Nanny Bans Jubilee Bunting

Good heavens, that was a long and wet weekend!

Anyhoo, here we are back again after the Jubilee celebrations. Unsurprisingly, Nanny did her best to put the mockers on them.

In the build up the the celebrations Nanny told her civil servants in Whitehall to remove bunting and decorations from her offices.

For why?

It was not "appropriate to a professional workplace" to have the decorations and, seemingly, the use of chairs/tables etc to stand on to put up the decorations was a health and safety hazard.

Therefore Nanny instructed her civil servants to remove the bunting, but not to take it down themselves (lest it be a further breach of health and safety)!

For good measure Nanny also told her staff that using printers to make the bunting was not helping the environmental targets!

 

I understand that George Osborne stuck two fingers up to Nanny, and told the staff to ignore the anti bunting memo.

 

I have to say that I find Nanny's attitude to health and safety wrt the Jubilee somewhat confusing. On the one hand she bans people from using chairs etc to hang bunting yet, on the other, she forces an elderly gentleman and lady to stand in the freezing wind and rain for hours on a boat on the Thames, dressed in nothing more than a shawl and dress uniform!

 

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The Dangers of Bunting

2012 will be a busy year for celebrations and parties, not only do we have the Olympics but we also have the Queen's Diamond Jubilee and yet another lavish TV series by Lord Fellowes to watch.

All of these events are prompting people to plan street parties.

Needless to say Nanny has poked her bony finger into the planned celebrations. She is worried about the hanging of bunting, and has demanded that those who wish to hang bunting go on professional  health and safety courses that teach them how to mount (or is it climb?) ladders.

For good measure these courses will also teach us how to carry out the risk assessments required to put up tables for a street market.

FFS!!!!

Thus the good people of Petersfield Hampshire will have to attend a course called Safety With Ladders, which covers the Health and Safety Executive Work at Height Regulations 2005.

The hapless participants are shown how to set up a barrier around a ladder to stop people bumping into it, and how to position someone at the bottom of it to warn others the ladder is there.

Needless to say, there is a charge for the course.

£320!

Ker Farking Ching!

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Nanny Bans Bunting - Again!

My word, isn't funny how when one of Nanny's lickspittle councils bans something the others race to follow suit?

Such is the case with that seemingly harmless street decoration, bunting (click the tag "bunting" to read about another place that banned it).

Nanny's chums in Dorset County Council have determined that bunting attached to lampposts (you know, those rather solid looking objects driven into concrete pavements) constitutes a serious threat to health and safety, because the bunting might cause the lampposts to topple over.

Yes, you did read that right, Nanny thinks that the lampposts might topple over!

Call me naive, but if something as lightweight as bunting could cause a lamppost to topple doesn't that mean that there is a serious flaw with the lamppost and/or its fixing to the pavement?

Regrettably commonsense such as that did not save the bunting in time for the annual Ferndown Carnival week in Dorset the other week. Bunting was banned for the first time in over 20 years.

Rod Mainstone, Dorset County Council's street lighting manager, attempted to justify this bizarre piece of Nanny fretting via a guidance note sent to town and parish councils:

"Street lighting columns are not generally designed to be strong enough to support any additional attachments.

Even relatively light additions such as a small sign can lead to considerable extra load being imposed on a column in strong wind.

Furthermore, internal corrosion, which cannot be seen, may have weakened the column and the additional load could lead to it collapsing."

Three points:

1 Bunting and other crudola has been attached to lampposts for yonks, no lamppost has ever fallen over because of it.

2 If Mr Mainstone really believes that the lampposts have corroded, shouldn't his department be checking the lampposts and if necessary be replacing them?

3 The Italians managed to hang Mussolini and his mistress from lampposts at the end of the last war, without them toppling over.

It sounds like complete bullshit to me!

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Nanny Bans Bunting

The Health and Safety Gestapo have donned their jackboots again, and recently put the boot into a little piece of harmless village history.

Each year, Hatfield Broad Oak in Essex holds an annual festival and garnishes itself with bunting and brightly coloured flags.

The festival has fundraising events, floral displays, a dog show, a craft fair, a dance and a 10km run and raises about £10,000 a year for local groups and charities.

This year the decorations have had to be abandoned.

Why?

Health and safety!

Nanny's chums in Essex Highways are concerned that the bunting presents a threat to people's health and safety. The festival has been run for decades without any bunting disasters.

Janet Pugh, a member of the festival organising committee, said:

"Every year we've put up bunting across the road in Hatfield Broad Oak, high enough not to interfere with the passing traffic, but last year someone complained about it to Essex Highways.

The bottom line is that Essex Highways said we didn't have a licence.

We filled in application forms for a licence but the red tape involved is so complicated.

All we want to do is put up a little bit of bunting to celebrate our festival week which raises money for the church. It's a few flags for a maximum of 10 days.

They seem to link bunting in with elaborate Christmas lights – if this was Oxford Street you could understand it."

The health and safety rules mean that the festival's organisers would have to use fixed points on buildings using stainless steel eyebolts that have to undergo rigorous wind and stress tolerance testing.

Leigh Trevitt, a parish councillor, said:

"We use common sense when we put up the bunting. Of course we are concerned about safety, but there has never been any accidents. We are talking about a piece of string with flags on it, nothing heavy, it's ludicrous.

Our village is a little piece of old England and if we are not careful we will lose all our rights."

Commonsense does not apply in Nanny's Britain, she banned it!

As Mr Trevitt says, if we are not careful we will lose all our rights.

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Nanny Bans Ladders

Oh dear, it seems that the health and safety Gestapo have struck again. This time they have forbidden firemen in the Bedfordshire and Luton Fire and Rescue Service to climb ladders.

Now I know and you know, and indeed the firemen know, that they are trained to climb ladders. However, the health and safety Gestapo have ruled that whilst it is an acceptable risk for them to climb ladders when dealing with a dangerous fire; they are not allowed to climb ladders to help clear Ampthill's bunting from a Gala day in July, or indeed help put up the Christmas lights.

In earlier years the local fire brigade has helped with the removal of the bunting. However, following one of Nanny's very "helpful" risk assessments (pass the sick bag someone) the health and safety Gestapo have said no to Gala bunting removal and Christmas lights erection.

The deputy chief fire officer, Graeme Smith, admitted it looked as if the world had "gone mad".

He said:

"One is a 999 job,

where in order to save lives

we will take calculated risks.

The other is a property maintenance job,

which is covered by standard health

and safety rules, which we would have to abide by."

Funny, I would have thought that is was far more risky to climb a ladder into a burning building than to climb a ladder to remove bunting.

I dare say that Nanny will soon ban firemen from rescuing people from fires, as the risk will be deemed to be to great!

Is anyone in this country ever going to stand up to the health and safety Gestapo and tell them to fark off?

Oh, and if you really have nothing better to do, here is a complete episode of Trumpton: