The 5th of November
Gun Powder Treason and Plot etc
Tis Guy Fawkes night and, as is tradition, thousands of homes across the country will be preparing bonfires and fireworks parties to celebrate the disemboweling and burning to death of a 17th century terrorist.
To be fair, the tradition of bonfire lighting goes back many more centuries than just the 17th. Bonfires were used in the bleak mid winter months to cheer people up, and to celebrate good news.
However, we live in 21st century Nanny Britain now; as such it should come as no surprise that Nanny's minions in her local councils disapprove of such frivolity.
Nanny's chums in Slough Borough Council have banned bonfires and burning Guys from its 5th November celebrations.
What is wrong with burning the effigy of someone who is dead?
There are many countries in the world where effigies of people, who are still alive, are burnt on an almost daily basis.
Anyhoo, Nanny's trolls in Slough Borough Council claim that the polluting effects of smoke would go against its environmental policies, but said rather perversely that it would still display fireworks.
Now tell me I am stupid, but aren't the sulphurous emissions from fireworks equally polluting?
There are some cynics out there who do not believe Slough's rather dodgy explanation, the cynics claim that the change has been ordered so as not to exclude ethnic minorities.
Frankly, if that is true, it sounds a bit half baked to me.
The council have denied the charge, and said the decision was based on environmental concerns alone.
Councillor Dexter Smith, the council's commissioner for planning, said there was a "responsibility to look after our environment and reduce our carbon footprint".
One night, one bonfire!
Seriously, how much of a difference will that make to the world?
It's our farking cultural heritage to set fire to things!
Happy Bonfire Night folks!