Nanny Makes The Dons An Offer They Cannot Refuse

The A level results are upon us again, they descend upon us with the depressing inevitability of an unloved season.

This year's results are, from Nanny's limited perspective, the best; an overall pass rate of 110%.

Awesome!

Regrettably they are of course meaningless, as there are still only a limited number of high level jobs that people can in reality aspire to. As such, if the A level system won't stream them out, then other methods of streaming will be implemented.

Now Nanny knows this, she is, despite appearances to the contrary, not as stupid as we think.

One of her greatest fears is that her precious unemployment statistics will be negatively impacted by surge in unemployed "successful" A level students.

In order to avoid this embarrassment Nanny has, for some years now, been trying to massage the unemployment figures; by ensuring that absolutely every school leaver in the country is in some form of "university".

Unfortunately, for Nanny, some universities are not as easily fobbed off with Nanny's education system failures. Oxbridge has for many years operated its own entrance system, comprising exams and interviews. This helps them screen out the no hopers.

Nanny has now woken up to that, and has decided to tell them to stop being so mean to "her charges" from the state education system.

Nanny has issued Oxbridge with "advice" (ie she has instructed them), as to how they should treat her state school pupils. Oxbridge dons have been given new guidelines for interviews, that are designed to prevent the "intimidation" of state school pupils and increase their chances of winning a place at the university.

In other words, Nanny is trying to rig the system in her favour.

In these ludicrous guidelines, dons have been urged not to assume too much knowledge on the part of the candidate; well that's not going to be too difficult is it? Remember, there are schools in Nanny's system that are producing 9 year olds who can't read the word "cat".

The dons have also been told not to be "cold and detached" or, and this is my particular favourite, not to sit on chairs higher than those of interviewees; thus forcing them to peer upwards.

Now tell me this, how does "mollycoddling" these people help them in any way face the real world and real job interviews later in life?

Nanny holds the belief that her state school pupils are at a disadvantage in university interviews, because they are less likely to have been coached in answering questions and adopting a confident posture.

Erm, if that really is the case, doesn't that reflect badly on Nanny's education system?

Doesn't the cure then lie in the hands of Nanny, ie shouldn't she ensure that interview techniques and posture are taught in her schools?

Another of Nanny's concerns is that of giving religious offence to Muslims during these university interviews. Dons have been told to avoid shaking hands with Muslim girls, who have not offered their hands first.

I would have thought that Muslim girls, who live in the UK, would be highly offended not to be offered a handshake.

Dons have also been told not to throw candidates off balance by starting with a hard questions, such as "how are you?"; and to talk about subjects that the candidates were comfortable discussing.

Farking hell!

If only real life interviews were as easy as that!

Another fine example of Nanny wrecking young people's lives, by trying to hide life's hard realities from them.