Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Nanny Bans Knives

Nanny Bans KnivesIt's a funny thing when I first started Nanny Knows Best, back in September 2004, I wondered if there would be enough material to keep it going.

How wrong I was!

I find on some days that a small backlog of Nanny Nonsense actually piles up.

This particular story has been well aired by many on the net, therefore it is hardly "breaking news". However, Nanny Knows Best aims to be a suppository (yes I did watch a lot of Carry On films when I grew up!) of all the Nanny Nonsense that she tries to inflict upon us. Therefore I include it for completeness.

It seems that Nanny's chums in the medical profession, forever telling us to stop smoking eating and drinking have got a new bee in their bonnet.

Kitchen knives!

It appears that kitchen knives are, well how shall I put this?

Too sharp!

Hmm, tricky one that; I am a reasonably good cook (see "Accountants Can Cook") and can tell you that a blunt knife is far more dangerous than a sharp one.

Anhyoo, Nanny does not like reality to get in the way of her edicts.

A&E doctors are calling for a ban on long pointed kitchen knives, to reduce deaths from stabbing.

A team from West Middlesex University Hospital has said that violent crime is on the increase, and that kitchen knives are used in as many as half of all stabbings.

The assaults are more often than not committed impulsively, prompted by alcohol and drugs. The kitchen knife often makes an all too available weapon.

The researchers said there was no reason for long pointed knives to be publicly available at all.

Hello, how else do you expect me to dismember my dead animal carcasses for cooking or the corpses of my neighbours who I have senselessly killed in a drug fulled frenzy last night?

They say that they have consulted 10 top chefs from around the UK, well they didn't bloody ask me!

The "top 10 chefs" (yes I am peeved!), have said that such knives have little practical value in the kitchen.


I have a use for all of my knives.

The chefs felt such knives were not essential, since the point of a short blade was just as useful when a sharp end was needed.

The researchers said a short pointed knife may cause a substantial superficial wound if used in an assault, but is unlikely to penetrate to inner organs.

That's alright then, isn't it?

I would remind you all of a little piece of history, concerning the advantages of the short stabbing spear and the long throwing spear.

For centuries the tribesmen of Africa used throwing spears in battle. They went along, chucked their spears then went home.

Now the Zulus came up with a cunning plan.

They invented the short stabbing spear.

This enabled them to stab someone, then re use it again and again.

The result?

The Zulu nation was born.

Think about it!


  1. Anonymous12:53 PM

    Hi Ken,

    They have the same rules in hospitals and care units for the mentally ill - no sharp pointy objects for the inmates.

    I know that David "the stud" Blunkett wanted to create a "Prison without Bars", but this is ridiculous....

    I'm sure future legislative suggestions will call for mandatory cotton wool mittens to be worn in public at all times, with perhaps a padded headband and gum guards to complete the kit.

    Either that or just have nanny appointed lackeys to wheel us around town Gitmo/Camp Xray style.

    All in the name of safety of course.

  2. Anonymous2:19 PM

    Hi Ken,

    I stabbed my finger with a cocktail stick yesterday, and boy did it sting. I now feel that they should be banned.

    Who should I write to?

  3. Drop Blairy Poppins a note about your cocktail sticks, via the link in the menu bar on the right hand side.

  4. Anonymous4:30 PM

    Hi Ken,

    glad you got this one I couldn't believe it when I saw it. But what I can't figure out is where they found 10 top chefs who said "Sure come and take my sharp pointy knife away".

    Has anyone seen a list of these chefs?

    I believe the reason you weren't asked was they may have had to choose their chefs very carefully.

  5. Exactly Chris,

    No chef worth his salt would give up his knives.

    These must be the can opener reheat merchants that pervade the highstreets of Britain these days.

    They should have asked me, they would have got a far more honest response!


  6. Anonymous8:41 PM

    is it not 4.5 inches that is needed to stab the heart if inserted between the right ribs? so the gov bans all knives longer than 4 inches? what about the children? make that 2 inches? what dickheads voted labour?????

  7. Anonymous8:21 AM

    So the medical profession want sharp pointy knives banned do they? "Nurse, Scalpel...What do you mean it's gone?"

    Aren't most murders carried out with blunt objects anyway? Ban them as well I say.

  8. Actually, on the subject of stabbing, here is a little tale from when I was living in Stockholm and working in the Nordic/Baltic area (1996-2000).

    I was flying back from Helsinki and talking to a well oiled Finn, who told me all about Finns and their love of knives.

    He said that the best knife handlers were Finnish gypsies who, seemingly from an early age, are taught how to stab a man to death with one thrust; specifically they are taught how to aim for the heart.

    Those who are admitted to hospital with stab wounds are asked, by the doctors, if a gypsy did it.

    Should the answer be yes, the doctors don't bother treating the hapless victim, as they know he/she is not long for this world and that there is nothing that they can do.


  9. Doesn't matter what you ban - anything can be turned into a weapon; even a tightly rolled up newspaper or "Brummie Brick".

    All these bans attack the wrong end of the culture. If someone has such a large inferiority complex that they need to carry a weapon at all times - nick 'em. It's just an excuse for not addressing the real problems because it might interfere with some nasty little scrotes "Human Rights".