Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Nanny Bans Santa II

Nanny Bans Santa IIPart of the magic of Christmas is for parents and their children to queue for hours on end in an overcrowded store, for the opportunity to visit a fat old man in a red costume, sit on his lap and then get a cheap plastic toy that breaks in five minutes.

Needless to say Nanny doesn't approve of this sort of thing, and has decided that it must be stopped.

Nanny is particularly concerned about the fact that children sit on Santa's lap, as we all know Nanny has told everyone that all adults are paedophiles.

This message is, because it is constantly repeated, now considered to be fact. Over the last couple of years regular "hue and cries" erupt in towns and cities across Britain, as the latest "paedo" suspect is identified by a baying mob.

These scenes are more reminiscent of the witch lynching mobs of the 16th century, rather than the "educated enlightened times" of the 21st. Indeed, one hapless paediatrician found himself on the wrong end of a mob only a year ago; because there was a sign outside his office containing the word paeditrician>

The ignorance of the mob, encouraged by Nanny, knows no bounds!.

Anyhoo, Nanny's attention has now turned to the threat posed by Santa, and the fact that children sit on his lap.

Quite clearly this poses an unacceptable risk, even though the child's parents are in the same room with Santa.

Small details like this do not concern Nanny, after all she is of the belief that the state is better at bringing up children than the parents.

Now department stores, toy shops and shopping centres have bowed to Nanny's will and have banned children from sitting on Santa's knee.

Instead, children must sit on a stool next to him and they are most certainly not allowed to touch him.

Alison Burney, of Dream Time Events, which provides the grotto at Bluewater shopping centre said:

"Unfortunately, people in this day and age just don't look favourably on a child sitting on Santa's knee.

So we train our Santas not to do it.

Having said that, if a toddler jumped into Santa's hands, then he wouldn't just drop the child

That's reassuring!

At Lakeside shopping centre, Thurrock, a spokeswoman is quoted as saying:

"Children are not allowed to sit on Santa's knee

because all our Santas go through rigorous police checks,

and we're advised on the basis of that training to ask the Santas not to touch the children

The magic of Nanny's Christmas!


  1. Anonymous4:53 PM

    Er, what do they mean "All our Santa's ...."?

    We all know there is only one Santa .. isn't there?

    (Ken, should you put an age related warning on this thread in case there are any young readers who might be shocked by the story?)


    Just noticed that the Word Verification for this post is fbanm.

    Very appropriate I thought.

  2. Anonymous9:36 AM

    We've lost, it's time to surrender, the world or at least England has gone mad.

    Worst of all Ken if your quote is accurate, it demonstrates people creating rules and regulations where none actually exist and then fabricating support for them.

    What I mean is taking
    "Children are not allowed to sit on Santa's knee

    because all our Santas go through rigorous police checks,

    and we're advised on the basis of that training to ask the Santas not to touch the children."

    The first chunk tells me there is an action children are not permited to take. From the second chunk apparently Children can't sit on the laps of people who HAVE been police checked, what measures they have to take against child interaction with unchecked Santas I shudder to think. And in the final chunk the spokesthing equates a police check to training.

    Pure nonsense, yet I think I could be in real trouble if I encouraged men to don red outfits and go out to hug children.

    BTW Ken not doubting the integrity of your report

  3. Chris,

    The irony being, that we still take children to watch pantomime.

    Where men dress as women, women dress as men; and the principle "boy" is played by an attractive young lady, in a short skirt, who kisses the leading lady.

    As George Burns once remarked, when seeing panto for the first time:

    "Jeez, you take your children to see this?

    No wonder you guys have so many hang ups!"


  4. Anonymous1:34 PM


    took my daughter to panto the other week, I was of course shocked by the onstage behaviour and astonished to note that no counseling services were offered for the children during the intermission or after the show.

  5. Anonymous6:14 PM

    Surely panto should be compulsory education to prepare a child for married mummy pairs and daddy pairs, as just now being made acceptable throughout the land under the heading of 'marriage'.

    Panto long ago pushed the dominant female with lesbian kissing and transvestite males counter balanced by the useless male underling roles or males portrayed as wicked and evil.

    Personally I think this could be a long term plot to reduce the birth rate of the indigenous population for either of:

    A) saving the planet by reversing the rising population trend or;

    B) justifying immigration.

    By the way I have received several email distributions of generic seasonal greetings in the last 2 dyas or so, some from corporates and some from small businesses based abroad.

    All seem to be using the 'Happy Holiday' message. So it seems that in one year flat the PC global world has moved from a 'traditional' representation of Xmas to a PC version.

    Quite remarkable.

    Not unlike the England cricket team in many ways who seem to have achieved complete transformation twice in less than a year.

    The speed at which things happen these days!

    Don't suppose there is any chance of something miraculous happening to football before next summer is there? Failing that anyone got any good ideas of places likely to be free from World Cup Fever next summer?

    What else

  6. I filled in for a local Santa, earier in the week.

    Shock, horror- afterwards it was discovered that I didn't wear the offical gloves!

    Apparently, you are less likely to fiddle with the kiddies when wearing white gauntlets.

    Feck- I would rather walk into a cage full of hungry lions, with a raw steak tied to my crotch, than think about any impropriety whilst surrounded by a platoon of kindy mothers- if if was so inclined!

    Try wearing the santa rig in New Zealand on a 28C degree day!