Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Monday, April 21, 2008

The Sex Inspectors

The Sex Inspectors

Given Nanny's propensity to intrude into the daily lives of people, she hates not knowing what we are up to, it should come as no surprise whatsoever to learn that Nanny will be conducting a sex survey.

Yes, that's right, Nanny's inspectors will ask us questions about our sex lives!

Nanny will target 500,000 people each year, and ask them questions about their past and present sexual partners, contraception and how long couples have lived together before marriage.

The 2,000 questions form part of the Integrated Household Survey, and the responses will be registered with respondents' names and addresses.

Nanny claims that the information will be made anonymous once the files arrive at the Office of National Statistics, where they will then be held on a secure server.


Given last year's debacle by HMRC, when it lost the data files of 25,000,000 people, does anyone seriously trust Nanny to store such data "securely"?

Nanny will spend £3.5M of our money each year to send inspectors to 200,000 random homes to conduct the survey.

In theory, answering the survey is voluntary. However, Nanny's inspectors will push respondents into revealing personal details with follow-up questions designed to draw out more information.

The largest fly in Nanny's ginormous jar of oinkment is this, who on earth ever gives an honest answer about their sex lives?

No one does!

Coming soon...the sex tax!

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  1. Anonymous10:00 AM

    I wonder of this is a home grown idea or can it be blamed on the EU?

    I can't wait for a campaign against 'Passive Sex' to start up deep in a bureaucratic department somewhere. Should provide many mirth-making opportunities.


  2. Anonymous10:25 AM

    I've just received a reply from my MP to whom I'd written about the smoking ban in which she justifies it on the grounds that it's forecast that in the future the working population will shrink relative to the non-working, elderly population whose care will be increasingly difficult to fund (so the worker drones have to be bullied, sorry, helped, to keep themselves healthy to save NHS money for the deserving).

    Volunteer for this survey! Tell them that you rarely have sex and then only using three forms of contraceptive (as per health and safety guidelines). Nanny needs your offspring and might be prepared to offer a financial incentive for you to bonk like a rabbit.


  3. Anonymous10:41 AM

    Wow!!! Wonderful - a captive audience for me to tell all my sex fantasies to ... as 'fact', of course. Hope there are women in these teams of inquisitors. Oh please god, be good to me.

    I was nine when I had my first serious sex fantasy ... er ... sorry ... first engaged in sex. Heh heh heh.

    I see good times coming.

  4. Anonymous11:48 AM

    Anonymous Joyce said, "Nanny needs your offspring and might be prepared to offer a financial incentive for you to bonk like a rabbit."
    Wrong, unfortunately (although bonking like rabbits should be privately encouraged as a form of sport - even if it may sometimes be solo...but that's another story)
    Nanny actually needs the offspring of immigrants; decidely NOT those of indigenous Brits; as Nanny's fully-funded dependants, immigrant's kids can be guaranted to follow Nanny's diktats to the letter. Bolshy Brits are too likely to vote the wrong way. So expect the result of this latest 'voluntary' information gathering exercise to result in more taxes for fornicating Brits; more concessions for the others.

    Seems to me the best defence is the "Sir Henry Stratagem' "When I was seven, I was sexually fondled by an octopus, it has coloured my attitude to sex ever since...."

  5. Anonymous3:13 PM

    I feel I shall have to tell the inspectors to "sexually go away" should I be lucky enough to have one of these clowns knock at my door.

    I look forward to their arrival on my doorstep almost as much as I do the canvassers for our local elections.
    Things are looking up!!

  6. I think I'm turning Japanese.

  7. Anonymous5:45 PM


    Would that be with Japanese predilictions to delight the lady inquisitors with tales of?

    Oh dear.

  8. Anonymous9:07 PM

    why do they want this information??????

  9. Well that wasn't quite what I was saying, but why not?

  10. Anonymous9:16 AM

    anonymous (9.07) asked,
    "Why do they want this information??????"
    I can only guess that, as they are intent on screwing everybody in the country, they may as well know which way you prefer to be screwed: that way they can make sure that they shaft you in a way you DON'T like.