Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Nanny Boosts Takeaway Sales
Nanny has been lecturing us for a very long time about the dangers of takeaway foods, such as fried chicken and burgers.
They will make us fat and kill us, apparently.
Anyhoo, this constant haranguing has negatively impacted the sales of these foods to such an extent that it is seriously threatening the stability of the economy.
Did you know that approximately 30% of British GDP is generated by the fast food industry?
No, I didn't either.
Nanny, needless to say, has had to back track a little on her anti takeaway stance.
Therefore, she has decided to give the takeaway industry a one off boost in sales today.
Ever since the First World War, when munitions workers were too pissed to build the bombs and shells, Nanny has deemed that pubs in Britain must close at 11pm.
This Thursday this daft old rule will finally be abolished, and those pubs and clubs that have applied for late licences (and have been approved) will be able to stay open beyond 11pm.
However, as with all of Nanny's laws, there is a quirk in the way that the Licensing Act will be implemented.
The change in the law comes into force at midnight on Thursday.
Can you see the problem here folks?
Yes, that's right!
The pubs will still have to shut on Wednesday at 11pm, under the old law; drinking up time being 20 minutes, means that there will be a 40 minute gap between closing and re-opening time for those with late licences.
This legal oddity has left the police wondering what to do.
A spokeswoman from Scotland Yard said:
"I didn't realise that it's stupid. Life's never simple, is it?
We are duty-bound to enforce the no-drinking rule but it just seems craziness."
You see folks, there is a cunning point to this legal oddity, Nanny has in fact planned this 40 minute gap all along.
During the 40 minute break in drinking, people will inevitably go to the nearest takeaway.
A one off boom for that much maligned industry.
Nanny, you are a genius!
Note: the figures pertaining to the GDP of the British economy, quoted in this article, may in fact be utter bollocks.