the body need fat to enable it to travel smoothly between the organs.

We would simply seize up without fat.

Here is a perfect recipe for lard (dripping):

Ingredients

-1 slice of thick cut white bread

-Dripping

-Salt and pepper

Method

-Toast the bread

-Spread a liberal portion of dripping (at least 1 cm thick) onto the toast

-Season copiously with salt and pepper

Enjoy!

Needless to say, the FSA has denied it is considering warnings on packaging. However, it then went on to say that it still had a wide range of consultations to make before deciding how best to convey its message. In other words, they do want to use warning messages and if the public reaction is muted we will get them.

I suggest that you purchase one of these fine T shirts or thongs from The Joy of Lard, just to show Nanny what you think of her plans.



Any profits made will be used to add to my collection of lard and dripping.

Christmas Day II

Folks

A small addendum to my post about Christmas day.

I neglected to mention that the parsnips and roast potatoes (that accompanied the turkey and ham) were of course cooked in healthy goose fat, and that the stuffing inside the turkey and skin of the turkey were made succulent with copious quantities of butter.

I am sorry for any distress caused by these omissions from the original post.

I note that some of you are fantasising about ham sarnies...

Here at Frost towers, the ham (what little remains of it) is being wolfed down with copious quantities of fried eggs and bubble and squeak (cooked in copious quantities of health giving goose fat).

As said, Nanny and her ilk can get stuffed this Christmas.

Keep it large this Christmas.

Ken

Nanny Bans Fat

Oh dear, whilst the mice are away the pussy must play, or something like that anyway.

I see that during the NKB staff holiday in Barcelona, Nanny's chums in some "health lobby group" are pressing Nanny to tax fatty foods.

Knobheads!

Fat is good!

1 Like the engine of the car, the human body needs lubrication for the blood to flow around its many organs etc. Fat is an ideal lubricant, thus enabling the blood to flow without hindrance or obstruction.

2 Many foods taste like shit if they are denuded of fat; eg sirloin steaks, pork, goose, foie gras, milk, butter, cheese etc.



3 Sensible balanced diets won't kill you, fat is an important part of sensible balanced diets.

4 Fat is an importamt source of calorific energy.

5 Fats are good for you; eg cheese, butter, milk.

6 I drank 3 pints of milk a day as a child...it did me no harm.

7 Taxing fat would mean that foods such as butter, milk and cheese (all good for you) would be priced out of some people's shopping baskets.

8 Taxing fat would be a regressive tax, adversely affecting the living standards of those less well off.

9 How about the carrot approach for once? Why not reduce the tax on non fat foods...if Nanny is so worried about our health?

10 Many MPs, doctors and other "health professionals" are unfit, overweight, substance abusers...who are they to tell us what we may or may not eat.

In short, Nanny can keep her hands off our fat!

Nanny Bans Cheese

It is reassuring to know that given all the possible threats to children's well being (eg drugs, alcohol abuse, lousy education, Big Brother, celebrity morons etc) Nanny has highlighted the gravest threat yet.

Cheese!

Yes, that's right, cheese!

Nanny's poodles in Ofcom, the broadcast regulator, have recently adopted a nutrient profiling model to ban "junk food" promotions to children.

So far so stupid, now here's where it becomes particularly stupid.

Under the formula, devised by Nanny's Food Standards Agency, cheese is deemed to be a food high in fat and salt and therefore cannot be advertised during teatime programmes or on Saturday morning TV.

Cheese promotions are also banned during programmes such as Hollyoaks and Friends, popular viewing among early teenagers.

Not surprisingly cheesemakers are a bit pissed off at the "demonisation" of their product.

One industry insider said:

"Without a central coordinated approach to food education,

the Government – and the current architecture of government

– allows for renegade agencies to dictate policy

without portfolio and send out messages that

are ill-conceived and potentially devastating."

In other words, Nanny allows knobheads to dictate policy.

I assume butter, milk and eggs are now also banned from being advertised during children's' TV?

Nanny Bans Junk Food Ads...Or Does She?

Nanny really does have a bee in her proverbial bonnet, when it comes to what we eat. She is obsessed by the quantity and quality of foods that we stuff into our gobs.

One might almost think that she had some unfortunate experience as a child, that has turned her into this rather unpleasant and interfering analy retentive individual.

Anyhoo, Nanny's latest assault on what we eat and on what we are allowed to choose to eat comes in the form of her recently announced plans to restrict junk food TV ads, by banning junk food ads during children's TV schedules.

Nanny is trying to stop children from seeing the evil products spewed out by those most hated (in Nanny's world) institutions McDonald's, KFC etc etc.

You know, it's a funny old world, less than two centuries ago many people in the West were starving; they were on nutrition levels that resemble today's third world countries. In the modern West, we have access to cheap, high calorie food; undreamed of by our ancestors. The fact that some of us may overindulge is a matter of personal taste and personal common sense (or rather lack of common sense).

However, for Nanny to repeat the mantra that high calorie, cheap, readily available food is evil; is just plain wrong. Mankind has suffered and struggled for millennia to find cheap readily available foodstuffs, Nanny is flying in the face to logic and human history to try to "pooh pooh" what is in effect one of mankind's most worthy achievements.

Anyhoo, I digress, it seems that Nanny's plans to block children from seeing the products of these evil companies, during children's TV schedules, will come to now't.

Why?

Children don't just watch children's programmes, they also watch adult programmes such as Coronation Street. "Junk food"...let us call it what it really is cheap, affordable, high calorie foodstuffs will still be advertised ruing adult shows.

Which? says that the plans, drawn up by Nanny's chums in Ofcom, are "fundamentally flawed".

Ofcom will try to ban ads for McDonald's et al during Spongebob Squarepants, but will not ban them during eg Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Take-Away; the latter has over one million child viewers.

Additionally, the Ofcom formula for deciding where advertisements will be banned is very complex and based on the programme type plus the make-up and mix of the audience, rather than the number of children watching. A ban will only apply if the proportion of the audience under 16 is more than 20% higher than the proportion of under-16s in the UK population as a whole.

There is also some question mark over what foods are evil; after all butter, cheese and milk are high in fat. Should they be banned from children's hour?

When I was at primary school, I had a free bottle of milk everyday as part of the state's policy of encouraging milk drinking.

Now I learn that it is high in fat, should I sue the state for force feeding me milk as child?

The Evils of Food

Nanny is getting her knickers into a twist again over food. Specifically adverts for food that Nanny believes to be evil, eg chocolate bars, crisps and fizzy drinks.

Nanny's chums in the Food Standards Agency (FSA) think that these "evil" foods should be treated like sex, ie we shouldn't have any and that they should be banned from television before 9pm.

The FSA is pressing for a pre-watershed ban on all junk food commercials to improve children's health.

Nanny thinks that junk food adverts are a major contributor to the alleged epidemic of childhood obesity.

Er is it not up to parents to regulate their childrens' diets, and to make sure they get enough exercise?

I wonder how Nanny will define junk food?

Too much fat and salt maybe?

Does that mean adverts for cheese, butter, milk and salt will be banned?

To repeat, it is up to parents to control their childrens' diets not the state!

Nanny Bans Cakes

Nanny really is pathetic at times, her rules and regulations seek to sap the very spirit and sense of joy out of people and out of their lives.

Elaine Richards (a retired district nurse) made a cake for friend of hers, who is 96 and a regular at an Age Concern Day Centre in Barnstaple Devon.

Nothing wrong with that I hear you say...

How wrong you are!

You see, the cake was made at home and in Nanny's view the home is a very dangerous place (she can't control it you see!).

Therefore the cake was banned.

Ms Richards was told, when she arrived with the cake, that it broke hygiene regulations and that the OAP's were only allowed to eat cakes bought from shops.

Ms Richards said:

"It's nonsensical. I couldn't believe it.

I have a family of four who will vouch for my cooking.

The worst anyone has had is indigestion!

My cakes are healthy.

The rules are completely daft."

Andrea Scott of Age Concern, said:

"We have many frail and elderly come here and some are diabetic.

If we let one person do this, the floodgates are open.

We don't know where these cakes come from.

If something went wrong, we could be sued."

Ms Scott said that Age Concern was supported by the local environmental health department.

Here we see how pathetic Nanny's rules are, the day centre is quite happy to allow their clients to eat shop bought cakes.

Why would a shop cake, no doubt filled with all sorts of chemical shit and made by people on a production line, be any safer than a homemade one?

As said, the reason for banning the cake has nothing to do with people's health or wellbeing, it is down to the fact that for moment Nanny can't control what happens in people's homes.

She absolutely hates that!

Needless to say Ms Richards and her friend consumed the cake at home, outwith Nanny's malign influence.

Those of you wishing to try the forbidden cake might like to know that it contains the following highly dangerous ingredients:

-9oz flour
-6oz unsalted butter
-6oz sugar
-milk
-three eggs
-candied peel
-lemon zest

No doubt all of the above will be banned in the near future!

A Fishy Tale

As we all know Nanny has, over the years, bombarded us with "facts" and advice about what we should and shouldn't eat.

The trouble is, her advice keeps changing; for example:

• We used to be told to drink at least a pint of milk every day, for strong bones and healthy teeth; now we are told that milk contains unhealthy levels of fat.



• Butter and cheese were good sources of protein and vitamin D, now of course they fall under the fat embargo.



• Eggs, great a few years ago; then first comes Eggwina, and next cholesterol.



• Meat, once an excellent source of protein; now an evil source of fat.



• Smoking, this was (300 years ago) taught to children by the state as a means of purifying and cleaning the lungs. Now, well you know the story now!



• Booze, some doctors prescribe drinking in moderation, others council against it.



• Beef was once the meat of choice, then along comes a mad cow and all hell breaks loose.



• Carrots were meant to help you see in the dark, this of course was bollocks. The "seeing in the dark myth" was a piece of propaganda put out in the war designed to make the Germans think that our success at shooting down their bombers was due to better night vision, when in fact it was down to radar (which was classified secret at the time).

Confusing isn't it?

This brings us on to fish, oily fish to be precise. Once we were told by Nanny that oily fish, such as salmon, was good for our bodies and brains. Now it seems that advice may be bollocks.

Analysis of recent trials has found little evidence that eating fish, or taking fish oil capsules, cuts the risk of dying of heart disease, stroke or cancer.

The analysis indicates that it is difficult to show clear benefits. The better the quality of the trial, the lower the apparent benefit.

The findings are published in the British Medical Journal online by a team led by Lee Hooper, of the University of East Anglia.

Why do the findings differ from what was considered to be the perceived wisdom of eating oily fish?

A study by Dr Michal Burr, of the University of Cardiff, found that fish oil may have a short-term benefit, but a long-term disbenefit; because it contains traces of toxic methyl mercury as a contaminant.

The conclusion that we, the punters in the street, must draw from these results is that Nanny and her minions are prone to base their advice and edicts on heresay rather than on irrefutable scientific fact.

A very dangerous policy indeed.

As such the best course of action must be to ignore what Nanny tells you, and eat/drink/smoke in whatever way that makes you feel at ease with yourself.

The Joy of Pork

We are all very familiar with Nanny's daily rants about the food that we eat, and the fat content of that food.

Sometimes you wonder if she had some sort of terrible experience as a child with a knob of butter, or a tub of cream.

Anyhoo, I for one believe in fighting back; and did so last night, in the best way possible.

I dined at my club, The East India Club, and partook of their most excellent roast pork carved from the trolley.

I had six large slices, with extra fat; followed by two Irish coffees.

Now Nanny would tell you that all of that is very bad for you, as it will clog up your arteries.

Utter bollocks!

The body is like the engine of a car, if it is not well lubricated it will seize up.

It stands to reason that if you increase the fat content of your diet, like the oil in the engine of a car, the blood will flow more smoothly and the heart beat easier.

I would also point out, that despite the truly heroic quantities of booze that I consumed last night, I have no hangover.

Further proof of the restorative powers of pork!

Have no fear ladies and gentlemen:

Fat is good!

Pork is good!

NB. The author of this blog is not a registered medical practitioner, and is not licensed to dispense medical advice. Anybody acting on the above post does so at their own risk etc etc

Those of you who fancy a bit of pork tonight should read the recipes in "Accountants Can Cook" (see right hand menu). There are two fine recipes there for roast pork with stuffing, and pigs' trotters...YUM!

Nanny Bans Cornish Pasties

Dear oh dear, things must be getting pretty desperate in the nursery.

Even by Nanny's standards, she has scraped the proverbial barrel with this incursion into a harmless activity.

This time Nanny vented her spleen on poor old Dave Polley, who was driving his car and innocently munching on a Cornish pasty.

When he had munched all of the filling, he found that he was left with some of the crust.

Now I know that we should eat our crusts up as well; but Dave did what many of us are inclined to do, he lobbed the crust out of the window for the birds to eat.

Unfortunately for him, in the car behind him was an officious git from Penwith District Council who is one of their anti litter officers.

Can you guess what happened next?

Yes, that's right.

Instead of seeing reason, and using common sense, the "officious git" gave Mr Polley a ticket and fined him.

Rumour has it that Penwith District Council are now patrolling parks, looking to arrest people for feeding the ducks.

Common sense has long since flown out of the window.

Those of you who want to make one, and send it as a gift to Penwith District Council or simply eat it yourselves can try this recipe.

Cornish Pasties Recipe

Cornish Pasties originated in Cornwall as a handy way for miners to take their lunch to work.

Shortcrust pastry encases a mixture of finely chopped meat and vegetables.

Ingredients

10 oz flour
A pinch of salt
4 oz of cold butter
1 to 3 tablespoons of water

8 oz of cubed beef
2 potatoes
1 swede/turnip
1 medium onion
salt & pepper
2 tablespoons of fresh parsley
¼ teaspoon of mustard
2 teaspoons of tomato sauce / ketchup (optional)
1 egg

Short Pastry

In a large bowl or food processor sift the flour and salt, cut the cold butter into small cubes and add to the flour.

Rub the butter into the flour with your hands or using the food processor, until it resembles fine breadcrumbs.

Make a well in the centre and add sufficient water to mix to a firm dough.

Handle as little as possible as this prevents the pastry from becoming hard when it is baked.

Roll into a ball, cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 30 minutes.

Filling

Preheat oven to 200 degrees C.

Put the cubed meat into a large bowl.

Chop the onion finely, and add to the meat.

Peel the potatoes and swedturnipip, cut into very small cubes.

Mix thoroughly with the meat, add the seasonings (a little water may be added to moisten) and cover.

On a lightly floured bench or board roll the pastry out to around 1/8 inch thick.

Cut 6 rounds, using a 6 1/2 inch diameter plate as a guide.

Arrange the filling evenly in the centre of each round.

Lightly beat the egg and glaze the edge of each round with a pastry brush.

Lift the two opposite edges of the pastry and pull together over the filling.

Pinch at regular intervals along the edge to form a frill.

Brush each pasty with egg and place on a baking tray.

Bake for 3/4 to 1 hour.

Eat hot or cold.

Nanny Bans Eating

Nanny, seemingly, never stops telling us what particular food stuffs are bad for us.

I don't know, maybe she gets some form of sexual thrill out of trying to scare and worry people about what they eat.

Anyhoo, yesterday red meat took centre stage; as Dr Elio Riboli, from the little known European Prospective Investigation into Cancer and Nutrition, said that their study found that those people who eat 3kg of red meat every day are likely to suffer from indigestion and flatulence.

Dr Elio pointed out that they had to issue a fatuous report every few years, in order to justify their existence.

Well, I can tell you, Nanny is outraged she is really mad now!

There seems not to be a day go by, when another horror story about food does not appear on her desk.

Remember these scare stories folks?

-Eggs are dangerous because you can get salmonella, and they raise your cholesterol

-White bread is bad because it is white

-Brown bread is bad because it prevents you from absorbing calcium

-Beans make you fart

-Beef on the bone turns you into a mad cow

-Sugar...don't get me onto the subject of sugar

-Salt, well Sid the slug can tell you all about the dangers of salt

-Salmon contains mercury

-Chicken can infect you with SARS

-Ham contain nitrates and other nasties

-Chili powder is a definite "no no"

-School meals turn you into the working classes

-Milk, butter and cheese contains fat; and we all know what that does to you

-Carrots turn you into an Antique Roadshow Presenter

-Vegetables and fruits contain pesticides

-Genetically engineered foods are dangerous, because Prince Charles says so

Oh dear! The list simply goes on and on.

Well Nanny is fed up, and bored, with constantly telling us about the danger of what we eat.

Therefore she is going to ban eating altogether.

She believes that not eating at all is the safest way forward for her "charges". Not eating is perfectly safe; after all, it hasn't done Michael Jackson any harm has it children?

OK, maybe I am making a little bit of this up (not the list though). However, there really was a report issued yesterday about the dangers of red meat. Seemingly if you eat too much, you increase the chances of getting cancer by 30%.

Now think about that for a minute.

Increase the chances by 30%, what does that actually tell you?

Bugger all!

The study doesn't tell you what your chances of getting cancer are, if you don't eat red meat; eg they may be zero, in which case a 30% increase is still zero.

The report is useless.

Here is another useless report. In 2003 the WHO World Cancer report said that tobacco and diet accounted for 43% of all cancer deaths.

Well think about that fatuous statement for a minute.

We all die of something, be it cancer or heart failure; doctors like to have a reason to put on the death certificate.

Following that reasoning of causality, doctors need a rationale for the cause of cancer. Since they don't know, they use food and fags as a convenient excuse.

All people eat, drink and some smoke; yet we don't all have cancer. However, WHO are stating that because we eat and smoke that this is the cause of cancer.

Their reasoning is unsound.

The human race has been in existence for around 150000 years, and has eaten its way through all manner of noxious substances.

Yet it has flourished.

Nanny, despite being around for only a few years, seems to think that she knows better than 150000 years of evolution.

Nanny and her food fadists should be ignored, and should be treated with the contempt that they deserve.

Enjoy your life; after all, you only have one.

Nanny's Traffic Lights

Nanny has come up with some daft ideas in her time; but this one, I think, takes the biscuit.

Note: biscuit is one of Nanny’s proscribed substances, as it contains sugar. In order to comply with Nanny’s rules; I have to say at this point that I do not endorse the consumption, or use, of biscuits except in medically prescribed situations.

Nanny is now waging war against all forms of food, which she sees as posing a clear and present danger to our health. You will of course be aware that the human race has been in existence for around 150000 years; it has been able to handle its food affairs reasonably well, up until now.

However, “Nanny Knows Best”; she has decided to disregard the last 150000 years, and will be implementing a “traffic light system” for food labelling.

A what?

A traffic light system.

Nanny will divide food into three groups:

-The Good

-The Bad

-The Ugly

Each will be assigned a colour code; red for ugly (ie very bad), amber for bad and green for good. Needless to say only the most sinful of food will be assigned red such as; chocolate, confectionery, doughnuts, crisps and fizzy drinks.

Now, in theory, that is fine. A nice red label telling you that a bar of chocolate is high in fat and sugar, no doubt imparts information that you were not aware of; doubtless it will stop you from buying this product.

However, what about foods such as cheese, butter and milk?

Under Nanny’s rules these would be labelled red as well; after all, they are fat aren’t they?

On this basis are we to stop eating butter, cheese and milk products?

Or maybe, as we humans have discovered over the last 150000 years, we just need to exercise common sense; eg one bar of chocolate a day won’t kill us, 150 in a day might.



Nanny, get a life; and leave us to live ours!