Nanny, as we all know, hates fat people. In her view they are slow witted, lazy, greedy and cost far too much to keep alive.
Far better that everyone looks like Nanny, a shrivelled bitter excuse for a human being with no "joie de vivre".
Anyhoo, Nanny has realised that people are best manipulated by the use of role models. As such she knows that with the coming season of gorging and drinking soon to be upon us (Christmas), she needs to tackle the hero of indulgence and jollity ie Santa.
When Nanny looks at Santa, she does not see a jolly gentleman in a red suit, she sees a fat person who is far too happy for his own good. Therefore she is putting him on an enforced diet.
Santa has been told to lose weight, or be banned from shopping centres at Christmas. Yes I kid you not, Nanny doesn't want children sitting on the laps of fat red faced men anymore; she wants them sitting on the laps of gaunt pasty faced men.
Nanny's lackeys at the Bluewater shopping centre in Greenhithe, have set up a Santa boot camp; where Santa will work out.
Fiona Campbell-Reilly, spokeswoman at the shopping centre, said:
"Santa has been around for years,
but society has changed and our Santa needs to reflect this.
Bluewater's Santa Boot Camp is getting Santa
in shape and setting a good example
to children who idolise him.
He will still be the same lovable jolly man,
but will be fitter and healthier."
Utter bollocks!
Society has not changed, Nanny is trying to change society; that is not the same thing.
Christmas is for wants, not needs!
I can understand those brainwashed lefties employed in the somewhat false, separate protected environment that is public service(sic)such as local government, the BBC etc implementing such crazy PC rules, regulations and policies, but a private company? Now that is bizarre....Are the loonies finally running the asylum and expanding it to the outside world?
ReplyDeleteNanny's private flunky said
ReplyDelete"children who idolise him"
Rubbish. They get free entertainment for a few microseconds, bragging rights (or at least equality) with their peers (unless religion is involved) and a gift. What more could a naturally self-centred sentient being wish for?
And the huge numbers of two and three years old kids who burst into tears at being forced to sit on a red suited stranger's lap further suggest 'idolise' is not the best description. (Or maybe those are just the kids who recognise abuse when it approaches them ... but I'm inelegantly trying to stretch a point there.)
The thing in Tonk that the Private companies, large and small, have cottoned on to the potential (for now) of making money out of miserablism. Their perfect excuse in many cases (though I'm not sure it applies to this one as reported), is that it is mandated, or at least recommended, by Nanny.
How long this will be a fad for the public at large remains to be seen. We can but hope that the period is short but I fear it won't be. Unless of course keeping young adults in school for an extra couple of years does indeed result in some of them absorbing some education.
My very local local rag has, this week, a photo of two young people working for our local council. It relates to the launch of a 'Respect Challenge' for young people. One has the job title "Positive Futures Co-Ordinator" and the other "Anti Social (sic) Behaviour Co-ordinator"
[I would have thought that Co-ordinated antisocial behaviour was a bit if an odd thing to encourage but there you go ...]
I presume both young ladies would have benefited from extended education options and were probably traumatised by a visit to Santa's Grotto as very young children.
But the real point is that while we are being fobbed off with such BS on a daily basis and becoming used to the cash grabs that fund them the commercial operations have realised they can cash in on the feeling of helplessness about escalating scares and costs that seem to paralyse our collective ability to think. Reinforcing the messages of the scams is in the interest of Nanny and all those who take from the public.
And then of course they will use any excuse to obtain free publicity which I would guess is the real message here.
Good post Grant.
ReplyDeletePerhaps Father Christmas could be replaced with "State Christmas" where kids have to put a ten pounds note into a model of the Houses of Parliament. They then go around to "State Christmas'" grotto,which is cleverly disguised as a Post Office. They are then given four pounds as a "gift" from "State Christmas". This would avoid all hero worship and educate the kids as to the reality of life.
This scheme could be regulated and licensed and put out to tender for private companies to operate. Could be a nice little earner for the authorities...Kerching
I go along with Grant there.
ReplyDeleteI used to be involved in the "health and fitness industry" and I can tell you that where there's misery and guilt there's brass.
Around 90% of the toned muscle you see in gyms are down to genes and yet this christmas thousands of guilt ridden sheep-like people will go and spend their hard earned cash on memberships and (usually ridiculous)home use kit. The pattern is always the same - it's got to be dull, painful and expensive to enable the poor sods to believe that they're cleansing their souls by warming up their excess fat (playing football, cycling, swimming etc are too much fun to justify the effort).
Give them no more than 6 weeks and they pack it in - why? Because it's dull, painful and expensive and they'll be too preoccupied with the next mantle of guilt (fatty foods, carbon footprints, third world child labour etc.) that Nanny feels it necessary to drop on their post christmas shoulders.
The sad thing is that it's now an automatic reaction that's so reliable that the industries gear up for it well in advance. She's got the population by the short and curlies and her zealots feel that they can even target poor old Santa.
Once upon a time fat people were thought of as jolly.
Tonk,
ReplyDeleteInteresting ideas but should you be going public with Nanny's secret Blueprints?
disguise requred of Santa usually therefore I think 'Person' Christmas at the very least. I feel that the idol would in time get a much longer and even more PC name but I really can't be bothered to double guess what it might be.
State Christmas Grotto could be a problem - not many Post Offices left are there?
More likely Crapita get the contract and you just have to stand in front of a multipurpose ID camera with face recognition, dial a number on your mobile which will confirm you are in front of the camera. Auto debit of the £10 (doubles to £20 if you miss the appointed day and then adds £10 per day for 'admin' for as long as you forget). Weeks later you get the £4 back in the form of a tax credit note for the following year. Unless the Chancer changes his mind in the mean time.
Nanny then adds you as a 'friend' in both your Facebook entry and hers. Real life lesson completed for another year.
I often wonder if the generation gaps were of similar scale in centuries past. Possibly not, at least not for the same reasons, since life was miserable short for most.
Or should that have read 'pleasingly short'?
Technology changed little for tens of years so life was consistent and with probably little more than 12 or 15 years between generations in the mass of the population I could see a clash of youth versus experience but not differences that revolve around such complete differences of 'lifestyle' as we have with our kids today or indeed, my generation experienced compared to our parents.
Quite how Santa has survived even this long as a concept (when did he arrive on the scene?) escapes me.
Given the number of checks I assume the surrogate Santas have to go through these days I'm surprised that anyone would want to apply for the role and that any organiser is prepared to stand the costs. Must be a lucrative game for someone.
I'm afraid that the suggestion of having a 'State Christmas' contravenes Nannies own rules. It mentions the word 'Christ' which means that it would still be seen as a Christian festival and would therefore be offensive to minorities. Thus it must be immediately renamed to 'State WinterFest'. All companies and organisations wishing to celebrate this glorious festival should ensure that their plans are fully inclusive of ethnic and religious minorities, persons of alternative sexual orientation and the differently abled. No food may be served as attendees may have allergies or religious grounds that preclude them from partaking. Furthermore food promotes obesity. A 124 page risk assessment must be filled out by all participants in this festival and companies are expected to take out a mandatory £5 million insurance scheme.
ReplyDeletePlease enjoy your 'State WinterFest' but not too much as conspicuous signs of joy may be offensive to those suffering a range of depressive disorders.
Good points well made Kaptain_von, may I also add the following:
ReplyDeleteResponsible people should only expose themselves to the risks of involvment in a state winterfest providing there is a "post festivities re-orientation" scheme in place.
Attendees to such a scheme would be able to benefit from knowing safe and healthy ways to return to normal productive lifestyles following any period of lightheartedness. They would then be fully aware of the potential damage they have done to both themselves and the environment and able to offset accordingly by following the appropriate advisory notices.
Have a sensible and productive winterfest.
Sorry, I meant
ReplyDeleteHave a sensible and productive winter.
Living - as I do - in a God-forsaken Muslim country (where all the locals I know go out partying and getting pissed at Christmas), perhaps I am more out-of-touch with UK events than I thought.
ReplyDeleteCan it really be true that Nanny still allows little children to sit on the knee of some (no doubt paedophilic) stranger who is wearing a disguise?
Do Elfin Safety know about this?