Halcyon Days

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Licenced To Smoke

In October 2007 I wrote about one of Nanny's chums proposing that smokers should be made to apply for a licence to smoke:

"Prof Julian le Grand a former advisor to Tony Blair, has come up with the really potty idea that smokers should be forced to apply for an annual £200 licence in order to purchase cigarettes."

Some five years on and the idea has gained traction.

Step forward  Prof Simon Chapman from the University of Sydney who proposes that Nanny issue smokers with a licence.

As per the BBC:

"The application process might even include a test to find out if you understood the risks of smoking, and your swipe card licence would limit your tobacco purchases - perhaps to 50 cigarettes per day or less."

Here's why the idea is bollocks (aside from the very obvious point that it is not Nanny's place to do this):

1 Enforcing it would be almost impossible.

2 People with a permit would simply buy fags for their mates who don't have a permit.

3 It would require a special force of smoking permit inspectors to check on people who were seen smoking in the street.

4 In order for each smoker to see their GP every year, to have their permit renewed, it would take up 25 million appointments annually and rob millions of sick people of the chance of seeing their doctor.

Coming soon, Nanny's plans to issue licences for us to drink and eat fatty/salty/sugary foods!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Bans Aliens

In the midst of her greatest crisis for decades, I am gemused to see that Auntie still has time to focus on the "important" issues.

Step forward Professor Brain Cox (ex keyboard player from Dare) who was happily going to do a live broadcast of Stargazing Live, wherein he would attempt to make contact with a newly discovered planet that may be home to aliens.

Professor Cox wanted to point a radio telescope at Threapleton Holmes B (a name that just roles off the tongue), a planet discovered by amateur stargazers on his show. The telescope would pick up radio emissions from the planet.

Unfortunately the good professor had not bargained on the remarkably complex rules and procedures that broadcasters have to follow if they are to show anything on one of Auntie's channels (the more wide awake of you may detect a hint of irony here).

Auntie banned him from doing the show live.

For why?

Regulations and health and safety, in case the aliens answered back.

Auntie was worried that there may be some intergalactic swearing etc.

Ooh the irony of it all, if only Auntie had applied the same rigorous rules and procedures to Newsnight on 2nd November!


Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Auntie's £1.3M Payoff To Incurious George Entwistle

As loyal readers know, those who curry favour with Nanny and who become her favourites are looked after by Nanny.

Such is also the case with those who curry favour with Nanny's best chum, Auntie.

Step forward "Incurious" George Entwistle, who helped Auntie out of a jam by resigning from his job as Director General of the BBC after a mere 8 weeks in the position.

Auntie was so touched and overcome with gratitude that she awarded him a full year's salary of £450,000, on top of his £877,000 pension pot as a leaving present. Oddly enough Auntie's own headlines this morning neglect to mention the pension pot.

That's a leaving present of £1.3M!

You see folks, if you are friends with Nanny and Auntie you can do very well for yourselves!

This is of course at variance with the experience of those who are not chums with Nanny/Auntie. For example, during my "illustrious" lifetime to date I have been made redundant twice; from jobs in which I have spent considerably longer than 8 weeks, yet I do not recall being given a pension pot and a year's salary as a leaving present.

The difference of course being that Auntie is using taxpayers' money to fund the payoff.

Funny old world isn't it?

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Lest We Forget

Nanny Bans Accidents

I am gemused to see that the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA) has come out with the "startling" conclusion that if there were less accidents then there would be less injuries/deaths.

The BBC reports that RoSPA found that up to the age of 60, accidents were the leading cause of preventable years of life lost, accounting for 23% of the total.

That might, at a pinch, be true (although, as loyal readers know, Nanny tends to use very dodgy "research" to support her own views). However, it is a simple fact of the human condition that people are careless and that sometimes shit happens; ie accidents do happen.

This isn't deterring the CEO of RoSPA, Tom Mullarkey, who said that there is a "moral obligation" to prevent people dying before their time.

"Before their time"?

What does that actually mean?

Who determines what my time, or your time is?

Mr Mullarkey went on to say:

"We all know about diseases and the resources that are pumped into preventing the deaths they cause.

But if only a fraction of that resource was used to prevent accidents we would not be faced, as we are today, with an accident epidemic that's wiping out people in their prime."

I don't doubt Mr Mullarkey's good intentions but he seems to have slipped into hyperbole here, I see little hard evidence of vast swathes of the population being "wiped out" by accidents.

Factoid: Official figures show accidents account for just 2% of deaths in England and Wales - far behind cancer, and heart and respiratory disease.

Methinks his hyperbole, and today's PR about accidents, has something to do with the name of his organisation.

Accidents happen, that's a fact of life!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries