Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Nanny Bans Santa
Nanny, as we all know, hates fat people. In her view they are slow witted, lazy, greedy and cost far too much to keep alive.
Far better that everyone looks like Nanny, a shrivelled bitter excuse for a human being with no "joie de vivre".
Anyhoo, Nanny has realised that people are best manipulated by the use of role models. As such she knows that with the coming season of gorging and drinking soon to be upon us (Christmas), she needs to tackle the hero of indulgence and jollity ie Santa.
When Nanny looks at Santa, she does not see a jolly gentleman in a red suit, she sees a fat person who is far too happy for his own good. Therefore she is putting him on an enforced diet.
Santa has been told to lose weight, or be banned from shopping centres at Christmas. Yes I kid you not, Nanny doesn't want children sitting on the laps of fat red faced men anymore; she wants them sitting on the laps of gaunt pasty faced men.
Nanny's lackeys at the Bluewater shopping centre in Greenhithe, have set up a Santa boot camp; where Santa will work out.
Fiona Campbell-Reilly, spokeswoman at the shopping centre, said:
"Santa has been around for years,
but society has changed and our Santa needs to reflect this.
Bluewater's Santa Boot Camp is getting Santa
in shape and setting a good example
to children who idolise him.
He will still be the same lovable jolly man,
but will be fitter and healthier."
Society has not changed, Nanny is trying to change society; that is not the same thing.
Christmas is for wants, not needs!