Nanny Bans Dwarfs

The run up to Christmas is now in full swing.

One major part of the traditional British Christmas is the pantomime; where men dress as women, women dress as men and the "principle boy" and leading lady are both played by women who get to kiss on stage in front of children.

No wonder the Brits have a few sexual hang ups!

None of this is at all out of place in the traditional British Christmas. However, there is one aspect of the pantomime that Nanny is very cross about.

That of Snow White's seven dwarfs.

Nanny, for some odd reason, does not like dwarfs.

As such the Coxheath Players (can I say Cox on the net?), a Kent based drama group, have had to replace their seven dwarfs with seven gnomes.

The script was delivered to them (the Coxheath Players) without any reference to dwarfs, instead the word gnome has been substituted.

A spokesman for the Northampton-based publishers said that the change had come from a wish not to offend - gnomes being fictitious.

The script, which the publishers Jasper Publishing said was a popular version performed by about 10 theatre companies a year, also sees some of the traditional dwarf names changed.

Seemingly a gnome, which is a fictional character like a giant or an ogre, it is not offensive.

Karen Birkbeck, who will direct the show for the Coxheath Players, said:

"We have to go by the script and the script says gnomes, so they have to be gnomes, I'm afraid.

We've got a Bossy and a Basher instead of a Bashful and a Doc, but we've still got a Dopey - a very dopey Dopey."

Jim Sperinck, a director of Jasper, said:

"If you were 3ft 6in would you prefer to be called a dwarf in a pantomime or a gnome?"

Missing the point old boy, aren't you?

If you were unhappy with the idea, you would not have auditioned for it in the first place surely?

Additionally, using Nanny's logic, as I am 5 foot 10 inches I am effectively excluded from being able to apply for the part of a gnome/dwarf; doesn't that breach my human rights or something?

Incidentally, whilst we are on the subject, what about the Humpalumpas in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory?

There's a whole host of issues in that............