Nanny Bans Chocolate

Nanny has lectured us for quite some time now about the evils of our poor diet. Yet she has been saddened and shocked by the fact that we just keep on ignoring her, what a shame!

Well she is fed up with being ignored like this, she is after all only trying to help us live "better" lives.

To this end she has decided to take a more proactive approach.

She has decided to ban chocolate.

Nurses working for Barnsley Hospital Care Trust have now been banned from buying chocolate. The ban affects 3 hospitals in the area; chocolate will no longer be sold in the staff canteens, as part of a health drive.

This rather nasty, and spiteful, attempt at restricting an innocent pleasure may in fact be just the tip of the iceberg.

You see Nanny now employs around 7 million people in the UK, that is quite a large section of the population over which she can exercise control.

I have a suspicion that those who work for Nanny will soon see other areas of their private lives restricted, as she takes a more proactive approach to enforcing her narrow views about how we should be living our lives.

Nanny Cries Wolf

Doubtless you will recall that Nanny got her knickers into a right old twist approximately 10 days ago, as the Sudan Scandal broke wind.

Indeed Nanny got herself into such a flap, that she managed to panic the media and the British people into believing that we were all going to die from cancer; as a result of eating food products that contained Sudan I chili powder.

Hundreds of different brands were removed from supermarket shelves, as one of the largest product recalls in British history got under way; in other words there was blind panic.

Now I don't know about the rest of you, but I took Nanny's hysterical claims with a proverbial pinch of "chili".

We have lived through egg scares, salt scares, fat scares and countless other hysterical food scares; I doubted that one more "suspect" food would change the overall threat matrix.

It seems that I was right.

Nanny's chums in the Royal Society for the Promotion of Health have recently issued a press release, I reproduce it in full below, the upshot of which is that the Sudan scare is bollocks and a total over reaction; if you take into account the other "threats" to our health.

I wonder if Nanny and the media will apologise for trying the scare the "**it" out of us?

Will they f**k!

Any guesses as to which food will next be subject to an hysterical outburst from Nanny?

Text of Press Release

Sudan1 - An Unnecessary Scare

It is not surprising that people are inclined to panic if they cannot get a clear picture of the risks they are being exposed to, particularly where food additives are concerned, says the Royal Society for the Promotion of Health.

Head of Policy Alastair McCapra commented "The public might find it helpful if the Food Standards Agency gave a clearer scientific account of what is happening. The science behind food-related risk is often complex and indeterminate. But people will have to learn to get to grips with that. What we want to know is "If I eat 1 gramme of Sudan 1 food dye every week for the rest of my life, how are my chances of developing cancer affected?"

"There is little point in trying to communicate risk to the public in general terms by talking about 'high' or 'low' risk. If people are advised that Sudan 1 may cause cancer they need to know what this means. How much Sudan 1 is as dangerous as one cigarette, for example? Personally I'd like to know whether it is riskier for me to eat food containing traces of Sudan 1 every day or to ride a bicycle through central London every day."

"The Food Standards Agency has acted consistently and transparently in the public interest since it first became aware of the risk from Sudan 1 back in 2003 and began to organise product withdrawals. However it is not helping itself now by sending out mixed messages. To the public it says 'the risk is likely to be very small', while its guidance to local authorities is that they should ensure that affected products are removed from sale 'as a matter of urgency."

"We are in an impossible situation at the moment where we expect national agencies to protect us from many vanishingly small risks. If these agencies do not act decisively they will be accused of complacency. If they do act decisively, as the Food Standards Agency has done, they risk causing panic. If they wish to continue commanding public confidence, they must talk about science and risk in a more sophisticated way."

'Ultimately there are plenty of things in your food you should be more worried about than Sudan 1 - particularly salt, fat and sugar. If people are concerned about their food and about their health, eating more fruit and vegetables and less processed food is a good thing to do, regardless of whether it contains Sudan 1 or not.'

Nanny Misuses ASBO

You will doubtless recall that when ASBO's (Anti Social Behaviour Orders) were introduced, Nanny assured us that they were to be used to improve the quality of life eg; noisy neighbours and unruly teenagers would be disciplined by the serving of these legal instruments.

There were those that doubted Nanny's good intentions; they suspected that the ASBO could, and would, be used for other matters.

Now we see that they have been used for other matters, entirely unrelated to the original stated intention of these legal instruments.

It is reported that Kim Sutton, a suicidal woman, with a predilection for trying to jump into rivers etc has had an ASBO served on her.

The ASBO bans her from jumping into rivers and canals, or from going on to railway lines. Additionally, it forbids her from going alone to multi-storey car parks.

Seemingly Sutton faces jail if she breaches the terms of the two-year order.

Now it is very clear that the lady needs some help.

However, how on earth does the issuance of an ASBO, with a threatened prison term, help her?

Marjorie Wallace, the chief executive of Sane, said:

"An Asbo is a quite inappropriate way of dealing with someone with mental issues and could make that person even more determined to go through with a suicide attempt."

This is only the thin end of the wedge. I suspect that we will see ASBO's used more and more in a variety of "innovative" ways both by Nanny, and by people looking to settle old scores.

Nanny Bans British Bulldog

Nanny can be a "daft and dangerous old coot" at times, as she pokes her unwelcome nose into the affairs of "her charges".

Her most recent attempt to control our daily lives concerns the harmless antics that go on in childrens' playgrounds across the country.

Her acolytes in Broomley First School, Stocksfield, rather than worrying about the rise in gang culture and assaults that are sweeping our schools; have focused their pinched interfering noses at the harmless games of British Bulldog and tag.

Nanny's acolytes feel that these games are too dangerous for the "delicate flowers" that attend Broomley First and, as such, have banned them from being played by the children.

I would note that these games, and their variants, have been played down the centuries by previous generations; without major disaster.

However, Nanny knows best!

The parents, not surprisingly, are up in arms about this absurd decision; they feel that it is way too overprotective.

They joined children in a breaktime protest rally, and have started a "Vote for Bulldog" petition; in an attempt to have the ruling reversed.

The school argue that the ban is necessary, to prevent children from being hurt.

This of course is utter nonsense; by covering the children in cotton wool like this they will be ill prepared for the reality of what is a very harsh and unforgiving world.

As on parent said:

"Yes, children fall over and scratch themselves or tear their trousers, but it is an important part of social behaviour that when a child falls over others know how to react. Games like these help them grow up into responsible adults."

By destroying the childrens' ability to stand up for themselves as adults, Nanny makes them more dependent on her for protection and guidance; dependence is of course what she wants.

Nanny is, in effect, committing child abuse; by depriving children of a necessary learning experience.

I hope that someone prosecutes her.

Nanny Gets The DT's

Nanny has a real bee in her bonnet at the moment about binge drinking, yet she has taken rather a schizophrenic stance on the subject.

On the one hand she harangues us about the dangers of excessive imbibing, yet on the other she happily relaxes the licensing laws.

Note, it is perfectly clear that the length of time that a pub/club is open is not the issue in respect of people drinking themselves into a coma.

The real issue is the fact that the modern "pubs/clubs" cater exclusively to those under the age of 25; they pack them in, bombard them with loud music and sell booze cheap.

Well of course this age group is going to drink themselves sick; in that awful environment, wouldn't you?

The solution, if you are listening Nanny, is to encourage people of all ages to drink together; eg bring back traditional pubs. The social restraints brought about by mixing the ages will ensure that people take a more sensible approach in respect of drinking.

However, as long as the big drinks companies adopt their current tactic of targeting only the under 25's and ignoring the rest of the population that won't happen.

Anyhoo, enough of that, my real story here is about the rather bizarre attempt being made by Nanny's friends in the University of Strathclyde to reduce the levels of binge drinking in the student class.

They have decided that all that students need, is to be told that drinking too much is bad for them.

That will work, won't it?

They have decided to get this message across by sticking labels onto glasses and mirrors, and hiding messages in library books.

A real winner here guys!

The best part of this scheme, clearly thought up after a few pints, is that the messages will be sponsored.

Guess who will be sponsoring them?

Yes, that's right, Diageo!

Those of you not familiar with Diageo, they are one of the UK's largest drinks firms; you know, the people who sell alco pops etc to the under 25's and get them to drink themselves into a coma.

Well I don't know about anyone else, but this scheme sounds like utter bollocks!

For reference a standard student stunt, in my day at Edinburgh, was for people to drink a yard of Guinness mixed with baked beans.

Now please tell me how a scheme of stickers and notes will dissuade students, with that sort of mindset, from excess drinking?

Nanny's Dose of The Clamps

Nanny, as we all know, loves to regulate all manner of activities; ranging from our eating and drinking habits to pancake tossing.

This site is dedicated to making people aware of the increased level of state interference in our daily lives.

Yet, on some rare occasions, a regulation and a slap on the wrist from Nanny is a good thing.

Nanny has, for sometime now, been promising to regulate the activities of the cowboy wheel clampers; rouge organisations who make a fat living out of extorting money from people who have parked illegally.

One such "naughty little boy", who needs a sound spanking, is Costas Constantinou.
He is the boss of a London based wheel clamping firm, that has been named as the UK's worst clamper for the second time running by the RAC.

Costas, whose company Vehicle Clamping Securities (VCS) operates across London, won the RAC Foundation's "Dick Turpin" award for charging a stonking £423 for clamping and towing away and £35 a day for storage.

Costs claims that the charges were necessary to ensure "the job was done properly".

Seemingly, in order to ensure that the job is "done properly", one of Costas's employees allegedly threatened to break the windows of a motorist's car when he protested about the £423 fee for the return of his car.

As Edmund King, executive director of the RAC Foundation, said about cowboy clampers:

"they have been getting away with legalised mugging for too long."

Now dear old Nanny was meant to make the clamping vehicles on private land, without a Security Industry Authority (SIA) licence, a criminal offence on Monday.

Unfortunately owing to her incompetence, too few have completed a training course, this legislation has been postponed indefinitely.

Nanny is happy to pass countless ill thought out regulations at the drop of a hat, and at break neck speed, yet something as useful and as simple as this is beyond her.

It's a funny old world!