As we all know, Nanny hates parents. In Nanny's view parents are pretty poor at their job, the state provides a far more robust and efficient means of educating and bringing up children.Indeed, Nanny is so keen to keep parents away from their children that she proactively encourages both parents to go to work and leave their kids at Nanny's day care centres, schools and other state run organs for as many hours a day as possible.
I should point out that the added benefit that Nanny gets out of both parents working is a very nice boost, via taxation, to her rapidly dwindling finances.
Anyhoo, to further tighten her grip on the lives of families, and most especially the children, Nanny is launching a new scheme whereby she will send text messages to parents telling them how to bring up their children and how to solve their relationship problems.
This little scheme, called "Parent Know How", will cost us £44M.
The hapless parents who want Nanny to help them live their lives will be able to text queries to counselling services, and log onto special social networking sites.
Nanny is particularly keen to target single parents with her text messages.
In a variation of this scheme, there will also be a text message service whereby a partner can text Nanny if they suspect that their partner is having an affair.
That brings a whole new layer of state intrusion into people's lives, now it is not just neighbours and councils spying on our smoking and garbage disposal habits but Nanny will now be spying (via our loved ones) on our bedroom habits.
I have my own suggestion for a new text service, it's called "Fark Off Nanny". You simply text in the appropriate "F Off" phrase, and it gets sent directly to the mobile phones of all members of the government and to the local council(s) of your choice.
I reckon that would be a real winner!
What do you think?
I am open to offers from technologically savvy people, who would like to set this up with me in partnership.
Note - this idea is now copyright.
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Ken Said:
ReplyDelete"Indeed, Nanny is so keen to keep parents away from their children that she proactively encourages both parents to go to work and leave their kids at Nanny's day care centres, schools and other state run organs for as many hours a day as possible."
This implies that you are for the idea of parents staying home and taking care of kids as a full time job. That's all well and good but then they will be drawing nannies benefits right? and that leads to the old adage of "If you live by the sword, You die by the sword"
People get what they deserve. If they want to keep running to nanny every 5 minutes then they should expect nanny to take the piss.
Libertarianism is the only way forward for this country.
What a crazy idea. Perhaps Nanny should just stop messing about and start inserting the chip in to newly borns straight away.
ReplyDeleteJay
ReplyDeleteRe
"This implies that you are for the idea of parents staying home and taking care of kids as a full time job. That's all well and good but then they will be drawing nannies benefits right?"
Here's a very old fashioned, yet radical idea...how about people not having children until they can afford to pay for them out of their own money?
Nanny won't be happy until the telescreen is in every house. After all, nanny knows that a lot of very bad things go on behind closed doors, wife beating, child abuse, eating sugar and full English breakfasts, smoking drinking far too many 'units' of alcohol and so on.
ReplyDeleteYou can almost hear the Nu Labour and EU nannies screeching in unision "this is not an intrusion into your homes, if you are not doing anything wrong (we decide what is wrong) then you have nothing to fear."
Sign me up for Fark Off Nanny, great idea.
ReplyDeleteAlso, re:
Here's a very old fashioned, yet radical idea...how about people not having children until they can afford to pay for them out of their own money?
Another shocking idea - if people spent less on foreign holidays, cars and giant tv screens, they wouldn't "need" to both work to pay for the childcare they "need" because they're too busy working to look after the kids.
Ken wrote?
ReplyDelete"Here's a very old fashioned, yet radical idea...how about people not having children until they can afford to pay for them out of their own money?"
I can't see how Nanny would not go for this one full speed ahead.
If she could get that accepted and then ensure that no one (outside the Guardianista elite) ever felt in a position to be able to afford kids (No problem for Gordon on that one, he has been on that message for years) one could assume population reduction in no more than 2 generations and therefore success in meeting carbon reduction 'targets' and so saving the planet.
The Optimum Population Trust would be well pleased (or rather would HAVE BEEN well pleased since most are likely to have passed on by then.)
Win/Win all round it seems, at least it would be so long as one in in the upper quartile of the social pyramid with sufficient capital to last one's lifetime no matter how things pan out.
Grant
Ken said:
ReplyDeleteHere's a very old fashioned, yet radical idea...how about people not having children until they can afford to pay for them out of their own money?
I agree 100% ken, just making sure were on the same page.
Only our government could waste so much money on a text service.
ReplyDeleteAny half-wit in the commercial sector would make a fortune by charging £1 per text.