Saturday, December 31, 2011
Happy New Year
Happy New Year everyone, let us trust that 2012 will not be quite as bad as some would have us believe.
Positive thinking, positive drinking!
Ken
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Friday, December 23, 2011
Merry Christmas
I have stuffed my goose, prepared my giblet stock and cloved and baked my ham....let the season begin!
I wish a Merry Christmas and peaceful and prosperous New Year to all my loyal readers.
Ken
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Thursday, December 22, 2011
Splendid!
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EU Hoisted on its Own Petard
Almost a month ago I wrote about some major EU Clusterfuckery wrt our EU Overlords decreeing that there is no evidence that water rehydrates you, and threatening legal action (a two year prison sentence no less) against companies that make any such claim.
Well, one month on, and I gemused to read that our EU Overlords have been hoisted on their own petard!
The EU could now be investigated, as its Milk Programme promoted the health benefits of drinking water to children.
Quote:
"You may not have known, but a large part of milk is actually water. So, if you regularly drink milk, you can stay hydrated at the same time.
When people do not get enough water, a condition called ‘dehydration’, they can become tired, irritable and have a hard time concentrating.
Drinking milk can help put the necessary water back into the body, while providing carbohydrates, proteins and other nutrients to give you energy.”
Well, stap my vitals!
Let's sue the bastards!
BTW, as beer and lager contain a lot of water it is clear that we must tell our children to drink more beer and lager too!
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Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Booze Matters - It's Christmas!!
As we gear up for a booze sodden Christmas, it is gemusing to read that a bunch of "health experts" have been pushing the tired old mantra of a minimum price for alcohol.
They recently promulgated their request via a letter in The Daily Telegraph.
"SIR – Today, MPs debate the crucial issue of alcohol taxation. Each year, alcohol causes the admission of over a million people to hospital, is linked to 13,000 new cases of cancer and is associated with one in four deaths among young people aged 15 to 24.
There is a wealth of evidence to show a direct correlation between alcohol affordability and levels of harm. The House of Commons Health Select Committee state: “increasing the price of alcohol is… the most powerful tool at the disposal of a government.” In 2010, alcohol was 44 per cent more affordable than it was in 1980, a trend mirrored by an increase in cases of alcohol-related health problems and social damage.
We urgently need to raise the price of cheap drink. Harmful drinkers and young people are likely to be the most responsive to price increases. In particular, we need to narrow the price gap between alcohol in bars and restaurants with alcohol in supermarkets and off-licences, to make bulk discounts and pocket-money prices a thing of the past.
There is a push towards a minimum price for each unit of alcohol in the devolved nations of the United Kingdom, with the SNP leading the debate in Scotland. This is a simple and effective mechanism for the Scottish Government to control alcohol prices. If the Coalition is not ready for such bold action, MPs must not lose sight of the importance of taxation as a means not only to lower alcohol consumption but also to direct revenue into the public purse.
With alcohol harm costing us an estimated £25 billion each year, MPs must act now."
The letter claims that a minimum price is a “simple and effective mechanism” for tackling alcohol-related deaths and social problems.
That is complete bollocks.
People, if they are determined to get drunk, will employ any method possible to do so (even if it means drinking moonshine, meths or smuggling in cheaper booze from the EU).
Class A drugs are illegal, and expensive, yet people still take drugs!
Have the "experts" not learned that people will do whatever is necessary to circumvent government regulations, if the regulations stand in the way of them getting high/drunk?
Prof Sir Ian Gilmore, a special adviser to the Royal College of Physicians, claims that a 50p minimum price per unit of alcohol could save nearly 10,000 lives a year.
How the hell can he validate that figure?
We are each destined to die at some stage, how we choose to kill ourselves (eg via eating, drinking, smoking, drugs etc) is surely up to us and not a matter for Nanny to regulate?
Those in the medical profession are the most prone in society to partake in excessive, smoking, drinking, drug taking etc.
It is not for them to dictate to the rest of us how we should live!
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Monday, December 19, 2011
Nanny Bans Stars
Tis the season to be jolly, unless that is you are Nanny and her minions.
My sympathy therefore to the children who attend the Sure Start mother and toddler group in Acomb under the mournful gaze of the City of York Council.
Nanny has banned children making a star sign with their hands, when they sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
For why?
Lest those who use sign language are offended by it, seemingly it is a rude gesture (apparently it is similar to the gesture for female genitalia..note I said "similar", not identical).
Do not the council and its minions consider that maybe those who use sign language have enough brains to see that a child making the gesture during a performance is not being deliberately rude?
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Friday, December 16, 2011
The Dangers of Power
Richard Moore, a police community support officer (PCSO), has been banned from his local pub (The Hop Pole) for "aggressive behaviour".
Mr Moore works as a PCSO for Humberside Police's Haverstoe Neighbourhood Policing Team in Cleethorpes. He was barred from the pub after an alleged outburst towards a female member of staff, who had accidentally short-changed him by £10 earlier this year.
This is Hull and East Riding reports that the barmaid later apologised and gave him the correct money. However, pub staff claim Mr Moore became aggressive and was shouting at the woman and demanding she be strip-searched.
Mr Moore wrote an e-mail of complaint to the area manager of Mitchells And Butlers' Sizzling Pubs, which owns the venue.
She phoned him back, but after an alleged heated exchange, she ordered the pub to ban him for his "aggressive conduct".
Humberside Police said:
"Humberside Police were made aware of allegations involving a member of staff.
Inquiries have been conducted internally following these allegations and no further action will be taken."
Rather alarmingly, Nanny is currently considering giving PCSOs further powers.
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Thursday, December 15, 2011
The EU Talks Shite
Oh dear, instead of focusing on resolving the self inflicted Euro crisis, our chums in the EU are focusing their gimlet gaze on other matters.
Prunes!
Contrary to popular belief that prunes are most efficacious for the bowels, Nanny's chums in the European Food Safety Authority (EFSA) have decreed that there is "insufficient" evidence of a link between prunes and normal bowel function after looking at three studies of prune consumption.
Thus, the labelling etc of prunes and prune products will not be allowed to make any claims wrt bowel matters.
Sir Graham Watson MEP is far from impressed, and hopes to get to the bottom of the matter by challenging the Commissioner responsible for health and consumer policy, John Dalli, to a prune-eating contest.
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Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Nanny Bullies Hamleys
Beware the single issue obsessives, who seek to impose their agendas on others by incessant nagging and bullying.
Alas that bastion of the toy world, Hamleys, may have fallen victim to a single issue obsessive.
Dr Laura Nelson, who blogs under the the name "Delilah", has had something of an obsession with Hamleys' rather quaint shop layout (wherein "boys toys" are on one floor - colour coded blue- and girls toys are on another - colour coded pink).
Well, for Dr Nelson, this "blatant sexism" became something of a bete noir and she devoted much time and effort (outwith her paid public sector job) to campaigning for Hamleys to change this.
It might have occurred to her that the reason for this layout was to help parents quickly locate where to buy stuff for their kids, rather than it being a sinister plot to gender stereotype kids. However, she is of the view that Hamleys contributes to society's inequalities.
Anyhoo, Dr Nelson claims to have won and toys have now been reorganised by type.
Dr Nelson trumpeted her victory thusly (Hamleys deny she had anything to do with it):
“In response to the campaign against categorisation of toys by gender and sexist stereotypes, Hamleys has changed its signage.”
Warming to her self inflated view of her "victory" she said
“Congratulations everyone!
We still have work to do on the nature of the toys themselves, and the gender stereotyping of their marketing - but we have come to a milestone.
Great work!”
Nice to see that Dr Nelson has such self belief and confidence in her own powers and importance in the universe! That's always such an "endearing" trait in a person!
A spokesperson for Hamleys said:
“The changes to our signage were not due to any campaign.
It was made clear to us from consultants’ and customer surveys that our store directional signage was confusing. As a result we commenced changing all our signage in October of this year in order to improve customer flow.”
I am always gemused when I read about certain people's views that playing with dolls or guns predetermines how people turn out.
Maggie Thatcher, Elizabeth I, Golda Meir, Boudicca et al all played with dolls of some sort; yet they were not exactly shy in coming forward when it came to going to war/starting a war.
Whilst chaps such as myself played with Action Man; which of course is in fact a doll!
Gosh, that's confusing isn't it?
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Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Nanny's Dim Scheme
Therefore it is not unreasonable for people and organisations to be looking for ways to tighten their respective belts.
Our "beloved" local councils (ever keen to preserve their perks) have come up with one way to save money, by turning off approximately 9% of street lights (saving an estimated £21M per annum).
Now, aside from the legitimate arguments put forward that darkened streets (if the dimming policy is not well thought through) are a haven fro criminals and assorted "dodgy characters", there is a small fly in Nanny's money saving oinkment.
It would appear that the capital cost of the dimming technology used to save money exceeds the annual savings. Estimates are that some councils will not see a positive return on their expenditure (note I did not use the word "investment") until eight years from now.
Whilst I fully appreciate that capital expenditure does take some time to recover, before a positive return can be made; eight years is a hell of a long time to wait. A more reasonable period of return for a capital project of this nature (let's face it this isn't at the level of complexity of the Channel Tunnel) should be 2-4 years maximum.
To paraphrase Sir Edward Grey:
"The lamps are going out all over Britain. We shall not see them lit again in our time!"
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Monday, December 12, 2011
Prats of The Week - Lothian and Borders Police
What better time to award my prestigious and internationally renowned "Prats of The Week" Award?
This week it goes to Lothian and Borders Police.
For why?
For their incredibly complex and expensive sandwich order.
The force have put out to tender a contract for the supply of 7,500 packed lunches per annum.
Fair enough, until that is you look at the cost and the tender document.
How much do you think they intend to spend on 7,500 packed lunches?
£10K?
No!
£20K?
No!
£30K
No!
A staggering £70K!
That works out at over £9 per lunch!
Moving on from the very high cost of what should be able to be sourced for less than £5 per lunch, I direct your attention to their tender document.
It comes in at a stonking 10,000 words spewed across 45 pages.
Good grief!
Baguettes must measure 11 inches long and contain one of 17 different fillings (specified in a separate spreadsheet), which include brie and cranberry, smoked salmon and cream cheese and prawn mayonnaise.
The document also states that 75% of the baguettes must be made from white bread, and 25% from brown. The filling must be “the standard size and weight stipulated by the British Sandwich Association”.
Other sections of the document cover health and safety rules, requirements for environmentally friendly packaging, compliance with anti-discrimination and anti-bribery laws, plus financial and legal clauses.
Any hapless caterer, brave enough to wade through this nonsense has but one month to submit a formal tender.
Is it any wonder that the public sector is so short of resources for front line jobs such as nursing etc, when it wastes so much time and money on this shite?
Only large, bureaucratic, wasteful private companies would have the resources necessary to wade through this nonsense. The result being waste and inefficiency.
Lothian and Borders Police, well deserving Prats of The Week!
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Friday, December 09, 2011
Give a Dog a Bad Name - Nanny Bans Uniform
Nanny and the media have done a "splendid" job of demonising Britain's youth. Were we to believe the propaganda every young person in this country is a slack jaw, feral animal intent of causing trouble and mayhem.
Whilst that description may apply to some, as indeed as has always been the case, not every young person in the country should be tarred with the same brush.
Sadly Bethany Ogley, an 11 year old, was recently tarred with that very brush by a community "police" officer in Barnsley.
Bethany voluntarily helps out at her local cemetery, where her sister is buried. Recently she was paying one of her regular visits to the grave, when a "plastic policeman" approached her and told her that under the "Safer Schools Partnership" her visiting the grave would give her school a bad name.
For why?
Bethany was in school uniform.
Why does she wear uniform to visit the grave?
Because she visits it on her way home from school!
Seemingly the "plastic policeman" was unimpressed, and warned her that if she was caught there again in uniform she would face detention.
Nanny et al need to grasp an important fact here, not every young person is a feral criminal. However, if you treat every young person as a feral criminal they may well end up behaving like one!
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Thursday, December 08, 2011
Prats of The Week - Durham City Council
This week it goes to Durham City Council.
For why?
Just ask the parents and kids who use the Allergate play area.
For you see my loyal readers, the council went unto the playground and conducted a health and safety audit.
What did they find?
Swings, roundabouts and slides etc; all the normal paraphernalia that you would expect to find in a playground.
Problem?
Well, yes actually.
The council deemed that these items posed a safety risk.
Can you guess what they did children?
Yes, that's right, the council removed all of the equipment (aside from one toy bike on a spring) from the play area.
For the record, there had never been any accidents of merit there.
I should point out that the council are not finished with their quest, they will conduct audits in all their other play areas and will remove equipment that they deem to be a risk.
Nigel Dodds, Durham County Council’s sport and leisure manager, told the Northern Echo that most of the equipment was manufactured before 1998, when European safety standards replaced the British predecessors, and therefore did not meet modern day requirements.
An "interesting" explanation, and a slimy piece of buck passing
However, there is one small fly in Dodds' oinkment. The council, I assume has been conducting annual/regular health and safety audits since 1998 have they not?.
How is it that this has only been adjudged to be a problem in 2011?
The council, having removed the kids' playthings may then care to wonder why it is that the kids end up hanging round street corners looking bored and looking for trouble?
Durham City Council, well deserving Prats of The Week! Incidentally they also won this award in 2007 (well done lads!).
As noted before on this site, Councils are the enemies of the people!
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Wednesday, December 07, 2011
More EU Clusterfuckery - The Dangers of Violins
Moving on from recent anal discussions, I bring you a fresh serving of "shite" with a continental flavour.
Our old friends in the EU have managed to come up with another set of rules, that I can only describe as being a "Clusterfuck" of ineptitude and stupidity.
It seems that regulations which control the use of certain types of animal tissue, in order to prevent the transmission of harmful diseases, are now in danger of threatening string instruments (eg the violin) that are strung with beef gut.
Apparently strict interpretation of the rules by the EU means that those who make violins, cellos and other string instruments are in danger of contracting Creutzfeldt – Jakob disease (CJD), and that the strict interpretation of the EU rules are threatening the existence of gut string manufacturers.
Our old friends in the EU have managed to come up with another set of rules, that I can only describe as being a "Clusterfuck" of ineptitude and stupidity.
It seems that regulations which control the use of certain types of animal tissue, in order to prevent the transmission of harmful diseases, are now in danger of threatening string instruments (eg the violin) that are strung with beef gut.
Apparently strict interpretation of the rules by the EU means that those who make violins, cellos and other string instruments are in danger of contracting Creutzfeldt – Jakob disease (CJD), and that the strict interpretation of the EU rules are threatening the existence of gut string manufacturers.
The regulations were introduced around ten years ago during the mad cow scare, and were "beefed up" (get it!.."beefed up"..oh please yourselves!) in 2009. Up until now companies that make violin strings etc have had dispensations. However, one of Europe's leading gut string
manufacturers, Aquila Corde, was
recently told that its dispensation had ended and had not been renewed.
Other companies involved in the business have given up, complaining that they found could not operate under the red tape system.
The British based European Union Baroque Orchestra is also under threat, as are the King's Consort and the Orchestra of the Age of Enlightenment.
The EU is one giant Clusterfuck, from beginning to end!
Other companies involved in the business have given up, complaining that they found could not operate under the red tape system.
The British based European Union Baroque Orchestra is also under threat, as are the King's Consort and the Orchestra of the Age of Enlightenment.
The EU is one giant Clusterfuck, from beginning to end!
On the subject of the mad cow scare in the early 90's, when beef ribs were banned, I well remember going to our friendly local butcher with my dad; and the butcher happily selling us illegal cuts of beef still on the bone.
Happy days!
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Tuesday, December 06, 2011
The Dangers of Bleach
As has been discussed many times on this site before, one of Nanny's tricks that she uses to divert people's attention from what she is up to is to fill the nation's TV screens with unrelenting mind sapping shite.
The TV schedules are stuffed to the gunnels with programmes exalting the "virtues" of Z list celebrities, whose only claim to "fame" is being "famous" and coloured orange. Alongside the vapid orgy of celebrity trivia comes a veritable smorgasbord of "reality" TV shows (usually scripted) that claim to portray "real" people in "real" life situations.
Recently joining the list of dross is "Desperate Scousewives" (allegedly featuring "real" people, who happen to be orange, living in Liverpool).
Now, here is where it all gets rather confusing for a simple chap like me. I have not seen the show, however I came upon a review of the first episode. Apparently one key scene within that episode was an earnest discussion about the necessity of having an "anal bleach".
Yes, you did read that correctly!
Aside from the fact that there is a remarkably obvious question, namely:
"What the fark would anyone want to bleach their anus for in the first place?"
There is also a interesting contradiction with Nanny's strict rules of health and safety.
As we all know, Nanny has for years been warning us about the dangers of drinking bleach. Indeed bleach bottles, aside from having copious warnings about the dangers of imbibing the stuff, are now fitted with such stubborn anti child caps that even a fit adult sometimes has trouble opening the damn things.
Yet here is a Nanny approved mind numbing programme (designed to keep us docile), proactively encouraging the use of bleach on one's bottom.
Call me old fashioned, but if it is dangerous to drink bleach surely it is just as dangerous to squirt a bottle of Domestos up one's bottom?
Please could Nanny issue some much needed guidance on this most pressing of health and safety issues?
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Sunday, December 04, 2011
Nanny's Hi Vis Fetish
My thanks to a loyal reader who pointed out that Nanny's Hi Vis fetish has gone Continental.
Apparently, Spanish Nanny is worried about the health and safety of working girls who ply their trade on rural highways. As such, Spanish Nanny has ordered the girls to wear Hi Vis jackets when they are working near highways, such as the rural highway outside Els Alamus near Lleida in Catalonia.
Failure to comply with the law will elicit a fine of Euro 40.
What's the Spanish for Ker Farking Ching?
It is not clear as to whether the girls are meant to keep the jacket on once they are with a customer.
I dare say that the Hi Vis jackets will make them more visible, and to some extent may well lead to an increase in "clients".
In other parts of the world other "marketing" techniques are employed. In Beijing the street girls attract customers by throwing firecrackers on the pavements as people walk by. Quite what the health and safety brigade in the UK would make of girls lobbing "Brocks bangers" at passers by in Shepherd Market etc I don't know!
Ole!Apparently, Spanish Nanny is worried about the health and safety of working girls who ply their trade on rural highways. As such, Spanish Nanny has ordered the girls to wear Hi Vis jackets when they are working near highways, such as the rural highway outside Els Alamus near Lleida in Catalonia.
Failure to comply with the law will elicit a fine of Euro 40.
What's the Spanish for Ker Farking Ching?
It is not clear as to whether the girls are meant to keep the jacket on once they are with a customer.
I dare say that the Hi Vis jackets will make them more visible, and to some extent may well lead to an increase in "clients".
In other parts of the world other "marketing" techniques are employed. In Beijing the street girls attract customers by throwing firecrackers on the pavements as people walk by. Quite what the health and safety brigade in the UK would make of girls lobbing "Brocks bangers" at passers by in Shepherd Market etc I don't know!
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Friday, December 02, 2011
LOL
SHEPWAY District Council has been named "prats of the week" by a political blogger.
Ken Frost, writing on his site Nanny Knows Best, granted the council the label in response to a story in the Herald's October 13 edition.
We reported on a "shouting lamp post", capable of taking
pictures of those passing a row of industrial bins just behind the Old
High Street, which had been likened to living in a Communist state by
angry traders.
A voice from the FlashCam tells passers-by: "Stop. If you are not authorised to use these bins or you are fly-tipping, your photograph may be taken and used to prosecute. Please leave the area."
Mr Frost claimed it was a "bizarre decision" to install the devices.
He continued: "Shepway District Council, well-deserving Prats of The Week."
An SDC spokesman said: "Our Flashcams are used in areas where residents and businesses have reported problems like vandalism and fly-tipping.
"They have been very effective.
"We think they do a good job and will carry on using them wherever people want them – despite the inane observations of an obscure website."
Source This Is Kent
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Ken Frost, writing on his site Nanny Knows Best, granted the council the label in response to a story in the Herald's October 13 edition.
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"PRATS": Ken Frost awarded SDC the title
A voice from the FlashCam tells passers-by: "Stop. If you are not authorised to use these bins or you are fly-tipping, your photograph may be taken and used to prosecute. Please leave the area."
Mr Frost claimed it was a "bizarre decision" to install the devices.
He continued: "Shepway District Council, well-deserving Prats of The Week."
An SDC spokesman said: "Our Flashcams are used in areas where residents and businesses have reported problems like vandalism and fly-tipping.
"They have been very effective.
"We think they do a good job and will carry on using them wherever people want them – despite the inane observations of an obscure website."
Source This Is Kent
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Prat of The Week - Karl Turner MP
Congratulations to Karl Turner MP, for winning this week's "Prat of The Week" Award.
For why has he been thusly honoured?
For his sickbag inducing appearance on Channel 4 News last night, in which he bemoaned Jeremy Clarkson's infamous appearance on "The One Show".
Turner kept repeatedly saying that Clarkson should not only apologise, for saying that public sector strikers should be shot, but that he should apologise to all the children who would have seen the show.
What have children got to do with this?
Turner has been infected with Nanny's "Won't someone think of the children?" virus, and deems that all adult actions/discussions in the world must be adjusted to take into account children's reactions.
This mantra is of course bollocks, as we live in an adult world!
Additionally, his notion that children who may have seen the show went to bed fearful that their parents would be taken out onto the street and shot shows that he has zero understanding of how children think or their grasp of who Clarkson is.
It was a completely absurd argument to make, and nauseatingly repetitive.
Karl Turner, well deserving "Prat of The Week"!
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Thursday, December 01, 2011
Auntie Suffers Sense of Humour Failure
Unsurprisingly I see that Nanny's best chum, Auntie, suffered a major sense of humour failure over Jeremy Clarkson's comments on "The One Show" in which he said that he would have public sector strikers shot.
Auntie issued an apology, and has withdrawn the show from the BBCi Player.
Censorship Auntie?
Are we not allowed to watch the show and make our own minds up?
Never mind, here is the clip (out of context), before judging it you should also be aware that he prefaced the comments by asserting that he liked the strikers, as the industrial action meant there was no traffic on the roads.
He then went on to say that he had to be balanced as he worked for Auntie, at which point he talked about having them shot.
Could it be that he was having a dig at Auntie's pc attitude as much as at the strikers?
UPDATE
Seemingly Unison (according to Auntie) is "to take urgent legal advice over "appalling" comments made by TV presenter Jeremy Clarkson".
Oh by the way, where was Unison when Ken Livingstone suggested that George Osborne should be hanged?
FURTHER UPDATE
Auntie now reports the following quote from Jeremy Clarkson:
"I didn’t for a moment intend these remarks to be taken seriously – as I believe is clear if they’re seen in context.
If the BBC and I have caused any offence, I’m quite happy to apologise for it alongside them."
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Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Happy Strike Day Folks
Happy Public Sector Strike Day folks!
I think the above picture sums up the state of the country, and its educashun system, very well!
DAMP SQUIB UPDATE
BBC: "Early indications" show significantly less than a third of civil servants are taking strike action today
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Tuesday, November 29, 2011
The Dangers of Balls
Dr Michael
Lipton of Montefiore Medical Center, the university hospital for the
Albert Einstein College of Medicine, has concluded that frequently heading a football can lead to brain injury.
There does appear to be a "safe" level of around 1,000 headers, but beyond that damage seems to occur.
Well, judging by the dimwitted antics of some of our overpaid footballers, the good doctor may well have a point!
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Monday, November 28, 2011
Nanny Bans Sanity Clause
Tis soon the season to be miserable etc, as Nanny and the ongoing global financial crisis do their respective bests to undermine any feeling of joy and hope.
In this respect it should come as no surprise whatsoever to learn that Nanny's little helpers are doing their best to put the mockers on the old tradition of sitting on Santa's lap (an old fat guy with a bright red face).
Schools up and down that land, feeling festive and frivolous, have been allowed to dispense with a Criminal Records Bureau check on those seeking to play Santa in the school grotto.
Hoozah!
However, this being Nanny Britain, many schools are erring on the side of caution.
As such, they are imposing rules on "grotto behaviour".
In this respect it should come as no surprise whatsoever to learn that Nanny's little helpers are doing their best to put the mockers on the old tradition of sitting on Santa's lap (an old fat guy with a bright red face).
Schools up and down that land, feeling festive and frivolous, have been allowed to dispense with a Criminal Records Bureau check on those seeking to play Santa in the school grotto.
Hoozah!
However, this being Nanny Britain, many schools are erring on the side of caution.
As such, they are imposing rules on "grotto behaviour".
Children will be banned from sitting on Santa's lap, and will not be allowed to be left alone with him.
That's a nice message to send kids, isn't it?
Quite what the schools think Santa can do, given that the parents are within earshot and visual range of their kids I don't know.
The schools are not entirely to blame for this, government guidance states:
“Under no circumstances must a volunteer
who has not obtained a CRB disclosure … be left unsupervised with children.”
Thus, one can assume that the rule applies to Santa!
That way they will grow up to be well balanced, emotionally mature adults!
Errrm...hang on a minute??
However, it's not all bad news. That other staple of the British Christmas season, panto, is still being allowed to continue.
Panto is where the principle boy, played by a girl in a short tunic, gets to kiss the leading lady, and where a middle aged bloke gets to dress in women's clothes and make jokes loaded with sexual innuendo.
Six miles to London, and still no sign of Dick!
Hoh hoh hoh!
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Saturday, November 26, 2011
A Swedish Christmas With Oh So Swedish
Off topic, here is a shameless plug for my partner's (Eva) Swedish arts and crafts website Oh So Swedish.
Eva has added some delightful Swedish Christmas products to her site, such as the "Ken Tomtenisse" (a hand made and unique Christmas decoration from Sweden, which looks great on a shelf or on your mantelpiece) above.
Why not pop over to her shop, browse around and add a little Swedish theme to your Christmas this year?
Thanks for reading.
Ken
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Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts
Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.
Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.
Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.
www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"
Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!
Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts
Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries
Friday, November 25, 2011
Guilty Until Proven Innocent
I see that Nanny's obsession with her mantra of "won't someone think of the children?", has reached dizzying heights of intrusiveness and zealotry.
Criminal records checks are still being routinely carried out on children as young as ten (the deemed age of criminal responsibility), despite the "promise" by the government that these checks would be scaled back.
Children are having their background vetted when they volunteer for such normal childhood activities as; cricket/tennis coaches, doing work experience, leading girlguides and scouts etc. Additionally, the children of foster carers are also having their records checked.
It seems that there were nearly 60,000 applications for CRB checks on children aged 16 and under (including four 10 year olds) in the last year.
Some councils and organisations engage in blanket vetting of all youngsters, ie they assume that all humans are threats to others until a bureaucratic check "proves" otherwise!
Hardly a nice message to send to children entering adulthood!
This of course provides a nice little earner for the Criminal Records Bureau (CRB), for you see they are paid a nice fat fee for every check requested!
Ker Farking Ching!
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Thursday, November 24, 2011
EU Clusterfuckery
Given the ongoing disintegration of the Euro experiment, I was more than gemused to recently read about some spectacular EU Clusterfuckery cooked up by our EU Overlords.
It seems that, according to EU officials from the European Food Standards Authority (EFSA) after a 3 year investigation, there is no evidence to prove that water rehydrates you.
Yes, you did read that correctly!
Seemingly reduced water content in the body is a symptom of dehydration, and not something that drinking water can subsequently control.
Errmm...that sounds like bollocks to me!
But what do I know about drinking, hydration or anything technical like that?
As such, producers of bottled water are now forbidden by law from claiming that water rehydrates you, if they make such a claim they will face a 2 year jail sentence.
This clusterfuck law comes into effect in the UK in the next few weeks!
Given that the NHS states that drinking water helps avoid dehydration, will the NHS be subject to a 2 year prison sentence?
To my humble view the EU is one giant Clusterfuck!
(Please feel to make this phrase go viral, eg via Twitter).
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Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Aciiiid!
Following on from yesterday's article about supermarket idiocy, I am gemused to read that yet another supermarket (this time the mantle of idiocy falls on Asda) has managed to cover itself in "glory".
Marisa Zoccolan, a chef, popped into her local Asda in Wallsend to buy some groceries including two limes.
She went to the self checkout to pay.
Can you guess what happened next children?
Yes, that's right, she was forbidden from buying the two limes.
For why?
The acid contained within the two limes is deemed by Asda to constitute a potential weapon!
An "assistant" informed her that one lime was OK, because a single lime could not be used as a weapon.
Well, I would dispute that. I am sure an imaginative assailant could do an awful lot of damage to someone with but one citrus fruit!
Anyhoo, Asda "graciously" allowed her to buy two limes.
Asda blame a software glitch for this and other fruit related incidents.
Dear oh dear!
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Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Morrisons Are Prats
My correspondent went to his local Morrisons in Crewe for a spot of shopping with his 13 year old daughter.
For why?
To buy some ingredients for her cookery class at school.
Unfortunately my correspondent made one "silly mistake".
He had the temerity to go to the real ale section of the store as well, and buy 4 cans for £5.50.
Can you guess what happened next children?
Yes, that's right, on attempting to pay for the purchases my correspondent was asked by the checkout guy to produce id for him and his daughter. Given that an id for his daughter would show that she was under 18, even though the beer was being purchased only for himself, the purchase was refused.
I am given to understand that the manger of the store was told, in no uncertain terms, that the store would never be visited again.
Quite right too!
Sainsbury's of Nantwich had no such qualms about serving the beer to my loyal reader, even though his daughter was in his presence.
Is it me, or are many supermarkets getting way above themselves and behaving like a right bunch of self righteous, interfering, Nannying bastards?
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Monday, November 21, 2011
Dying For a Fag - Knobhead Physicians Heal Thyselves
Last week I wrote about the attack of "Dictateitus" that infested the BMA wrt its bollockheaded decree that smoking should be banned in cars (even if there are no passengers in the car).
The stated "rationale" for this absurd outburst was some "research" that showed that a smoke filled vehicle contains toxins 23 times greater than a smoke filled bar (therefore doctors should in fact be encouraging us to get out of our cars and head for the nearest smoke fill bar!).
Can you guess what happened next children?
Yes, that's right, the "research" has been shown to be bollocks!
The British Medical Association (BMA) has been forced to issue an humiliating apology.
Quote:
"Further studies demonstrate that the concentration of toxins in a smoke-filled vehicle could be up to 11 times greater than that of a smoky bar. We apologise for this error."
Pah!
"Further studies"??
What, between the time of the BMA original press release and the hours later when someone told them they were talking bollocks/lying??
Another fine example of Nanny using shite and unscientific "research" to justify her prejudices. I am pleased to see that she was caught out lying on this one.
The medical profession outstrips many others in its abuse of fags, drugs, booze etc; they are not in a position to dictate to the rest of us what we should do or how we live our lives, especially when they resort to using lies to justify their diktats.
Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.
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www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"
Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!
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Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries
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